Rascal's Halloween party tomorrow night!

It has felt like a very long week for me even though we had a Thanksgiving holiday on the Monday. There has been a lot going on in my life. New people have entered my life recently. I met my half-brother on Monday for the first time. There has been some recent interest in a few people and possibilities for the poly. I've been getting some new friendships and possible relationships too. I've have also had some people from the past come back into my life. I have a really hard time dealing with ex's. I tend to put a lot of myself into my relationships with other people. When I love, it's completely in my heart and soul. My heart has been broken more times than I can count during all these years of being in a poly relationship. I've seen my Master's heart broken too. It hasn't been easy. I haven't been to a bdsm event in the local community in Vancouver since March. I was on a hiatus for a long time. There were several reasons for my hiatus which I don't feel like blogging about. I started to get the itch to go to an event though in the last two months. I missed seeing some of my friends and also being able to get out and socialize. There are several reasons that I love to go to events. I am really excited to be meeting some of my new friends at Rascal's tomorrow night!! There are some people that I can't wait to see again. It's been months and I have missed them a lot! There are some people through Fetlife that I've gotten to know online but we have not had the chance to meet yet! I can't wait for that! The guest list for the Rascal's Halloween party tomorrow is pretty big. I'll be honest. There are a few people that are planning to go there that I would rather not see again. The problem with dating people in the local community is that you play with people and get some very powerful feelings about it. Then you break up and sometimes there are hurt feelings. You are forced to have to see them and to deal with them when they are at events. You try to be civil but it's tough sometimes. There were some people who really broke my heart and hurt me deeply. I loved them very much. The past is the past and I'd rather not see them again or dig up old feelings. You never know who might walk through the door at an event. I've been shocked when ex's from years ago have shown up at different places unexpected. It can be emotional for me to see those people again when I've closed the door on that chapter of my life. I get a lot of anxiety when I am meeting people for a coffee for the first time. Meeting 20 or 30 new people all in a night causes me a bit of a panic attack. I can be social but I'm also extremely shy when I meet new people. It's a bit of a miracle that Master Anakin is going because he gets into even more of a panic when he's in a crowd. He has some social anxiety disorder. He doesn't like to socialize very much and would rather have home play parties or go to more private ones together. He does a lot better when he's in a smaller crowd. He also does not like to play publicly. If we play tomorrow night, it would be in the private area of Rascal's. There have been a few problems with finding a costume also. I went back to Spencer Gifts to pick up my sexy cop costume but it was gone in my size. Bummer! I was hoping to be a sexy cop. Then Master saw a prisoner costume he liked and we also went back to get it and it was all gone!! We are still trying to figure out a costume for him to wear. I know that is making him angsty as well. I had planned to go shopping today but it didn't work out. So we might have to go looking for a costume after we drop off the kids tonight for sitting. Don't get me wrong. I am very excited about this weekend. I get to see my best friend, Shasta again. It's been a year and a half since I last saw her! We have lots of neat plans for her and a great weekend planned including some beach/ocean time! I spent the last two days cleaning and my place is sparkling! Master is very pleased with me about that. I am counting down the hours until I see my BFF again! That is the best part of this weekend! I get to celebrate my birthday with my two favorite people! I've also been told that I can buy a new toy for my birthday!! That's very, very exciting! I am not sure what to get but it's going to be so much fun to look! We have a few plans for naughty shopping and I can't wait! We have plans for sushi for dinner and sightseeing to show Shasta around Vancouver. That will be SO much fun!! We have no kids from 7 pm tonight until Sunday afternoon. We are not sure of our plans for tonight but I'm really glad to have some time with Master. I really miss him today. I will be seeing Shasta in the morning before we visit and get ready for Rascal's and downtown Vancouver. I hope this rain can turn into some sunshine before tomorrow! It's going to be a fun weekend. I just need to work through some of my panic and angst and get into the spirit of the weekend fun. I know that usually after events I am so glad that I went. Getting in the door is usually the most challenging part of going to events. After that, there is usually lots of playing and fun and great times! :) May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala