Fighting the power of the darkness

I have been going back and forth about blogging today. I'm feeling kind of down and gloomy today. I havn't been feeling like myself lately. I feel like I should be in a great mood today. The sun is shining and spring is here. My 5 year wedding anniversary is coming up and this should be a happy time for me. I've even got a small trip coming up this weekend. I think that a variety of different stress is coming at me in different directions though. I have some family drama happening and I have also been pushing myself a lot lately with spring cleaning and trying to get a lot done. I have a lot on my mind also and trying to figure a few things out. The power of the darkness has been strong lately. I feel like I have been fighting off the darkness for the last few weeks and it doesn't seem to want to go away. I have been fighting off depression though for a long time. It seems to come and go depending on the weather (I have seasonal affective disorder) or stress in my life. It seems like everyone in my family has had serious depression. No wonder I am prone to it. I know I have to be very careful because the darkness can turn into a dark hole and sometimes that can be hard for me to get out of. I feel bad that I havn't really been asking anyone like Master or my friends for help. I guess I keep hoping that I'll be able to shake away the blues and feel better. Master is home this long weekend from Thursday-Monday! 5 whole days with my Daddy home! I'm glad that we can spend some time together. We were able to book a motel in Harrison Hot Springs (the resort was completely booked up) and I am really glad we are getting away from it all. Harrison Hot Springs is a special place for us. We had our honeymoon there. Our "special place by the lake" is also there. There is tranquility there and I always feel much better when I've visited Harrison Hot Springs. I'd like to maybe move there one day when Master is ready to retire. I love it there and have had some of my best memories in Harrison. I havn't had a trip away since Toronto. I am really aching for some quiet and peaceful time and a chance to enjoy some alone time with my Daddy. It was hard for us to find time together this weekend and I am really excited to be getting away with him. We did manage to find time for some sex although it was at 6 am on Saturday morning. Ah the joys of being parents of young kids. You have to seize the opportunity sometimes when there is kids in bed to get some private time alone. We didn't get a chance to play this weekend also and I'm hoping we can also do some of that when we are on our trip this weekend! My force doesn't feel very strong right now. I feel like I need to re-charge my batteries and get out of this darkness and into the sunshine. Hopefully that can happen after some time away this weekend... May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala