Orgasm Meme

I saw this orgasm meme over at Carrie's blog and wanted to give it a try. It's been a while since I did a meme and this one looked like fun. :) I went looking for a masturbation picture to go with this post and found this one from a few years ago. I think it's so cute and sexy! I'm wearing my heart panties which have "hottie" on the front of them. I was putting my hand down them to masturbate and Master saw me and took this picture. I can't help it sometimes! I am a very naughty girl and I love my masturbation and orgasms! Orgasm Meme: 1. What’s your favourite way to have an orgasm? A rabbit vibrator up my pussy and the Hitatchi on my clit. Getting fucked with the Rabbit which is vibrating in my pussy while the Hitatchi makes my clit feel really good. That combined gives me the most incredible orgasms EVER!! 2. Do you use a sex toy? Hands? or both? I often use a sex toy. I do enjoy hand masturbation too although it tends to take longer for me to have an orgasm. I'd rather use my Hitatchi which gets me off every time and quickly. Sometimes I have used both hands and a sex toy. 3. Do you have a favourite time of day or night that you like to pleasure yourself or have sex? I love to masturbate in the morning when the kids are at school and Master is at work. The kids are out of school for summer though so that is going to have to wait until September. I also enjoy masturbating or having sex at night before bed. It's a great cure for insomnia and helps me sleep better. 4. Do you feel you have different types of orgasms? Yup. I've had g-spot orgasms, anal, clitoral. I've had big ones and small ones and ones that literally blew my mind and left me unable to walk properly. 5. Do you have a position or a technique that always guarantees an orgasm? On the bed with my legs spread and a Hitatchi going steady on my clit always guarantees me an orgasm. The Hitatchi is my favorite toy and always makes sure that I cum. 6. Is having your clit directly stimulated pleasurable for you? What about after an orgasm? I enjoy having my clit directly stimulated. It can be very pleasurable for me. But I don't tend to like that after I've already had an orgasm as it can be very sensitive. For the first orgasm though it's great! 7. Do you masturbate/pleasure yourself? Yes. I try to masturbate a few times a week. 8. Has your self pleasuring repertoire/routine/technique changed or evolved over time? It's gotten a lot better over time since I found the Hitatchi. I didn't masturbate as much when I used my hand or a small cheap vibrator which sometimes didn't get me to orgasm. 9. Are sex toys part of your self pleasuring or with a partner? Or both? Yup. Sex toys are a part of my masturbation. Rabbit vibe and Hitatchi and other vibes. Master Anakin tends to not use toys for masturbation though as usually just a hand is good for him. *smiles* 10. If you enjoy using sex toys how often do you upgrade your equipment? Usually every few years we try to upgrade our equipment and buy a new vibrator. My hitatchi was bought years ago and we have been lucky that we havn't had to replace it so far. 11. Whats the most intense orgasm you have ever had? Hmmm...that's really hard to say. I've had many intense orgasms during some threesomes and from different people. Usually when I am given pain is when I get the biggest orgasms. I can't name one specific orgasm which stands out from the other big ones. 12. How often do you orgasm? Daily, more than once a day, weekly, monthly….??? That depends on how much time I have and how stressed I am or if I am on my period. I don't masturbate during my period at all so usually that is a slow week for it. Sometimes I am so horny though that I masturbate every day! Especially if Master and I are on vacation or have a weekend alone or such. 13. Do you regard orgasm to be a stress reliever? Yes. It helps me with my stress a lot. I have masturbated just to help me because I am really stressed out. 14. What happens to you after orgasm? Full of energy, a bit lala or ready to go to sleep? Usually I get a bit sleepy for a bit after an orgasm. I usually just enjoy the sensation and go to sleep or lay around for a while. 15. Have you ever squirted? No. I have never squirted before. Shiro had told me he would make me squirt but that never happened. No one has been able to make me. Maybe one day. :) 16. Do you fantasize when you masturbate? Or do you just get right down to it? I often like to fantasize when I masturbate. Usually it is about a spanking fantasy or something really naughty that I want to do with Master. There are times though that I just get right down to it and masturbate so I can cum quickly and get on with my day. 17. What do you like about having an orgasm? Is it important you have an orgasm every time? I like how an orgasm relaxes my body and mind. It is a release for me. I like that I sleep better and don't have insomnia usually when I've had an orgasm. It is important for me to have an orgasm every time but there have been times when it has been hard to achieve it because I have too much on my mind. Sometimes it's just about Master and I am on orgasm denial or he doesn't want me to cum. I'm totally ok with that. :) ..... May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala

Happy birthday Princess Leia!

It's been a really fun weekend with celebrating going on for Princess Leia's 14th birthday! I can't believe that my baby girl is turning 14. Boy the years have flown by! Seems like just yesterday I was holding my daughter in my arms and changing her diapers. Now she's wearing make-up and growing up on me. Today is a big birthday bbq at our place to celebrate. We spent most of this morning working on the decorations. Yesterday we went to the Cultus Lake Waterslides in Chilliwack. It was a part of Leia's birthday present. We wanted to give her a weekend of fun and it was a pretty wild and crazy afternoon on the waterslides. I have lots of pictures from it and hope to put some up in the next few days. I havn't been to the waterslides since I was practically Leia's age. I'm a bit stiff and sore this morning but it was worth it! Lots of laughs and fun family times. It was nice to spend some family time together. Happy birthday Princess Leia! May the force be with you! ~padme amidala

Dark days on the journey

TGIF!! I debated about writing this blog post. I think that I am still trying to sort out some of my feelings and I wasn't sure about sharing some of my them right now. I feel very fragile and vulnerable right now and have struggled with a very dark depression the last month. I am still trying to deal with my Dad's death. It's been hard for me to move on from it. I think about him constantly and I still feel like I'm still in shock over it. It makes me very sad to know that my Dad had planned to come to Leia's birthday party this weekend but he won't be there. I have felt affected by all the celebrity deaths recently. I used to love Charlies Angels. I was very sad over Farrah Fawcett's death. Then the shocking news about Michael Jackson. I used to have a poster of him on my wall in the 80's. I can remember staying up late to watch the Thriller video the first time. I had a hard time getting away from the TV and CNN. Can you believe that Michael Jackson is really gone? What a shocker. My kids didn't really seem too affected but I know that Master and I were both really shaken up. We both grew up in the Michael Jackson era. Many of his songs bring back memories for me of my childhood. We also got some bad family news last night. Master's mom has lung cancer. She had a biopsy done and it came out as cancer. It is inoperable as there are several spots on her lung. She has to start chemo soon. It's a very big worry and it affected Master greatly. I've never seen him so upset as when he got the call last night. I wish I could take his pain away. I know he's very stressed out and I want him to know that I am here for him and love and support him through this. We will get through this together. I worry about this testing our marriage but I know we have been through difficult times and we are a strong force together. We have decided to not tell our kids until after the weekend. Leia is having her 14th birthday party and we want her to enjoy it and not have any worries this weekend. Our kids have gone through a lot with my Dad (their grandpa) passing away. We want to be able to celebrate this weekend and bring some happiness to our kids. I will admit that this is hard with feeling a lot of dark depression and sadness in my heart. There are many life changes going on right now. Things feel up in the air. I am having some health issues also which are worrying me. Life has been a real struggle for me lately. I have lost weight and I am stressed out all the time. I just wonder if things will ever be normal again. What is going to happen next? I'm on edge all the time wondering. There have been some dark days on our journey. I am uncertain of what lies ahead for the Skywalker's. I do believe that the force can be strong again one day...I'm just not certain when that might be. May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala

Happy HNT - Playing with Darth Vader!

Happy HNT (Half-Nekkid Thursday) everyone! I am really excited to be putting up two new HNT pictures this week! It's been a while since I got a spanking and Master was happy to take lots of pictures of it. I have more pictures to put up that were taken on Saturday night during an overnight with no kids. I got to play with Darth Vader for hours! He took me to the darkside and showed me His power and control. Please click on the picture to get a better look at it. I dressed up for him into my leather skirt and "little miss dangerous" t-shirt. The t-shirt is way too small and shows off my tits nicely. I also had on my black lace panties and girlie socks (bought at the Taboo sex show a few years ago) and shoes. He said I looked VERY dangerous and that brought out his darkside. I could see Darth in his eyes as he saw me all dressed up and ready for play time! I think the picture of the socks and shoes is so cute!! It felt so good to play hard. He used many different spanking toys on my poor bottom! We recently inherited a fold out bed which is great for bondage. I was tied up to it on Saturday night. He played with my front side and nipples and tortured them. Then he made me flip over and used his harsh toys to punish my ass. One toy was the nasty chain flogger! You can see it in the spanking picture I am putting up for HNT this week! It bruises the bum very well and leaves a stinging feeling. He used his belt and whip and also lots with his hand. I still have a few bruises on the front of my thighs from the whip that he used. I floated in subspace and enjoyed feeling a release for a while. I didn't have to think...I just let myself ride in the sensations and for Darth Vader to torture my body and soul. He whispered nasty things into my ear...fingered my pussy to orgasm...used the Rabbit and Hitatchi vibrator also to give me more orgasms. He also fucked my pussy by riding me doggy style and pulling on my hair. I moaned and screamed and allowed myself to let go of all control. Darth Vader knew how to take me to the edge and then let me cuddle up close to him and we both held onto one another until we fell asleep. We both needed the escape and connection and our force felt very strong again... Please leave us a comment on our pictures! We always enjoy hearing from you! Please check out Osbasso's blog if you are interested in participating in the HNT series! May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala

Thank you Shasta!

I got a surprise on Friday which made me smile. I went to the post office and picked up a parcel from my best friend, Shasta. She had told me that she had sent me something from the M&M store when she was there a few months ago on a trip to Las Vegas. The M&M World store is one of my favorite stores in the world!! I bought a M&M bowl from there years ago and use it when I have my M&M's while watching tv. I was surprised and delighted when I opened the parcel and saw a red M&M cup!! Red M&M's are my absolute favorite and I enjoy coffee so I will be able to use my gift often and think of Shasta when I do. Thank you Shasta!! Your gift brought a big smile to my face. It's one of the most thoughtful gifts that I have ever received from anyone. I love the mug and enjoyed my morning cup of coffee in it this morning and thought about you. :) May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala

Father's day without my Dad

I had a pretty good weekend up until today. We have had sitting for our two kids all weekend and a lot of alone time. Friday night was a movie night. Yesterday was a beach day and also a play night. We took a ton of pictures and it was wonderful to escape into some play and not worry about things for a while. It was a well needed break from all that has happened the last month. I woke up this morning and realized that it was Father's Day. Last year I was in Toronto for Father's day. I spent it going to wineries with my bud, Shasta and having a wonderful time. This Father's day is quite different. It isn't a happy one for me. My Dad is gone and I can't phone him today and wish him a happy father's day. Master is out for breakfast with his Dad right now. I'm alone and I was watching some country videos. I saw one which reminded me so much of my Dad. I wanted to share it with my blog. This brought tears to my eyes and made me think of my Dad today.. The Dance by Garth Brooks Looking back on the memory of The dance we shared beneath the stars above For a moment all the world was right How could I have known you'd ever say goodbye And now I'm glad I didn't know The way it all would end the way it all would go Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain But I'd of had to miss the dance Holding you I held everything For a moment wasn't I the king But if I'd only known how the king would fall Hey who's to say you know I might have changed it all And now I'm glad I didn't know The way it all would end the way it all would go Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain But I'd of had to miss the dance Yes my life is better left to chance I could have missed the pain but I'd of had to miss the dance ..... I started crying when I heard that song. It reminded me of my Dad and one of my fondest memories with him when I danced with him at my first wedding. The lyrics which said so much to me were "And now I'm glad I didn't know. The way it all would end, the way it all would go. Our lives are better left to chance. I could have missed the pain. But I'd of had to miss the dance." That says so much to me right now. I am glad that I had the chance to dance with my Dad. That I had those special memories with us. It is so difficult to experience Father's day without a Dad. To go visit him at his grave rather than see him in person and give him a big hug. I am trying to move forward but days like today make it difficult. My life is a lot different now with not having a Dad. I want to wish my Daddy (Master Anakin) a happy father's day today. He's been my force through all of this and I am so grateful for all that he does for me and our children. May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala

Happy HNT - Sexy summer in the tropics

Happy HNT (Half-Nekkid Thursday) everyone! We havn't put a HNT picture up in weeks and I decided that it would be good to share one from the past. It's one of my personal favorites. It was taken one summer when I was wearing some sexy pink lingerie from La Senza. I also had on a tropical blue necklace. Master Anakin did some photoshopping on it to make it look like I was looking sexy on a tropical beach somewhere. I would love to be far, far away right now on a tropical beach somewhere. I am longing for escape and to unwind from all the stress that has been happening lately. The kids are almost out of school for summer holidays (Leia is writing final exams and Skywalker only has a week left) and I've started to think about some beach trips we can take. Hopefully one day Master and I can get to a tropical beach somewhere like Hawaii. I've been wanting to go there with him for years. I am a beach girl and I just love spending summer time down at the beach... We hope you enjoy this week's HNT picture. Please leave us a comment. Check out Osbasso's blog if you are interested in participating in the HNT series. May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala

I'm a sensitive girl

Your Sensitivity Score: 69% You are a highly sensitive person. Pretty much everything effects you. You are tuned into the vibe around you, and someone's bad mood can bring you down. But you also easily share in someone's joy - whether you know them or not. Are You Extremely Sensitive?

A very difficult time for the Skywalker's

The guests have all gone home. I'm sitting here feeling sadness and sorrow and deep depression. My eyes are swollen from all the crying that I have done the last few days. I've had very little sleep...averaging about 5-6 hours a night the last week. My thoughts have all been with my Dad. Just writing this post is bringing on the tears. I am emotionally exhausted and drained. The memories of the last few days will stay with me for a lifetime. Saying goodbye to a parent has got to be the most difficult experience of my life. I've lost Grandparents and even babies (through miscarriage) before but losing my Dad has thrown my life into total chaos and despair. I have never experienced a loss like this before. There have been constant phone calls and guests in and out of our house. Daily duties to say goodbye to my Dad...a viewing of his body on Thursday night. A burial on Friday. And then a memorial service and reception that happened yesterday. It was a very difficult day for the Skywalker's and all of my Dad's friends and family. There were many, many, many tears. I heard stories about my Dad which moved my heart greatly. The burial was truly beautiful but yet tragic. The spot he is buried is perfect. It is a beautiful view. Watching the burial broke my heart. I stayed to watch the whole thing. I kissed his coffin and I said "I love you, Dad". Then I watched them put him into the ground and then the dirt get buried on top. It was one of the most emotional experiences in my life. I kept it together for the memorial service. I was the MC (Master of ceremony) and I also did a speech. It took me 3 hours to write that speech on Friday night. I drank a whole bottle of wine and the paper I wrote on was stained from all my tears. The memorial service was unforgettable. I heard several people comment that it was the best service that they have ever attended. There was approx. 250 people there. I saw friends and relatives that I hadn't seen in years. Leia said a beautiful poem to her Grandpa which touched my heart. It was amazing and she looked so grown up. Skywalker also had some very special moments also. The most special moment of the service was walking out to the Honored Guard. They saluted me and my siblings as we walked out of the service. That honor to my Dad touched me greatly. I felt like a very proud daughter. Master Anakin took over 250 pictures. I wish I could share some with you but I can't due to privacy. I did put many of the pictures up on my Facebook account though. This picture I put up today was taken on the day of the burial. It moves me... I can't believe that it's all over. How does one move on from this? How does one return to normal when my life has been forever affected? It feels like I have completely changed from this experience. It's been a defining moment which has changed me. I miss my Dad so much....it hurts so much... When will my force be strong again? May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala

Footprints in the sand

It has been an extremely difficult time for me the last few weeks. Yesterday was one of the most difficult days of my life. I decided to view my Dad's body although many people told me I shouldn't. I can understand why in some ways people felt that way although I felt like I had to do it and say goodbye to have some closure. I was shocked at what he looked like. He was very peaceful but it almost didn't look like my Dad. He was dressed in the suit that I had personally picked out for him. I could only stay in the room for about ten minutes. I meant to take more time but I couldn't. I felt a full panic attack when I said goodbye to him. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do in my life...saying goodbye to my Dad laying there in a coffin. My brother lasted about 30 seconds and left immediately as soon as he saw him. I had to comfort my brother who was crying his eyes out in the funeral parking lot. I've never seen my brother so upset before. There is something so surreal about seeing your parent laying there in a coffin and saying goodbye to them and knowing that you will never see them again. As I write this, there are tears in my eyes. Losing my Dad has made me realize how fragile life is. I barely slept last night. I tossed and turned and cried myself to sleep. I kept going over flashbacks of the viewing and of my Dad's life. Today is the burial. Tomorrow is the memorial service. There is so much sadness in my heart. It is unlike any other sadness I have experienced...any other loss. Losing a parent has changed me in many ways. I called up my Mom (who I have a complicated relationship with) and told her I loved her last night and won't take her for granted anymore. I have felt very alone in my grief. Although my siblings are there, I've had to take care of my brother and also trying to deal with my kid's and their loss with their grandpa. My son did a drawing of his grandpa which went into the coffin. My daughter wrote him a song and also a poem and plans to speak at the funeral. I will be saying the "Footprints in the sand" poem at the memorial service in front of hundreds of people. There has been a lot of work put into it all to make it memorable and special and to remember my Dad. The place where he will be laid to rest today is beautiful. There is a view and it is very peaceful there. Footprints in the Sand by Mary Stevenson, 1936 One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord. Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky. In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, other times there was one only. This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints, so I said to the Lord, “You promised me Lord, that if I followed you, you would walk with me always. But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there has only been one set of footprints in the sand. Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?” The Lord replied, “The years when you have seen only one set of footprints, my child, is when I carried you.” RIP Dad...I love you and miss you so much...May the force be with you. ~padme amidala

The beginning of the end

My sister is sleeping and I've got a bit of time to write and felt like doing a quick blog post. Today feels like the beginning of the end. It all begins tomorrow for the end of this chapter in my life...the loss of my Dad. Tomorrow is the viewing of his body. I was surprised by how many people think this is a very bad idea for me going to it. My Grandma tried to talk me out of it. Many people are worried about me right now. I guess I feel that I need to go though. I need to say goodbye to my Dad and this is my chance to do it. My sister has been staying with me since Monday and is driving me a bit crazy. I see a lot of my Dad in her personality. She is a control freak and likes things her way. My brother is arriving tomorrow and I am not looking forward to him being here. I found out some news that troubles me a lot and I worry about how he is going to cope for the few days he's here. I am extremely anxious and stressed out about the next few days. I already feel like I am very close to having a nervous breakdown and the events havn't even happened yet. We found out some news yesterday that his old co-workers plan to attend the memorial service and they will be dressed in full uniform. My Dad would have been very pleased with that. They plan to do a speech. Also a few other people plan to speak which surprised me also. He had many friends and they loved him dearly. One of his best friends is flying out from Ontario today and plans to attend all the events over the next few days. It hurts me so much to think of saying goodbye to my Dad. I still can't believe that he is really gone. I hope to have more closure in the next few days with everything that is happening. Hopefully I can find a way to say goodbye to my Dad... I am trying to lean on people right now for support. I don't think I can get through this difficult time without the support of my friends and family. My force feels very weak and I feel extremely fragile right now. It is the beginning of the end... May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala

The calm before the storm

I wanted to write a blog post today because I wasn't sure when I would have the next opportunity for writing. Today is the calm before the storm. I've tried to get housework done and also work on cleaning up my basement which currently has all my Dad's boxes from his place. There are a lot of memories in those boxes. Pictures, trophies, old Father's day cards, lots and lots of memorabilia. It's been kind of interesting to go through them all and learn more about my Dad. I feel like I've learned a lot about him since he passed away two weeks ago. There are moments which are very difficult to deal with when I am sorting through his stuff. He kept it all...stuff from my childhood and pictures and stuff. It has brought back some flashbacks to old times in the past..and those times were both good and bad. My Dad was a very complicated man. He rarely showed emotions and he had a heck of a temper. I was emotionally and physically abused as a child. My Dad and I went through many times that we didn't speak to each other. I am very glad though that I had made peace with him in the last few months before his death. We were on good terms and I felt like he was starting to reach out to me and my last memory with him was wonderful. My sister was in town and we went out for dinner with my Dad and Grandma. A storm is on the horizon. Next week is going to be hell but I know that I need to go through it. I know that in the long term that it is necessary. I need to say goodbye to my Dad. Next Thursday is the viewing of his body. I have made the choice to go although several people have tried to talk me out of it. It's my choice though and I need to say goodbye to him. The next day is the burial and there will be a special service for that. We are hosting a BBQ at our home that night for everyone who is going to the burial. Then on Saturday June 13th is the memorial service and reception. There are a lot of people who are expected to attend that. It's been a lot of work but I am know that my Dad would be proud of me and my sister to give him a proper and respectful goodbye. I can't believe it's been two weeks tomorrow since he passed away. It feels like everything has changed. I am a very different person than I was two weeks ago. I feel like this experience of losing a parent has made me look at my life and also reflect on my own death. No one likes to think about it but I think losing a parent makes you realize your own mortality. I want to write a will and I've been starting to think of my own funeral arrangements. I am very glad that my Dad arranged a lot so that we didn't have to wonder what he wanted. He was very clear on his wishes. I will admit that I have slipped into a very dark place the last two weeks. I have been severely depressed and it shows. I noticed very dark circles under my eyes this morning. I've lost 7 pounds in two weeks due to not eating very much. I have had severe insomnia. I have panic attacks so bad that it feels like I'm having a heart attack. I've also had my heart breaking into a million pieces. I've had emotional meltdowns that have brought on some very dark thoughts. I feel sad constantly. My sex drive had disappeared. My submission has also disappeared. Master has been my Daddy the last two weeks and tried his best to take care of me. I fully admit that I've pushed him away. He has never lost a parent and sometimes I have wondered if he knows what I am going through. I want to grieve in private and be alone. Obviously this blog is suffering too. I have lost my desire to write. I've lost my desire for many things that I used to enjoy. It's like a piece of me has died with my Dad. And I honestly wonder if I will ever be happy again. I know that I have to give it time but I also know that it is hard to move on when my Dad hasn't been buried and I havn't said goodbye to him. Sometimes I just want to pick up the phone and call him up. I've had a very hard accepting his death. Perhaps it's because of how sudden it happened and being unexpected. Father's day is right around the corner. It's strange to not buy him a card and I had planned to ask him to get together with him. What do I do for Father's day? Thinking about it makes my heart hurt. I have guests staying with us next week and a lot of plans so I won't be online very much. I hope that when I come back to blogging that I will be in a better place than I am right now. I really appreciate all the supportive comments and messages from everyone. Not everyone has been supportive unfortunately. I've had some relatives make some very hurtful comments and lots and lots of family drama. I feel a dark storm coming my way and I hope that I can brace for it and survive it. My force is not very strong right now.... May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala

Saying goodbye to my Dad...

Saturday May 23rd is a day that I will never forget. It was a perfect day. Sunny skies and not a cloud in the sky. A perfect spring day. We packed up the car and headed out for a family day with the kids. We stopped in North Vancouver at Horseshoe Bay for a while. I saw the Trolls there which I had ice-cream with my Dad at. He loved it there. I thought about him. I had no idea that my Dad was on the operating table passing away around that time. My life changed in an instant... I got the call from my sister while in Squamish on the way to Whistler. We had to turn around the car and we headed to my Grandma's house and I was the one who had to tell her the news. It was one of the hardest things that I have ever done...telling my Grandma and seeing the look on her face. The rest of that day is a blur. I went into deep shock. I couldn't stop shaking and I came home to many phone calls and messages. My sister came over with her husband and I will never forget the moment I went outside and that big hug with so much emotion with her. I knew she was hurting so much. He was 67 years old. This was completely unexpected. He started having chest pains on Friday but ignored them and went home to bed. The next day he was gone. He was loved by many. He had so many friends and family that loved him and respected him. I wish I could tell you more about my Dad but I have to be careful due to privacy. I will tell you that he was a very well respected man and his legacy lives on. There is hundreds of people expected to come to the funeral. The response to his death has been incredible. The phone hasn't stopping ringing. I've received flowers and tons of messages and lots of support. It has been stressful too. Lots and lots of family drama. My Dad was due to get a piece of a very large inheritance (from an Aunt that passed away a few weeks earlier. We have lost 3 relatives in the last month) before he passed away. Money does strange things to some people. Some people are all about the money. I am disgusted by some people's behavior this last week. There has been some very hurtful and insensitive things that have been said. That has not helped with the process of grieving and trying to plan for a funeral. My Dad picked out a beautiful place to be buried. He planned out a lot of the details. Next Thursday is the viewing of his body. I will be saying goodbye to my Dad. Then on Friday is the burial. Saturday is his memorial and service. How do I say goodbye to my Dad? I'm starting to choke up with tears as I write this. There are moments which are pure hell for me. I realize that I've lost a parent and that a peice of me has died. I feel like this experience has deeply changed me. I am not sure how much I will be blogging for the next few weeks. I am grieving and trying to deal with a lot right now. I have all the boxes of my Dad's stuff in my basement. I'm also trying to deal with guests arriving next week (some of them from as far as Ontario and Nova Scotia) and there is still a lot that has to get done. I appreciate all the e-mails and e-cards and support during this difficult time. It has helped me a lot and I really appreciate it. I hope that everyone will understand if the blog suffers a bit because of this. There isn't very much sexy stuff going on and I am not sure if the people reading this want to hear about all the sadness and hurt going on right now with this. I need to somehow find a way to say goodbye...I really don't know how to move on from this. I have reconnected with an old friend of mine recently. She reached out to me during this difficult time because she lost her Dad a few years ago. We have bonded and started to become friends again. That has been the one positive thing through this. I have talked to old friends and family members and there is a lot of reconnecting going on, especially with me and my siblings. There is a video and song which I want to share with everyone. It reminded my sister and I of my Dad....this song is going to be played at the memorial service. It will forever remind me of my Dad. I miss him so much. I'd give anything to be able to phone him up. May the force be with you, Dad....I love you and miss you..... Hurt by Johny Cash I hurt myself today To see if I still feel I focus on the pain The only thing that's real The needle tears a hole The old familiar sting Try to kill it all away But I remember everything [Chorus:] What have I become My sweetest friend Everyone I know goes away In the end And you could have it all My empire of dirt I will let you down I will make you hurt I wear this crown of thorns Upon my liar's chair Full of broken thoughts I cannot repair Beneath the stains of time The feelings disappear You are someone else I am still right here [Chorus:] What have I become My sweetest friend Everyone I know goes away In the end And you could have it all My empire of dirt I will let you down I will make you hurt If I could start again A million miles away I would keep myself I would find a way ~padme amidala