Dark days on the journey

TGIF!! I debated about writing this blog post. I think that I am still trying to sort out some of my feelings and I wasn't sure about sharing some of my them right now. I feel very fragile and vulnerable right now and have struggled with a very dark depression the last month. I am still trying to deal with my Dad's death. It's been hard for me to move on from it. I think about him constantly and I still feel like I'm still in shock over it. It makes me very sad to know that my Dad had planned to come to Leia's birthday party this weekend but he won't be there. I have felt affected by all the celebrity deaths recently. I used to love Charlies Angels. I was very sad over Farrah Fawcett's death. Then the shocking news about Michael Jackson. I used to have a poster of him on my wall in the 80's. I can remember staying up late to watch the Thriller video the first time. I had a hard time getting away from the TV and CNN. Can you believe that Michael Jackson is really gone? What a shocker. My kids didn't really seem too affected but I know that Master and I were both really shaken up. We both grew up in the Michael Jackson era. Many of his songs bring back memories for me of my childhood. We also got some bad family news last night. Master's mom has lung cancer. She had a biopsy done and it came out as cancer. It is inoperable as there are several spots on her lung. She has to start chemo soon. It's a very big worry and it affected Master greatly. I've never seen him so upset as when he got the call last night. I wish I could take his pain away. I know he's very stressed out and I want him to know that I am here for him and love and support him through this. We will get through this together. I worry about this testing our marriage but I know we have been through difficult times and we are a strong force together. We have decided to not tell our kids until after the weekend. Leia is having her 14th birthday party and we want her to enjoy it and not have any worries this weekend. Our kids have gone through a lot with my Dad (their grandpa) passing away. We want to be able to celebrate this weekend and bring some happiness to our kids. I will admit that this is hard with feeling a lot of dark depression and sadness in my heart. There are many life changes going on right now. Things feel up in the air. I am having some health issues also which are worrying me. Life has been a real struggle for me lately. I have lost weight and I am stressed out all the time. I just wonder if things will ever be normal again. What is going to happen next? I'm on edge all the time wondering. There have been some dark days on our journey. I am uncertain of what lies ahead for the Skywalker's. I do believe that the force can be strong again one day...I'm just not certain when that might be. May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala