Looking forward to 2010 and a new year!

It had been a really long week and I was looking forward to the weekend. I've had a lot of time to do a lot of reflecting. I feel there are really big changes happening in my life and there is nothing I can do but try to cope with it all. I found out some sad news today which was very upsetting. My ex husband phoned in tears to let me know that our cat had passed away. He lived a very full life but it's hard. I thought of him as my own kitty even though I didn't live with my ex anymore and he got custody of our cats. It was hard to give that cat up when we separated. I really loved that cat. At least he didn't suffer. Leia and him found his body when they got to his place last night. I'm sad for the whole family and also my ex husband. We might be divorced but I still care about him. We bought the cat together when we were first together. We both loved that cat dearly. I'm going to miss him a lot. 2009 has been a really crazy year!! A year of great loss. I lost 3 of my Aunts and then my Dad passed away suddenly. My MIL has terminal cancer. Then my cat dies. What next? I'm almost expecting a call to happen about my Grandma as she isn't doing very well and I think that is going to happen soon. The stress has been overwhelming at times. I am really looking forward to this year being over and starting 2010. I hope that more positive things will happen in my life. Maybe my sister will get pregnant or we can take that trip to Las Vegas. I would love to have something to look forward to. I feel like I have had a lot of loss in my life lately. Some of my friendships seem to be going through big changes. I feel like I've lost some friends this year as well as the people/pets that have passed away. DL and I are not talking after some hurtful comments she made last weekend. I have a feeling that our friendship might be over. We were friends a long time. It hurts that it has come down to this. Some friends have disappeared and I don't hear from anymore. Some people have disappeared for weeks and there have been a few who have for months. I'm a bit surprised that some people have disappeared who offered me support after my Dad passed away. Some people have not contacted me since the funeral. Maybe they don't know what to say. I feel like I've lost some of my Dad's friends and they felt like a part of my family. It's made me feel very sad that so many people have left my life this year. .... I am pretty much done my Christmas shopping. I've always wanted to get it done early and this year I had the money to do it. Another thing I can cross off my bucket list: #357 -Get my Christmas shopping done before December We had some play time last night on the darkside. There was some belt spanking as well as rough anal sex. I needed to play and it was a really nice distraction from the stress I've been feeling. I was really glad to connect with Master and have some play time together. I hope we can play again tonight. I really need the control and rough play right now. The physical pain seems to help me with the emotional pain that I am feeling. I need it so badly right now. We were able to get some sitting so we went out to the a movie today and saw 2012. Wow!! This movie was incredible!! Great special effects and a very intense storyline. My problems seem pretty small when your watching a movie about the end of the world. It reminded me about life and how it is precious and you shouldn't take it for granted. We had planned to go to a play party at LB's tonight but we couldn't get sitting for it tonight. I'm glad to be spending the night watching movies and cuddling by the fireplace. I feel great comfort in Master's arms. He is my strong force through the rough winds lately. Our force is strong. May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala