Playing with the big boys

It's been a really interesting few days for me. I have been doing a lot of processing and I am not sure how much I feel like sharing on my blog right now. It makes me a bit paranoid when I know that so many of my ex partner's are reading this blog. I feel like I don't have very much privacy here to write about the things that I would like to. I have been going through a lot of life changes recently. It's made me emotional and also gave me some bad insomnia last night. I was up for several hours with a lot on my mind. I am still recovering a bit from my drinking binge this weekend after the Taboo sex show and ruining a possible threesome with Shiro and Master and I. I admit I carried a lot of guilt that I ruined the evening. I let my drinking get out of control. I admit that I have been drinking a lot lately and I think it is because of trying to numb some of the feelings inside of me. I ran into an ex recently which stirred up a lot of emotions for me. I loved her very much and we hadn't seen each other for many years. nikki was one of my best friends but she was so much more than that. She was the first woman that I slept with. She was one of the closest to my heart of all the women I have ever known. Losing her was heartbreaking for me and I went into isolation after. I never thought we would see each other again but we did recently. We both were in shock and never spoke to one another. I keep thinking about her. Wondering if I will see her again and what I should say or do if I do run into her. She has been in my thoughts a lot. I realized recently that I am going to be running into my ex partner's at different events. I'm sure at some point I'm going to run into Daemon. That is a part of dating people from the local bdsm community. You break up and then you run into them at events. I briefly dated LB and we see each other and it's been a bit uncomfortable at times. We don't really talk anymore but he still invites me to his parties. Speaking of LB and his play parties...next weekend I am going to be spending a lot of time at LB's. He is having a play party from Friday night til Sunday. I am planning to go on Friday night with my friend, YTB and a Dom from Seattle that is pretty big time. I saw them play together at LB's play party in October. It was amazing and moved me deeply. I thought about their play and masturbated to that scene many times with my Hitatchi. I was surprised yesterday when YTB asked me to maybe do some play with her and that Dom next Friday night. I didn't think that the Dom (I'll call him Jake which is not his real name) remembered me. It's been a few months and we didn't talk very long. I wrote him an e-mail and was blown away when he responded to it. He is interested in getting to know me and maybe playing together with YTB next Friday night. I get a lot of different e-mails but I could feel the energy and dominance. His e-mail made my pussy throb with desire and a feeling of submission over me. I will share one quote from the e-mail with everyone. "You've shown in all this time a need in your core for the music I seek that we can create together. And you offer the strong possibility of many creations. I look forward to playing with your body, your mind, the sharing of our spirits, and the erotic shuttering of what we do to each other. I plan on finding what you are made of and capable of handling. I will be seeking to see how far you can go while at the same time adapting to what you need and how we feed each other." I will admit that his e-mail aroused me so much that I begged Master for an orgasm last night. I stayed up late so we could play around a bit. I was so horny after receiving that e-mail. I don't want to get too many expectations right now but I'm willing to get to know Jake and see what happens. I can feel a lot of connection and chemistry with him through the e-mails. It will be interesting to see what happens between us next Friday. Master and I were also thinking about going to LB's play party together next Saturday. I am not sure I am going to want to play two nights in a row so we may skip it. I think that Shiro is going to also be there next Friday night. It's going to be interesting and it's on my mind a lot right now. I've never played with someone so skilled and experienced as a Dom as Jake. I almost don't feel like I'm even in his league. I'm really glad though to be playing with some big boys though instead of young silly boys. Don't even get me started on the young Doms who are inexperienced and don't have their shit together. I have noticed recently that I've taken an interest in older men again and don't even consider the young boys anymore to play with. We've got a really smokin' hot HNT picture to put up tommorow night. It was taken last Saturday during the spanking play with Master and Shiro. That was sure a spanking good time and I sure hope that we can all get together for part 2 soon! *winks* I feel like I need a spanking today to get my ass moving and get my chores done for Master. I admit I had my head in the clouds yesterday and didn't get much done. Master was not pleased. I want to serve him and I am going to get my chores done on the list he gave to me. I know I'm going to have a very sore bottom if I don't. May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala