In sickness and in health

Today has been the day from hell! I'm in a very bad place emotionally right now. I had planned to put up a HNT picture today from the weekend. The day didn't exactly go as planned though. I had a really rough night last night. I've been having chronic insomnia lately. I can't sleep. I had to take a sleeping pill the other day and I really don't like to do that. I feel a bit haunted right now. I feel haunted by my Dad's death. I have thought about getting therapy for it because I am not handling things too well lately. Lots of family drama has me stressed out also. I didn't get much sleep last night and woke up feeling very tired. I am on day 2 of my period so I barely got out of bed anyways. I felt like crap and wanted to stay in my pj's all day and hopefully nap. That didn't happen though. I started to notice Master Anakin looking very ill this morning and asked him a few times about it. He kind of shrugged it off but I could tell he was very bothered by it. I know he tries to be the strong Master and has a hard time asking for help. I knew something was wrong when I saw him starting to have a seizure right in front of me. It was one of the scariest moments of my life! He was shaking in my arms and I tried to comfort him and then noticed he was extremely hot. He was burning up with a fever. I have never felt him so hot before. It really worried me. I called my in-laws and my FIL came over right away. We took him down to the medical clinic. I was hoping it was just the flu but I knew something was wrong when Master walked out of the office. He told me we had to go directly to the hospital ER. My Father-in-law dropped us off and then went back to help look after the kids. The hospital was pretty crowded and time seemed to move in slow motion there. It's a very depressing place to be. They put Master Anakin into the isolation room and I could tell something was wrong. All the precautions were done with the gloves and masks because they were worried about the swine flu and also Meningitis. Master said he has the worst headache of his life and his fever was over 103. He looked sicker than I have ever seen him before in our relationship and friendship. He is usually so strong and dominant and in control. It was hard for me to see him so sick. They did heart tests, blood and urine tests and a chest x-ray. I held his hand and wanted to cry. It was hard to see him so helpless. It's a different side to Master that I have never seen before. I started to get really upset and worried. I started to think about my Dad and how I just lost him. I don't think I could deal with losing my Master too. I went outside and called my MIL who had a *major* breakdown on the phone. She really lost it with me and then I had a full blown panic attack. It was not a pretty scene. I am married to Master in sickness and in health. I have to be the strong one right now and take care of him. It's a different role for me. I'm having a hard time keeping it together right now. I want to lose it but I know that I have to be strong. Master Anakin is resting right now. He's going to be off work for a few days and needs to rest and take it easy. Usually he is the strong one who is taking care of me. This time though I need to be the strong one. There is also a chance of us going back to the hospital if he gets worse. He's on strong antibiotics. They said he had an abnormal white blood cell count. They are waiting on tests but there is some kind of infection going on with his body. He needs to be rest. I will be taking a few days break from the blog and also e-mails and Fetlife and such. I will try to keep up to date on my twitters so you can have updates. My force is not strong at the moment. I know that my biggest fear is to lose Master Anakin. He is my force and without him, I am nothing. I truly, deeply, love him. May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala