The Affair

I was planning to go out this morning but I started watching Bridges of Madison County and got lost into the movie. This movie triggers a lot of emotion in me. Takes me back to a certain time of my life and the choices that I made. I feel that I can relate to a lot of things that were said and done in the movie. I made a choice 13 years ago (on Nov. 23/96) to tell my best friend that I loved him. I had no idea how he felt about me at the time. He had learned to cover his feelings very well. I decided to risk the friendship to be honest about how I was feeling. I had spent 7 years trying to deny the feelings that were there. Moments which I held back from touching him or kissing him. We even dated for a while and yet never slept together. I was not being true to myself. My best friend at the time could see inside my soul better than I could. She told me to look what was right in front of me. She knew that he was my soulmate. She could see that I was in a very unhappy marriage and she told me that she felt that I had married the wrong man. I can remember that afternoon back in 1996. I paced around the house and tried to examine my feelings. I made that phone call to Master. My heart raced when he picked up the phone. I was scared but I knew that I had to tell him about my feelings. I asked him to come over and told him that I needed to talk to him. My ex husband was in school at the time and was in a class. I arranged for sitting for my daughter. I waited for him to arrive and was very nervous. I wondered if I should tell him. I wasn't sure I was ready to leave my marriage. I still loved my ex and wanted to raise a family with him. We had a child together. It wasn't a simple choice. I agonized over that decision. He had no clue why I had invited him over. He seemed a bit confused at first when I tried to explain. I had no idea what he would say or how he would react to the news that I was in love with him. There was a few moments of silence because he didn't know what to say. I was married at the time. He had tried to encourage me to work on my marriage. He did not want to break-up our family. He liked my ex husband and they were friends. He told me he was in love with me too. We weren't sure we could ever be together though. We were both conflicted but yet we knew there was a connection there that we could not deny any longer. 7 years of build up and that night it exploded. He grabbed my ass and that was it. It was the best sex of my life. The passion was incredible and the intensity of the love between us even though we both knew that it might not last. I stayed up most of the night after he left. I didn't feel ready to leave my marriage but I had found true love. I didn't know what to do. We tried to stay away from each other and not sleep together again. That lasted about two weeks. He asked me to meet him and I couldn't resist. My ex was going away for a weekend with our daughter. I bought a beautiful dress and got myself ready and packed and went to meet him in Downtown Vancouver. We went to a play that night. Then we went to the Hyatt Hotel where we spent a night of passion and lust together. The sex was forbidden and it was incredible. Our naked bodies dancing together to the music looking out at the downtown lights from the Hyatt. A memory that I will never forget. Christmas 1996 was a nightmare. My Dad had tried to commit suicide. My mom was out of control. My own life seemed to be spinning out of control also. I was trying to stay in my marriage out of commitment to him. I couldn't bring myself to tell him the truth until after Christmas. It felt terrible to be living a lie. I finally broke down and told him what was happening. It was a difficult time in my life. I made some choices which affected a lot of lives. Master became the "other man" and people disliked him and blamed him for causing the break-up of my first marriage. My ex moved out in Febuary that year and I started my life with Master. There were many people who were not happy about that choice. Some family members would not talk to me (or Master Anakin) for months. It was hard. It took a few years for people to forget and some never did. The affair still gets brought up even after all these years. I can understand why people were upset although I can't feel bad about those choices because it has lead to the life that I have right now. I have a great life with Master Anakin and our family. We have a strong and happy marriage and I was meant to live out the rest of my days with my soulmate. This scene out of the movie really touches me the most. It is one of my favorite scenes from a movie and makes me think of Anakin. It makes me think of the different choice that I could have made during that time. I could have chosen to stay in that first marriage. I often wonder what would have happened if that had been my choice. I doubt that I would be writing this blog post right now or telling you that I am a slave in a TPE relationship. It's funny how the choices that we make in our life can affect the road that you go down. I sometimes have regrets over that affair but I wouldn't have this life if I had made a different choice. I love Master Anakin and can't imagine my life without him. Happy 13 year anniversary of being together Master Anakin!! i love you so much.... Our force is strong and forever and i am so glad that I made the decision that night in 1996 to tell you that i love you. i loved you then and i love you now. i will love you always... May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala