Heartbroken and confused

I didn't plan to blog this weekend. I expected to be blogging on Tuesday or Wednesday about what a terrific and fun night I had with Daemon and Master Anakin last night. That didn't happen though. A lot has happened in the last 24 hours that has changed things a lot between Daemon and I. I should have probably seen this coming. I can remember our night at Rascal's a few weekends ago. He showed up quite late and had me worried he was standing me up. He did show up though and we had a great night together. He mentioned something to me as we were leaving Rascal's that night. He told me he had considered not showing up. He told me that he is sometimes unreliable and had a hard time holding down a job because of it. I didn't think too much about it at the time because I was so happy he did show up that night. It was a sign though and I chose to ignore it. There was a few other signs too that I should have seen. Last weekend was really amazing. I had my date with LB at MVK and a really wonderful time with Daemon at Metrotown. I admitted to Daemon that I was falling in love with him. I knew it wasn't true love yet because it's so early but I was falling hard for him. He indicated he had similar feelings for me. We had a very deep connection at Metrotown. We even talked about the future together and even a possible poly household one day if it worked out. I do not think that I imagined the closeness and connection we shared that day. We shared one of the longest lingering kisses I have ever had before to say goodbye on Sunday. We were at King George Skytrain and our lips locked and I was floating on air afterwards. Master could see I was so happy and glowing. He suggested having the dinner last night. He offered for Daemon to spend the night which I know is a very big deal to Master. He is very cautious when inviting people into our home. He knew I had feelings for Daemon and he wanted to be able to get to know him. Daemon said yes to the dinner and I started my chores on Tuesday afternoon for it. I spent hours cleaning up our toys and Master worked on the basement as soon as he was home from work. We both invested a lot of time and energy into the dinner. We both wanted it to go well. I was very excited and everything seemed to be going good with Daemon. Something seemed a bit different on Wednesday. He came on MSN in the afternoon and we briefly chatted together. I was trying to get a plan for the dinner. He didn't seem to want to talk about it. He seemed very off to me. He said he had to go to the bathroom and he would BRB. I waited for long time for him to come back to MSN but he never did. One of my biggest pet peeves is when someone says BRB and never comes back again. Can't you say goodbye at least so the other person isn't waiting around for you? I personally think it's very rude. I left him two messages on Fetlife and he did not respond to either of them even though I knew he was online through the night. I woke up feeling very annoyed. He came on MSN later in the day. He explained to me that he was avoiding me and also his ex-girlfriend. He told me he was very depressed. He's got a lot on his plate and I knew he was feeling very down about things. I tried to be supportive. I also thought I would suggest cancelling the dinner in case he wasn't feeling up to it. He reassured me he was still planning to come and he looked up transit times and a plan to get here. We didn't get a chance to chat long but I felt very reassured that the dinner was going ahead as planned and that I could count on him. I was up at 5:30 am and enjoyed a chat with my friend, Shasta. Master was leaving for work and told me he was concerned Daemon might cancel on the dinner. He told me to phone him as soon as Daemon arrived. I also expressed worries to Shasta that he might cancel also. I kept reminding myself that he reassured me and I hadn't heard anything different from Daemon. I went to Save On Foods and picked out a birthday cake and flowers and put even more into the dinner. I spent over a hundred dollars on supplies for the dinner. I also spent hours and hours cleaning and doing all the prep work for the dinner. I came back and started cleaning up the place. I got his bed ready and made sure the place was completely spic and span. I figured by 11 am that everything was going ahead as planned. I thought he would be on the bus by then and hadn't cancelled. I was VERY excited about the dinner. I couldn't wait to see Daemon. I set the table for the dinner and am putting up a picture of what it looked like. I took a long hot bubble bath and shaved my pussy and got myself ready. I spent a long time on my make-up and hair and getting ready. I couldn't wait!! I baked some homemade chocolate chip muffins because Daemon had mentioned wanting some in a chat with me. I was looking forward to giving him a very relaxing evening. I had an erotic massage planned for him and wanted to cross a few things off my bucket list. I was feeling so happy and excited! It was almost 1 pm and Daemon was due to arrive just after 2 pm. I sipped on my coffee and enjoyed some alone time before going on Fetlife to do some reading. I almost turned off MSN at that point. I'm glad I didn't because a minute later I got two very short messages on MSN from Daemon. He said he was sick and had been throwing up all night and might not be able to make it to the dinner. I quickly responded to his messages and asked him to phone me. He did not respond at all to my many messages that I left on MSN. I offered to reschedule until tonight (Saturday night) or even Sunday night. I offered for Anakin to come get him on his way home from work so he didn't have to take transit. I offered to take care of him if he would come out. I made a lot of suggestions but he didn't respond to any of them. He ignored me. What upsets me the most is that he did NOT apologize!! He obviously knew I would be disappointed. This dinner was for my birthday and I put a huge amount of work and money into it. Anakin was also looking forward to getting to know Daemon. We had to do some juggling for sitting for our son and daughter. We both put a huge amount of time into cleaning the basement and place for the dinner. I was extremely upset when my messages did not get returned. Daemon wouldn't even talk to me. It's been almost 24 hours since those messages and STILL no word from Daemon!!! I left him a very big message on Fetlife and told him that although I am very upset and angry...I am also worried about him also. I do not believe that he was sick. I think he's depressed and was avoiding me. He is avoiding everyone. I phoned LB and asked him to try to phone Daemon. I was hoping LB would get through to him. But Daemon did not even pick up the phone for him and his mailbox was apparently full. Master had a very hard time working after I phoned him. He was very upset. I was a total mess. I'm glad Shasta phoned me and talked to me about it all. It helped to have her to talk to. I know she's gone through heartbreak too with having a poly relationship. The great times can be magical and special and great! The bad times can be awful and horrible and make you feel like going back to being monogomous again. I think it says a lot that he hasn't responded to any of the messages. Depression is not an excuse to be rude. I would have never done something like this to someone in my deepest depression. He would have been in touch by now or tried to reschedule if he was indeed sick. What he does not realize is that Anakin lost a lot of respect for Daemon. You don't treat people like this. If you want to cancel a dinner...cancel it!! I think he's a true sadist because he never actually cancelled the dinner. He told me he MIGHT not be able to make it. It left me hanging and I spent a lot of time yesterday looking out my window wondering if he still might show up. That was very unfair and upset me the most. I didn't make the dinner because I was too upset. I started drinking merlot around 4 pm and went through the night. I wanted to feel numb because my heart was hurting. I don't understand why Daemon did this. Did I really deserve for him to treat me like this? I keep going back in my mind wondering if I said or did something wrong for him to treat me this way. I'm confused and I hope he realizes the bridges he has burnt. Not only did he miss out on a very fun night with Anakin and I but he will lose out on anymore play with me in the future. Master has told me he doesn't trust Daemon anymore. How can Master or I trust Daemon again that he will not cancel on future events or do this to me again? Trust is extremely important in any relationship but especially in a poly one. I need to feel like I can trust the people that I play with. I feel very hurt because it isn't just losing out on one night but in playing together in the future. I planned to go to Rascal's with him next weekend. I also planned to go to LB's party with him at the end of the month. There was a lot of really great potential with Daemon. I saw many possibilities. But he has decided to burn the bridge. He could have just told me if he wasn't interested in me anymore. I don't understand why he has treated me (or Master Anakin) this way. There are ways to be mature and handle things properly. It really does come down to respecting people and making sure you don't burn bridges because it can come back and bite you in the ass. Master and I did have a great night even though the dinner did not work out. I have pictures to share and details in another post about it. Daemon missed out on a really great night! I dressed up as a prep schoolgirl and we played until the early morning hours. We are heading out to Burnaby this afternoon. We are going to LB's house so Master can meet LB and see his dungeon. We plan to go out for brunch with LB and his friend. His friend is one of the ladies that he told me was interested in me. It will be nice to meet her. I'm looking forward to that! Tonight is the River Rock Casino and Hotel! We get another overnight. I'm trying to not let what's happened with Daemon upset my birthday weekend. I feel very hurt but sometimes life lessons are hard. I will always cherish the memories of the last few weeks with Daemon. We had some really amazing times together and I felt a very real connection to him. I wish he would have chosen a different path on his journey. I wish he had left the door open to possibilities and a beautiful future together....hopefully one day he will realize what he is losing. I hope one day he will explain to me what happened so I can try to understand and have some kind of closure for this chapter in my life. May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala