A family beach day at White Rock

I havn't been in the mood to blog lately but I wanted to get a few pictures up this morning and also update the blog about a few things that have been going on in my life recently. It was a very sad week for my family. I found out that I lost two of my Aunts this week within one day of one another. One of my Aunts was in her 50's and it was unexpected. The other Aunt was older and in very poor health. My Dad was very upset about it. I admit that it made me feel very sad. I had a lot of childhood memories with my one Aunt. I feel bad for my Dad and his family. I'm also kind of curious to know what will happen now that she has passed on. She has a very large estate worth millions of dollars. She has properties across Canada and lots and lots of money. My Dad is going to be inheriting a lot of money and will be a very rich man. Life is ironic. My mom cleaned him out during their divorce and now she is broke and he is about to become a very rich man. .... It seems like I havn't had any luck at the poly dance. We have been doing the poly dance (having an open relationship) since June 1997 and I have no success stories to share with you. I will be honest that I am not sure that I have the strength to do it anymore. I don't really want to blog about what happened recently but it soured my feelings a lot for poly. It is just one more heartache on top of all the other ones through the years. My heart got hurt again recently and I really should know better after all these years. I should have seen the red flags. I feel like I am a failure at doing the poly. It seems to be the same dysfunctional cycle which keeps happening. I invest a large amount of time into getting to know someone and connecting with them. Things look great and I have hope that I've found a play partner or a relationship with someone. I think I have a true connection with someone and get intimate and play with them. Then the connection seems to change and it ends just like all the other times. I'm left with a broken heart. I tend to let others into my heart way too easily. I wish I could just keep it simple but it's not in my nature. I'm still sore about a few of my ex's who I fell for so much and they broke my heart. I've talked about it before...the good times are wonderful! You've read about many of those wonderful naughty times! They rock! They make you feel great! The bad times really fucking suck though!! It seems to have sucked the desire for wanting to do the poly anymore out of me. Master is feeling the same way. We seem to be on the same page this time. He's at the end of his rope and so am I. I could tell that Master is as frustrated as I am. We let people into our relationship, our home, our lives....and it always ends badly. We can't think of one time that it's worked out for either one of us. We have both had to heal each other's broken hearts. I'm not sure the poly is worth it anymore. The bad times sour all the good times and leaves a bitter taste in our mouth. We had a very big talk this week. There is some big changes happening with the poly. I think we are both feeling frustrated. The journey will continue but I know that we both will be putting a lot less time and investment into the poly dance. There will be a break from the poly for a while. We are going on hiatus from the poly aspect of our relationship. We plan to concentrate fully on our relationship for right now. Perhaps it could be a permanent break. It's hard to say. I just know that I can't do the broken heart anymore. I'm tired of investing so much into the poly and getting a broken heart in return. I know that I can't play at a casual level like so many swingers or people who are in poly relationships can. I've tried and tried to find people that I can connect with but that connection only seems to last so long and often the feelings are not returned the same way. I am grateful for my relationship with my Master. I know that he will always be there unlike the many others who gave me tons of promises and did not deliver. He will not break my heart. He will not let me down or reject me. I know that I can count on him and that he is my strong force. I might have failed at the poly but at least I have not failed at my relationship and marriage with Master. We have been together for almost 13 years and happily married for 5 of them. I am so lucky to have a soulmate who knows me and accepts me and is always there for me no matter what. He knew I was feeling very down on Thursday. He came home and we had a big talk and then he told me that he would be taking me to the beach on Friday. He was home and so was the kids. He knows that the beach relaxes me and it would be one of the best things for me. It was a beautiful sunny spring day yesterday. We packed up the car and beach bag and headed down to White Rock beach. We got lucky with finding a perfect parking spot and a small walk down to the beach. The kids loved it a lot! They built sandcastles and played in the water. I cuddled close to Master and enjoyed our time at the beach! I even wore my "beach girl" t-shirt. :) We had fish n chips at Docks. I am putting up a few pictures of our family beach fun! The fish n chips was yummy! The ocean air was wonderful and soothing. I felt very relaxed and we stopped by the grocery store for ice-cream and dessert on the way home. I enjoyed a beer with Master and we put the kids to bed and then had some private time together. We were able to have a quick fuck before bed. I slept like a rock. That ocean air always knocks me out and gives me a full night's sleep. I woke up with lots of energy today. I am not sure of our plans for today. MVK is tonight and I kind of wanted to go but I didn't want to go alone. I have been taking a break from public bdsm events lately. I'm not sure when I will be back to going to them again especially if we are taking a break from poly for a while. I miss seeing some of my friends but maybe sometime I'll be able to plan for a Rascal's or something. I am waiting for Master to wake up so he can tell me where we are headed today. I hope we can have another family day. The beach was so much fun! Hopefully one day I can fullfill my dream of living down near a beach. I hope everyone is having a good weekend! May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala