Changes

Does anyone recognize this photo? I wanted to share a photo that we used in our original header for Journey to the Darkside. When we started our blog last September I was looking for a D/s type of photo. I love this one. I really love fairies and have many in my home. We are approaching 300,000 hits on this blog and I am reflecting recently on the many changes we have done with this blog. It feels like many changes are happening in my life right now. It all caught up to me last night. I was having a good day but some things happened that changed my mood very quickly. I wish I had listened to my sis earlier. She tried to tell me a few things. Master had concerns too. I sometimes learn my lessons the hard way. I trust too easily and I tend to be very naive when it comes to people. schiava really seems to read people well. I wish I could have her instincts. I want to thank my sis and also Stiletto Girl for their support. They both mean a lot to me and have been amazing. There are many changes happening for me right now. Some friendships have changed. I am happy with the path that Master has chosen for us. I know SG has had a lot going on and I appreciate her being there for me. I worry about her a lot. I wish there was more I could do for her right now. She's been on my mind all afternoon with what she's going through. I wrote a blog post last night but deleted it. I am trying to keep this blog positive right now. I feel like I've been on an emotional roller coaster the last week and I just need a positive force in my life right now. I am holding onto the people who matter the most to me. I want to pour myself into this blog. I hope to make some changes within this blog too. We started this blog under the names shyanne and Anakin. We changed my name to padme just after Christmas and changed our header to make this more of a Star wars type of erotic blog. Our stats have been incredible lately. I want to say thank you to our regular readers and also welcome our new ones. I hope everyone is enjoying our journey...our journey to the darkside. Alex posted part 2 of his story, Villicci that he wrote being inspired by me. Thank you so much Alex. It was a extremely hot story and I was so moved by his writing. I am really glad he's given me permission to put the story onto my blog in the stories section. We don't have many stories. I would love to add more. If anyone wants to contribute to our stories section please let me know. You will get full credit for the story and a big thank you from Master and I. I just havn't had the time to write lately. I was considering doing a contest. Asking people to submit a very hot Star wars erotic story of Anakin and padme for a prize. I just don't know what to offer as a prize. Any ideas?? What does everyone think of this idea? I put up two new links today. One is to: Sean and Mel's S&M blog They have a really great blog with a S&M theme. I have enjoyed reading their blog since finding them on blogstormz. Check them out and tell them I sent you. :) The other link is to a blog couple who combined their blog together. I re-linked to them as: Storm and Wind I've known Storm and wind since around the time we started our blog. They are a really fun couple and I am so happy for wind that she's got her Master's degree. Congrats wind! :) Master is taking the kid's and I out for dinner tonight and we plan to spend some time together. I am on orgasm denial until he decides. It's a part of my punishment from what happened. Today I have been extra horny and needy for Master. Feeling masocistic and wanting some pain. I wish it was the weekend. Urg!! I need some play time with Master. Tommorow is HNT though! Another hot photo will be cumming your way! Stay tuned!! May the force be with you all!! ~padme Technorati Tags: blogging, Journey to the Darkside, orgasm denial, punishment

Thank you Alex!!

I wanted to say thank you to Alex from Alex and Suze for his e-mail and writing a story for me. He mentioned to me that I inspired him to write a story. I can't describe how deeply touched I was to read this story. I can't wait for part 2!! I LOVE it!!! Alex and Suze are two of my favorite bloggers and I recently linked to them. I have never had anyone be inspired to write a story for me. I am so moved by this gift. Thank you Alex!! Truly! This made my morning. I hope everyone will stop by and check it out. Master told me he was going to go check it out. I had the biggest smile R/t when I read the story. It's excellent and I am so very touched. Master R left this morning at 6 am for a two month trip to Europe with his wife. I almost feel relieved in many ways. He's gone and I have begun a new chapter in my life with Master Anakin. I will forever cherish my memories with Master R and I have learned so much in my 10 years of training by him. I feel like my life is now going down a different path. I have some amazing people in my life and I am so glad for their friendship and support. I want to thank scarlett also for her e-mail to me. I was glad to hear from her. :) I am so happy to know I am no longer isolated and alone like I was for a few years. I feel loved and many people (they all know who they are) helped me to get through the last little while. Today the sun is shining and I feel like a new chapter is beginning in this journey. I am chatting with my sis this morning and feel close to her. She sent me a kinky card and we are having a really nice chat. I love that she is the first person I talk to in the morning. I can't wait to turn on my computer every day to chat with her. I am so happy that she e-mailed me during a time that I was feeling most alone. She's made me feel so loved and I want to hold onto her so tight. Thank you sis for being such a big part of my life! I really adore you and can't imagine my life without you! My force feels strong. Thank you Alex so much!! You really made my morning!!! May the force be with you all!! ~padme

The punishment

I wasn't going to do a blog post today. Master came home and went downstairs to work out and punch the bag and told me to do a blog post. He said it helps him get insight into my mind and what I am thinking about. I do as Master tells me to do. I am hanging on in this photo taken on Saturday night. I love the hanger we have in our bedroom. He's tied me to it many times to whip my backside. I love getting the riding crop as I am hanging onto this. I am told that I can't let go. I am to hold onto it until he is done. We took a bunch of photos on Saturday night. I am not sure if you can notice my back and how it's changed since starting boxing again. I think it's more toned then the last photo I put up of my backside on Friday. I am hanging on today and getting through today ok thanks for some really amazing friends that I have. I really wanted to thank a few people publically for their support today. One of them is my sis, schiava who was there for me this morning. I was feeling insecure during our chat but she was very supportive and reassuring to me. We are sisters no matter what happens. Nothing will change that. I hate having so much distance with my sis. I really wish we lived closer so I can show her how much I want to be with her. I worry sometimes about losing her. I really can't imagine my life without my submissive sister. She's amazing and understands me so well about my relationship with Master. I would love to meet her and her Master one day. I admit I would love to be with her with our Masters watching us. I love that we share our Masters. It is such a turn on to think of being with her and the Masters giving us orders. Ohhhhhh the thoughts of that turn me on so bad. I got the chance to have a great chat with my friend, stiletto girl this afternoon. She really made my smile. She is a really wonderful friend to me and it goes beyond the blogs. stiletto girl really helped to lift my mood. She's truly an incredible friend and I am so glad to have her in my life. I feel so badly for her that people don't support her more. It takes a lot to come out in the open about sharing an open poly lifestyle. I really admire SG for her strength to keep blogging and not let the negative comments affect her. SG is the strongest woman I know and I'm so glad to know her. She inspires me. I still think about that movie they made together. How extremely hot it was watching them together. Ohhhhhhhhh I get wet thinking about it. I loved that movie and have watched it a few times now. I'd love another naughty night with them. :) I got to chat to k today also when I got back from the school. I am really glad to have met him and become his friend. k wrote another part in his erotic story. I think he's done a great job on it. Check it out! :) Him and SG are important to me. He really helped to lift my mood too. We talked about SG and I hope one day I can get the chance to meet them both. k brought a big smile to my face R/t. Thanks so much for being there for me today, schiava and SG and k. You all were truly amazing! I woke up feeling very lonely and insecure and they all helped me get through today. I feel in a much different mood tonight thanks to all my friend's. Thanks also for the comments on the blog. I havn't been getting many comments but I really do value the people who have supported me and e-mailed me or commented. Thank you all so much! I was told by Master to write about yesterday's punishment tonight.... The Punishment-Sunday May 28/06 Punished for severe infraction of rules I had a really rough day yesterday. I didn't obey Master and I got punished severely. I know I deserved it. I broke our rule. I was tied up in the cold basement in cuffs and leg cuffs, with my blindfold on and mouth gaged. We have a ball gag that he uses for when he doesn't want me to make any sounds during punishment. I was told that for breaking a major rule that my ass was going to bleed. We had two hours of alone time and he was mad at me. I knew it. I could see the look in his eyes. Darth had come out. The dark side had taken over him. Major disappointment in me. I felt very shitty. Sometimes old habits are hard to break. I admit that I am a very spontanous person and sometimes I don't think before acting. I've broken a few major rules in the past. Sometimes I never seem to learn. Some lessons need to been very hard. Master is very strict when it comes to rules. We have a domestic discipline TPE agreement. I disobey and I get punished. I got 50 with the paddle, 50 with the cane and 50 with his belt as physical punishment. My ass was slightly purple and red as a cherry with a few spots of blood by the time he was done with the physical punishment. I am not used to getting 50 with the paddle or cane and this was pure agony. I normally love to get the belt but this time it was very hard. I was tied up with the cuffs in front of me. I was told to stick my ass in the air and not move. I had to count each stroke. They were hard and without mercy. He was angry and intent on teaching me a lesson. I was in tears when he stopped. I normally don't cry during spankings but this was emotional for me. I felt very guilty for knowing he was disappointed with me. He told me I had 2 hours in the dark isolated and tied up with a butt plug up my ass. This is something he's never done to me before. It was cold and I was blindfolded in the dark. My ass was sore from the plug and I struggled but couldn't get out. I was completely in the dark and isolated. I could hear some sounds from the outside but that was about it. I heard the door open and close a few different times. He was checking on me to make sure I was still there and ok. I wondered if he might come in. My ass was sore from all the toys he used on my ass. It felt like it was on fire. I don't remember the last time I got 50 with his Master Anakin's paddle. It bruised my ass deeply. The cane cut into me several times. My left side of my ass is still sore as heck today because of it. I've had trouble sitting. I know I deserved this and I feel sorry that I got my Master so upset. I took the pain from him. I thanked him when he was done. I tried very hard to take it all without moving. At times this was hard for me to do. I did it though because I knew he was disappointed in me. I wanted him to be pleased. To make things right between us. DD does this for us. He punishes when I break the rules and we move on. I am forgiven and things are set right between us again. Master comforted me afterwards. He wiped my tears away. He took care of me for the rest of the day. He told me not to contact Master R again. I have to let it go. So now I have. I know it's for the best. A part of my punishment was going to bed early and also lines. I wrote out "I will obey my Master always" 250 times. I also went to bed early last night. I had stricter rules for today. He has kept me on a short leash. After my punishment he wiped my tears...swatted my sore ass and told me to go upstairs where he made sweet love to me. He was gentle. He was strong and dominant. He looked me in the eyes and told me he was proud of me and loved me. My pussy got wet fast. I was not allowed to cum. Another part of my punishment is I am on orgasm denial until he choses. I had to wear my butt plug also today for a hour. I definatly learned my lesson. I feel extremely submissive to him today. During our making love he reminded me that I belong to him now. Master R is no longer my Master, he is. I have to respect that. I realized today that he is right. I just needed to let go and I have. Master is my dark force. He draws me towards the dark side. My sadistic yet romantic and gentle Master will always be there for me. We are stronger today in our force. I felt very submissive to Master today. I feel my force through him. Our journey to the darkside continues.... ~padme Technorati Tags: domestic discipline, bondage, spanking

Crash and burn

I wanted to write a quick blog post tonight before heading to bed. I am not sure if I will be on the computer much in the next few days. I've had a very difficult day and it's taken a lot out of me. I decided to phone Master R today. I was feeling lonely and needy. I've been thinking about him since our night together. I quess in my own ways I was hoping that maybe things had changed. I know Master R is leaving for two months with his wife this week. I knew it might be my last chance today to talk to him. So I broke the rule. I had a rule with both Master Anakin and Master R to not contact him til he was back from his trip. So there would be some time for me to accept that he's not my Master anymore. We had one final night together and I was supposed to let him go and move on. I am not handling it well. This weekend it really caught up to me and I really realized that he's not my other Master anymore. If Master isn't able to make a decision for me I can't just call up Master R. I can't depend on that back up anymore. I am no longer getting training. I feel like a lost slave girl right now. I am very depressed over this. The Master lets go of the slave and the slave sinks. I am crashing and burning today. I am crashing from a terrific night with Master Anakin. We had a big fight night with the UFC and some sparring. Some amazing sex and play. I woke up feeling owned and content. Then I decided to break the rule. Master R was not happy to hear from me. I got lectured. I felt like crap. I cried. Then Master came home from going out and found out I broke the rule and got angry. I had angered two men who I have worked very hard to please for almost 10 years. I didn't handle it well. I begged Master for pain. I got plenty of pain. I got tied up for almost two hours in our basement in total silence with the butt plug up my ass. We got a overnight so our kid's didn't come back til later this afternoon. He spent hours making me very sorry for breaking that rule. I was punished with his belt and paddle and cane. It was all discipline. He was angry and he let me know it. I have a hard time sometimes with rules. There was no pleasure from the punishment this afternoon. He was in Darth mode. I got lectured a lot. My ass was very red and bruised deeply. I cried a lot. He cuddled me and we came upstairs and talked for a bit. I was feeling with a lot of guilt over contacting Master R. I hate disappointing him. I know the rules. I knew how this was going to end years ago. I knew it was not forever. It's hard to let go of Master R. Hard to let go of the past. This is a painful chapter for me. It really affected me today. I knew that I must let go and forget Master R and all that has happened but it's just hard for me. My heart feels bruised. I don't have many friends in R/t. Real friends who I can call and depend on to be there for me. Friends who truly know me and are there when Master Anakin can't be. Master R was a back up Master. He helped me through a lot of bad times. I feel honestly very lost right now. My force is very weak. The path of poly (having a open relationship) has been wonderful but also like days like today very difficult. I spent years telling myself that there was no feelings for Master R. I realize now I was lying to myself. How do you not develop feelings for someone who is your mentor and Master? How is controlling you and teaching you. Sometimes you honestly don't realize what you have til it's gone. There is a lot of history between us. I just feel really abandoned. I am not sure how Master R is able to turn his back on the lifestyle now. I wonder if he ever really cared about me. Or was I just a toy?? Perhaps I am just a silly girl with some very silly ideas about thinking that my friendships really will last forever. I've let only a few into my heart and I have lost a lot of them. Losing nikki was really tough. The "Laurie" chapter was also a really painful chapter for me. Recently I feel like I have lost my Dad. He turned his back on me yet again. S has pretty much disappeared since having the baby. Even my sister rarely calls me. And now Master R is now gone from my life. C is also not in my life and I miss her friendship so much lately. We were friend's since we were 15 years old. I just feel so much loss. Losing Master R has been really tough. I want to give up the poly on days like today. It almost doesn't feel worth it. You let someone into your heart...let them know everything about you...serve them, submit to them...and for what?? In the end...he just walks away like it never happened. I admit a big part of me feels angry right now. Angry at Master R. Angry with myself. Angry with life. Yesterday was a wonderful day for me with Master. I hope sometime to write about it and share a photo or two. I really had such a wonderful night with him. Our play was very intense. I hope to blog about it sometime. I hated having the tension between us today. I feel like a bad slave. Right now though I can't think of anything but this situation and hurt in my heart. I will be taking a bit of a break from blogging and put myself into some projects that I want to work on to get my mind off things. I want to get my mind off things and heal this hurt. I havn't been getting many comments on my blog posts anyways. I'm not sure who is reading this blog and I don't feel very positive for writing right now. May the force be with you all!! ~padme

Meme

I had to put up a picture today of Matt Hughes. I have such a deep respect for him after the big fight against Royce Gracie last night. I am still in a state of shock actually. He won the fight in the first round. I was yelling at the tv and got very worked up with the fight. What a night!! I found out Tito is fighting against Ken Shamrock in the next UFC fight. Also Andrei Arlovski will be fighting against Tim Silvia again in another rematch. I LOVE Tito Ortiz!!! My sister has the major hots for him. They were showing a preview of how much these two men HATE one another. There is a lot of history there. This is going to be a major fight in July. I've already written the date down on the calender. There was one part where they showed Tito laughing his ass off at Ken and the chair went flying!! I couldn't stop laughing over that. Tito gets right under his skin. Tito is the ultimate bad boy (Huntington Beach) and a coach on the new Ultimate Fighter 3 show. Him and Ken Shamrock are constantly fighting and this is going to be huge!!! I can't wait. Last night was incredible. I am having a hard time this morning coming down from it all. I spent all day cleaning and getting ready for fight night. We had a very intense play night. I carry many bruises and marks all over my body today. So who wants details??? Who wants pictures? There was not very many comments to my latest blog post. Where is everyone?? So Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are parent's now of a baby girl. My sister sent me a forward about it this morning. The media is going to go nuts trying to get the first picture of that baby. Master is out today and I am feeling a bit lonely and down. Yesterday was a wonderful day and it's hard to come down from it all. I got tagged for a meme from good angel and wanted to do that this morning. Thanks good angel!! It is a fun one and I was glad to get tagged! :) 1. Who was your first prom date? My first prom date was a guy that I had been friends with for many years. A funny story behind the prom was that I was originally supposed to go with my first husband. We were not dating at the time. Both of my friend's were trying to set us up to go together. I decided instead to go with a guy I was very good friend's with. I wore a peach very sexy low cut dress and danced the night away. We went to Stanley Park after and I got drunk. It was a really fun prom. I started dating my first husband one month after prom when we met again at a party. 2. Who was your first roommate(s)? I lived in a tent for a few weeks and then moved in with my first husband and with my best friend at that time, T. She was a sex addict. I have *many* stories to share about her. The first couple I ever saw was T and her boyfriend, M. They were doing it on the couch and I walked in on them. We lived in a apartment in the worst area of town. I was just so happy to be out of my family home. 3. What alcoholic beverage did you drink the first time you got drunk? I drank Southern Comfort the first time I ever got drunk. I was 16 years old and dating a 24 year old very cute guy, K. He took me to a party out in White Rock and tried to get me drunk to get me into bed. I got drunk but we didn't sleep together. He was the first one to ever feel up my top and bra. 4. What was your first job? My first job was babysitting when I was 13. I consider my first real job to be working in a oriental shop at Metrotown just after I started college. 5. What was your first car? I don't have my driver's licence so I've never had a car. 6. When did you go to your first funeral? My first funeral was for my Grandpa who died one month after Princess Diana. It was a very sad time in my life. 7. How old were you when you first moved away from your hometown? I did move a bit of a distance when we moved to the townhouse where I was friend's and next door neighbor's with S back in 2000 after my rape. I wanted to start fresh and start a new chapter in my life. I was 27 years old. 8. Who was your first grade teacher? I honestly can't remember. We moved half way through grade one and I changed teacher's. I can't remember her name. 9. Where did you go on your first ride on an airplane? I went to Hawaii when I was in grade 2 with my Dad. 10. When did you sneak out of your house for the first time, who was it with? I would have never even considered sneaking out of my house. My Dad was extremely controlling (Mr. Soprano) and he kept extremely close track of us. The one and only time I was able to get away with a lie was saying I was sleeping over at a friend's and went to that party with K when I was 16. My best friend at the time had to cover for me. I spent the night partying out in White Rock with K. K was one of the most sexual boyfriends I ever had. He pressured me constantly for sex. I didn't sleep with him and he broke up with me. 11. Who was your first Best Friend and are you still friends with them? My first best friend was L. I had a major crush on her. We were very close best friends. She moved away shortly after high school and went in different directions. I often wonder about her and how she is doing. We were best friends from 13 years old til just after prom. 12. Where did you live the first time you moved out of your parents house? I lived in a tent with my first husband out in White Rock. I couldn't take living at home anymore. I packed my one suitcase and we couldn't afford much so we lived in a tent until moving in with T. 13. Who's the first person you call when you have a bad day? It is always S, my best friend. She calls me or I can call if we are having a bad day. S is always there for me. I am very glad for my friendship with her. My sister also is a good person to talk to if I am having a bad day. 14. Whose wedding were you in the first time you were a bridesmaid/groomsman? I have never been a bridesmaid. I came close a few times but it's never happened. nikki was going to make me a bridesmaid to her when she married C but they wound up eloping instead. Maybe when my sister or S gets married I will get my chance to be a bridesmaid. 15. What is the first thing you do in the morning? I usually pee and come straight downstairs for that first cup of morning coffee. I can't live without it. :) 16. What was the first concert you ever went to? I went and saw Micheal Damian (of Young and the Restless) when I was 16. I got front row seats. The first big concert I ever went to was Don Henley with Master in 1991 at the PNE. I love the Eagles and I loved that concert. 17. First tattoo or piercing? I got my first tattoo when I was with my friend, S. It was a spur of the moment and got my rose tattoo on my ankle. Last November Master made it into his mark. 18. First celebrity crush? I had 2 big celebrity crushes. One was Don Johnson who was in Miami Vice. I had posters all over my walls of him and also of Simon Le Bon of Duran Duran. 19. Age of first kiss? My first real kiss was at 16 with K. Boy that guy could kiss. :) K was my first real boyfriend and I was blown away by that first real kiss out on the balcony overlooking the ocean in White Rock. 20. First crush? Again I would have to say K. Because he was my first real boyfriend and I don't remember having any crushes before him or feelings for a guy. I met him and immediately had a crush on him. I was very happy when he wanted to date me. 21. First time you did drugs? I smoked pot with my friend at the time, C after getting my cheque for my ICBC settlement. She was stunned I had never done any drugs or even tried smoking before. After drinking some 30 year old rum I tried pot and had one of the wildest nights of my life. I got to see her and her husband fuck right in front of me. I think I was the only one that I knew of in high school who never smoked pot or had sex. Great meme! Really made me think. I am tagging good girl, belda, Stiletto Girl and my sis, schiava and anyone else who wants to try it!! Let me know if you do it...I am curious of people's answers to it! I hope everyone is having a good weekend. If anyone wants details and photos of last night...let me know please... May the force be with you all!! ~padme

Gracie vs Hughes in UFC 60

It's a huge nights for UFC (Ultimate Fighting Championship) fans. Master and I have been counting down the days on our calender. Two very big fighters will be fighting tonight live on pay per view in Los Angeles. I am pretty sure most people have heard of Royce Gracie. He's a legendary UFC fighter and he's come back to fight Matt Hughes who is also a really excellent fighter and current champion in his weight class. He was coach on one of the Ultimate Fighter TV shows. As I write this blog post I am listening to both fighters talking about the fight at the official website for this fight tonight HERE. Master is a huge Gracie fan and he's so excited about this fight tonight. We have arranged for sitting overnight for our son and we make a big deal when it's fight night. Lots of treats and snacks and drinks. I never imagined I would get to see Gracie fight. He was retired from fighting and he's come back and this is so amazing to be able to say I saw him fight tonight. My sister who I turned into a UFC fan is also very excited. Her boyfriend enjoys UFC also. Is anyone else going to be watching? I am counting down the hours to this fight!!! I am SO pumped up!! I really like Matt Hughes but I have a great respect for Gracie as a fighter. Master wanted to explain a bit about the UFC for those who haven't seen the sport yet. It's a competition between two fighters who train in multiple martial arts and use them all to Dominate their opponent either by knocking them out or by forcing them to submit. Clearly, men, you can see the attraction of this testosterone filled sport. There can be injuries, but this is no street fight. They fight in an eight-sided platform called the Octagon, surrounded by a fence, and the fights are explosive and amazing to watch. Check your pay per view schedule and if you're ever going to check out the UFC, tonight is the night. Gracie fought when the UFC first started in 1993, when there were no weight classes. I wonder who will win this fight? They are both so talented. And hot too! I would give anything to get spanked by a UFC fighter. I'm pretty sure it's obvious we are UFC fans on this blog. I wrote an erotic story about a fantasy spanking with Andrei Arlovski and Master. I want to write more stories like that one. We also have several photos which have Master's mixed martial arts gloves in them. I love when he wears them and spanks me with them on. We are planning for a big play night as well during the fight and to take some photos. I love to see a good fight. I yell at the tv and get very worked up. I grew up watching my Dad box but also Muhammad Ali fights on the TV. I love to box and have been punching the bag since I was 12 years old. Million Dollar Baby is one of my favorite movies and I hope one day maybe I can have a semi-professional fight. I've had many fist fights in my time and have yet to lose one. I may be submissive to Master but I can be strong too. I find physical strength gives me mental strength. Master and I had a really hot night last night. I was very horny and we hadn't been together all week. Master was chatting to our good friend, belda on yahoo last night while I was in the bath. He was helping her to put links onto her blog. She has already earned 50 swats owed to Master in the future. He had a big smile on his face about that last night. He can't wait to spank her! :) I was talking to my good friend, good girl last night on yahoo. I mentioned to her how much that picture of her pink bra turns me on. There is something about a woman in an innocent lacey bra that does something to me. I love woman's tits. I remember being 15 and my best friend changing in front of me and me just staring at her tits and drooling. I knew I was bi way back then but shy about it. I had a major crush on her. We had several sleep overs and I would see her tits and wanted to touch them so badly. I love to touch a woman's tits, feel them, sqeeze them, caress them, and lick and pinch the nipples. It's been so long since I felt a pair of tits in my hands. good girl sent me a photo of her pink bra and wow! I was very horny last night. I also got horny knowing her and Griz were having some really fun times last night. I love knowing that others are having sex and love knowing the details. :) I want to thank belda for the very nice blog post that she did for us last night. We were both very touched. He finished chatting with her and came up to see me in my hot bubble bath. We both chatted to several people yesterday on yahoo and messenger. I felt very sociable. He came up to see me and I was shaving my pussy for him. He had put our son to bed and we spent a bit of time chatting. I got out and he told me I was going to get some time with his belt. So I got changed into my black sexy lingerie for him with no panties and a freshly shaved pussy. We went down to our basement and he locked it. It was kind of cold and my nipples got erect fast. He turned on his UFC CD and got a Darth look in his eyes. I got bent over the desk and was told to hang onto it tight. He laid into my ass hard not stopping with the fast strokes. He didn't warm up so it was hard to take it in the beginning. I held onto the sides while the belt came crashing down on my ass. We should have taken photos but I we didn't think of it. We were so anxious to play and had looked forward to it all day. I wanted a very hard spanking. He teased me all day and night about giving it to me. "Take it, bitch," he growled as the belt landed again and again on my ass. My black lingerie lifted up and my ass exposed to his belt. He stopped and came up behind me and rubbed against me. I could tell he had a big hard on through his boxers. He felt my pussy which was soaking wet. "Good girl, My padme. Your nicely wet for Darth," he hissed at me. Then I felt his cock rub against my pussy and he thrust it into me. I wanted him so bad. "Oh please fuck me. Please please fuck my pussy, Master" I moaned. He fucked me hard and fast holding onto my hips. I loved being fucked over that desk with a sore and red ass that he grabbed several times just so I could feel it more. He spanked me a few times with his big hand. Rode me hard and fast. He put his belt around my neck and looped it so it was like a leash and noose all in one. He fucked me and it would tighten. I love breath control. I find this really makes me feel submissive and horny. He came with a groan...holding onto me very tight. He tightened the belt as he came. I felt so submissive at this point. So owned. He told me to keep his cum in my pussy for a few minutes. I could feel some of it spilling out of my pussy but he didn't care. It was running down my legs. He got very intense with me with that belt around my neck. "You're MY bitch. Don't ever forget that," he said sternly. "Clean that messy pussy up and come back to me with some lubricant." So I went and cleaned up and came downstairs to our livingroom where he was. He told me he was going to fist me. He hasn't fisted me in a while and I was so excited. He got my pussy all lubed up and started to work his hands into it...slowly fisting me. Fisting drives me crazy. I have the biggest orgasms from it. Who else loves fisting? I was beyond horny with him doing this. Master has magical fingers and I could feel them up in my pussy...ohhhhhhhh I was so ready to cum. He got his fist into my pussy and was fucking me with his hand and fingers up in my dripping wet pussy. I was in complete extasy. My ass still sore from the spanking with his black leather belt. I couldn't take it anymore. "Please please let me cum!" I begged. He told me to cum for him and I exploded. It shook my whole body and I could feel it go right up to my head. The orgasm seemed to last forever. I was worn out at this point and he kissed me passionately and told me to go get ready for bed. We snuggled close together. Life feels pretty good right now. I am a happy slave girl. Today we have sitting all day and plan to get ready for the fight. I am very excited about tonight. An overnight with no kids around. Lots of time to play and take photos and do more spanking. I've been told I will be serving his drinks and being his complete slave tonight. So stay tuned on how tonight goes. I will try to post tommorow about it. Who wants details? Who else is horny like me this morning? Anyone else getting a spanking tonight? How is everyone doing? How is everyone's force? May the force be with you all! ~padme Technorati Tags: UFC, UFC 60, sex, tits, fisting, Ultimate Fighting Championship

Happy HNT to everyone!

Happy HNT (Half-Nekkid Thursday) to everyone! I thought that today I would share a very hot photo. I really love this photo. It's a very different spanking position for me. You can see a hint of pussy in it. I don't like to show everything. I like to leave something to the imagination. If one of my close friends wants to see a photo of my pussy or of Master spanking me though I don't mind. I am open with my friends. I have no problems sharing pussy photos with my sis though. It turns me on to hear her reaction to the photos. I like to make her drool with my photos. This morning I sent one of me in my butt plug which I am wearing right now as I type this. I tried to aim the camera and take a photo of the butt plug up my ass. I wanted her to see and was happy to hear of her reaction. :) In this hot and sexy photo Master was using his very big hand to spank my inner thighs. Ouch!! What does everyone think of it? I'd love to hear your thoughts on it. My creamy white thighs turned very red by the time Master was done with the spanking. I felt very submissive and wet. I moaned as the spanks fell hard and fast on my most sensitive parts of my body. ohhhhh thinking of that day makes me crave another spanking from Master. Who else enjoys this type of spanking position? It makes you feel so vulnerable. I felt like I couldn't protect my thighs from the spanks. Master enjoys spanking me different ways in different positions. I am a major spanko. I can't get enough. I just love to feel his hands spanking me. This blog post photo is going out today to my beautiful and amazing sis, schiava who I am chatting with and getting wet for this morning. She does something to me. Drives me insane with desire for her. Wanting so badly to touch her. It's torture to live this far away from someone who you want to be with so badly. I hope this can get her as wet as I am right now... I have added two more links. Master helped set up a blog yesterday for my very good friend, belda. Please check out her new blog belda's dorm room and welcome her to blogging! Tell her I sent you! *smiles* I'm so glad she's blogging and I was so happy that Master and her got to chat last night on yahoo. Master really enjoyed helping her with the HTML and setting up her blog. Master told me he can't wait to spank her. I can't wait until we all meet. :) The other two links are to: Only Truths and K's Upside Down World K is my friend, Stiletto Girl's friend and I welcome him also to blogging. I enjoy reading all these blogs. Master has told me that with adding links we must also delete a few. I just don't have time to read so many blogs and some people are not commenting back on this blog or I am not reading their blog. I want my links to be all links that I am able to read and keep up with. I got two really wonderful e-mails yesterday. One was from SNN. I want to let her know that her e-mail meant a lot to me. I was very touched and glad to meet a new friend. :) The other e-mail was from a blogger who's blog is one of my favorites, annissa. For some reason I havn't been able to comment on her blog. It comes back file error. I love her blog, Life as His. I was so happy to hear from them both. I am very shy and find it hard to come out of my shell sometimes. I'm glad to meet a few new friends. I feel like a few of my other friends have just disappeared from my life. And now with losing Master R in my life. I am longing for friendships and support around me right now. I want to also send a special thank you out to Master Mark for his friendship and support. He's been wonderful to talk to and given some great advice. I really value all his opinion with his many years of being in the lifestyle. I am planning to do a interview with him for a blog post. I have many questions for him and think that others would like to hear from him also. I've never done a interview before, especially with a Pro Dom so I am very excited about this. So stay tuned for that! I also was shocked to hear no ladies got in contact with him. I hope to help him in his search for a submissive. I know there's got to be someone out there for him. And a Eve for my friend, Adam too. I need to start a personals section on this blog. What do you all think?? I've had a few ideas for this blog. I would like to add more erotic stories to my blog. I havn't had time to write any lately. If anyone has any really sexy stories they want to share on my blog please let me know. I am so horny right now. I'm on orgasm denial until tommorow night. I was told to go get my butt plug this morning and put it in my ass as I type this blog post. To help me focus my mind on Master....my Lord Vader...my Darth...ohhhhhhhh bring out the dark side, Master.....I want to bring Darth out....can Darth cum out and play, Master???? I promise to be a naughty girl if he does.... May the force be with you all!! ~padme Technorati Tags: spanking, HNT, bisexual, spanko, spanking positions

Bad Comments

I want to thank everyone for the comments to yesterday's blog post. They all touched me greatly. I read them all over many times. They have given me great comfort during an emotional time. I have been feeling very insecure and alone. I am so thankful for some of my friendships right now. Thankful for Master and for my sis, schiava too. She's been wonderful to me. I'm so lucky to have her. I was expecting a bunch of negative comments to the post. I was very worried. I feel very fragile right now. I haven't talked to Master R and I am not allowed to. Master R wants to fade into the background and is planning a trip for two months with his wife. It's very hard to come to terms with everything and I feel very emotional right now. I will miss my Master and mentor greatly. I was shocked last night to see our blog stats. We broke another record for most hits to our blog in one day. Almost 3,500 people visited Journey to the Darkside! Our return vistors also went much higher. There are many people though who are still lurking. That's a lot of people to come by and not comment. I know a few other bloggers talked about the same thing. I would love to hear from some lurkers out there! Sometimes I worry that my ex or someone who knows me is one of those lurkers. I have shared a lot about my life in this blog and it wouldn't take much for someone like my sister to figure out that it's me. She and a few others know about Master R. I have also wondered if Master R still reads my blog. Or if he will stop reading it now. I noticed last night there was a horrible comment on my sis's blog. The person called me a fucking whore. I did a huge whoa to that. I was shocked. My sis told me this morning that same person has been leaving her nasty messages for a while. I'm very floored. I have also seen my very good friend, Stiletto Girl get some very nasty comments on her blog. I think it's very rude that people leave rude and nasty comments for people who put a lot of work into their blogs. A blog is like someone's home or living room. I always try to be respectful to people on their blogs. I just feel angry about it right now. schiava and I talked about it this morning and she told me to just ignore it but I find that very hard to do. I get angry that someone would say things like that to my sis or friend's or fellow bloggers. I know how hard it is to open up like SG or my sis on your blog and then people say nasty things to you. I don't have a very thick skin. I tend to get worked up easily. I can't help it! I get worked up when others put down people that I care about or put time and efforts into their blogs. I wasn't going to do a blog post today but Master is very busy at work and he wanted me to write one. I also wanted to share a few Star Wars links and update everyone on how I am doing. It's been a pretty rough time for me. Yesterday was very emotional. I wanted to contact Master R but I know that I am not allowed. I feel pretty abandoned by Master R right now. It just hurts and I am trying to understand it all. To process my feelings over it all. Master and I have done a lot of communicating about it. We stayed up late to talk about the poly more. Master has been great. A bit distant yesterday but I think he's got a lot on his shoulders right now. He's trying to process everything also in his own ways. This was a big step for him. For both of us. I am missing a connection to him right now. Needing him to be my Daddy. To take care of me. I feel like a lost child in some ways right now. I havn't been with another man besides Master since my rape. I didn't think I could ever be that intimate with another man again and the other night was a real special time for me. I was able to really let go of myself with Master R and finally submit to him in a very intimate way. He's always had a big part of my life. I know if Master was ever not able to be there as my Dom then Master R was. I feel like I've lost a true friend. I trusted him 100%. He never betrayed my trust ever. I don't have many friends in my real life. I have S but she knows so little about me. I really have a hard time letting others in and I let him in to really see in my soul like Master Anakin. What's happened has rocked me to the core. Sometimes you honestly don't realize what you have until it's gone. I realize now how much Master R did for me. I feel so glad for all he taught me. Master and I had a talk about my friend, belda pinik. She has allowed me to talk about this on the blog so I will say what Master and I talked about in my post today. I was recently contacted by belda and we have started a friendship. She's wonderful and a huge Star Wars fan. We have a lot in common. I'm very lucky to have our friendship. She is engaged to be married to Obi-Wan and he isn't as into spankings. So we are hoping one day to get together for a Star Wars spanking meeting. belda is straight and it's not about kink/sex, just spankings. This is something that Master and I have been talking a lot about. We are all big fans of Star wars and we hope to make it a little more fun for when we all meet. Master is intrigued about the idea of giving her a spanking. It's been a while since he spanked someone other than me. :) belda gave me three great Star Wars links. Check them out! Let me know your result! One is: Force-O-Meter I got Princess Leia as my result in that Force-O-Meter. I was a 5 between the light and dark force. It said: Gambling towards virginal fields of purity, the force is with you. If not particulary strong. Only that dalliance with Han in the asteroid stops you from being squeaky clean. The other link is to a funny apology to Darth Vader. This was priceless! Let me know what you think! Star wars spoofs Somehow I don't imagine just giving Master a card and balloon either for an apology. I get over his knee or take a harsh discipline spanking when I do something against his wishes. :) lol. Thanks belda! She finds the best Star Wars links. The last link was to Signs that You May be addicted to / Obsessed with Star Wars I loved it! I know I am definitely a Star Wars addict. So is Master. I'm pretty sure my friend, belda is too! Anyone else out there one too? Maybe we should have a Star Wars anonymous on the blog for all of us addicts. :) I did a color quiz from Scarlett's blog today. I found the results very interesting and real. I am feeling very insecure right now. I am very sensitive. At times too sensitive to criticism. I feel extra sensitive right now. I look around and feel alone although I have friends and Master. I miss Master R. I miss having that other Dom in my life. Things feel different for me right now. It's left me feeling highly insecure about my relationships with others. Will my friendships change after what has happened? If I tell S will she judge me? Should I tell my sister? I want to tell her but I'm scared to. What does Master R think of what happened? Will he miss me? Will I ever see Master R again? Does Master want me to find another Dom? Will this change Master and I at all? I know some of these fears might seem childish but I can't help it. I want to feel connected to Master right now. I feel more needy than usual. I need my friends. I really need to feel loved. Figuring out the poly has been hard the last few days. I want to hold onto my sis so tight. I'm so scared of losing someone else I care about as deep as Master R. I don't think I can handle anymore loss in my life right now. Tommorow is HNT! Yeah! I think I have a idea for a photo to put up! Stay tuned! The Sopranos was excellent but it really bothered me deeply. I can't believe Vito is dead and they killed him for being gay. Carmela went to Paris. It really made me think of Italy and going away to see my sis. I feel like I need to get away from things right now. I need to get my thoughts straight. Need to get my force strong again... May the force be with you all!! Technorati Tags: poly, Star Wars, blogging, etiquette, bisexual

Quiz from scarlett

I took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test! "Wants to make a favorable impression and be recogn..." Click here to read the rest of the results.

One final night with Master R

I am very nervous about writing this blog post. Afraid of being judged and getting negative comments. I am afraid of being honest and will say this is the hardest post I have ever written. After seeing the comments on Stiletto Girl's blog I admit I am scared. I am very sensitive public scruitiny. If people react badly I warn that I will turn off the comments. I am feeling very fragile right now. I am writing for Master Anakin, Master R and schiava. My sis was there for me this morning and told me she was proud of me and that's all I need. To know that my Masters and schiava are all proud of me and love me. I also know SG won't judge me. I know she understands me and my poly relationship with Master. I feel so grateful for my friendship with her. I feel badly for the comments on her blog. I really worry that might happen to me now with coming out about what happened last night. I worry about the stats going down and people hating me. Last night a lot happened. I am still trying to come to terms with all that happened. It feels like I changed as a slave. As a woman in a poly relationship with Master. We took a big step in our relationship. Master Anakin felt it was time and he made the decision in the end for this to happen. None of this would have happened unless my Master agreed to this. In the end, he owns me and makes decisions like who I surrender to or sleep with. He choses if I serve another Dom. He told me last night he felt ready to make a big step with the poly and he felt he could trust Master R 100% after everything we have been through. It's taken a long time to earn the trust from Master to be able to hand me over for a night but Master said he felt ready for it. I wrote that blog post yesterday and sent Master R an e-mail letting him know it was there and I had left him a public message on it. He phoned me 20 minutes later. Things got heated. I got angry and childish. He said some things I really didn't want to hear. "You mentioned in your blog post that we are lovers. We have never really been lovers. Only Master and slave," he said. He said a few things I almost didn't want to hear. They were all the truth though. I was deeply affected by our conversation. Those words made me think a lot. I realized that he had a few valid points. I went to Master. We talked for about a hour over dinner. Our kid's were out and we had the place to ourselves. We really had an open talk about our poly relationship. Where we want to go with it. He's been with another slave before. They had a sexual relationship. He's been holding me back from having one with another Dom. He realized last night that in some ways it was not fair to Master R. He has always put rules onto our relationship which at times has made it difficult. So Master made a decision last night. He phoned Master R back. They both talked for a while. I did not hear some of the conversation. Master came out and told me I was going to be meeting with Master R. I was a bit surprised. I didn't think I was ever going to hear from him again, never mind seeing him. I was told that like Cinderella that I must be home by midnight. I was going to be handed over to Master R for one night. We would get one night to be Master and slave in every way. The rule of no sex was allowed to drop for one night. There must be a condom. I must obey Master R to the letter. Master R felt badly about the way things had ended. He wanted to fullfill a last fantasy for me. We have known each other 9 years next month. I've been his slave for 7 years. I have sucked his cock, taken hard spankings and many other things in those days. The rule was always there. No sex. It was hard sometimes as I felt there was something missing in my relationship with Master R but I always respected Master's decision. I was a little stunned that Master was letting this drop for a night. Master explained that he was impressed with Master R and all he has done for us through the years. That he never let Master R truly be in control of me. He wanted to hand me over to him for a night. To use. To fuck. To spank. To have me surrender to him. At midnight the spell would be broken. I must come home by midnight to Master. Say goodbye to Master R as my Master. I am not allowed to contact Master R until I am told I can. I must cut off all contact and I must surrender to Master Anakin fully. He would become my only Master at that point. I was told this was a one night deal. My limits were about to be pushed. My period ended but Master Anakin and I didn't get a lot of heavy play this weekend due to kids and the rodeo and my period. I know this was a bit of a gift not only to me but Master R. He was direct about the orders of how I would behave last night. The level of my submission to Master R. I've had 5 actual lovers (intercourse) in my life. I didn't lose my virginity til I was 18. I find it a big deal to have intercourse with others. I know many others will find me strange for this. Two lovers were one night stands. One was in Hawaii when I was 18. We slept together on the beach of Waikiki. One was when I was married to my ex husband. Two lovers have been my husbands. My first husband and Master. The other was a rape. It was forced upon me and I was deeply affected by that. I had a hard time even trusting other men after D. Yesterday I added another number. Master R became number 6. We slept together. I know many won't understand this. Or some may get excited over this. I just know that I was very nervous about this last night. This morning I feel wired. I haven't had a lot of sleep. It feels like I am a different woman. It was honestly like losing my virginity all over again. I am terrified to tell the blog readers about this. I am just waiting for people to hate me for this. To not understand that deep level of submission I look for in my relationships with Master and other Doms. We met for coffee at 8:30 last night. I was wearing my shorts and tank top. I was told to skip the bra. Master Anakin made sure I was showered and ready for him. He told me not to worry about the kids or place for a night. To just think of obeying and being a slave to Master R for the night. He was very reassuring as he dropped me off. I was nervous as heck. Master R was five minutes late. He parked and came into the coffee shop. Dressed in black, his overcoat swaying as he walked. Hair back in the ponytail. Dominant look in his eyes. I should mention I had 2 drinks before arriving. Master had bought me coolers and I was a bit buzzed when we met. We talked for about half an hour I think. His wife is out of town until the weekend. He had the place to himself. I was told we would head there after our coffees. He was very direct with me. I blushed several times at certain sexual things he told me. He whispered them to me but I wondered if someone might hear him. He told me he was going to take me back to his place and fuck me hard. That he finally was going to get the chance to fully make me his. I was getting wet at this point. Nervous and my heart racing. He smelled nice. I was going crazy with nerves. We left and took the drive back to his place which isn't too far from mine. We got there and went down to his basement. He has a pool table and type of bar downstairs with a stereo. He owns a very nice home. I looked around a bit. I havn't been to his place in years. He told me we were going to play a game of pool. He offered me a drink. I was happy to have another drink. It helped to calm me down. At one point during the game he told me to take off my tank top. So I did that. We continued to play pool. I felt a bit embarrased playing pool without a shirt on and my nipples hard as rocks. "Take off your shorts," he said in almost a whisper. All I could hear was the Eagles on the stereo. Hotel California was playing loud and he was making me blush and my nipples erect. Mirrors on the ceiling, The pink champagne on ice And she said ’we are all just prisoners here, of our own device’ And in the master’s chambers, They gathered for the feast The stab it with their steely knives, But they just can’t kill the beast The part about master's chambers made me blush. He looked directly at me during that part of the song. I took off my navy blue shorts. He studied me but didn't say a word. All I was wearing at this point was my Sufer Girl panties. He came over to me. He grabbed me forcefully and placed me on the pool table. He held my wrists tight. I felt his control over me. He ripped my panties down and then off of me. I was now naked on the pool table. He was still fully clothed. He looked like the predator about to eat his prey. I felt butterflies in my stomach. "Do you want me to fuck you?" I barely whispered "yes, Sir." "Yes Sir or Yes Master??" I responded quickly "Yes, Master." He took off his shirt quickly and then undid his belt and took off his pants. He had a big hard-on. He rubbed against me on the pool table. He spread my legs. He fingered me to try to get me wet. He spoke to me very dominantly. He grabbed me by my throat and looked deep into my soul as a slave. And then he fucked me hard on the pool table. He's a very experienced lover. He was rough with me but also understanding of my nervousness. He came with a huge grunt and moan. I came shortly after. It was a very intense sexual experience for me. Things seem to happen fast and I was in a very deep level of subspace. He told me he was proud of me. He gave me several hugs. He told me he was going to spank me hard. He got his belt and he made me lean over the pool table and laid into my ass several times with it. He spanked me a few times also with his hand. He teased...taunted...and got me so worked up with a overwhelming feeling of submission over me. I felt that I would honestly do anything I was told at that point. Then he made me cum again for him. A few details are private. I want to keep them in my memories. I cried on the way home. I felt a little emotional about the whole thing. He was calm with me. Dominant and strong but calm. He pulled up just before midnight so we could have a few minutes alone together. He reassured me that even though he was no longer my Master that he would always be my friend. If I really needed him that I could contact him or that my Master could for him. He explained that he is older and wants a different type of life for himself. That he was proud of the slave I had turned into. How proud he is of me. He kissed me on the forehead. "You will always be My sin. Don't ever forget that." He asked me if my ass was sore. I said it was. He told me he was pleased. He had told Master Anakin that my ass would be very sore to sit on for him. Master R walked me to the door. Master was waiting for us. The two of them talked and shook hands. Master Anakin walked him out. They were out near the car talking for a bit and then Master R blew me a kiss and drove away. Master came in. He held me. He told me he was proud of me. He gave me a kiss. He wanted to see my ass so we went upstairs to our bedroom. He examined my ass and told me he was happy with R's handywork. I talked with him for a long time last night. I realized at that point that I no longer have two Masters...I only have one. I felt very lonely at that point. I cried a bit and Master held me in his arms. I fell asleep. I woke up half way through the night and couldn't get back to bed. I just feel differently this morning. Master told me that he wants to go deeper into the poly. He wants us to have experiences with others. He plans to look for another slave to play with sometimes too. I know my sis is also looking for a toygirl for her Master. This is how our relationships work with our Masters. I feel insecure this morning. Afraid others will hate me or judge me or not understand this. This was very difficult for me to write but I wanted to be honest and share this so I might blog and get my many feelings out. I feel very good for the way that things ended. I admit I want to talk to Master R about it but I respect that this was a one night thing. An experience for me to grow as a slave. To have one final memory with my Master and mentor. Poly is hard. To have multiple relationships with others is hard to maintain. Master R and I have gone through a lot in 9 years; we have a history. I know I've grown as a woman and slave during this time. Yesterday was a real step for me in my slavery. I truly lived a fantasy that I have thought about a lot. I am so thankful to Master R for all he has done for me. I will never forget him. Even if we never talk again, I will always cherish our night together and what he has done for me in my slavery. I will never forget him. My force really needs strength right now. May the force be with you all! Technorati Tags: poly, open relationship

Goodbye my friend and mentor

Today's been a really rough day for me. I am struggling with my emotions. I probably shouldn't blog today as this post won't be very uplifting. I'm in a deep depression right now; mixed emotions running through my mind. I said goodbye to a friend and mentor today. I saw it coming but it still didn't stop the hurt and truth. I am putting up a picture from the movie Where the Truth Lies. Today I feel that I know where the truth lies in my relationship with Master R. I like the photos or pictures I post to reflect my mood. I've known Master R since 1997. He was a strong mentor and friend in my life for many years. He was probably the most complicated relationship I've ever had with another man besides Master. He was very much a second dominant in my life. I respected him, had many spankings from him, and played hard with him. I was his youngest slave when I first met him. Naive and innocent in many ways. I struggled against not only his control but Master Anakin's. I was stubborn and still am in a few ways. The first phone call with Master R was me refusing a order. He wanted me to masturbate for him and I said no way. I am a much different slave now because of him. He trained me. He never received a dime for all the time he invested in me. He never got real sex for it. We never actually slept together. Yet he had a wild and rebellious slave out of control which he had to tame constantly. It was 3 years before we finally played and he spanked me. I am often asked why we didn't sleep together. We did very sexual things together. Master was always okay with everything as long as there wasn't actual intercourse. It worked well for all of us. I was frustrated often by the many rules. I think that was the hardest part of our relationship. I didn't know his last name. I wasn't allowed to ask questions about his other slaves. I couldn't know many parts about his life. I ran into him once with his wife by accident. He acted like he didn't know Master and I. I had a very hard time with things. Master R and I had many fights through the years. Many times he would disappear for a month and then suddenly e-mail me like nothing had happened. It was a complicated relationship, having two Doms. At one point I also had an online Dom. Trying to serve 3 Doms...well that was one of the hardest experiences of my life. I was often rebelling because of all control around me 24/7. I remember that first dinner at Earl's with Master R very clearly. We had opened up our relationship but not the whole way and that night Master Anakin allowed him to take me out for an evening. There was no spankings at all. I was certain he just wanted a fucktoy and that's not what I wanted. I wanted another Dom who would mentor me...train me. To really teach me about bdsm and playing. We were given rules as Master Anakin is always my number one Dom. Master R took me out for dinner that day. I wore what he told me to wear. I looked innocent and had my red hair done up in ponytails for him. He intrigued me from that first meeting. He was direct about the expectations with him. How it was going to work with him. He was very dominant from the first glance at me. He had a way of making you feel like you were the only one in the room and he was striping you naked. Always sexual looks and predator eyes. Him and Master didn't get along very well in the beginning. It took many years to work some issues out between them. I am often impressed Master has shared me the way he has. Not just with women but with other Doms. I always wanted to get spanked from someone who would not put up with my crap. Master R is an experienced player. He was very direct about his rules from day one. I was to always call him Master. He was second in command. He was allowed to punish me if I didn't obey him. I got a few drop bys back in the old days. He knew I had no daughter on the weekends and Master worked on Saturdays. I got that crop many times very hard. I was not a good slave in those days. I'm not sure how he put up with me. He was 47 when we met. Much older than me. I thought of him like a Daddy too. He took care of me. He provided financial support a few times and he also helped me through some very rough times. He was a mentor to Master. He helped us both like a counsellor at times and spent many hours talking to both of us. I am so thankful for all of that. I was trained to serve my Master. He used several techniques for this. I learned to fully submit to both my Master and Master R. I will always have great respect for him. I embraced his training and I keep it with me. I appreciate all he has done for me in my life. We knew that things were a bit different the last time we played. He got distant afterwards. I was moody over the situation with "Laurie and Charles." That situation with my Dad occured. And he literally disappeared on me for weeks. I can't stand people just up and disappearing. I get angry, disappointed, nuts. It makes me wonder if it's me or if they still want to be my friend. I tried to write him e-mails and he didn't respond. I've been wanting more and he isn't able to give that to me. He wants to retire now and move on with his life and I have to respect that. We both knew this was not forever. He told me from day one that this was not going to be forever and that one day he might not be able to be my Dom and I would have to respect it. He feels today that I am trained well and it's time to let me go. Let his other slaves go. He wants to retire from being a Master. He is married and he and his wife plan to travel more. He is retiring from his job and he wants to retire from the slaves. He says he's to old to be a Master anymore. I had hoped for a friend at least but this will be difficult for him. He can't maintain the contact and I am needy. I need a Dom who's going to be in touch. A Dom who I can count and depend on. He just hasn't been able to play lately and feels he is getting to old for the lifestyle. His heart isn't in it. Poly relationships are very hard. Anyone who tells you differently is lying. You can say you don't have feelings for the other people involved but the truth is, I care very deep. At least I do. I think that trying to maintain relationships with other people is probably the hardest part. Master R had a wife and other slaves. He hasn't had much time for me lately. He's almost 60 now and too old to try to maintain all the different slaves. It's time for him to let go of that part of his life. His sex drive has changed. He's changed. The trainer let goes of the slave, the teacher of his pupil. This is hard for me but I do understand why this has to be. It was time to move in different directions. Poly relationships are really hard work. I am not sure at this point if I could open up to another Dom besides Master now. I just know I should hold onto the training I received and be grateful for all he did do for me. What he taught me. He was an excellent trainer and very patient with me. Hearing that he was proud of me made me want to cry today. I really did try to be a good slave to him too. I tried to obey. I tried to learn from my experiences with him. Those people I open up in my heart really matter to me. I give all that I am to them. I have been very hurt in the last few months by trusting the wrong people. People may say that I am not really poly because I don't live with the other people. The truth is, I am very much poly. I love more than one. I have many relationships with other people. I love the people who I have let into my heart. My sis has become so important to me. She is not just a fucktoy. She's a real sister. The submissive sister I always hoped for. Right now I want to hold onto her so tight and not let her go. She's become so important in my life. Master R and I had a trainer/trainee type of relationship. It reminded me of the Kill Bill movies. Where she gets sent away for training. Several scenes in that movie reminded me of Master R and I. He pushed my limits. He trained me very hard sometimes. I resented him deeply a few times for it. I tried to push him away more than once. I was trained hard. Maybe one day I will share more of that with the blog. I have many stories to share. A few awesome experiences. I had some extremely kinky times. Master sent me to him on more than one occassion for a hard discipline spanking. I came home to Master Anakin with a sore ass and an adjusted attitude. There were a few nights that I doubted the whole poly thing. I was honest with a few friends and family about our open relationship and many didn't understand. A few like my sister really put me down for it. There are still days I feel judged for wanting this in my life, for what is in my heart. I know many probably don't understand the aspect of poly. They don't know how you can have two Doms or love another person besides your husband or Master. I don't regret any of the open relationships. I'm glad for my experiences. It just hurts a lot tonight. It's hard to let go of someone you came to care so deeply for. I told Master early on that I didn't think I could be monogomous. I have an open heart. I've loved many in my life. I had a hard time staying faithful in the past. I wanted to experience being with others. See him with others. It has always turned us both on. I also was honest early on that I was bisexual. I told Master very early on about my feelings for woman. He was there when I first kissed a woman. He knows that glow I get when I am with a woman. How turned on I get. I can't turn my back on those feelings. I just love the intimate touch and relationship with a woman. I love Master and our relationship and I won't ever turn my back on that but I need a woman in my life. schiava and I have something very special. I challenge anyone who wants to say mean things to her in her blog. I was very upset this morning when she told me she gets judgemental comments. I want to protect her. I get mad when I hear anyone say bad things about her. She's an amazing and beautiful woman!! No one speaks badly of my sis!! I want to open up my heart to her. I put her blog into a special section of our blog so others can know how special my relationship with her is. I'm so glad for my sis and want to hold onto her more than ever. I've lost a friend and mentor today. Master R phoned me and we discussed the future. It's time to move on. Maybe one day I can find another dominant in my life who can give me what he gave me but for now I am now only Master's. I belong now only to him. I don't have two Doms any longer. I knew it could never be forever but I am still aching in my heart. It's hard to let go of the past. You tend to wonder about your friendships. I am so scared of being alone now. It's going to be strange to not be able to phone him if I am having a problem or lean on him when I need a Dominant and Master is not there. Saying goodbye to a good friend who I trusted and have deep feelings for is very hard for me. I feel depressed. I am having some back problems. Master is home today for the Victoria Day holiday but he went and saw the movie, Over the Hedge with the kids to give me some alone time. I used the time to think about things. I haven't even gotten dressed. My soul feels emptier; the world feels smaller. I am not sure how to really say goodbye to him. I didn't want to blog about this to share my feelings but I hoped it might make me feel a bit better. I hope everyone has liked the new updates to our blog. We've put on several new links to some cool places. There is a lot we want to do with this blog. Several ideas we might try. I've had a hard time reading other blogs today. I want to go into hiding. This has truly rocked me to the core. My force is weak today. Master R, I am not sure you are even going to read my blog anymore but if you read this today, know that I respect you always. I thank you for your training. You are a huge reason I am the slave I am today. I thank you for the many spankings over the years. You were hard on me and I hated you for it and still I loved it. I got very wet over some of those spankings. I will always think of you as a very good friend. I wish you all the best always... goodbye my Mentor goodbye my Master goodbye my lover goodbye my friend Your sin May the force be with you all! Technorati Tags: poly, bisexual, slave training

Discipline Spanking

I promised I would share photos and details from Thursday's discipline spanking. Click on the photos to enlarge them. I am sharing 3 photos of Thursday with everyone. I am sharing a photo of what my ass looked like with my punishment spanking from Master. I like the pictures to tell some of the story for me. I love these photos. What does everyone think? I would love some feedback to them. Please leave a comment or send me an e-mail. :) I am up early and feeling awake and wanting to write so I thought I would write out the post. I took yesterday off and didn't do a post. I was hardly on the computer and spent the whole day with Master. I thought I would do a quick update on things and then write about the discipline spanking I got from Master. Friday was the Cloverdale Rodeo; it's like a small town country fair, the rides, the games, the wonderful food. We had a fun time and I got to skip the diet for a night. Master was wonderful. He even put on the ferris wheel and watched me just like in that movie, 9 1/2 weeks. It was erotic. I am afraid of heights. He just smiled his most sadistic smile as I went around. I do not question him; I Just obey. He tells me to go on it, I do it. He does very dominant things every day. Many of them I don't post in the blog. I thought perhaps I would share more of my daily life with the blog readers. It might help people to get to know us more. The rodeo was a lot of fun and Master made all the decisions. What I ate and drank. I had to ask permission to go play a game or get cotton candy. Master fed me the pink cotton candy. His parents were around but didn't question anything. People know that I call Master Daddy openly. He doesn't like being called by his first name so it's either Sir or Master in private. Daddy in public. Or Old Man. I've called him that a few times too. Master is 7 years older than me and a very traditional man; stern and dominant with a presence around him. I notice that others respect him. The kids respect him. Everyone sees that I respect him. I often get asked how we keep our marriage healthy and happy. It's really hard to say that it's the domestic discipline that has helped the most. Master has trained me for the last 2 years since signing our TPE agreement. I am his slave and I have come to terms with this in the last few months. He decides. I obey. I get punished for not obeying the rules. We came home Friday night to some wonderful anal sex and porn. I am on my period so Master decided to take my ass. I put in the butt plug while we watched an adult movie on video on demand. Then he stuck his cock in and fucked me hard. I came hard and fast. I fell asleep very soon after with the long day at the rodeo and play with Master. Yesterday we went shopping at the mall. Master bought me a few things as treats. We ate lunch. I was back to my diet so it was healthy. I was so happy for the latte he let me have. My favorite drink. I love almond or hazelnut in it. Master decided to buy me a few things in Claire's, an accessories store for girls and teens. One was a charm which says Daddy's Girl. He told me to put it on the zipper of my purse. S is going to know that charm isn't about my Dad. I was not a Daddy's girl at all with my own father. We've always had a rocky relationship. Master is my Daddy. He fullfills a need in me which was missing with my own father. We do age regression in our play. I often suck my thumb or he gives me my teddy bear to hold onto. He holds me the way a Daddy would. Comforts me after the spankings. I know many might not understand this type of play. I am very much a little girl in my heart. I need this. He treats me the way a Daddy would. This works for us. He bought me an anklet, some lip gloss and a few goodies. We also went to the Body Shop. He treated me to the liquor store where I got some coolers. I enjoyed the day. I bought a postcard for schiava and sent it to her. I hope she likes it. I was so glad to get the Rome postcard on Friday from her. I got a really hot photo from my sis yesterday morning. Wow!! It made me drool. Her pussy looks so inviting to me. I want to taste her. I am thinking of her lots this weekend. I wonder how my sis is doing. Does she know how wet I got looking at her sexy photo? We had sitting so it was just the two of us yesterday. We came home and watched Munich. It was really good. It was intense. A bit graphic but it was really interesting. Master enjoyed the moral questions the movie raised. Master decided to do some tit torture on me during the movie. My tits are so marked today! I came twice. He came on my face. Last night we just cuddled up on the couch to some TV and time together. I feel so close to Master right now. I was glad Cheeky Angel left a message. I was a bit stunned to see her blog was deleted yesterday. I love her blog and writing. I hope she starts another blog. My friend, belda sent me a really funny Star Wars video. The link is HERE. Check it out!! It's so funny. Darth Vader calls the Emperor. I was almost on the floor laughing!The voice sounds like Glen Quagmire on Family Guy. It's adult oriented and very funny. Thanks belda for the great link!! I would be curious of what people think of it! lol. :) Here are the details of the discipline spanking from Thursday: If you haven't read the blog post about what I did to deserve a discipline spanking click HERE. I was being a real bitch and in a hell of a mood with my pms. I had thrown a pillow at Master and said a lot of things I shouldn't have. My hormones felt out of control. Things had built up in me. I was talking on Yahoo with my sis and getting nervous about the punishment. Master dropped the kids off and when he came home I was waiting for him in our bedroom. Toys laid out on the bed. I heard him come up the stairs. My heart was beating fast. Anticipation and fear can be difficult sometimes and at the same time erotic. I was sitting on the bed with my bad kitty nightshirt on and no panties. I had my head down low. He had taken the day off from work to deal with me. He let me know right away that there was almost 3 hours of time before getting our son home. He planned to deal with me and set me straight. I knew there was a discipline spanking coming. I had a feeling we might make love afterwards but I would be getting the domestic discipline first. That meant heavy punishment on my ass and a real lesson. He's not gentle. The spankings hurt. Sometimes they hurt a lot. This time he told me he was going to spank me til he drew blood. To prepare myself for a hard spanking that was going to hurt and leave me sore for a while. I was feeling very sorry at this point but I know there is no reasoning with him when he's in Darth mode. He was going to spank me and I was going to take it. No in betweens. I was told to get myself into the shower and get clean. He wanted my pussy shaved and smooth. I went into the hot and steamy shower. He joined me a few minutes before climbing out. Things got hot very fast. He kissed me and rubbed against me. He whispered to me that my clothes were laid out on the bed and to get out and get dry and dressed. I got out and got into my school girl skirt and red tight shirt with no bra. White leggings and black and white thong. My school girl shoes laid out on the bed nicely too. And one of my black play collars. You can see in the one photo me dressed up holding his belt. He wanted people to see the belt that crossed my ass many times. The belt that made it nicely red and sore. He brought up the camera. He likes to take lots of photos when I am getting punished. When he is at work he will tell me to look at a certain photo if I am acting out of line. It brings it back for me. A part of it is also humiliation. I climbed over the pillow after I was ready for the punishment. Master went and put on the Hackers soundtrack he loves so much. Hackers is one of his favorite movies after Star Wars. Has anyone else seen it? It's from 1995 and has a young Angelina Jolie staring in it. Then the lecture began. I could hear him picking up his belt and his voice got into Darth tone. That tone that I think he got from the army. It makes you go into a very submissive state. All I could say in response was "yes, Sir." I was feeling very sorry for my actions at this point. "I'm very disappointed in you, young lady," he began with his firm lecture. "Do you realize, slave that you always wind up under my belt or whatever toy I wish to use when you act up?? I want you to learn something from your lessons. You know better!" he said in a very disappointed tone. I was in the dog house and I knew it. My ass was going to hurt. He get intense when he is about to punish me hard. He was angry with me. "You NEVER throw pillows at your Master, bitch. I am going to teach you that it's completely unacceptable to act like that. Bad girls get bad spankings. Your ass is going to hurt." he said sternly. "You bring Darth out, and you must accept the consequences for it. You forced me to stay home to punish you so it's going to be damn good. I am not counting. Your going to get your hands in the cuffs and they will remain out in front of you. You'll take it all. You will not move. You will not talk or plead with me or I will gag you." he told me in a matter of fact tone that left no doubt. He lifted my school girl skirt exposing the thong to him. He continued to lecture. His belt jingling in his hands. I could hear him pacing around me. "Darth is here, bitch," he said as the first strike of his belt hit my ass. There was no warm up this time. No fun with the spanking. I could only bite into the blanket. I had my hands in the cuffs so they wouldn't try to protect my bottom. He began with his belt. He would give me 5 hard strokes and then stop and lecture more. "You try my patience. Why do you not learn from my lessons?" His voice was sharp. I knew I had gone too far with him. I had pushed his buttons. There were no excuses and he was going to teach me a lesson I wouldn't forget for a while. My ass was going to hurt and be very red and sore by the time he was through with it. Another 5 with the belt would land onto my ass without mercy. He would stop and then switch to another instrument. I never knew what was coming. The music of Hackers was loud and the sound of the belt rang into the air. My ass felt warm very quickly. The burn was intense. He just kept going. I don't know how many times that black leather belt bite into my ass. Stinging and feeling the intense burn. He wasn't giving me any time to think. One stroke after another. I was almost grateful for when he would lecture as he would stop for a minute to lecture me on my behavior as a slave. I was told when to talk. "You may speak now, slave" he would command. He asked a few questions and I answered him honestly. He was defiantly going to get to the "bottom" of things with me. Find out if it was just pms or more going on with me for acting that out of control. He picked up the razor strop that we bought from the flea market. I love that strop. It is so traditional. It made my ass a nice shade of red very quickly. I'm not sure how many he gave me. I tried not to move when he was giving it to me. Any time I tried to move a inch I was told... "Get back into position or I start over." I don't know how long he used his razor strop, belt and crop for but at one point he told me to go into our bathroom. I was told to lean over the counter and he used his Master's Anakin's paddle on my ass. It cracked as it landed on my ass about 20 times very hard. I still had my hands in the cuffs. I wanted to put my hands there a few times but couldn't. I felt very submissive to Master at this point. He was determined though. It was only the beginning. I went back over the pillow for more. I took the pain that he was delivering. "Thank me for your punishment, slave" he demanded. "Thank you, Master" I said in my submissive voice, truly meaning it. "My padme. My bad girl. Why do you act up so badly sometimes? Your ass always pays for your mistakes. When will my very disobedient girl learn her lesson?" He grabbed my thong and pulled it down to around my knees at this point. You can see in the one photo what my ass looked like at this point and how red it got. It was sore and I felt sorry and near tears. I don't cry often but during some punishment spankings I want to cry from disappointing him. I felt like a bad slave. I knew I deserved this hard lesson on my ass. I tried to take it all and at times it was very difficult. He took photos during the last bit of the spanking. My ass was glowing red and I felt this was endless. He was true to his word. My ass finally bled from his crop. He used it very hard on my ass and I was struggling but he would put his hand over my back so I couldn't move a inch. He used the crop hard again and again on my ass and I could do nothing but take it. Take the pain. Take the punishment. Take the hard spanking that Master was giving. My ass was rising to meet the crop after a while. I was hoping he would be pleased and stop the crop but he didn't. He likes to push it far. See how much I can take. He knows I am a pain slut and can take lots. I was very sensitive to the pain on Thursday with the pms. This time of the month makes it sensitive for my tits and pain tolerance. He continued to spank me with the crop. He stopped and I felt his hands on my ass. He took a photo and showed it to me. It showed blood. He had some on his finger and he licked it. Just like a vampire. I went very deep into subspace at this point. Things get a bit fuzzy at this point. He told me to go to the bad girl corner which I did for 10 minutes to think about things. My thong came off on the way to the corner. I was still wearing my cuffs. He came and undid them after the corner. He grabbed me by my hair. I noticed he was in his boxers at this point and no shirt. The punishment was over and he wanted me. He was going to fuck me hard. He fucked me in my soaking wet pussy. He put clothespins on my nipples as he was fucking me. I felt pain on my ass, pain on my nipples, pleasure from my pussy. Him fucking me very roughly. He fucked me doggy style as he grabbed onto my hair hard. He gave me two huge hickies on my neck. He was biting on my neck like a vampire. Making me moan in pleasure. Wanting him to take me hard. "Please fuck me, Daddy!" I begged. His cock got even harder in my pussy when I said that. I could hear him moaning. I heard him say padme a few times. "My padme. My bad little padme! You belong to me, bitch," he hissed as he thrust into me hard. He came into me and then told me to stay there. I must sit in his cum in my pussy and clothespins on my nipples. I curled up and waited for him. He came back and took the clothespins off and took off the cuffs. I was told to clean up and bring back my vibrator. I was told that I would be cumming thinking of my sis, sweet schiava. He was going to take a photo of me masturbating thinking of her. He told me to think of all the things I wanted to do with her in Italy. I was very excited. Thinking thoughts of her pussy....her skin...her tits...her nipples...wanting to kiss her all over...pleasure her. ohhhhhh! It didn't take me long to cum big. I was thinking of my sweetest sis and cumming with her in my mind. Fantasies of her filling my mind as I was cumming. We put away the toys and Master told me we were going to take a nap. He was tired. He told me I had worn him out. So we cuddled together and fell asleep. I got up before him and went on the computer. My in-laws surprised me by showing up a half hour early. Master was sleeping so I got the door. I admit I was a bit embarrased. It was pretty obvious what was going on. I had 2 hickies on my neck. Trying to hide my handcuff marks on my wrists. Blushing like a school girl. Being in my robe even though it was 12:30 in the afternoon. :) My father in law had a big smile on his face and my mother in law made a comment which was kind of funny. "Ummmmm look like you guy's enjoyed your time off" she said. I was in subspace for hours. My ass was sore and bruised. I learned a hard lesson on Thursday about disobeying Master. I've been submissive for days and feeling closer to him since Thursday. How is everyone's weekend? Master is off tommorow and I'm so glad to get extra time with him this weekend. Today is housework day. I will be working for Master. He told me he was going to try to get some blog work done. My force is strong right now. I feel very content and happy. :) May the force be with you all!! Technorati Tags: domestic discipline, spanking, age play, schoolgirl

Long weekend ahead

I wasn't going to do a blog post today. I've been a bit overwhelmed trying to get ready for the long weekend ahead and the Cloverdale Rodeo this afternoon. I had a list of chores to do and my morning was crazy. S phoned and asked me to go to Wal-mart. We went with five kids and it was a circus. She looked frazzled. I really miss having lunch out with her at Boston Pizza. Our friendship has changed a bit. I'm just trying to ride it out with her. She was shaking as she dropped me off. Told me she feels like she's having a bit of a breakdown. I worry about her. I came back to my daughter forgetting something at the school and a million things to do. I'm glad Master has given me extra time to complete my chores. It's the Victoria Day long weekend and Master is home on Monday. I can't wait to have 3 days with him. I am so happy to have our rodeo day. I love to be a family with Master and our children, watching our kids on the rides and seeing them happy. Our in-laws will be coming with us too. I went out to my mail box and found a surprise!!! A lovely postcard from Rome!!! It's from my beautiful sis, schiava. I was so surprised!! I have to get her a postcard to send to her back. I am going to try to find one at the Rodeo today. Rome looks so beautiful. That post card made my day. I had a big grin on my face coming back from the mailbox. My neighbor asked me why I was smiling so big. I told her a very special friend had sent me a postcard from Rome and I was so happy about it. I want to leave her a message on my blog today in case she is able to read this. schiava, Thanks sis!! I loved the postcard so much. I wish we had more time to chat today. I miss you so much. I hope you have a wonderful weekend and know you are in my thoughts sweetie! :) lots of love and kisses, padme xoxoxo I need to write out a scene report from my morning yesterday with Master. I apologize that I don't have time to write it all out today. I have a lot to do before Master comes home early. He's taken a half day off so we can go as soon as our daughter is out of school and it opens up. We don't go to the actual rodeo part of the fair. It's more about the rides and games and eating and live entertainment. I love the country fair. I changed my yahoo avtar to show me at the country fair today. I promise to write out a scene report and put up a photo of what my ass looked like after Master got through with it for my bad attitude. My ass got lots of attention with lots of different toys. It was a wonderful morning together and I can't wait to share my details and photos with you. Does anyone want details? Please let me know if want to hear all about it!! I've shared a few photos already with close friends and my sis of my very red ass. :) I have spent quite a while chatting with my very good friend, Master Mark. I told him I wanted to write about our chat and he gave me his permission. There are only a few Doms that I know that make me truly nervous around them. They give me goosebumps when I hear their voice. They seem to have a natural dominance and I can sense it strongly. I've met many fake Doms since 1997. I had several online Doms who were total fakes. Many men say they are dominant but it's hard to find the real thing. Master Mark E. DeSade is the real thing. He affects me in a way that not many Doms have. Master R and Master Mark both affect me strongly. Master Mark sent me a few photos of him and his old submissive, karen. I was telling him that I think they had a real magic in them. I sense a real sense the power exchange in them. It stirs me greatly inside. I wanted to share a photo that I love of them together. This is a true erotic photo and they had a powerful D/s relationship. I feel badly they are no longer together. He's now looking for another submissive. I hope to help him in his search. I also volunteered to help him with starting a blog. I would love to read a blog about his thoughts and experiences. He sent me a video that I linked to. It's a really hot one and got me very wet. I recommend this to anyone who's curious about him. I got very worked up seeing it. Goosebumps all over my skin. Very hot! I am thrilled that he is sharing this with not only me but our readers. Thank you Master Mark!! I watched the video and was drooling. He really guided the submissives through the scenes. The spanking scenes were really hot!! I was soaking wet by the time I was at the end. You see how happy solitaire was after he spanked her. She's glowing in subspace. Check out this video!! And let me know your comments on it. Would anyone like to see a video one day of me being over his knee? I really want to know!! If I meet Master Mark...should I bring the camera and video camera? This is the first spanking movie we have ever linked to. Thanks Master Mark!! I am very glad for our friendship. I hope one day I will have the experience of being over his knee. I had a fantasy after seeing a video he sent me of him and karen. I had to go shake water on my face after seeing the video. It was so hot!! His voice was very stern and she was near tears during her paddling from him. I could have cum just watching them together. That's my reaction to that. Wow!! I really was surprised by my reaction to that. Master Mark really affects me the way that Master R does. I admit I have read his site since 1997. I wanted to contact him but was painfully shy. All these years I have tried to cover the fantasies up with him. Today it all came back to me. I am sure he could give me the absolute discipline I desire in my heart. I was thinking about Master R a bit today. He has been too busy for me lately. I really seem to have a problem with people just disappearing on me lately. I feel frustrated with him. He's supposed to be my online Dom also but he is not online often. He was a bit angry with me for not turning on messenger. He won't go on yahoo where I spend most of my days now. I can't handle yahoo and messenger on at the same time. It's been a long time since I got a visit from Master R. If you havn't read the post about a Visit from Master R click HERE. Master R is a man who is my mentor and friend and helped me to become the slave I am today. Things have really changed with Master R and I though. He's gotten older and has other slaves. He is busy at work and travels a lot. I have often found online Doms to try replace him. The online thing doesn't work well in my experiences. I want a Dom that I can talk to online but hope to eventually play with or meet. I want a Dom to be available to me and he usually isn't. It's created a few problems. I feel a bit jealous of amber and their relationship. I wonder if they are meeting. Does he want to play with her more than me? I start to doubt myself. The funny thing is I feel I have a lot more to offer to a Dom than years ago. I am a different slave. Master has been training me and raising his expectations of my submission. I take a lot more pain than I used to. I am a pain slut. I am blonde and I consider myself a lot sexier than I was five years ago. I give a lot to my relationships and I am loyal and honest. I will admit that I seek a high level of play with the people that I play with. It was hard with nikki. She shared her husband with me but he was extremely vanilla. I just wonder about the direction of things with Master R. I think perhaps it's time for me to move on. Find another Dom. Master has had a bit of his own stuff going on too. There is a friend that I know who wants to be spanked by Master. He is very intrigued by this and told me he would love to have the chance to give her a spanking. She's not bi and not into the sex but she would like to experience a spanking by him. Maybe I might get the chance to be spanked by Master Mark. It's a big dream of mine! I want to fly to Italy and be with my sis and her Master. Lots of possibilities right now. :) I am rambling. :) I have many thoughts this morning. I thought about phoning Master R the last few days but I havn't due to trying to get a connection with Master back. I don't like to play with others unless things are right with Master Anakin. I haven't read too many blogs today. I've added two new links: Parttime Vanilla and Spank me Pink How is everyone today? What's everyone's plans for the weekend? Anyone else celebrating Victoria Day? Anyone else horny? Or getting spanked? Or giving someone a spanking? Does anyone want the details of my spanking and a photo of the red ass to show what it looked like after my discipline spanking yesterday? May the force be with you all! Technorati Tags: spanking movie, spanking video, discipline spanking

HNT and a spanking coming!

HNT is having an anniversary/birthday. Osbasso explains in his blog post why. Happy HNT (Half-Nekkid Thursday) to everyone! I have enjoyed participating in the HNT. It makes Thursdays very exciting. Our first HNT picture can be found here. Enjoy!! I hope you enjoy this week's photo too. :) It's been an interesting morning for me so far. It's been good and bad. I haven't gotten a lot of sleep. My period hasn't started yet but it feels like it wants to. My pms is out of control. My hormones are going crazy. It's been a shitty week and little time for Master and I. There has been no sex at all. Not even a swat on the ass. I need his control more than ever and he's been so busy with commitments to help guide me. I feel like I have been out of control the last few days. Last night we began having an argument while shopping for an air conditioner. The two kids were fighting. It is hot and I have been pushing myself with my diet and exercise. I spent almost an hour boxing yesterday. I was honestly ready to snap. So last night I lost it. I said a bunch of stuff to Master that I didn't mean. I shut him out. I wouldn't let him near me. We both went to bed upset. The good news is that we have a portable air conditioner. Best 500 bucks we ever spent. The livingroom feels cool and comfortable. We plan to play this morning and it's going to be nice to not be sweating. It's been hot here lately in Vancouver and we can't leave the windows opening when we fuck as we get really loud! Our neighbors are very preppy. So we try to keep our noice level down. The basement is concrete so sometimes we go down there but I really love our bedroom. I love our nice soft Obus Forme Queen sized bed. I love to fuck on it. My back feels great as he pushes himself against me on the bed. There's lots of room to spread out. Our bathroom is next to us if we need it. It's going to be heavenly to play with air conditioning on. I am loving the sun lately but the heat is getting to me. This morning I was up at 6 am and stayed in bed and listening to Master getting ready for work. I got out of bed and the fight was on. I wanted to pick a fight and he wasn't in the mood. Total Darth mode. He doesn't like when I get out of line but this morning I didn't care. I got emotional and told him off. I knew when I was saying a few things that I wasn't being very fair. Life gets busy and I get too needy for his attention. Finally he had enough. I got up in the middle of the argument and threw a heart-shaped pillow at him. I admit it. I can be childish and have tantrums when I don't get my way. I can be a real bitch during pms. Master was not impressed. It's a light pillow but I threw it hard at him. After I did it I felt embarrased but stomped away. I wasn't sure how to handle myself. I know I am not a good slave sometimes. My hormones are wild and I feel so childish. I'm going to get spanked very hard for this and know it!! He doesn't allow that kind of behavior. I went up to the bed and got under the covers. He came in shortly after. Our kids were still asleep. I heard him lock the door. We have a lock on the outside and inside of our room. I recommend that to any parent's with kids. Our kids have learned to knock at the door if they need us. We only lock it when we need private time. Master has also locked me in the bedroom a few times. I was not impressed with him trying to sneak under the covers with me. I started to shove him away. "Go to work. I have to get up and I'm busy," I tried to plead. "Bitch...you're not going anywhere," he said in a growling voice. "I mean it. I'm not in the mood!" I said in a very bitchy way. I got up and he pulled me down by my hair. He grabbed my face and got me to look him in the eyes. And he gave me that look. I am sure most slaves know that look well. It's the look that says "I've had enough" and you just know it. It's like Darth Vader comes out of Master. The dark side takes over. He becomes so intense. Our emotions were running high at this moment. I pushed against him in anger. I should know better than to mess with Lord Vader. I got up and started to get dressed. He got up and I pushed him. He pushed back and this was harder and I fell to the bed. "Wait here, bitch. Don't you move a inch if your ass knows what's good for you!" he said on the way out of the door. I waited about 5 minutes and he came in and had that eagled-eyed expression that I know well. "I"m home today. I'm not going anywhere. We are going to deal with your attitude today. Right now. I've had enough. You can tell me if you have concerns but you've been out of line and you know it. Your going to get my full attention today, slave," he said in his Darth tone. "You bring out the dark side in me, slave. I really don't know how to deal with your pms sometimes. It's like the pms brings out your dark side, my padme. Don't you realize that you wind up under my belt or paddle or cane every time you swear at me or have attitude. I let you go so far before you hang yourself. You don't throw pillows like a bad girl having a tantrum. Bad girls get bad spankings," he said very sternly. I was shocked. Master usually doesn't take personal days off on short notice. I realized that he doesn't play games. He let me have enough rope to hang myself. I said things I shouldn't have. Our son woke up shortly after and I went downstairs to talk to schiava, my sis on yahoo. I wanted to tell her why I wouldn't be online this morning. I was so happy to get a kinkycard from her that was so hot!! It got me horny right away. We had a great chat. I feel so close to my sis right now. I want to always be honest with her and upfront. I don't ever want to lose her. I told her this morning that she's the only woman for me. I'd do anything for her. I'll come to Italy to see her. I want to be with her and I want to show her she is the one for me. schiava...your the only woman I love and adore....just know that. I'm totally crazy about you!! I wanted to reach out this morning and kiss you so badly. I had a fantasy of it while we chatted. That kinkycard drove me crazy. I imagined my nipples against yours. Feeling your skin. The things that I would love to experience with you. Oh sweetie...I want to be in Italy with you right now...your in my thoughts right now!! Master told me I if I am a good girl this morning after taking some pain that I might be allowed to cum thinking of my sis. Master is dropping off our daughter at school right now and our son at his parent's who are sitting for this morning. My sis asked what his plans were for me. He told me that his belt is folded in half waiting for my ass over the bed. My sis said she needed a spanking and Master offered to spank her with me with her Master's permission. He told me he had a fantasy of spanking us both while her Master watched or helped. Ohhhhhh what a fantasy!! My sis had to run but I was so happy to chat with her. I went upstairs to get changed into something sexy and saw the pillow ready and his belt folded in half laying there. I was told to do this blog post and then go wait with my ass over that pillow and be ready for a very hard spanking. I didn't expect to be playing today. I am nervous as I know he's angry and yet horny. I'm sure we will work through things and get the connection back with some rough play. I know he wants it rough...and so do I. I am longing for a little pain. To work through my emotions and get me feeling centered again. I want him to lay into my ass with that belt...and then get the cane and cane me hard. Make me feel it. Make my ass so sore it won't be able to sit for a few days. ohhhhhhh yeah!!!!! I got some really hot photos from Master Mark this morning. I hope everyone had a chance to read my blog post about him. I hope I can maybe set him up with someone. If anyone is looking for a Dominant, he's a really good catch. I love happy endings and I hope he can find someone to serve him. I'm so happy to know him and glad we have been chatting. So what does everyone think of the HNT photo?? I think it's hot!! It's an OTK from last Saturday. I am wearing my sheer pink lingerie and thong. Over his knee for an OTK after he wrote on my ass "naughty girl". You can see a few marks already starting on my ass in the photo! I am wearing my white leggings and if you look close you can see my tattoo/His mark on my ankle. He's grabbing my blonde hair in his fist as he spanks my ass hard on our couch. He covered our couch to make the white look like a better background. I really like this photo. I enjoy that Master can be in some photos with our tripod and camera timer now. I love having naughty girl on my ass. Cause I am Master's naughty little girl...now and forever. Just imagine what my ass is going to look like when he's done with it. He doesn't put up with my pms or being a bitch. I get attitude and get out of control and he yanks the chain back and I fall into line. That's how it works in our relationship. This is why we have have a good marriage. Domestic discipline has been one of the best things to happen to our relationship. I won't be online most of today. Master's home and we have time together and our daughter is in the school play tonight. I hope to blog post tommorow about what happens today. Stay tuned! I hope to hear from everyone today!! If you're a lurker....come out of the shadows! Say hello. Or if you haven't commented in a while...leave me a message. Or if you're one of my blogger buddies...let me know your doing today!! How is your force?? I really miss hearing from some people. Long weekend is almost here for Master and I. I'm about to get off the computer and go up and get spanked and then fucked hard. I'm going to play and have some release. Feel some pain. Feel the pleasure. Feel Master.... May the force be with you all!!! Technorati Tags: HNT, OTK, bisexual, sex, domestic discipline

Master Mark

I wasn't going to write a blog post today but I changed my mind after a chat with a old friend today on yahoo. I've met a lot of people since starting the bdsm lifestyle back in 1997. I was a newbie with many questions. I found Master Mark E. DeSade's website and I decided to e-mail him with my questions back in 1997. He responded to the e-mail and was more than wonderful about answering the many questions I had for him. I'll be honest. I have had more than a few fantasies of him spanking my ass. Master had kidded me many times about sending me to him for a hard spanking. I really hope one day I will be able to meet Master Mark and experience a spanking from him. I would love to make the fantasy become a reality. :) Master Mark offered me the chance to star in one of his spanking movies but it never worked out. I havn't talked to him in a while and it was really nice to catch up with him today. I hope if I ever get spanked he will allow many photos of it so I can share some with the blog. He's got some wonderful spanking movies for sale also. Or you can rent one. I go back to his website a lot and enjoy the many things it has to offer. There are a few people that you meet who make a difference in your life and Master Mark is one of them. I'm so happy he's my friend. My bottom longs to get over his knee for a spanking!! I have listed Master Mark in our Pro Dom section of our blog. He's a wonderful and sexy Dominant who does Pro Dom services for submissive women. Check out his site!! He's very professional and very easy to talk to. He's experienced and offers so much to the bdsm community. I feel so honored to call him my friend. I recommend him highly and I am so glad I got the chance to chat with him today. I felt like I was talking to a celebrity. I was surprised to hear he was reading my blog. I miss my old friend and am glad he's on my yahoo list now. I put up a photo of him spanking his submissive at the time, karen. I promised Master Mark that I would mention that he's single and looking for another submissive right now. Ladies...he's quite a catch! Give him a shout if your interested. He's willing to relocate. Tell him I sent you! :) I found out some sad news on pet's blog today and felt so sad for her. I e-mailed her and was happy to hear back. I hope she knows that she is in my thoughts. I was happy to see Stiletto Girl give a update on how she is doing. I've thought about her a lot and wondered how she was. I got a wonderful e-mail from adam. I'm so happy he's started his blog and glad he's my friend. It really feels lately like there has been many changes in my life but I am so happy to have some friends that I have made from starting my blog. That has made it all worth Journey to the Darkside. The social aspect has been wonderful. I really feel close to a few people and have grown to let a few into my heart. schiava is definatly one person who has touched me deeply. I look forward to our chats in the morning. I fantasize about her all the time. I wonder all the time what she is doing. I want to fly to Italy to meet her. I am so crazy about her and I want the world to know it!! The more I get to know her...the more deep the feelings are starting to go. She's incredible and I feel so much love and adore her so much!! I've had a bit of a off day today. It's been hot and I've been pushing myself the last few days with my diet and walking. I have pms today and just feel shitty. I have gone around to some new blogs today. I feel like there isn't much to write about with Master lately. There's been no sex or spankings since Saturday night. We've had little time together lately. Tommorow is our daughter's school play. I am a bit nervous about the whole thing. My ex husband has decided to attend. Usually he doesn't but for some reason he agreed this year. Being around him makes me nervous. It's hard when the feelings have all died but yet you have to constantly deal with someone. We share a child together so he's always going to be a part of my life. I try to be civil but it's hard to sometimes. He can be very childish sometimes and has a lot of money to throw around. I can't wait til the long weekend is here. I really need some Master time. I want to have some release. Reading some blogs made me miss him more today. I really wish we had some play time and it wasn't so hot out. This pms is also killing my sex drive. I am having horrible cramps today and really having a hard time of things. The Doctor said it could take up to six months to get the effects of the birth control pill out of my system. We are going to go shopping tonight. Nothing like a little retail therapy to help the pms. Maybe Master might let me eat some chocolate. I have no clue how I have been able to control the cravings for bad foods with this pms feeling all day. I hope everyone had a chance to do Master's survey with Star wars and spanking. I thought it was a great survey question. :) Star wars and spankings are my two favorite subjects to talk about. *grins* Tommorow is HNT! Stay tuned tommorow for a photo from last weekend. I think it's a hot one. *smile* I also put up the new sugasm. Master contributed to that this week. I'm so happy he's been a big part of this blog with me. He does so much of the technical work and put a lot of thought into posts and survey questions. Thank you all for sharing our journey with us...the Journey to the Darkside.... May the Force be with you all!! Technorati Tags: Mark E. DeSade, Master Mark, spanking

Sugasm #34

This week’s best of the sex blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Want in Sugasm #35? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form. Participants, repost the linklist by the end of next Monday night and you’re all set. Erotic Writing and Experiences Lost and Found (aliferestarted.blogspot.com) Out of Town (vivianandjack.blogspot.com) Tara’s Private Diary: Starting the Morning Off Right (taratainton.com) Sex Toys: Satanic and Divine (deltaofvenus.blogspot.com) Arousal (pleasinglydebauched.blogspot.com) Anal Fun (edinerotica.blogspot.com) Age Before Beauty (fourstate.blogspot.com) Ten Thousandth Blowjob (erotiterrorist.blogspot.com) The Slutty Hostess (internetisforporn.com) Quickie (Because I Know You’re Watching) (sabrinainstockings.com) Audio The Return of Bedroom Radio: Episode 10 (bedroomradio.blogspot.com) BDSM and Fetish Sex Questions & How to Get My Attention (alphadominablog.com) “I Think I Love You, But What Am I So Afraid Of…” (avahsascent.blogspot.com) Porsche Thigh High Boots (photo) (thebootcam.com) Financial Domination (goddessjaguar.com) Oo… la… la. Spank Me Monsieur (moonstruck.typepad.com) Tiny Dick Contest Pictures (spoiledebonyprincess.com) NSFW Pics Solo Girl/Nudes/Softcore Fine Art Nudes by Kevin Rolly (eroticandy.blogspot.com) Black Boots - Red Panties Upskirt (upskirtr.blogspot.com) Exclusive - Justine Joli with Laurie Wallace (tgp.com) More Sugasm…Join the Sugasm (Sugasm participants should re-post all the links above. The following links may be excluded as long as you include all the above links.) Personal Porn Half-Nekkid Flower Petals Where? (alwaysarousedgirl.blogspot.com) Happy HNT! (pillowblogs.blogspot.com) Uninhibited Wanton Woman (totalsensuality.blogspot.com) Thoughts on Sex I Am I Said! (masterenigma.blogspot.com) Ayla the Prehistoric Porn Star (msnaughty.com/blog) Nude Vaginas! Run for Your Lives! (onaniajournal.blogspot.com) Death Threat (radicalvixen.com) Masturbating While… (wanklog.blogspot.com) Sex Advice and Sexy Reviews The Dark Side of Masturbation (and Sex) (shayssexcolumn.blogspot.com) Bondage for Beginners: What You Need (cuntinglinguist.blogspot.com) The Art of Erotic (Blog) Photography (darkside-journey.blogspot.com) Tantra Chair Review (stilettodiaries.blogspot.com)

Star Wars spanking surveys

I thought the Star Wars fans would appreciate this original Star Wars poster art. I remember having this poster in by room when I was very young. Clearly, I started my Journey to the Darkside at a very young age. We've updated our Star Wars survey; everyone can now check out the new one; we love to hear from you. Try the survey, Email us or leave a comment about which Star Wars characters you'd love to spank or be spanked by the very most. Our previous survey asked which Star Wars setting would you like to have a spanking session in. It seems many of our readers (32%) , like me, thought that Princess Leia's detention cell seemed the most enjoyable place to smack bottom. A further 18% liked the power, majesty (or exhibitionism) of the Jedi Council Chambers. I didn't say if the Council was in session! Public flogging anyone? I'm sure the chamber would have a good echo from each and every spank. May the Force be with you, always. Technorati Tags: Star Wars, spanking

Spanky's Extreme Take-Out

I decided today to share two more photos with our readers from our holiday weekend in Whistler. It makes me smile to think back on our wonderful weekend away for our 2 year wedding anniversary. One of the places we went to for pizza one night was a placed called Spanky's Extreme Take-Out. Master just had to take a photo of me in front of it. He said if it's so extreme of a take-out place then maybe they might give spankings to naughty girls like me. A spanko like me just had to eat at a place called Spanky's. :) The other photo is of me on our hotel bed wearing my new lingerie that Master bought me from Love Nest. I love how sexy it makes me feel. Black and pink is a favorite color combination of mine. It's so sheer and pretty. What do you all think? I wore my fishnet stockings with it. I'm drinking some Merlot and getting horny for Master in this photo. It gives me a warm feeling inside to remember that night with Master. I spent a weekend as Master's complete slave and had no decisions or responsibilities. I really feel like I want to get away again with Master. I've been thinking about travelling a lot. Summer is coming and my daughter is almost out of school. We already have 5 days booked for a lakeside cabin up in Northern B.C. We are staying in the cabin with Master's parent's. S made a joke that Master won't be getting any sex for a few days. LOL. Can you imagine having your in-laws sleeping beside your bedroom in the next room. Has anyone ever experienced this? I asked Master about spankings. He did tell me we can always get his parents to sit and take walks in the forest. He told me there's always his belt that he wears or a hand to spank me. Or he'll cut a switch and take it out on my ass. It's going to be an interesting 5 days. No Internet. Fishing. Hiking. Sitting by the fire or the lake. Getting back to nature for a few days. We've never done a trip with the in-laws before. It's going to be, as I say, interesting. Master's family seems so normal to me compared to mine. I often feel badly for Master having to deal with my family problems year after year. He's had to help me overcome a very bad childhood. I think that he's my Daddy because I never had one growing up. I had a man who physically and emotionally abused me and my siblings and mom every single day. I left home at 19 to live in a tent. It was better than living at home. I tried to run away a few times before that. I left home and never looked back. Things are very rocky between my Dad and I. I don't share a lot of details from my childhood or past because some of it is very difficult to talk about, retell, or relive. I am coming to terms with my family the last while and it's making me moody and emotional. It was hard to see my Dad in the ICU and all I went through with that. Then for him to turn his back on me yet again; it really upset me. My Dad is like a poison. I will be okay and happy and living my life and he will pop into the picture and problems start. I am different around my Dad than anyone else. To this day I am nervous around him. We were told my Dad has a personality disorder. That's what they sum it up to. I realize that my Dad won't change. I have tried to not bring my family problems too much into this blog but sometimes it's bothers me so much that it does. This thing with my Dad has been on my mind a lot. I was remembering something this morning. I have a real spider phobia. I freak when I see one. This morning I had a hard time opening my front gate only to see one; and it was small. The reason for this phobia? My Dad used to find the biggest spiders he could in our basement and then come upstairs and throw them at us to see us get scared. Clearly, he had problems even back then. My Dad had road rage problems as I grew up and also was the parent on the side of the baseball field screaming his head off at you and then the ref. I inherited his wild temper. I get extremely upset when I do lose it. It takes a lot to bring it out, but when it's out, it's deadly. I've been in a few fist fights in my time. I think boxing helps me to get it out. I love to go down to our gym in the basement and hit the bag. I decided this morning to do a few rounds with the bag and it felt really good. Theraputic, victimless violence? I am having some pms. It's been really bad since getting off the pill. I almost want to go back on just to help my pms. But that's up to Master. My sis is also having pms too. It's like we are twins. :) I am feeling a bit better after a good sleep and my walk this morning. I went by the local Wal-mart and picked up some flowers for my garden and a few summer things. I grabbed some McDonald's and came home and then worked out hard on the punching bag. It was great! I think I need a healthy outlet to release my stress. I've been trying hard to eat properly but the McDonald's really was an awesome treat. I got to chat with schiava for a bit which was so nice. I was hoping I would catch her but she had to leave for work. I got a really nice kinky card from her. Thanks sis! It was hot! I wanted to thank everyone for their comments on yesterday's blog post. They truly touched me. I was feeling down about some critics opinions regarding this blog and about life in general. I have decided to just blog about what I am feeling or maybe just a movie I saw or just daily life asI live it with Master. I was glad to see wind walker comment and I am so happy she's back! Thank you for a few people who wrote me e-mails of support too. It really meant a lot to me. I really appreciate all you readers and the support with our blog. Joining Master and I on our journey. Our journey to the Darkside. Yesterday was a record for us with 250,000 hits total but also for another reason. We had the most hits to our blog in one day; 3,051 hits! Amazing! When we first started this blog we got around 80 people a day reading us. We've come a long way and sometimes I honestly forget that. Thank you everyone! There are a few people who have really come to mean a lot to me. belda has been there for me a lot recently. Thanks so much belda!! You're awesome and I'm so glad that we are friends! belda found me another Star Wars link to Star Wars Spoofs. I fell in love with this site! Check it out if you get time! Thanks belda. I now have my wallpaper on the computer as Star Wars. There is some really cute Star Wars stuff in it. Another Star Wars link I put up was Sith Sense. I *totally* recommend this site. It's really funny. My friend, belda was saying Darth can even read naughty thoughts too! I am glad our links section is getting bigger recently. If you know of any good links or Star Wars stuff please let us know. I will add the link if we like the site. :) Scarlett...thank you so much for your e-mail yesterday. You have no idea how much that touched me. You are such a wonderful person to know. Thank you to my sis too for her support. She's been a real ray of sunshine for me recently. I can't imagine my life without her in it. Thanks also to the man who completes my life. Thank you Master Anakin! He is my rock....my force...my Master...and I belong to him always... Well, off to tend to my garden. I bought some nice flowers to put in. Does anyone else enjoy gardening? What is everyone's favorite flower? I'm curious. May the force be with you all!! Technorati tags: Spanky's, spanko, Whistler

250,000

We just passed 250,000 hits on our blog. Master and I both want to thank all our dear readers. With our traffic increasing recently we passed the last 50,000 visitors very quickly. It seems like we just made 200,000 not very long ago. I will admit that I worry about this blog a lot more than I should. It's kept me up a few nights. I have really worried about things I shouldn't be. Ever since the Sugarclick review I have been really bothered. Hearing people's opinions on what they feel should be on our blog. I know I should not let critics or people's opinions upset me but they do. As I mentioned to Master...we do this blog and we don't get a dime for it. We have put hundreds of hours into the blog appearance and our posts. We have both lost sleep creating and maintaining and improving this blog. We work hard and then some people put it down and put my writing down. One of the biggest reasons I was hesitant to start this blog was because of my lack of writing skills. I know maybe I shouldn't take things personally but I do. When people insult this blog I tend to take it very personally. Maybe it is the comments about Star wars and this blog. Someone has put down Anakin making a good Dom. Anakin is a character in a movie. This blog is about two real people. Come on...get real! This blog isn't really about Anakin and padme. They are names we use. Master and I wanted to do a Star Wars themed blog when we started off and we chose the names as Anakin and padme as we could relate to those characters. Master is a lot like Anakin. I felt a special connection to the Star wars movies as I have role played those characters with Master and we love the movies. This blog isn't just about Star Wars. Behind the names are two people who are normally very private people. I really don't think others realize how hard it's been for me to come out more on the blog. A part of me right now wants to pull back and go into hiding. When I don't get feedback on the photos I don't feel like putting up more. Maybe feedback shouldn't be so important to me but it is. Comments are important. People's opinions matter to me. I am tired of the put downs about this blog. What about all the positives? With this blog becoming bigger I feel the many expectations of what other people want from it. I feel almost embarrased for mentioning anything vanilla. People blast us for not talking about Star Wars enough or spanking more but the truth is...this blog was almost deleted at one point. I have wanted to quit blogging a few times and I have never come closer than the last week. My son is home from preschool now. Summer is around the corner. Master and I have booked a lakeside cabin for a week with no Internet access. So the blog is going to start to slow down. We want to travel more this summer and are talking of buying a house so we might be moving. I am having to walk in the mornings so I am not online as much as I have been. I am struggling to write my blog posts. Now that others have criticized my writing I am finding myself scared to write stuff. I'm just uncertain of the direction of this blog right now. Will people still read me even if it's vanilla posts sometimes? Or my writing isn't perfect? Or I am not happy all the time? I have zero sex drive today. So hard to come down from the weekend with Master. I miss him terribly. My heart aches for him. I feel lost without him. I just feel uncertain of a few things in my life right now. I feel intense sadness this morning. My sister told me yesterday that my Dad blames the family for his depression and suicide attempt. This is why he hasn't been in contact with me since being released from the hospital. I had thought things would change between us but they havn't. Everything I did for him has been forgotten. Father's day is coming up and I am not sure I am going to send him anything. I feel so damned angry with him. And I hate carrying this bitterness in me. This really might be the end of our relationship. I'm ready to cut the ties with him and not look back. There are changes happening in my life. I can sense them. My financial picture has changed. That means we can think of travel and houses and those things. My friendships have changed. Some friends have left my life that I thought would be there forever. Some of them I haven't heard from since Easter or before. I'm scared of losing schiava. I'm scared she will find someone else and not want me anymore. I realize that woman who screwed me around a few months ago has done some damage to me. I let her into my heart...and into my life and in the end she screwed me around worse than any woman did before. My heart was deeply bruised. I didn't think I could love a woman again and recently my feelings have come through for my sis. I really do adore her and I want to hold onto her and not let go. I can't imagine not having her in my life. I just hope she knows why I have insecurities. It's hard for me to let someone back into my heart. I've been let down by many in my life. I should be used to being let down but my Dad but this time it really hurt. It's done something to me. I hate having this kind of bitterness inside of me. It's not healthy. I just feel so angry and want to call him and let him know exactly what I feel. He couldn't be there when I married Master. He let me down. I forgave him. I let him back in this Christmas. And he let me down again. I let him back after the suicide attempt. And then it happens again. Why do I continue to let in a man who abused me my whole life? He's done nothing positive in my life. Put me down and abused me and continues to play games. I just feel very sad about it this morning. I decided to put up a vanilla type of picture today but one that would make me smile a little. It's of yesterday. We had a family beach day at Crescent Beach in White Rock. One of my favorite beaches. It was mother's day and Master let me sleep in and made me breakfast. I got to decide where we would go for the afternoon. So I chose the beach. I needed to think and get away from things for a while. So we packed up our bags and headed out for the whole afternoon. There is nothing like the ocean air and fish and chips at the beach. I got very burnt though. I haven't had a bad sunburn like this since Hawaii in 1990. I am bright red like a cooked lobster and I'm sore as hell. I feel like a real idiot for not using sunscreen. We came back and watched the 3 hour Survivor finale. Wow!! Aras won the million. What a shocker. I'm kind of sad it's over now. I'm going to miss the characters on the show. I had a hard time sleeping due to the pain from my burn. I am having to walk extra this week with my in-laws being away. I can't wait for this weekend! The Cloverdale Rodeo will be on again. We go every year. I love the country music and rides with my kids. It's the long weekend coming up with Victoria Day. Master and I were thinking of getting away. I really want to hop in a car right now and drive away. I was thinking this morning about Pismo Beach in California. I wonder if Master ever remembers that beautiful trip back in 1999 when we went to Disneyland and up the California coast. I think of California a lot...I want to be anywhere but here right now... A song plays through my head today....kd lang sings: All too often I set my life aside. All Too often my dreams went sailing by. A chance of freedom, a chance of fate, a chance I'll take. Oh leave it all to disappear. I'm heading anywhere but here. All too often the dreams I've dreamed have died. And all too often I'm never satisfied. A chance of freedom, a chance of fate, a chance I'll take. Oh leave it all to disappear. I'm heading anywhere but here. Because I want a life, a souvenir. I'll find it anywhere but here. (California is gonna be the place for me.) I'll find it anywhere but here I'm heading anywhere but here May the force be with you all!! Technorati tags: beach, vacation, bisexual, blogging

Happy Mother's Day!

Happy Mother's Day to all our readers. I am sure Mother's day affects everyone in different ways. Whether it's a phone call to your mom or spending the day with your kids. I am a slave to Master but I am also a mother. I have two beautiful children. I realize I don't talk about my kids very often on this blog but I will say they are a very important part of my life. I love being a mom. Today I will be off the computer after doing this post and reading a few blogs. Master is making me breakfast and let me sleep in this morning. I will be spending the afternoon having a picnic with him and our children at our favorite park. There's no better way to spend Mother's day for me than that. We've already done the BBQ Friday with Master's mom. My mom lives far away so she will get a phone call and I already sent her out a package of a few goodies. So how does Mother's day affect you? How do you like to celebrate or remember? I have a question for all our blog readers today with it being Mother's Day. Which celebrity Mom would you like to spank or be spanked by? I was thinking of doing this for a survey question but instead will just put the question out there for everyone. My answer is Britney Spears. I can't believe she's pregnant again! Why did she marry that Kevin Fenderline?? It's one marriage I just don't understand. I'd love to spank her OTK and get her to wake up about that guy. I would love to hear your answers! If you're too shy to comment, send me an e-mail. Katie Holmes is now a mom, or how about Madonna or Brooke Shields? Who do you want over your knee or to spank you? If I get enough comments on this I will respost the answers tonight in a special Mother's day blog post. The big Survivor finale is tonight! Survivor is coming to an end and by the end of the day we all get to find out who wins! I am on pins and needles about it. I can't wait until tonight. Anyone else going to be watching tonight? Who do you want to win? I have had a wonderful weekend. Yesterday was amazing and I want to sit down and write about it very soon. We did a lot of play. I am sitting on an extremely sore ass. Master decided to push a few limits. I took one heck of a spanking with the crop and cane. He would use one toy and then switch to the other. I came very close to crying but I didn't. It was intense and I came several intense orgasms. I still feel horny today. Master and I played most of the day yesterday and late into last night. It was amazing! Does anyone want more details or more photos of it? How is everyone's weekend going? May the force be with you all!! Technorati tags: celebrity spanking, Survivor

Pink and playful

I'm pink and I'm playful. Anyone want to come over and play with me?? I'm dressed up in my new pink sheer lingerie and thong. Wearing my white innocent stockings and shoes. I am wearing my nipple rings. I have a pink flogger in my hands wanting to hand it to someone to spank me. I'm wearing my play collar. I have put soft strawberries and cream lotion all over my body to make it silky and smooth. I shaved my pussy and put in a butt plug. This photo was taken in the last hour. I wanted to show everyone how ready for some play I am. I'm so beyond aroused right now. As I type this post I'm sitting on a sore red ass from an OTK from Master. My pussy is dripping wet. Master told me to come do a blog post describing exactly what I am doing and wearing to our readers. So what is everyone doing right now? Is anyone else having some fun? Anyone else going to be fucking? Or cumming?? I havn't cum yet. Master has teased me. He's fingered my pussy to get it wet for him but told me to not cum. He's building me up to the most explosive orgasm yet. Oh for my orgasm denial to finally end! I am thinking of schiava right now. Wondering if she is now with her Master. Is she playing with him? We took many photos today just for her. I will be sending those off to her shortly. Pictures of me doing some naughty things. I was told to touch myself and think of her by Master. I can't wait to hear the details of how her night goes. Master added a new blinkie today. Thank you to Cheeky Angel for the Yoda blinkie. It's so cute. I love Yoda. He's cool! We added two new links. One to A Cry in the Dark and the other to Beau. Check them out if you get the chance. I added a few more Star Wars links thanks to my friend, belda. Thanks belda! It was good to chat with you this morning. I've been on orgasm denial all week and with the teasing I am ready to explode!! We have sitting all day and we are all alone. Master's told me we will be staying in and playing all day! I've been promised some good attention on my already sore ass. He has already asked me to bring down the cane. He wants to make sure it's good and sore so I know my place and am a good slut to him today. I am in a naughty girl mood. Willing to do whatever Master wants to cum!! ohhhhhhhh......sitting here with the butt plug up my ass and rubbing my clit is driving me over the edge. I am thinking of my sis in Rome with her Master...fantasizing about all the things they might be doing right now. Thinking of her wet pussy needy for her Master. Wanting to touch her pussy so badly. Wanting to go down on her...to give her pleasure. To make her moan and cum. ohhhhhh sis....I want you sooooooo badly!! ohhhhhhh Master....I am so horny for my sis. schiava sweetie...I hope you are having a wonderful night with your Master...you are on my mind and I was told I can cum thinking of you today.... So does anyone else want to see more pictures from today? We took some really hot shots. Master took a short video also of me masturbating for him. Rubbing my clit...spreading my legs wide Him. I love the new lingerie...makes me feel so sexy....so aroused. I'm a horny slave right now and needing to cum so badly!! I hope everyone is having a good Saturday....I know I am....grins. May the force be with you all!! Technorati tags: sex, lingerie, orgasm denial, bisexual, spanking

It's Thursday and HNT!

Sorry I am late getting my HNT photo up. My internet has gone down on me several times this morning. It's Thursday so that means it's HNT (Half-Nekkid Thursday) again! I decided today to put up two pictures for everyone's enjoyment. I am very proud of these photos and hope I get some feedback on them. I have been commenting on a lot of blogs lately and I'm not getting the comments coming back to our blog. I've given up a few blogs and deleted them from my blog list as they are either not updating their blog or stopped their blog or not commenting on our blog anymore. I have limited time in my day and my blog reading list is long enough that I spend sometimes an hour or more reading and commenting. If the comments don't come back at some point I have to give up. I find it all frustrating. I did add another blog link last night to CeeCi. I enjoy her blog a lot. Check it out if you get the chance. I am glad to be talking to my sis, schiava this morning. We are both on orgasm denial until Saturday. I'm horny and I'm glad to share in the orgasm denial with her. I can't wait until Saturday. Master has promised a very hot scene for that night for me. I get to wear my pink lingerie I bought for him at Wal Mart. We are planning to take lots of photos and take some video too. We have quite a few videos stored away of different scenes we have done. I love to look back on old play times and remember things we did. So how is everyone? It's Thursday and Survivor night. A big night to see who gets voted off the Island. The finale is Sunday. CSI and ER too. Mother's Day is around the corner. I already sent my Mom a card and present. For Master's mom we are throwing her a BBQ tommorow night as she won't be around on Sunday. I've been cleaning and preparing for that. I'm feeling much better. Thank you for all the get well wishes. I really hated being that sick. I feel like I am too busy to be sick. There's so much I want to get done for spring cleaning. Master and I tried out the breast bondage last Friday night for the first time. In the second photo you can see me helping tie my tit up tight and also having the clothespin on it. In the first photo you can see the full breast bondage and wax all over my titties. Master got me into such a full subspace by pouring a lot of wax from our spa big candle all over my chest after tying up my tits and putting the clothespins on both nipples. I can't tell you how restrictive it felt and how horny it made me. I have a high pain tolerance and I love to feel pain on my tits. The pain from my tits tends to go straight to my wet pussy. I would definatly try the breast bondage again. It made my tits so sore and sensitive for a day and I felt so sweetly submissive to Master afterwards. I thought I would share a story for Master to remind him of a Mother's day of the past. Last night I had terrible insomnia. All the sleeping I did with the flu made me feel rested and I couldn't sleep. So I read some blogs and then I started to look through old photos. I saw a section for Mom's day 2002 and it brought back a lot to me. It was a very special time for Master and I. We had a very special night together with nikki. I remember it like it was yesterday. I got my ICBC settlement a week before mother's day in 2002. My lawyer phoned me to tell me the cheque was there. I got a lot of money in that settlement. More than I could have imagined. I suffered a lot to get it. I almost died. I was in a serious head-on collision. They weren't even sure I would be able to walk for hours after the accident. My friend, S was driving and we bonded through it. She got a bigger settlement than me for damage to her leg. I was so excited to get the cheque. I got S to take me to the lawyer's and treated her for lunch. I phoned Master at work to let him know I was heading to the bank to deposit the cheque. He had gone through so much with me after the accident. I lost our baby a month after the accident. I went into a serious depression. I moved away from S, had the accident and lost a baby all in a month. I had to go on antidepressants. I couldn't even leave my house. Master and I's marriage was rocky at that time. I told him a few times after the accident that I wanted to end our relationship. I felt like a cripple and was in pain daily and hated the world, including him. I pushed him away. And yet he never gave up on me. He drove me back and forth to chiropractor visits and physio and massage therapy and the Doctor. He was my absolute rock. Our D/s was very shaky at this point of our relationship. I was uncertain of my role as his slave. This was before we married. Before the TPE. nikki asked if she could help me out and I really felt like I needed it at that point. So she took over by being his slave. She really helped us through that period of time. I lost my sex drive for a few months and she was able to take over for my slave responsiblities while I recovered. I never forgot how much she did for me during that time of my life. When I got my settlement I treated both nikki and Master Anakin to a special night for all they did for me during that time after my car accident. I cashed my cheque. Master told me it was my money and so I could decide what to do with it. So I asked my in-laws if they could take our son, young Skywalker for an overnight. They didn't want to take him more than one night as he was a pretty cranky baby. As a combination mother's day and getting my settlement I decided on one special night with my two favorite people. I booked a room at The Four Seasons Hotel in Vancouver. I booked a table at the Top of Vancouver restaurant. I rented a limo and I told them I would treat them both to a fantasy night. So we packed our bags and headed downtown for a special night of romance and kinky sex. The three of us in love and celebrating life. We had the best food at the Top of Vancouver. We played kinky games together during the dinner. I remember every detail of that dinner. I presented both of them with expensive watches. Both had engravings. We all left dinner. Master was so dominant with both of us that night. We were all dressed up. Having a lot of fun. We went shopping on Robson Street. We spent a lot of money. Then we headed back to our hotel for the night. The Four Seasons is a beautiful hotel. I loved every single moment of that night. We had a beautiful view of Downtown Vancouver from the top Floor corner suite. I ordered strawberries and chocolates and champagne. We got the very best. We watched a porno and nikki and I got ready for the night. I could barely keep my hands off of her that night. She looked so beautiful. We took a hot shower together in that huge bathroom. We dressed and put perfume on and got ready in the bathroom. Both dressed like school girls. Me in my red shirt and nikki in her green one. Both wearing white shirts and having our hair done up. I was a red head back then. nikki the brunette. Both wearing our outfits hoping to please Master. We were going to have fun together just the three of us. nikki couldn't resist Master either. He looked so dominant in his black tux. Hair slicked back. Smelling like a million bucks. Having that Darth look in his eyes. nikki and I made out for a bit before coming out to Master. I kissed her and let her know how much I adored her. We got very horny and came out to Master waiting for us fully dressed. He looked pleased that we were both looking like a bunch of horny school girls. nikki and I put on a show for Master. He sipped champagne and watched as nikki and I made out. I went down on her in front of him. I looked up a few times to see his reaction to us. He didn't say a word. Just watched as I gave her an orgasm with my tongue. Her body quivering as she came for me. Her and I pleased Master that night. He spanked us both. Got us to line up on the bed and he hit her ass and then mine. Made us both beg for it. nikki and I both had cherry red bottoms that night, we pleased Master by both helping to give him a blow job, and we both had many great orgasms. It was a memory I will never forget. We all slept together in that Queen Size bed after being together. Waking up in his arms and hers was incredible. I remember feeling on top of the world. I was thinking last night that it was one of the best nights of my life. There is truly nothing better than living out your fantasies and having someone special that you can share them with. I like to be open to new experiences and people. To feel like I have lived a lot. Since my accident I truly appreciate life. We chose to buy a townhouse just blocks from that accident as a reminder. I get to walk by it almost every day and get reminded just how close I had to losing my life. I am so grateful for Master and my sis. To my friends who I can trust and count on. I am grateful for S and our friendship. I would be dead if it wasn't for her. She was there for me when many others abandoned me after my accident. She refused to give up on me. I am so grateful to be able to say I have lived some incredible moments and made some incredible memories in my life. I hope everyone is having a good day! Right now I'll be grateful to get this blog post up after being offline for most of the morning. :) May the force be with you all!! Technorati tags: HNT, breast bondage, orgasm denial, bisexual,threesome

Recovering slave

I did a blog post and had it ready to publish and then the internet went down and I lost it. Urg!! Talk about pulling your hair out. I wanted to cry. I have a bunch of stuff I have to do today to catch up from being sick the last few days. I wanted to get this blog post up today though. I am still recovering from a bad bout of the flu. I was very sick yesterday and Master had to come home from work to take care of me. I am feeling so so today. I wish I felt better. Master is a good Papi and knows how to take care of a sick slave. I wanted to share a picture from Boris Vallejo called Vampire Kiss. My sis, schiava has it up on her blog. She recommended the artist to me and I loved his site. Check it out if you get time. He has some really good work. I was very impressed. She said that this picture reminds her of her and her Master. I totally agree. I see them a lot in this picture. It's so dark and erotic. I love it! I was so happy to chat with schiava this morning on yahoo chat. I had missed her so much. I was telling Master that she was on orgasm denial til she sees her Master on Saturday. I'm so happy for my sis!! She gets to see her Master for a overnight on Saturday and gets to finally cum after a long orgasm denial. Master got a few ideas from this. He told me that I would also be on orgasm denial. So my sis and I will suffer sweetly together. He wants me fully recovered from the flu and he thought it would be interesting to share in this experience with my sis. My last orgasm was last Saturday night. So that is one week for me with no orgasm. My sis and I can tease each other the next few days and both talk of how horny we are. I will know she's going to be allowed to cum around the same time as me. The thought of going through orgasm denial with her really turns me on. I had a big smile on my face about it. :) I have added two links to my blog recently. Single Gal is from Vancouver and I enjoy her blog a lot. I got my latest quiz from her. Thanks Single Gal! I also put up a link to Spanked Minxy Wife. I have enjoyed her blog a lot. Check out these blogs if you get the chance! I am sad to see my really good friend, spankergood end his blog. I will miss The Naked Truth a lot. He did his last blog post for it. I'm so glad he's my friend and I am glad he's going to keep in touch. :) I watched Big Love yesterday. I sure enjoy that show. I am addicted now. It always gives me a lot to think about. I fantasize about Master having another wife sometimes. I see Margene and think of nikki. Think of a life we almost had. We talked about combining families at one point. The problem is she had a ex who wouldn't have understood just like mine. We were afraid of being judged about it. So we kept our secret relationship a secret. She was Master's slave too and we shared him together but we were afraid to let others know. I really recommend that show to people. I really find it really real. I look forward to seeing it each week. Master and I had a really good conversation about it last night before bed. I bought Master a beautiful pink see through nightie with matching thong from Wal Mart this morning. I want to surprise him on Saturday with it. I love to buy new lingerie for him. It makes things interesting and creates a mood for us. I want to take some photos of me in it for my sis. I like to take special photos with her that I only share with her like my pussy photos or really sexual poses. She got a glimpse of my HNT photo for tommorow. It's very hot! It's something new that we tried and took many photos of. Stay tuned tommorow for that! :) My order from Love Nest came yesterday. Master bought me a few things as a treat on Saturday. We got express delivery and it arrived yesterday. On a day I was really having a hard time with things. I don't remember the last time I was this ill. I think this year I'll get the flu shot. Master got me O'My lubricant and a heating pad that says I love you on it and also a new small butt plug. I replace my butt plug every year. I love the O'My lubricant and wouldn't use anything else. I won't ever use KY again. Yuck! I love the heating pad. It just bends and becomes hot and he's able to put it on my back or neck when my arthritis is acting up. Thanks Master! You truly do spoil me and I'm a lucky slave. I know I probably have a spanking coming this weekend for some attitude to Master. I havn't been at my best with being sick. I'm sorry to Master for not being the best slave. My ass needs some attention from your belt or hands or paddle. Or maybe your crop...or the cane. or...find a switch from outside your work in the forest and use it on my poor ass. I am going to dye my hair today light blonde. Clairol has a new 1-minute color pre-treatment that is just wonderful. I find my hair is so smooth and beautiful for a few days. I love being a blonde. I'm not sure I could ever go back to being a red head. I am also going to try to work on my tan a bit. I want to look hot and sexy for Master. My force is still a bit weak and I am needing Master today. I am missing him at work a lot. I am slowly getting stronger and can't wait to get things back to normal. I hate being sick. May the force be with you all!! Technorati Tags: orgasm denial, CockBlogging Wednesday, Big Love, bisexual

Quiz from single gal

Libra You are so popular, you have your choice of hotties. You can easily charm anyone of your choosing, and you often come home with someone you picked up at the bar. Despite your forward and extraverted nature, you are usually submissive in bed. You like your partner to take the lead and show you all of their little secrets. Sex matches: Gemini, Sagittarius, Aquarius Take this quiz at QuizUniverse.com

The Art of Erotic (blog) Photography

I wanted to share some thoughts on the erotic photos padme and I post on Journey to the Darkside. In this photograph, my padme waiting to be taken from behind, after a good, sound spanking. Taking erotic photographs for our blog has quite an adventure for me as the photographer and just as much or more for my favorite model, padme. It's been my honest pleasure to share some of our favorite erotic photos with all of you; your critical and positive feedback is what makes it all worth while. I wanted to share some of my thoughts on the art of these erotic photographs. Perhaps you could call this things I've discovered along the way. I had no idea I'd enjoy taking erotic photographs so much. Certainly, one can look online and perhaps in adult magazines and see lots of naked flesh, but it seemed to me that it was less often art and more often just nudity. The erotic photograph, as I see it, is more. It is nudity plus fantasy, mystery, and temptation. It has been a challenge to take these photos for all of you, but I'm glad they are appreciated. Challenging as well has been the necessity of "no face shots" on the blog for our own privacy needs. Okay, I've got some great nudes with padme's face, but there just for her and me to enjoy. So, there I was, desire, but little wisdom. How do I take erotic photos I'm actually proud of, I wondered as I set out. My first efforts, despite my earnest and beautiful model, padme, were not that good. Perhaps in hindsight there were a few things wrong; they were rushed, unplanned, poorly lit with lots of distracting backgrounds. But that to me seemed the key; that everything that was wrong with the photos could be used to suggest what to do right. I would have a photography session, and then take each photo and and ask, why did this work, and why did it not work? It came down to the same things again and again...bad lighting, bad backgrounds, bad poses because of rushing or no planning whatsoever. Oh yeah, and the photography equipment I had was wanting. So I've been working on each of these elements over the life of the blog and will continue to work on as my photographic skills improve. I'm reading photography books, reading some great photography websites and blogs, learning more about advanced Photoshop more and more, and continuing to study why my photographs and other people's work and do not work. Lighting: Many of photos don't work for me because of bad lighting. Well, not bad, but lighting that doesn't work in the photograph. You can't see much, or it's all washed out from the glare of too much light from the camera flash. Getting it right is an art. Get some lamps, try not using the flash built into the camera, angle the lights. Try something different. Backgrounds: It's hard to see the model as the central focus of an erotic photo with the cat and a pile of laundry and a few toys laying around in the background. Cropping the photo can help, and Photoshop can remove distracting objects to some extent, but it's easier to just not have the distractions there in the first place with a carefully chosen set and backdrop sheet. Poses: I let my padme try poses, but only I, the photographer, can see though the lens and my padme very much listens to me when I'm taking her photo. The subtlest change in the position of her hands for example can make or break a good shot. So take the time to arange the photo, and I also looked at suggested poses in a modeling book. Equipment: Much as I'd like to have the latest and greatest $25,000 medium format digital camera, I don't think I'm at that level where I need such things. You can do a lot for a great deal less. My best results for lighting so far have been free (sunlight, indoor lights) or almost free (a spot lamp I bought for $2 used). I've used a white cotton sheet for some dramatic effect in some of my black and white photos like the one above. I got an excellent tripod, and it's been a great help in many of my shots; rock steady, no blur, even in low lighting. My camera is just okay, not the top of the line at all. It isn't the camera, it's what you do with it that counts. Well, there it is, my thoughts on the erotic photography you see on this blog. My padme is such a sweet model; how can I resist taking photographs of her? She's my inspiration. Check out our pictures links or browse our blog archives and have a look, then leave a comment or an email. My poor padme is sick today, and I've come home from work to take care of her. I've just tucked her into bed for an afternoon nap. Take care and sleep tight, my slave. And may the Force be with her, and you all. Technorati Tags: erotic photography, nude photography, model

Tied up slave

I thought I would put up a photo today of me being tied up with Master's Valentine's day tie. I am wearing my black nightie and red thong. I really love this photo. Love the feeling of being tied up and at his mercy. With my hands behind my back he has access to my front side to do as he pleases. We did a little bondage this weekend and it was fun and exciting. I am having a very hard time coming down from our weekend. I feel like I am crashing today. I feel insecure and overwhelmed. I want Master here taking care of me and things. I know he has to work though and I try to not bug him with my silly emotions. I am glad to be chatting with my friend, belda today on yahoo. I feel lonely and a bit down and she's helped me a lot. My sis, schiava and I didn't get to talk very long this morning. She had to leave quickly and couldn't get back on yahoo. I sure miss her. I never got a chance to tell her about my weekend with Master. I hope she likes the photos I sent to her. I plan to put up a hot HNT photo this Thursday of our Friday night. We tried something new and I can't wait to talk more about it on Thursday. I was so touched by the poem Master put up for me yesterday. He's so romantic and I love that he expresses himself so well. I enjoyed our weekend so much. I enjoyed the feeling of a sore ass as I worked for him yesterday. We cleaned our bedroom and did some redecorating. I felt very owned. He watched my every move. He controlled me so tight all weekend. It's hard to have him not here today. My emotions are all over the place and I need him so bad. I ate some red meat this weekend and I've felt so sick since. I havn't eaten a hamburger for almost 2 years and was craving one for some odd reason. I was curious of what a hamburger tasted like. But now my stomach has been aching. I am a half vegetarian. I only eat chicken and seafood but no red meats. Feeling this sick makes me remember why I don't eat beef. It may taste good but it really screws up your system. I have learned my lesson of ever eating a hamburger again. Master bought me a light blonde hair dye on the weekend and I am going to use that today for him. I've been working more on my tan. I also am trying hard to lose another 5-10 pounds. This week I am doing my detox diet. No alcohol or sweets and drinking only water and green tea. I am on a strict diet mostly eating veggies and fruits. I like to do this a few times a year to get my system detoxed and myself feeling better. I will push myself hard with Master's help to do better with my health and appearance. Caught the Sopranos last night. It's sure getting interesting. Survivor finale is coming up next Sunday. For some reason I thought it was last night but I was wrong. I love the feeling of our newly redecorated home. Master bought a beautiful picture from the Art Gallery for our livingroom. He's also bought many other small items for the kitchen and place. It looks like a new place. The key is trying to keep it clean with two young kid's running around. Master gave me a few spankings this weekend to encourage me to clean and work hard. It is all worth it for a beautiful place. It feels good. My ass got paddled and strapped a few times and I loved having that sore feeling as I sat on my behind last night to watch TV. We got lots of sitting time this weekend and time to play and be together. It was incredible and Master was amazing. I've been doing a lot of reflecting in the last few days. I feel very uncertain about a few friendships in my life. There are certain qualities which are important to me in a friendship and loyalty is number 1. There are very few people I can honestly count on at this point of my life. A few people have disappeared from my life and I am not sure why. Others disappeared and hurt me by not giving me any answers. There are a few friendships I miss having. I miss nikki sometimes. I also miss my ex husband and I being friends. I can't trust him anymore. He's friend's with the man who raped me. My ex is not loyal and I can't trust him now. My ex and I are just civil to one another. We communicate because of our daughter. The friendship that was there even after our divorce is now over. I am fiercly loyal to the people I love and would do anything for them. I get my horoscope delivered to my e-mail every day. Today's was kind of interesting what it said about libra today: {You may feel reflective today and inclined to search your soul in order to better understand yourself. A need to understand how your past has affected your present and may affect your future could help you attain new insights about the person you are. Consider taking a meditative journey in which you examine your current thoughts and feelings in the context of your past experiences. You may want to look through old mementos in order to stimulate your memory or to ask your loved ones questions about your past to help you remember particular situations. In order to sort through your emotions, you may need to write down everything that comes to mind. You can then use what you write today as a guide when you begin analyzing your past, present, and hopes for the future. Deep contemplation is one of the easiest ways to gain insight into the person you’ve become. Your history and the values you hold dear are instrumental in shaping your personality and your life. When you take the time to understand yourself better, the information you discover could help you make more satisfying and enriching choices in the future. Reflect upon your life today, and you will give yourself the tools to break old patterns, make proactive choices, and release what is no longer serving your life purpose. } It gave me a lot to think about today. I think I will try to do some meditating today. My force isn't very strong today and I want to mentally cleanse myself as well as physically this week. Get rid of negative energy around me and surround myself with people who love me and are my friend's and loved ones. I am spring cleaning my home but also my life. I desire to become a better slave to Master. One that is positive and strong and loyal to the end. Hope everyone had a good weekend. May the force be with you all!! Technorati Tags: bondage, meditation

A poem I wrote for padme

I wanted to share with our readers one poem that I wrote for My padme right before we married. I shared this poem with our friends and family. My padme is grounded from the computer today as we are spring cleaning our home. My slave is working for Me today with a sore ass and a submissive atttitude. Nothing like a good paddling and time with my belt on her sweet ass to make her more aligned with my purposes and submissive to Me. My beautiful padme, Upon the Shore Upon these shores, of sparkling water, come live with me and be my love, my soul mate, my mirror, to witness forever in the dancing reflections, the oracle of sunscaped waters. ~ Time will take us down this path, and tarry here in Harrison, with me on this good Earth, our special place, of greatest worth. ~ These works best our judgment day, children, love, and how we chose to live, in past, forever and today. ~ all that I am to be, and all that I am today, leads back to you, and in us to that end. ~ I marvel, witnessing your way, your unrelenting courage, your sense of justice, and of kindness, and of peace, and how deeply you feel the world. ~ My lamb, my shepherd, your sense of pleasure in the small, a simple life, well lived, destined, divined these riches beyond compare. ~ In my arms, and thoughts, and dreams, I am always with you, and you with me, to live these days, our time and treasure, make good, this life, this love, good measure. ~ And in your gentle words, and softer voices, there lives forever, and the moment, intertwined. ~ Frail intellect shall not fathom, time stood complete and still, the source of all things good on Earth, by grace of God, and love's omnipotent will. ~Love Anakin~

Movie and a paddling

What a day for me. I wanted to write my blog post while things are still fresh in my mind. I got back about an hour ago from going out on a date with Master. He took me out for lunch and to see Mission Impossible 3 and then out for Ice Cream. Thanks Papi!! You're the best! He sure knows how to treat his girl. Before we left for our date I got a taste of his Master's Anakin's paddle. My ass was nicely sore for lunch and the movie. I love sitting on a sore behind when we go out on a date. I tend to feel so submissive. I really enjoyed the movie. Master and I were talking about how close we came to naming skywalker, Ethan based on the second movie. I really love the character of Ethan Hunt. I was blown away by this one. I recommend this movie to anyone looking for a little escape tonight. I decided to put up a photo of me wearing my new lingerie from La Senza that he bought me last weekend. It's so soft and silky. I love to wear it for Master. It makes me feel so sexy. It matches my light blue thong I bought from Wal Mart. He's been spoiling me rotten. Master told me that we might place an online order tonight for some sex toys. I can't wait! There are so many things that I want. I'm hoping to beg for a few things. The Oscar De La Hoya fight is also on tonight on pay per view in Las Vegas. I can't wait! I love De La Hoya "The Golden Boy" and I'm hoping Master might let me watch the fight. I love boxing. I have memories of watching my Dad box as a kid. He taught me how to box when I was very young. It was one of the few good memories I have with my Dad. De La Hoya is fighting Ricardo Mayorga . I really hope he wins. I think he's a sexy man and a great fighter! I can't wait to watch the fight. Anyone else catching it tonight? Does anyone else like boxing? I had a wonderful night last night and will write a blog post soon about it. Master and I watched Star Wars Episode 2 last night and then we played after our son went to bed. Our daughter has gone camping and our son went to bed earlier than normal. We got lucky and got hours of play time. I will blog about it sometime this week and share a few photos we did if anyone wants to see them. We tried something new last night and I plan to blog about it soon. :) My tits and ass are sore today. I had a wonderful night with Master. I really enjoyed watching Episode 2 with him. Especially know with us having our Star Wars blog. I looked at him and called him Annie a few times. Anakin and padme are so much like Master and I. I remember having to keep my love a secret too many years ago. It felt like our love was forbidden. I was married to another man when we started having a affair. I couldn't help my feelings for Master just like padme. I was sad to hear my dear friend, spankergood is giving up his blog. I admit I worry too someone I know will see this blog. But blog or not blog...he's my friend and I'm glad he's my friend. :) I woke up this morning to sexy photos from my sis, schiava. I was wet looking at them. She is so hot and beautiful. I had a fantasy of her after seeing the photos. How I wanted to peel off her black lingerie right off her body and touch her everywhere. We rented a porno last night called Fetish Nation. There was a really hot girl on girl scene and I couldn't help but touch myself and think of my beautiful submissive sister. Fantasizing of her pussy spread open for me to go down on her. The different ways I would give her so much pleasure. In my fantasy our Masters are watching us together. They are taking photos of us as we go down on one another. Ohhhhhhh my sis makes me so wet.....and my imagination goes wild with my desire for her. Master fingered me to a orgasm after I saw her photos and I was so wet. I begged for it. I've been horny all day. He told me to cum thinking of her and I did. Master joked that he might need some viagra soon. He told me he thinks I am reaching my sexual peek. We have fucked a lot in the last few weeks. It didn't help he was dressed up so preppy today in his new clothes he had bought. He looked so damn sexy and smelled wonderful in his Axe cologne. I have wanted to jump him all day. All I can think of is his big cock in my pussy. We shared a hot shower together and then he got his paddle and got me to lean over the bed. He wanted me to have a sore ass to know my place before we left. So I assumed the position and he paddled me 30 times hard. I was naked and dripping wet from the shower. He told me to lean over the bed and stick my ass in the air and then he made me count each paddle. I had to bite my lip a few times to try to take the strokes of the paddle. "Don't move, bitch" he demanded. I really tried hard to take them all but it was hard. Master can sure swing that paddle when he's in a spanking mood. My ass felt it for hours. I was uncomfortable sitting during lunch and felt it during parts of the movie. Master has a way of hitting the sit spot so I can really feel it when sitting. I am hoping Master will spank me tonight and give me a little more attention. I want more play time!! Hope everyone is having a good weekend. What's everyone up to? I looked for a few friends on messenger and yahoo but no one seemed to be around today? :) May the force be with you all!! Technorati Tags: paddling, bisexual, De la Hoya, MI3

Sugarclick

My good friend, bonnie just let me know that our blog was reviewed by Sugarclick. I had to go take a peek. It was interesting. I agree with bonnie that it's a mixed type of review. It's always interesting to read about what others think of this blog. I admit I am pretty sensitive to what others think of this blog. In the end I know this was a place for me to come express myself and to get closer to my Master. If people like us they will read us. Our stats are higher than ever and I am very proud of all the work we have put into our blog. I put hours of my day into thinking of my posts and which pictures to put up. I am one of the few bloggers to post something every day. We spend hours of our weekend doing photos and we share our sex life openly with others. In the review it called my writing awkward. I know they were not referring to Master as he is a great writer. I admit that I have many spelling errors and am not a very good writer. I just try to be honest and real in my writing and I often write just for Master and sometimes don't check my posts before publishing. I almost lost my blog post today but my Griz was able to talk me through it and get it up again. Thanks Griz! I admit that I'm blonde and I am not good with computers or writing. I just thought I would post the Sugarclick review and I thank them very much for reviewing us. If anyone is interested take a peek at it. I'd be curious of your feedback to the review and your thoughts. I love feedback on our blog. It's important to me. I hope everyone is having a good afternoon. I wish Master was home so bad! I want our weekend to begin. May the force be with you all!!

Spank me Master!

I'm hoping if I put up a photo today for my blog post Master might get a few ideas and give me a much needed spanking tonight! Please spank me Master. :) I could really use one. I wish I could say I was sore on my ass but it's my back sore today from the cleaning yesterday. We spent all day cleaning up carpets from the bottom to the top. We live in a 3 level townhouse so this was a lot of work. It looks great and smells fresh and clean. I've been spring cleaning our place and getting organized. The winter stuff gets put away and the summer stuff comes out. This beautiful weather we are having has given me some energy. Today I am too stiff and sore to do much. I wish Master was home. I'm glad it's Friday and the weekend is almost here. It was a lot of work. I hope everyone likes this photo of my ass with "spank me" on it and the razor strop he used on it right on top of my ass before he spanked me with it. I love the razor strop we have. He bought it from the Flea Market. Best 60 bucks we have ever spent. I saw it and had to get it. It's so traditional and I get horny thinking about how many bottoms that strop has strapped. It is my second favorite spanking toy. The first is Master's belt. :) I try to be a good house slave to Master. I love to have a beautiful place for Master to come home too. One of my rules is to go kiss him every single time he walks in the door. I must drop what I am doing and go straight to him and kiss him to show him how happy I am to him see. This is sometimes hard when I am in the middle of cooking or the kid's but I've always tried to obey that rule. I like to tidy up half a hour before he comes home just so the place is clean. I often put on make up and clean myself up too. I think a hard working Master deserves to be pampered at the end of a long day. I miss working sometimes but I do enjoy being able to be there when he comes home and to spend the time I can with him and making our home nice. I had a 3 way conference on yahoo this morning with Griz and my sweetie, schiava. It was a lot of fun! I'm glad schiava could meet my good friend, Griz. Griz and good girl have become my really good friends. I really think they are great people and I hope Griz is recovering from his accident. I've enjoyed chatting on yahoo with him today. It's find to hard friend's like that. I was a little afraid to trust others from the internet after a very bad experience a few months ago with two people who pretended to be our friend's. I admit I am still sore over that. I really try hard to pretend that chapter never happened. The one good thing that happened out of it was schiava. She taught me what it's like to have a real woman who you can share a deep connection with. She is honestly like my sister. Words cannot express how much she has come to mean to me. I havn't felt this way about another women since nikki all those years ago. I never thought I'd share that bond with another woman again but I have. A interesting conversation has come up recently with Master and I. I can't mention any names. A woman who I met through the blogs has brought up getting spanked by my Master. Perhaps meeting one day and getting spanked by him. Master was a bit surprised when I came to him about it but intrigued. There wouldn't be sex but it would just be a spanking. So Master and I had a interesting talk. He enjoys spanking other women. He misses spanking nikki. He has been thinking a lot recently of finding another woman to spank. I sometimes think I should be jealous of other women but I find it really turns me on. I enjoyed in the past seeing him spank other women. I know he is wonderful about Master R. He shares me with him. I enjoy sharing Master with other women. Many may judge me for it but I am very comfortable in my role as slave to him. He controls everything. If he wants to spank another woman that is up to him. Master has a big cock and I enjoy sharing that with other women. nikki and I shared Master in all ways. He was available 24/7 to her and he took care of her. He helped her financially. He helped her emotionally. I shared him in every way to her. Her and I were so close that I had no problems or jealousy over it. nikki told me that she was a bit jealous of me actually. That she wanted what Master and I had. So she searched for other Doms as Master wasn't able to give the ultimate commitment of living together with her. Recently Master told me that Margene from Big Love reminded him of nikki. I have to say that I agree. When I saw Margene I almost died. She is just like nikki right down to her looks. I told Master that Bill reminds me of aspects of him also. The parts in Big Love about the viagra and the sexual demands reminds me of Master trying to satisfy nikki and I both at one point. He is 7 years older than me and 8 from nikki. We had high sex drives and he was trying to keep us both happy. I know he considered viagra at one point. I love that show. I got a e-mail from Stiletto Girl today. I was really glad to hear from her. She gave me a big smile this morning. I hope she's doing ok. I'm sure jealous of her tantra chair she got in the mail. I would love to get one. Master and I want to go sex store shopping very soon. We have been buying a lot of things recently but I really want some new toys. TGIF to everyone! Survivor was great. Shane's off now. It's getting really good. I really want to go see Mission Impossible 3 this weekend. I'm not a Tom fan but I liked the first two movies a lot. I can't wait til play night tonight. Time alone with Master ...ohhhhhhh I can't wait. I've been sweetly suffering for Master...and I want to cum so bad!!! I'm horny and needy for Master... May the force be with you all!! Technorati Tags: spanking, bisexual, razor strop, Big Love, survivor

Happy HNT!!

Happy HNT (Half-Nekkid Thursday) to everyone!! How is everyone? I wanted to do my blog post before Master gets to work so he can see my ass and read my post as soon as he gets there. Sometimes I write better when things are fresh in my mind. I just got fucked 20 minutes ago and I am sitting here with Master's cum in my pussy. He told me to not clean up for 10 minutes after he left. I want to feel it in me for a while as I write this post. I am so horny. I love morning quickies. I got up early and the kid's were still asleep. He woke up with a hard on and had a big sadistic smile. Pushed me right on the bed. I hadn't even combed my hair yet. The sun shining through our bedroom window and the birds chirping. He was in the mood and wanted to fuck me hard. "Bitch. You are going to keep my cum in your pussy when I leave for work. Your my little sperm bank and your not going to get any release. Your not allowed to cum. Don't even try to beg for it. You must suffer sweetly today for me. If your a good girl you might be allowed tommorow night for our play night," he said with a smile. He grabbed me by my neck and drew me close to him for a passionate kiss. He made sure to squeeze hard so I could hardly breathe which just got me more horny. He fucked me hard and I admit I wanted to cum. I knew better to not ask though. I got fucked hard as he wrapped his fist in my blonde hair and rode me from behind. He came and got ready for work and gave me a kiss and swat on my ass as he left for work. I am sure Master will have a big smile on his face as he arrives for work this morning. "You better be a good girl today or you'll be having a taste of my belt, slave" he said as he left. ohhhhhhh Master...you left behind a horny slave. I can't stop thinking of you. Needing you...wanting you badly... I get a lot of requests for photos of my spanked ass so today since I am so horny I thought I would put one up from last weekend. Wearing my new blue thong and lingerie. He wrote "spank me" on my ass with a marker and then used his Master's Anakin's paddle to redden my ass and the razor strop. You can see my red little ass in this photo. Just seeing this photo is making me want more!! I love the feel of that razor strop on my ass. The soft leather biting into my butt. YUM! The red patches are from that dreaded paddle. It sure is solid and comes down hard. I'd love to hear some feedback on the photo!! I hope to hear from a few reader's today!! What do you think? I'm talking to my submissive sister, schiava on yahoo right now. I wanted to come online as soon as Master left and let her know that I had just been fucked and was sitting here at the computer chair with cum coming out of my pussy and down my leg. I'm so horny and needy of Master right now. I wish I lived closer to her. I have so many fantasies of things I would love to be doing with her right now. I hope my sis knows how much she means to me. I really feel grateful for our special friendship. I know that it's so hard to find someone who you can connect to the way I have connected to her. We are able to talk about anything. I don't ever want to lose her. sweetie...if your reading this just know that you are the most beautiful and sexy woman I have ever known and I adore you! We worked hard on the bunk beds for the kid's yesterday and our son slept in his room for the first time last night. It was strange to not have him in our room. Master and I went shopping at Wal mart last night and spent a lot of money. I am really enjoying having so much money to play with right now. Our place is really looking up and we are discussing possibilities for different trips we want to take and toys we want to buy. That large wide screen tv is starting to look tempting right now!! Master has promised me some different toys from Love Nest too. We might try to go shopping this weekend for some sex toys!! I can't wait! I would really like to get a better vibrator than the one I have and also a new sexy outfit for dress up or maybe some bondage accessories. Survivor, CSI and ER tonight! Always a big night for tv in our house for Thursdays. I loved having Master home yesterday and wish he was at home again today. I was going to call Master R this morning and ask him when he wants to get together. I miss getting spanked by him. I am in such a good mood this morning. Life feels good. I feel grateful for what I have in my life. I feel so happy and connected to Master. I love to be his slave! May the force be with you all!! Technorati Tags: HNT, bisexual, quickie

Busy slave

I am a busy slave today and have been given ten minutes to do a quick blog post and then I am off the computer for today. Master and I have a lot of work ahead of us today. He has taken the day off today. It's been nice to have him home. He tends to keep a eye on things and things tend to get done. Master is a major perfectionist. It can be hard for me sometimes. He wants things organized and precise. A major neak freak. I like things clean too but he will obsess about it. I wish we could be fucking right now. I would love to be fucking him like in this photo from the movie, Showgirls. I loved that sex scene. So hot and erotic. I fucked Master in a pool once. It was intense. We snuck into the pool at Bally's at night. I don't think anyone saw us but who knows. The pool was closed and we couldn't resist a late night dip after the slots. I would have to say it was one of the hottest sexual experiences of my life. Every time I see that scene in Showgirls it reminds me of that night with Master back in 1998. I love Las Vegas. I have great memories there with both Master and the time I went with my sister back in 2000. For getting pregnant with Master's son my reward was a first class trip to Las Vegas with my sister. We stayed in Bally's. I won big money at the slots and my sister and I lived a first class lifestyle for a few days. I think about Vegas a lot. Especially on days like today when I am stuck inside cleaning and sorting and setting things up. I will go back to memories I shared in Vegas. Some songs like Sting's Desert Rose bring it all back. It was a big song down in Vegas when I was there and they kept playing that song over and over again. Sipping tropical drinks with my sister in the hot sun. Hitting the slots and showgirls at night. I want to go back so badly and have been begging Master. I want to renew my wedding vows to him there. At the place he proposed...at that beautiful waterfall outside the Mirage. We have the money and I want to fly away. I had a dream last night of being on a plane. You can be who you want in Vegas. What happens there stays there. I love it! I remember getting a spanking in Vegas. Master spanking my ass for being a naughty girl by spending too much at the slots one night. We got back to our room and he took me over his knee to spank my ass. I want to escape. I want to fly to Italy to see my sis, schiava too. I chatted with her on yahoo this morning. I feel very close to her right now. I'm so glad to have another woman in my life who truly understands the lifestyle. She understands my level of slavery to Master. I am falling for her and want to be with her badly. I have fantasies sometimes of going to Italy and what it would be like to meet her and her Master. The different ways I would like to pleasure her and make her moan. She is one of the most beautiful and exotic women I have ever seen and I am captivated by her beauty. I'm glad to share this with the world...how I feel for my submissive sister. Today is a big day in our household. Our son, skywalker is moving out of our bedroom. He shares our room with us. He's turned 5 and it's about time he has his own space. It's hard having two beds in our room too. There isn't much room to move around. We got a 2 bedroom townhouse after I got my ICBC settlement from my car accident. I wish we could have afforded a 3 bedroom at the time but he couldn't. It was a brand new place and it was pretty expensive so we settled on the 2 bedroom and princess got her own room. She has agreed to share her room if we would buy them bunk beds. So today Master and his Dad and setting the wooden bunk beds up so they can share the bedroom. Going to make it cool with a entertainment center and game system hooked up and dvd player. I bought them new posters. They get the works. We are excited as we get our bedroom back to ourselves and our son is getting a little more independant. We hope one day to buy a 3 bedroom house. That is our ultimate goal. Our financial situation has improved so much lately that we are hoping maybe later this year or next to buy a bigger place and move. It's very exciting!! We went shopping this morning for household stuff and stuff for their room. Our kid's are very excited. With having our bedroom back it will be better for privacy with Master and I. These bunk beds come apart so they can have their own beds too if we move. Master got a bunch of clothes today and new shoes and stuff for himself and wanted to buy me spring clothes. We didn't find anything I liked though so we plan to go again this weekend. Master gave me a slap on my ass at the mall just because. He had a big smile on his face. I am really enjoying my time with Master and feeling closer than ever to him. I was told I might get some spanking time tonight after the kid's go to bed. He told me he's horny again. He's had a high sex drive lately. Usually it's me wanting more but lately it's been him wanting sex constantly. It's like he has a constant hard on. :) I am going to put up a photo for HNT tommorow from the weekend. So stay tuned for that! Thank you to all who commented on my last blog post. I really do love the comments I get and I read them over many times. I enjoy hearing how people are doing. Our stats have gone up with our blog in the last few weeks. I just want to let our readers know that we enjoy sharing our life with our readers. This has brought Master and I closer and we are enjoying getting to know others who understand our lifestyle. I am so glad to be opening up more on my blog and being able to open up about my deep dark desires in the bdsm. I am proud to be Master's slave. I got the whistle from Master so I must go. Every time he wants my attention he whistles at me and I have to drop what I am doing and go to him. I am off the computer til tommorow morning now... May the force be with you all!!

slave to Master Anakin

I am writing this blog post today mostly to get some feelings out and share a hot photo of me in a rubber fetish outfit. I have my black thong, fishnet stockings, black shoes and my rubber fetish outfit on. Master bought this outfit at Cabbages and Kinks before it burned down. I love the feel and smell of rubber. It's so tight on me. It makes me feel like a slave when I get into that outfit. It's so naughty of a outfit. I'll have to show other photos of how the backside looks on this outfit. It shows off the ass very nicely. :) I am holding our riding crop which remains one of my favorite spanking toys used on my ass. There is just something about the feel of that crop on my ass which I am adddicted to. I love it! Master used it this last weekend on my ass and I carry a few small bruises still from it. We pushed some limits. Did some very rough play. Things got intense. Today I am more submissive than I have in a very long time. I know that if Master was to give me any order right now like to go put the butt plug in my ass I would do it. I would do anything for him. My submissive in my soul goes deep right now. I thought I would share a bit of a journey of how I became a slave to Master Anakin. I remember the day I found bdsm on the computer. It was a defining moment for me. I stayed up all night reading information on the computer. I knew I had found a part of myself that day. June 28, 1997 I was on the computer and doing some searching. Master and I had a traditional relationship from the very start but I was resisted it. My first marriage was very vanilla and I was terribly unhappy in that relationship. I was partying too much and out of control and spending way too much money. My ex is wealthy but at the time he was just starting his carear and we didn't have a lot of money. I was spending like crazy and we were in debt. We were both cheating on one another. When I left my ex husband for Master a lot of people were angry but I knew inside I was doing the right thing. I am a better person and mother and friend and daughter and wife since being with Master. I credit him for being who I am today. I fought the traditional marriage in those early days. Confused by my feelings. Wanting to submit but also used to getting my own way in my first marriage. Master wouldn't have it any other way. We fought like crazy in those days. Fucked with passion but fought like anything. Some fights wound up with him chasing me down the street and spanking me in a public park. Also one night he spanked me in front of some friend's after I drank too much at a club we went too. Master is very open to people that I am a traditional wife. My sister jokes that I am a Stepford wife. I love our life and how far we have come. I live a comfortable life and get treated like a princess. We have a lot of money and know there is a lot more money coming in our future. We are talking of getting a house one day. We have two good kids. I just feel like we are so lucky and blessed right now. People ask me how I got to the this point. I remember back in 1997 reading the article Violence in the Garden by Polly Peachum and it greatly affecting me. I read it over many times before printing it out to show Master. I could relate to so much of what she was writing. I decided that night that I wanted to be a slave to Master. I wanted to hand over the control to him. He was intrigued as we already were doing spankings and having a traditional marriage. So we started slow and I joined Latches, a group for submissive women. I met amber there who is Master R's slave. I met many wonderful women. I started to get the support and when Master R came into my life things really began to change. He mentored me and helped to train me. He's an experienced public Dom who has many slaves and I am so thankful he took the time to help me work through my issues. I stopped resisting the control. I started to become more comfortable as my role as his slave. I got kicked out of Latches because I wasn't posting enough. I was busy during that time and wanted to mostly lurk. I didn't think some of the women also understood my need for wanting a TPE relationship. I believe in my role as a slave and it goes very deep inside of me. I don't share a lot about how rough things go or how kinky we have gotten mostly out of fear. I worry people will judge me. So many people have judged us through the years. People didn't understand why we wanted an open relationship or why I was bisexual. I suffered through some very hurtful comments. So over the years I have buried so much inside of me. I was in isolation for a long time before finding patty's blog and deciding that I wanted to do my own blog. I was glad to find the network of other spankos. I am very glad right now for this blog. I've met some wonderful friends and you all know who you are! I have my amazing sis, schiava in my life. It's helped me to reconnect with Master R again and also old friends. I am opening myself up more. I've learned that I love erotic photos and how sexy it makes me feel. And most importantly, I feel closer than ever to Master Anakin. This blog has bonded us. Made us closer. Made us examine the lifestyle more and open up to discussions about bdsm. Last night I was reading kaya's blog and I asked Master to read it. The blog post My Mantra deeply affected me and I really wanted him to read it. We had a great discussion after about it. I love her blog. Some people's writing really affects me. I feel like I can relate to what they are writing about. toy's blog is a lot like that too. I love her writing. They write about the deep dark desires inside of me. How deep my submission runs to Master. toy's blog post moved me this morning. I am so moved by her level of slavery to her Master. I had a great talk this morning with my sis about it. I'm so glad to know I'm not alone. That there are others who understand me. I added another link today. Alebeard's Kink Blog. I really loved his blog and the pictures. I have begged Master to join Paintoy. I think it looks so hot! I drool over the samples they have there. I am a TPE slave and I live a it 24/7. This is my life. Master controls me and I love it. I beg for more. To go more extreme. To take me to that place we both want to be. Where I am on my knees sucking his cock or another man's cock should he choose that for me. He tells me what to do and how to do it and I obey. He leans me over for a spanking and I thank him. This weekend I was completely controlled by him. Here's a summary of my weekend from Fri-Sun. Every single thing was decided for. I had no responsibilities or decisions. I served him his meals with a smile. Cleaned his place as he told me to. I placed my ass over the pillow many times for his riding crop or cane. He made my ass bloody and made me moan in pain. I got slapped many times. He put me in the corner with clothespins on for half a hour. I got tied up with the handcuffs and leg cuffs and left for a while. He used his belt on me in different parts of my body. He gave me a huge hickie on my neck. He made me cum for him many times to try to break our record. He paddled me so hard that I cried for him. He fucked me many times in different holes He cut my tit three times with his blade He wrote with a marker on my ass. He spanked me with his hands many times. He called me a bitch and slut many times. He did breath control on me He used the razor strop on my ass til it was sore and red as a cherry He took many erotic photos of me I suffered lots of pain on my tits, pussy and ass and inner thighs And lots more... and I love it! I desire more. I am addicted to the pain now...wanting more... Anyone want more details? Master did buy me the more beautiful lingerie from La Senza this weekend to match my new blue thong which I am grateful for. He spoiled me with dinners and romance and clothes. It's been hard to come down from the weekend. Master truly is a romantic sadist. He was causing me great pain one minute and treating me to romantic dinners the next. Saturday was a combination of pain, pleasure and romance. A full day without the children and lots of time together. Hardly any comments on my last blog post? And I know I commented the last few days on many blogs. Where is everyone? Is anyone reading my posts? I thought some people would like the Star Wars joke? A few blogs I have read are on hiatus or something. Why it is some people only seem to update their blog once or twice a month? Some people haven't posted on their blogs for months. Why not just delete your blog at that point? Such is life. Master enjoyed our weekend so much that he's taking tommorow off so he can monitor me closely and spend more time together. So I may not be online tommorow. My pussy is actually sore from all the fucking we did all weekend and yesterday night after the kids were in bed. It's spring and we are like bunnies. We can't stop fucking. He can't stop spanking my ass. I want him home so badly right now. Our weekend was intense and I want more. Master Anakin, Please come home Master and spank me hard and then fuck me hard and long.....I'm begging you... ohhhhhhhh how I want you bad.... I want to feel some pain...make me feel your control....to feel your big hands spanking my ass... I want to give you so much pleasure. I long for your darkest desires. I crave your dark side. I crave Darth. I need you soooo badly right now. Come home to your slave.. Love Your padme xoxoxo Technorati Tags: BDSM, control, rubber

Sugasm #32

This week’s best of the sex blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Want in the next one? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form. Participants, repost the linklist by the end of Wednesday night and you’re all set. Audio Audioblog Posts 1 and 2 (alwaysarousedgirl.blogspot.com) First Ever Audio Post (secretsofadirtygirl.blogspot.com) Funny / Sex News Alas Poor Yorick, I Blew Him Well (tgp.com) The Hooters Conspiracy (ethnorotica.com) League of Super Friends with Benefits (shayssexcolumn.blogspot.com) My Most Embarrassing Sex Moment (radicalvixen.com) Thoughts on Sex, Sexy Reviews, Sex Advice 5 Senses (gentlygently.blogspot.com) Anonymity (gentlebutfirm.blogspot.com) Cultural Differences (sugarbank.com) Masturbation and Ejaculatory Inevitability (onaniajournal.blogspot.com) More Pixilated Nudity (4thegirlnextdoor.blogspot.com) Natural Contours - Ultime (sin.typepad.com/shauna_by_night) Sex Tip - From a Men’s Magazine (seskuality.com) Sexual Balance (eroticvision.blogspot.com) You Asked: What Do I Consider Cheating? (cuntinglinguist.blogspot.com) BDSM and Fetish Bondage Fantasies (darkside-journey.blogspot.com) Contemplation of the Lower Navel (sabrinainstockings.com) DVD: “And For You I Will Come As Well” (Lupus Pictures) (adelehaze.com) Sexual Healing (aliferestarted.blogspot.com) Erotic Writing Climax (erotiterrorist.blogspot.com) More Sugasm… Join the Sugasm (Sugasm participants should re-post all the links above. The following links may be excluded as long as you include all the above links.) The Dirty Couple in Florida (or what we did on our Spring Break) Part 2 (drtycplinva.blogspot.com) Fun with the Kama Sutra (thetastetester.com) Morning Licks (vivianandjack.blogspot.com) Of Blindfolds and Bedmates (easilyaroused.co.uk) People Watching (seanandmel.blogspot.com) Public Masturbation (wanklog.blogspot.com) Questions About Etiquette (realadultsex.com) Sweet Slut (can also go in BDSM) (nyc-urban-gypsy.blogspot.com) Wine and a Wandering Mind (the-sensuous-libertine.blogspot.com) NSFW Pics / Photos Alicia Witt Revisited (pornhater.com) Double HNT (spiritsex.blogspot.com) Four Galleries of Liza from Galitsin News (sensualarousalblog.com) Happy Half-Nekkid Thursday! (stilettodiaries.blogspot.com) Kyla Cole 3 (babelog.sestaluna.com) Miranda and Steph make love shot by Abby Winters (iloveabbywinters.com) Naughty Office (internetisforporn.com) Original Upskirt Photos Just Released (put under news/announcements?) (taratainton.com) Paulina and Zafrina on Sapphic Erotica (simply-sapphicerotica.com) Threesome Pic (seska4lovers.com) Xanthia Nude (eroticandy.blogspot.com) Smokin’ Lara cartoon originally posted on the sexy fun blog The Girl Next Door.

Humor and a meme

A little Star Wars humor for today. I was able to get a few laughs from my friend, belda pinik on yahoo with this Star Wars humor. I like to lighten up this blog a bit sometimes and I love Star Wars. I hope everyone had a chance to do our new survey on Star Wars locations for a spanking. It got my fantasies going about where I would like one. Master did a great job on the photo of Darth spanking me. It took him a long time to do that photo and I love it! I just imagine Darth Vader's leather gloves spanking my ass or using his lightsaber to spank me. I know I've got quite a imagination. I'd love to hear other people's fantasies with Star Wars and spanking. I found a meme from danae and thought I would give it a try today. The Letter T Comment, and I shall give you a letter. Go back to your journal, and write ten words beginning with that letter, including an explanation what the word means to you and why. Thanks danae for the letter! 1. Tantrums- I have plenty of them and they tend to get me into trouble and get me lots of spankings. I have a childish temper and have had some big tantrums in my time. 2.Torture- Ohhhhh nipple torture has to be my favorite type of torture. There is nothing better than getting your nipples pinched or tortured with a needle or clamp while having a orgasm. Just thinking about it gets me wet. 3.Training- I am always in training as a slave to Master. He trains me through domestic discipline. 4. Tease- I love to tease Master with some stripping or sexy type of dancing or use my tongue on his cock or balls. It drives him crazy to tease him. 5.Travelling- I love to travel. I travelled a lot in my life going to Hawaii and Europe and all around the States and Canada. I hope to do more travelling in the future. 6.Tied up- I love to be tied up. I love a hog tie or just being in the cuffs but it's a great way to have a little foreplay. 7. Tantra- My favorite kind of sex is the Tantric sex. I have many books on tantra and put a link on my blog about it. 8.The Young and the Restless- My favorite soap opera. I never miss a episode and have been watching since I was 15 years old 9.Tattoo- I have Master's mark as my tattoo on my ankle and love it. I want to get more tattoo's very soon. I love to look at other people's tattoo's. 10.Touching Master- Touch is important to me. I love to feel close and touch Master as many times in a day as possible. I still need to blog about my weekend and will try to do that soon. We also took many photos and hope to put those up at some point too. Maybe for HNT this Thursday. Hope everyone had a good weekend. May the force be with you all!! Technorati Tags: Star Wars joke, Star Wars, meme