Thursday, April 10, 2014

10 year wedding anniversary

Today is my 10 year wedding anniversary to Master Anakin. It seems like yesterday we were exchanging our vows surrounded by our family and friends. We have been through a lot in our marriage and relationship. This last year has been really rough for us. We recently had our daughter in the hospital. She had to have emergency surgery to get her appendix removed. She is home safe now but needing a lot of care. So our date night for our anniversary will have to be pushed back to another time.

I love Anakin so much. The day of our wedding was very special for many reasons. I also became His TPE slave that night. We entered another phase of our relationship. It's been challenging to have that type of relationship but we have made it work. We are a very strong couple. He is my soul mate and the love of my life. I can't imagine my life without Him in it.

Our force is strong.

May the force be with you all!!

~padme amidala

Tuesday, April 01, 2014

Our strong force

It's hard to believe that on April 10th that it will be my ten year wedding anniversary to Master Anakin. Time flies! It feels like we have been through so much together. We have also been in our TPE (Total power exchange) relationship since we got married too. So it's a very special anniversary coming up for us. We are hoping to go out on a date and celebrate it.

A lot can happen in ten years. We have been challenged in so many different ways. We have lost a lot of our loved ones and faced some really tough times. This last year has been especially hard for us. The one year anniversary of my FIL's death is coming up. It breaks my heart to think about. Losing him has been very difficult. Then I faced several health issues this last year. I had to have a Hysterectomy and then a second surgery. I have been in and out of the hospital. I've had some serious medical issues to deal with. I've also had a lot of hormone changes which has lead up to a lot of depression. Some days are a struggle for me just to get through them.

I was telling Anakin the other night that I am not sure I could have made it this far without Him. His support and love has gotten me through some of the darkest moments. He has believed in me and given me reason to hope that things will get better. I am so grateful for Him and His love. I am so lucky to have someone in my life who is always there for me whether it's good times or bad.

Our force feels strong. I know that we will always be together no matter what happens in our lives. We are a strong couple that can make it through anything. As long as we have each other...

May the force be with you all!!

~padme amidala

Friday, March 21, 2014

Hanging in there

I just wanted to post a quick update. I have missed blogging and a lot of the online world. I've been in survival mode most of the time just trying to get through the day. I've had a serious medical issue going on as well as some deep depression. I'm trying to deal with it all. I went to a therapist yesterday. Am trying to get help and to feel better. It's been an extremely rough few weeks.

I just realized that it's been six months since my Hysterectomy. Time sure flies. There has been so much that has happened since that surgery. I am still healing up from my second surgery and everything that has happened. I am really hoping that things start to get better soon.

I've been struggling with a lot of insomnia lately. Was happy to get a few hours of sleep last night. Also starting to have some menopausal symptoms. There has been a lot of changes happening in my life.

My force hasn't been very strong but hanging in there. Taking baby steps to move forward on my journey.

May the force be with you all!!

~padme amidala

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

A very difficult time

I have been going through an extremely difficult time the last few days. I am reluctant to get into what is going on in my blog or online though. Everything feels a bit too public. I apologize to those friends who I have not been keeping in touch with. I am trying to get some help with my issues and to deal with what is happening. I am going through a very serious health crisis. It has not been easy. I do hope to get back to the online world a lot more when things get sorted out.

May the force be with you all!!

~padme amidala

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

I enjoy a good spanking!

It's been six weeks since my surgery that removed a cyst on my ovary and some scar tissues and repairs from my Hysterectomy. I was on a restriction with regards to sex/orgasms. I was able to have some naughty fun on Saturday night. We were able to have sex. It had been a long time since we were able to do that. It felt so good to be close to Anakin like that. He also gave me an orgasm with the Hitachi. I was a little bit sore but it was worth it. I was really glad to have some private time with Him. 

He used the Hitachi on me and talked about spanking me. I really miss that aspect of our play. I can't remember the last time that He spanked me. It started to really turn me on as He rubbed the Hitachi on my clit and talked about how much He missed spanking my bottom. I came really hard thinking about it. I really hope that I will be feeling better soon that we can get back to playing again. I enjoy a good spanking!

May the force be with you all!!

~padme amidala

Saturday, February 22, 2014

A rough journey

This last week was a really rough one for me. I was in the hospital from Sat-Tues. My Doctor admitted me to the hospital when I arrived to my appointment in really rough shape. I was really, really sick.  I hated being in the hospital but needed a bunch of tests run. I had a stomach scope, ultrasound, tons of blood work and a colonoscopy and other tests too.

I will find out the results of all the tests next week. The bowel specialist in the hospital suspects that I have celiac disease. I am not sure if I do but I decided to switch to a gluten free diet since leaving the hospital. I have lost a lot of weight and really struggled with my health this year. It has not been easy at all.

It was really tough being apart from Anakin and my kids for a few days. It was *really* rough being in the hospital in a tiny room and being sick. My mom came out to stay with us for the week. She helped out a lot and kept me company after I got out on the hospital. She just went home today.  I was a bit afraid that we might start fighting but we got along pretty good. I was even a bit sad to see her go home today.

It's been hard to get back into real life again after being sick for so long. I was able to run some errands today and it wore me out. It's been almost 6 weeks since my surgery so I am able to have sex again if I want. I am hoping that might happen tonight. I am also hoping to have an orgasm. I honestly can't even remember the last time that I had one. It's been so long! I am not able to play yet but hoping in time that may happen again too. I'd really like to try to get back to normal again. It's been a really rough journey.

I hope to get back into blogging again too! I have missed the online world and my friends a lot too! Thank you for those who sent messages and support during my hospital stay. It really meant a lot to me!

May the force be with you all!!

~padme amidala

Friday, February 14, 2014

Happy Valentine's Day!

Happy Valentine's Day from Master Anakin and padme amidala!!

May the force be with you all!!

~padme amidala

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Hanging in there!

I've been trying to hang in there. It's been a really rough few weeks since my surgery. I was in a lot of pain on Saturday night and had to take a strong pain pill. Some days are better than other ones. I'd like to eventually get off all pain meds but can't seem to do that. This surgery seemed a lot more painful to recover from than my Hysterectomy. I am emotionally and physically exhausted. My body and mind have gone through a lot of trauma.

I saw the bowel specialist last week. I am going in for a colonoscomy soon. I am also getting a tube in my stomach to see what's going on in there. I am also going to have an ultrasound of upper abdominal area. I am tired of going to Doctor's appointments. I just want to be feeling better. It really gets me frustrated and depressed having to deal with it all.

We found out some sad news too recently. Anakin's Uncle passed away from cancer.We got to visit him in the hospice before Christmas. I really liked him a lot. A truly great guy! We are going to miss him a lot! Cancer sucks!! We have had too much loss through the years.

Valentine's day is this Friday. I am truly grateful for Master Anakin. He's been taking such good care of me. I love Him so much! I hope we are able to do something nice for Valentine's day. It's been hard due to my recovery from surgery. It's been a very difficult time with my health issues. I don't know what I would do without Anakin. He's my strong Jedi. Always there for me.

I just hope that things will get better. Trying to have faith. The journey continues...

May the force be with you all!!

~padme amidala

Wednesday, February 05, 2014

Struggling and depressed

Some days are much more difficult than other ones. Today feels like a very rough day. Struggling to get through my day. I have an appointment today with a bowel specialist. Would really prefer not to deal with it but should get some answers. I feel like I have IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) since my Hysterectomy. My Doctor thinks I have it too. So I will need to go to the appointment. Anakin will be home soon to take me to it.

I have been chatting with my good friend, jenpet today. Also had a chat with @Alias_Parker too on Viber. So glad to have my phone available so I can chat with friends and not feel alone. It has been a lifesaver for me. I am stuck on my couch and not able to do much of anything. Still recovering from surgery and a bladder infection. I am in pain and feeling weak and helpless. I feel needy. I feel deeply depressed.

I am starting to wonder if I am ever going to feel normal again. Will I ever have a good day again? The sun was shining today. I wanted to go outside but couldn't. It's hard for me to walk around. I know it will be hard to go to my appointment. Going out takes a lot out of me mentally and physically. I am having a hard time sleeping at night. I have nausea and don't want to eat. I am losing a lot of weight. I am struggling to stay alive.

I will admit that I have had some very dark thoughts lately. It's hard to try to get through my day. I tried talking to someone at mental health but didn't feel it helped much. They tried to get me to come into an appointment but that is hard to do. Going to appointments takes a lot out of me. I also don't drive so it's hard to get around.

I really, really, really wish that I could see a light at the end of the tunnel. I wish I could see something positive. I wish that I could feel joy again in my life. I feel like there is no end to the pain and suffering that I have been in lately. How does someone get through this? How do you hang on when you feel like you are barely keeping your head above the water?

May the force be with you all!!

~padme amidala


Monday, February 03, 2014

Struggling through a dark depression

I have written a few blog posts about my health issues the last few weeks. It just seems to be one thing after another. I was feeling really bad on Friday and knew it was more than just recovery from surgery. Went to see a Doctor at medical clinic over the weekend. I have a bladder infection. He told me it's common to get a bladder infection after having a catheter put in during my surgery. Having a bladder infection sucks!

I'm on antibiotics. I always seem to get side effects from taking those. I am still healing up from my surgery. Some days are very difficult to get through. I honestly don't remember the last time I felt this depressed. I have had some moments where I've considered checking myself into the hospital. I feel like the depression has taken over my life. I am exhausted and depressed and just trying to hang on.

Someone once described depression as being in quicksand and not being able to get out. That's how it feels right now. I want to be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I keep hoping that one day I will feel better. It seems like I have not been able to have a good day since the end of December. I am in constant pain every day. I am not able to see much of a future. I feel like I have really lost myself. I miss having a life and having fun! I am struggling to get through a very dark depression.

2014 has been a really horrible year for me so far. I just really hope that things start to get better at some point. I am just trying to hold on and take it one day at a time.

May the force be with you all!!

~padme amidala