Question: Did being a Dominant come naturally to you? Did you take to Doming right off, or did you struggle with it feeling wrong, or were you just not inclined in the beginning and then learned to like it? Basically I am curious if being Dominant came naturally to you.
Asked by: Stiletto Girl
Great question, Stiletto Girl. I hope it was okay that I rephrased your question just slightly. It's a really good one. The question of weather a Dom is born or made is the bigger question here, one to which I can only offer my personal opinions and experiences.
I recently read an excellent article in New Scientist magazine about how to be a genius, and I think it applies here. It was saying that becoming a "prodogy" at any particular discipline is a combination of time put in, extremely hard work over this time period (about ten years to become an expert in the field), and a desire and interest that sustains this level of hard work over time.
So I think while Dominance may come naturally, you have to want it, and specifically as for the lifestyle you've got to learn and read and live D/s for a while, breath it all in, learning what works and what doesn't over time. I must add that everyone's kink is a little bit different, so this is what works for Me and My padme, of course.
I struggled perhaps the most with what I learned growing up. Rightfully, I was taught it was never right to hit a woman, and that's of course remains true, in most cases. I did have difficulty separating this tenant from the thrill of the play that padme and I share. The difference, being, of course, the old saying that play is fine as long as it's "safe, sane, and consensual." If I am not through ineptitude or false skill or bravado risking injury to padme or myself, and if we both want our rough play and padme and I have opportunities to say Stop for now, then it's okay and a great part of our life together; something deeply emotional and spiritual that padme and I can share.
I had tendencies growing up, certainly. I always, always wanted my own way. My parents struggled with it but it remains in me. padme's desires and the Internet kindled an interest in the lifestyle and put to words what I felt about my place in the world. Over time, I learned the many pleasures of being padme's lifestyle Dominant, and with that encouraged the interest that sustained padme and myself in our early "Hell" years; I was learning the many responsibilities, challenges and joys of being a full time Dominant, she was learning and desiring her submission, and we both have made mistakes along the way, in heavy play, and in day to day lifestyle. With mistakes comes talking, growing, and great fucking and makeup BDSM. Good all around.
So in effect it was a bit of everything that made me the Dominant I am today. Early tendancies, the spark of discovery and interest; positive encouragement, growth and maturation, research on the Internet, reading books, trial and error, learning from my mistakes, and just plain working hard at it towards the goal of being better at something I love being.
P.S. Thank you EVERYONE for all the great questions you've asked so far. I promise to give them all the best answers and thoughts that I can; if you've asked me a question, I'll be getting to it very soon; if you have another question or havn't asked yet, please e-mail me at anakins.blog@gmail.com and ask away! I look forward to answering all your questions and to getting more to answer.
May the force be with you.
~Anakin
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