 I didn't plan to post for a few more days but sometimes I find it too hard to stay away from Journey to the Darkside. Blogging can be a great way to get my feelings out and there is so much going on right now. The last few days have felt like a bit of a blur. It's been really strange trying to plan for the holidays and a funeral all at the same time. Half of the time I am getting ready for the holidays and the other half is dealing with Master Anakin's family and funeral arrangements and details. I feel like I'm on fast forward right now and my head has been spinning a bit from everything going on.
We wanted to give a very big thank you to all the people who commented on our last post and left condolences and e-mails and e-cards to Master Anakin and I. We appreciate the support right now and have been amazed at how much people have reached out to us right now. I'd like to give a very special thank you to our friend, Shasta who sent the most beautiful bouqet of pink roses to us from Safeway.
We had just told our kids the bad news about Grandma A and Leia was very upset and crying. It was a very difficult thing to tell them. Those beautiful roses showed up on our doorstep as we pulled into the driveaway just after telling the kids that news. I saw a few tears in Master Anakin's eyes and I was very moved by her very kind gesture. I am putting a picture up today of what they look like for everyone to see. They are sitting by the open window beside my fairy sticker. They smell so wonderful and we want her to know that we really appreciated it. Thank you Shasta from the bottom of our hearts. Pink roses are my favorite flower. When I married Master Anakin, my bridal bouquet was pink and white roses.
The funeral plans have changed. It is now going to be happening on Tuesday. The funeral home was booked for Monday. Apparently this is a busy time for the funeral home. They were saying that they are usually very busy during the holiday season. Tuesday is our children's Christmas concert too. It is going to be extremely strange to go to the service and burial and then go over to the Christmas concert that night. I am also putting on a dinner that night for my Dad and Master's parent's before the concert. We can't really get out of the concert. Leia has a speaking part in it and Skywalker is singing. It's terrible timing but there isn't much we can do about it.
Next week is going to be very busy. Master Anakin is taking a few days off to deal with the loss of his Grandma. Then he is on holidays. So he is now home until Dec. 28th. We are going to be taking a holiday hiatus soon on Journey to the Darkside. I'm hoping we can do a few more blog posts before that happens. Last year we started our hiatus on the 19th of December. At some point it becomes too hard to blog and deal with everything going on. This year is extra crazy with what happened with Grandma A.
I am done my Christmas shopping and wrapping. I have all my supplies for baking. My mother-in-law won't be doing it til this year so it will be falling onto my shoulders. We might be having Master's Uncle also there for Christmas dinner. He has just lost his mom and is going to be alone during the holidays. So we have invited him too. It's going to be a strange Christmas dealing with all of this during Christmas. There is a part of me which feels guilty every time I try to enjoy anything to do with Christmas. I feel like this should be a sad time and I shouldn't enjoy anything and be in mourning.
This has affected Master and I's relationship a lot the last few days. Master is needing me to take more responsibility as he is dealing with helping his family during this difficult time. He needs me to stay focused and strong. We had Leia home until this afternoon so we could help her during everything. She was so upset last night that she didn't want to go to her Dad's house. We took the kids to Breakfast with Santa this morning. We are still trying to keep everything as normal as possible right now for them.
Master Anakin and I are hoping to have some play time together tonight. We have been so busy and overwhelmed that we have hardly been able to connect. I am really craving physical pain right now. It's my normal response to feeling overwhelmed by stress. I really need a spanking or beating! We are going to have a few drinks and try to unwind a bit and get our force back. I have really missed him this week. I even bought something naughty and cute to show him tonight. I was trying to find something sexy to surprise him with for the holidays. I wanted to cheer him up....so I found a cute girlie nightie and new Christmas panties! My candy cane panties are two years old and I wanted a new pair to wear. I found the cutest pair at Winners yesterday. The nightie and panties are going to go very well together. I hope I can distract him a bit from everything and give him a little naughty escape.
May the force be with you all!!
~padme amidala
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10 comments:
Don't feel guilty for enjoying Christmas. I am sure Grandma A would want you all to be happy, and to remember the good times with her, rather than to have you all be sad and dreary. You will all have sadness to work through, but embrace the joy of the season.
Big hugs,
Kallisto
Padme, I sometimes find that at times like this -- the bigest submission you you can give to your master is to be attentive and strong - to care for the family details and leave his mind and heart free to grieve, knowing that his slave has all the details of life planned and cared for the way he would like them to be. So please stay strong - and know - he is relying on you to serve him most especially now. Give hime the gift of your time, love, attention, and complete obedience.
It is hard to pulled up and down on the holiday/funeral roller coaster. Interestingly you may find your children to be great leaders in this. Children are so skilled at being in the moment. (grant it - for the it is easy as all the details are managed by mom and dad - and overdoing it means being carried to bed by dad - not feeling exhausted as you continue on your way.) None- the - less - children are gifted with the ability to be in the moment. They will 100% grieve and cry - or be bewildered - or they will rejoice and sing with elation over the holidays -- what ever the moment - they are in it 100% with very little concern for what the next one will be. Follow thier lead if you can - let yourself be sweapted up in the joys of celebration and the gift of sorrow (Yes, sorrow over a loss is a gift - for when you feel sorrow over a loss it means you have loved, been blessed, and recognize the gifts that an individual has bestowed upon you in life.)
I wish you much strength in this time of sorrow and much joy in the celebration of holidays -- and much wisdom as you follow your heart from one sweeping up of joy to the crashing sorrow of grief. May your heart be bleassed with the knowledge that human life is wonderful because we feel and can express those feelings, and because each moment is special.
Sweet padme, your family is so lucky to have you support them through this difficult time. Don't feel guilty for trying to enjoy the holidays. I'm sure Grandma A would want you to celebrate her life and enjoy your Christmas. I hope you get some release and reconnection with Anakin tonight. Big Hugs!
Left 'special blessings' on my blog up for you since I saw your post yesterday, Padme...
My hearts go out to you all in empathy.
The roses were lovely, and it was so kind of Shasta.
Huge hugs to you, and I hope tonight's play - or loving - or both, gives you both a little bit of your force back...
I agree with the comments above, your grandmother wouldn't have wanted you to be sad with her passing, but I believe it is a time to celebrate the life she had, all the wonderful things she did and to remember and keep her alive in your hearts.
I also think that as sad as it can be, this is a special time of year and when a loved one passes away during this time of year I believe it to be blessed. Think of what Christmas truely means. My grandmother passed away on Christmas night. We had a prayer for her, and we all hold her in our hearts. She is alive within me as I remember all the times I spent with her as child.
Be strong and focuses and enjoy the holidays. Say a prayer for your gradmother during Christmas and show your love.
May your force grow strong. My thoughts are with you.
talia
xxx
Don't feel guilty for enjoying Christmas, padme. I am sure that is not what she would want for either of you. I hope that you and Anakin were able to reconnect.
Thank you talia, Griz, good girl, annie, and kallisto for your comment. annie..thank you for the special blessings on your blog..that meant a lot to me!
I think after Tuesday I will be able to have some closure and hopefully be able to get more into the holiday spirit of things. The funeral and service has been on my mind a lot the last few days and I know that is clouding some of my feelings about Christmas right now.
I appreciate your comments a lot!
BIG HUGS
padme amdiala
Thank you also to mary for your very long comment and advice. It really made me think a lot about things and I know you are right about my submission to Master Anakin right now. Thank you for your comment, mary. Really means a lot to me.
BIG HUGS
padme amidala
Master Anakin And Padme,
You are very welcome for the roses. When you sent me the news the first thing I thought was "What can I do to let them know that I am thinking about them during this painful time". I totally forgot about the time difference and called the Safeway florists before the store was even open and then I had to wait around until it was 7am your time. I was so glad to hear that they got to you the same day.
I thought that pink roses would be the prefect thing, since apparently light pink roses are given as a symbol of sympathy and compassion.
Really it was the least I could do, since I can't be there to hug you guys or comfort you in your grief. Flowers were the best I could do from this distance, aside from telling you that I am here and thinking of you guys.
Both of you will be on my mind a lot this Tuesday. Know that I am sending strength and positive energy to both of you. I really hope you were able to have a bit of relaxation and reconnection this weekend. I know how vital that is, especially during difficult times.
Do what you can to enjoy the season. Look at it as a way of honouring Grandma A and her memory, particularly if she was into Christmas a lot in her younger years. It's easy for all of us to say that sort of thing of course, but it's with the best intentions.
I hope that you guys and the kids are doing ok today. We are all here pulling for you if and when you have the time or inclination to update. Don't put any pressure on yourself to blog or e-mail anyone just now, you really don't need anything else on your plate and we all understand that.
In Friendship,
Shasta
Thank you Shasta for your kind words and the flowers. It helped a lot to receive those when we really needed it the most. Your friendship has meant a lot to me through this and I appreciate all the support you've given Master Anakin and I.
BIG HUGS
padme amidala
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