Playing on the darkside this weekend with Jake and Master Anakin!

It is a rainy dark Monday and I've got PMS happening and crashing from an intense weekend. I feel like crap. Febuary is one of the worst months of the year for me for several reasons. I always tend to have my worst depression this month. My SAD (seasonal affective disorder) tends to always be bad around this time of the year. I wish I could just stay in bed and sleep today. I have been a bit reluctant to post about Friday night. I don't like to write during PMS because I get extra sensitive with my hormones. Sometimes I tend to get very bitchy and emotional. I wish my Daddy was home today to take care of me. I wish I could just be cuddled with and spend the day with Daddy. Here are the details from the weekend. I am putting two pictures that were taken that night at LB's play party. I want to try to write as honestly as possible about my feelings about my play with Jake. I have had a few days to try to process my feelings about everything that happened with him and I.... Friday afternoon was spent anxious and getting ready for my date with Jake. I twittered a lot and tried to keep busy. Master was home from work and we were able to spend some time together. I came home and watched The Young and the Restless before heading into my bath to get ready. Y&R has been really exciting lately! Brad Carlton is leaving the show and they are killing off his character. I don't want to miss a minute of it! Jake called me and let me know he was running a little bit late. I started getting ready at 3 pm. I was packed and ready to go by 5 pm. Master took Skywalker out for the evening and I started waiting for Jake. I waited until 7 pm and then went into Fetlife because I was starting to get worried. I was waiting for him to arrive and hadn't eaten so we could go out for dinner together. I was getting hungry. Jake wrote me an e-mail saying he would be a bit late. I tried to relax but it was getting difficult as I was getting very irritated. I was extremely tempted to get into the Russian Vodka. I was getting pretty annoyed by 8 pm. I have dated a lot through the years and that is a pretty big thing for me...being on time for a date. First impressions mean everything and it shows me a lot when someone is that late for a date. I twittered and was starting to get tired and very annoyed. Jake arrived around 8:30 pm. I had been waiting for him to eat dinner and was starving. I am used to being in my pj's by 9 pm most nights. I got very quiet in the car. He told me that we were going straight to LB's house for the play party. I was pretty annoyed that we were not going out for dinner. That is an important part of the evening for me. I had been really looking forward to it. I also was hoping to go eat and get to know Jake better. I get irritable when I'm hungry. I hadn't eaten since noon. Shiro and I almost always go out for dinner before we play together. I play better when I've been fed and my tummy is full. I like to have a coffee or be able to talk with someone first before playing together with them also. We did some negotiations in the car on the way to LB's. It felt weird to be doing that in a car ride and it felt rushed. I didn't feel like I had enough of a chance to really know Jake. We got there and then I was left for a while alone on the couch. I'm not sure where Jake went but he was gone for a while. I was really, really hungry by that point. I had a few snacks and also visited with a very cute schoolgirl there. She was dressed up so cute and I really enjoyed my conversation with her. I got dressed up in my new red corset that was given to me from my friend, Katt. I also wore my leather skirt and black lace panties. I wore my black thigh-hi's with red bows which went well with the outfit. I started to relax a bit and enjoyed the wine. Jake sat beside me at one point and we were snacking. He asked me if I was nervous. I was very nervous and I was also a bit reluctant to start playing together. I had only spent two hours with him and we were playing together. I have known some Doms (like Master R) for years before playing with them. I was extremely nervous and my tummy was doing flip flops. We went into the medical room at one point and the toys got brought out. I was very surprised to see canes being brought out. Canes are a hard limit for me. They are used for punishment in our home. I hate them!! I was surprised that our play was starting with an impliment that I have very negative feelings with. We also did some flogging and that was nice. He knows how to flog very well and flogged me in all the right spots. I felt a chemistry and connection between Jake and I. He was very dominant in the scene and took control easily. Some of the play did surprise me though. I have only been caned by two Doms and I am not used to doing that type of play with someone I don't know very well. It made me feel anxious at times. He is a very dark man. I could see right through to a true sadist who likes to give pain. Jake has a very dark side. I like to know someone really well before doing any type of dark play with them like that. I like the first time I play with someone to be more erotic and slow. I should have communicated that with him. I didn't want to top from the bottom though. We went down to the basement at one point. I got put into bondage at the St. Andrew's cross in LB's dungeon basement. I have played there a few times. I admit that I had a few flashbacks when I first entered the school room and saw that cross. I thought about Daemon a bit in that moment. He laid out all his toys. Some of them looked very intimidating and scary! There was also some knifes there. I have never done knife play with anyone other than Master Anakin. The knife play scared me and Master Anakin was not too pleased by it. He saw the pictures the next day and we had a big talk about it. I am not supposed to do any type of edge play (knife play or breath play etc...)with anyone other than him unless I know them extremely well and have permission from Master. This was my first date with Jake! I know that Jake is probably used to playing so heavy on the first time but I am not. Some parts of the play terrified me. I came close to using my safeword several times but felt way too fucked up mentally. It was scary and very intense to play with him on a level that I have only played on with a few Doms like Master Anakin and Master R. Trust takes time and I don't know Jake well enough to trust him well enough, especially for something like knife play. I look almost broken in the one picture that was taken. I was in pain with big clamps on my tits and being single tailed on my front side. I was really floating high on endorphins at that part of the play. Some parts of the play were so animalistic and rough. Way beyond what I am used to doing with someone I don't know very well. Jake scared me several times and pushed me to the edge but I think sometimes it felt like it went way over the edge. He called me a "pig" during the one part of the scene. I've never been called a pig before and that disturbed me a bit. He had some very intense looks and I called him many names including a meanie and bastard and motherfucker. He brought out so many emotions within my soul. I felt lost in pain and tried to absorb it and deal with everything that was happening. It's been days since I played with Jake and I'm still trying to absorb it all mentally and process it. I feel many emotions over it...I'm aroused and scared and fragile and vulnerable and submissive and so many different things right now... He also went pretty hard on the single tail whip on Friday night. I still have some pretty nasty marks from it and I came close to safewording during that play. I'm very afraid of whips and it was a very, very intense experience for me. I'm still trying to process all of my feelings about it. I was the one who asked him to use the single tail whip. I know he was experienced and I wanted to take the opportunity to experience it for the first time. I admit I was very curious. I had no idea it would be as intense as it was. I am glad to have experienced that play for the first time. At least I can say that I have tried it now. It was on my bucket list. There was a balancing act at one part of the play. I had to try to balance something on my nose and not let it drop. He gave me an OTK (over the knee) spanking too. I tried to crawl away from him a few times and I also had him chasing me through the basement at one time also and he took me down. There was some very primal play which happened. He brought out emotions that I have never experienced in play before. I got so angry at one part of the scene that I tried to kick him and spat water at him. I know water was thrown on me too at one point. He also told me to bite him which I did. I swore at him several times calling him a "bastard" which I was told many subs have called him. I know why now. He can be a real bastard during play. He can be very scary and intense and there were times I felt so angry at him. I think I surprised him also during our play. It was very intense and he was different than any other Dom that I have played with before. Jake was very intimate at times. We had beautiful aftercare together. He was scary but he was also comforting when the play was over. He held me in his arms and reassured me and was very good to me. We made out a little and we enjoyed some affection together. That was a very nice part of the night for me. We went upstairs and I put on some sexy red lingerie and had something to eat and drink. I sat by Jake's legs and felt very submissive and floated on the endorphins going through me. I had reached a very deep level of subspace during our play. My head was spinning. My pussy was soaking wet. I felt a need to get home to Master. My friend, YTB drove me home. I got home around 3 am and Master was waiting up for me. I begged him for an orgasm and for him to fuck me. We went upstairs and it took me about 2 minutes to cum!! I came hard! Then he fucked me and we held each other. I felt like crying. So many emotions were swirling around in my head. I felt horny and submissive and yet I felt troubled and a bit overwhelmed by the whole night. I had some pretty nasty marks all over my backside and some on my front also. I got about 6 hours of sleep and then Master and I began our overnight. Master could tell that I was feeling off. We talked for a while and then he told me he was going to surprise me. It was a sunny day and we went for a drive out to Burnaby. He took to the new casino there called Grand Villa. I had really wanted to go there and put it on my bucket list. So I can cross something else off my list! #592 -Gamble at the new casino in Burnaby We had lunch there and a really nice time together. Thank you Master for taking me there! It was a really nice Saturday afternoon. We decided not to go back to LB's for another play party. We wanted some alone time. We went home and put out some snacks and had a few drinks and I got naked and on my leash while Master and I watched the big UFC fight. George St. Pierre won the fight against BJ Penn! Woot! We were both really excited and happy about that. :) We had some fun spanking play during the fights and I also put the butt plug up my ass for a while too. We had a very erotic night together and enjoyed some play time on the darkside together. Master made me cum several times for him. He had me bent over the couch at one point and was fucking my pussy hard. It was really great sex and I really enjoyed spending Saturday night with Darth Vader. Yesterday was difficult for me. I tried to do some chores but I was low on energy and feeling very off and irritated. Crashing from all the play on the darkside has been very, very difficult. I feel very vulnerable right now and sensitive. I am still trying to process my feelings about playing with Jake. I am glad to have a very quiet week to have some alone time and try to feel more like myself. The hormones will calm down and my force will be strong again... May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala