I'm on Santa's naughty list!

I spent most of the day wrapping Christmas gifts and getting chores done for Master. I am thankful for my chores list. They keep me focused and busy. I don't like having too much time to think. I'd rather keep busy right now. It's helping me keep my sanity during the holiday madness. It's almost December and things are going to get crazy. I am glad to be done most of my holiday errands so I can relax and enjoy the holidays this year instead of getting stressed out. I set some boundaries with my Mom and we have worked out the plans for the holidays. I am glad that we won't be having any guests stay with us this year. I felt like that really stressed me out last year. I'm trying to avoid stress as much as possible right now. I have a computer limit now so that leaves me more time to work on the place and also myself. I've been pampering myself a bit and enjoying some alone time watching movies or even reading a book. I am really enjoying my half hour time limit also for reading each night. Master gets me into my comfy bed and leaves me alone so I can read a book of my choice. He gives me half an hour and then comes back and puts me to bed. It's great to be reading a lifestyle book about an old guard slave. It's been really interesting so far and made me think of my own slavery with Master Anakin. I am hoping to start a few home projects in the next few weeks to get ready for the holidays. I am hoping to get some painting done and also a baking marathon with my mother. She is coming over and we are planning to do a bunch of baking for Christmas. I think this could be pretty fun and a great chance to get lots of yummy baking done. I hope to bring some out to my Grandma and also give to a few people as a gift for Christmas. People always love baking and it makes them happy. My MIL is too sick to bake this year and I hope to make her smile. Master has been very controlling but I need this right now. I need the rules and structure and discipline. This is helping me to be focused and getting shit done. I could easily fall apart right now but Master's strong force is helping me to stay strong right now. I am trying to be the domestic slave that Master needs right now. He wants me submissive and well trained. I am trying very hard to follow my rules and be a good girl. I even got a "good girl" from Master on twitter today. Sometimes it's a struggle but I am putting a lot more effort into my relationship right now and it's paying off. We are closer and stronger than we have been in months. My force is strong...it is through my Master. ..... The Christmas picture that I put up today is from our online store, Darkside Digital Arts! We have some really neat designs including some cool holiday themed ones which are perfect for the holidays! Please check them out! Master Anakin is very proud of all of his designs. May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala

Looking forward to 2010 and a new year!

It had been a really long week and I was looking forward to the weekend. I've had a lot of time to do a lot of reflecting. I feel there are really big changes happening in my life and there is nothing I can do but try to cope with it all. I found out some sad news today which was very upsetting. My ex husband phoned in tears to let me know that our cat had passed away. He lived a very full life but it's hard. I thought of him as my own kitty even though I didn't live with my ex anymore and he got custody of our cats. It was hard to give that cat up when we separated. I really loved that cat. At least he didn't suffer. Leia and him found his body when they got to his place last night. I'm sad for the whole family and also my ex husband. We might be divorced but I still care about him. We bought the cat together when we were first together. We both loved that cat dearly. I'm going to miss him a lot. 2009 has been a really crazy year!! A year of great loss. I lost 3 of my Aunts and then my Dad passed away suddenly. My MIL has terminal cancer. Then my cat dies. What next? I'm almost expecting a call to happen about my Grandma as she isn't doing very well and I think that is going to happen soon. The stress has been overwhelming at times. I am really looking forward to this year being over and starting 2010. I hope that more positive things will happen in my life. Maybe my sister will get pregnant or we can take that trip to Las Vegas. I would love to have something to look forward to. I feel like I have had a lot of loss in my life lately. Some of my friendships seem to be going through big changes. I feel like I've lost some friends this year as well as the people/pets that have passed away. DL and I are not talking after some hurtful comments she made last weekend. I have a feeling that our friendship might be over. We were friends a long time. It hurts that it has come down to this. Some friends have disappeared and I don't hear from anymore. Some people have disappeared for weeks and there have been a few who have for months. I'm a bit surprised that some people have disappeared who offered me support after my Dad passed away. Some people have not contacted me since the funeral. Maybe they don't know what to say. I feel like I've lost some of my Dad's friends and they felt like a part of my family. It's made me feel very sad that so many people have left my life this year. .... I am pretty much done my Christmas shopping. I've always wanted to get it done early and this year I had the money to do it. Another thing I can cross off my bucket list: #357 -Get my Christmas shopping done before December We had some play time last night on the darkside. There was some belt spanking as well as rough anal sex. I needed to play and it was a really nice distraction from the stress I've been feeling. I was really glad to connect with Master and have some play time together. I hope we can play again tonight. I really need the control and rough play right now. The physical pain seems to help me with the emotional pain that I am feeling. I need it so badly right now. We were able to get some sitting so we went out to the a movie today and saw 2012. Wow!! This movie was incredible!! Great special effects and a very intense storyline. My problems seem pretty small when your watching a movie about the end of the world. It reminded me about life and how it is precious and you shouldn't take it for granted. We had planned to go to a play party at LB's tonight but we couldn't get sitting for it tonight. I'm glad to be spending the night watching movies and cuddling by the fireplace. I feel great comfort in Master's arms. He is my strong force through the rough winds lately. Our force is strong. May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala

Happy HNT - Pretty boobies

Happy HNT (Half-Nekkid Thursday) everyone! I am putting up a picture today that was taken during our Hilton Hotel anniversary night last weekend. I was wearing some new lingerie that I bought from the Love Nest. It's very sexy and I love the built in bra that it has to lift my boobies and make them look bigger and better. It is a black sheer piece of lingerie with red roses on the clevage part and trim. It fit me perfectly and Master commented that it made my boobies look pretty!! I love the black and red combination. They are my favorite colors and this lingerie is one of my sexiest pieces that I own. Please click on the picture to get a better look and enlarge the picture. Please leave us a comment and let us know what you think. We'd love to hear from you. Also, please check out Osbasso's blog if you are interested in participating in the HNT series. May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala

Anniversary night at the Hilton Hotel

Things have been pretty stressful lately but I think it's that way for a lot of people right now. Holidays are approaching and the weather is not too great. Days are shorter and there hasn't been a lot of sunshine. We woke up on Saturday to pouring rain and I had thought we might try to get some sitting to go watch the UFC fight that was happening. We wound up not seeing the UFC fight. Master had other ideas for the night. He talked about getting away for a night. We had sitting and also the money in the bank. The estate money has paid our bills and also left over lots for Christmas time. So we figured it might be nice to celebrate our anniversary by spoiling ourselves. We packed our bag and I started to look online at hotels. I took a look at the Hilton Hotel out in Burnaby and saw a really good deal on a bed and breakfast there. We've driven by the Hilton a lot and always talked about how nice it would be to stay there. I suggested it to Master and he booked the deluxe room. I was very thankful that my period had ended in time. I packed up some new lingerie from The Love Nest and also a bed of roses kit. We also packed up the toys and Hitachi and a really nice bottle of merlot which we had been saving for a special night. We were all set and headed out around 5 pm that night. I got to cross something off my bucket list: #369 -Stay in a Hilton Hotel for the first time We arrived and headed up to the 14th floor. The view was fantastic!! You could see Metrotown and many parts of Burnaby. The skytrain went past and we also noticed an apartment building across from it. We unpacked a few things and then went out to dinner. I considered asking him to order in room service but he had decided we were going to the Red Robin for dinner. We used to go there a lot when we were younger. There are lots of memories there. There was a bit of a wait but it was worth it. We had a really good dinner and a lot of opportunities for flirting and talking about old times. A lot has happened in the last 13 years together. We've had some really amazing times together. We've also had some really sad ones too. It has been a beautiful journey for us though. A journey as soulmates and Master/slave. We went over to Metrotown and did a bit of shopping afterwords. I went to Lush and picked up several things for Christmas and also a mango bath melt that we could use in the tub back at the hotel. We spoiled ourselves a little and that was fun. Metrotown has lots of stores and we were able to get ourselves a few really neat gifts for our anniversary and Christmas with our kids. We got back to the hotel and I started the bath. We enjoyed watching the view a bit and some making out before I headed into the bathroom to have a soak in the hot bath with Lush in it. Most of my clothes fell off along the way getting down to my black bra and panties which fell to the floor right beside the tub. (see picture that I put up) The mango bath melt was incredible!! The whole room smelled like mango's. I got in and enjoyed some bath time. Master set up the toys (see other picture) including putting a few out on the Ottoman that the Hilton had. He rented us a porno and set the mood for the night. The bed of roses lay out and put out a really fragrant rose smell in the air. He washed my hair for me and helped give me a bath. He made sure that my pussy was extra clean. He had made sure that I shaved for him also. Then he went outside and waited for me. I put on my new lingerie which was SO sexy! Black sheer lingerie with red flowers and a trim. It came with a g-string to match. Master looked very pleased when I came out into the room. He made me shiver when he touched me all over and grabbed my ass with dominance. He let me know who was in control and pulled my hair a little getting me down onto the bed. I could hear the sounds of the porno and then his belt being pulled out of the loops. He strapped my ass gently at first but built up a rhythm until there were some full force ones. I was a bit worried the neighbors might hear us because it got a bit loud at times. He used the restraints on me and then worked over my ass a bit more with the suede flogger and whip. I even got a few with my birthday paddle. Ouchies!! Then he surprised me. He made sure that all the toys were off of the ottoman. He got me to get onto it and then he opened the curtains. He pulled off my g-string and entered me with his hard cock. The sex was incredible!! Some of the best I've ever had. He rode me hard and fucked me with all his power. I noticed at one point that a shadow of a man was in the apartment across from us. He was watching us!! This made the experience very erotic. I felt exposed and I knew he was watching us. The whole experience was one that I will never forget. It felt surreal. Being watched by a stranger while being fucked by Darth Vader. Yum!! I lost count of how many orgasms I had that night. I don't remember falling asleep. I had bite marks all over my body. I had whip/flogger/belt/paddle marks all over my ass. My nipples were sore from how much he used them. Everything hurt but it all felt soooooo good too. I fell asleep naked in his arms and dreamed very sweet dreams that night. We had a shower together the next morning and then headed to our breakfast buffet. It was really good. We packed up and headed out into Burnaby. We drove around some old homes with memories for Master. We also stopped by the Royal Oak Skytrain station to kiss each other there and reminisce. We had our first kiss there back in 1991. We had went on a date together and he had walked me to the skytrain station to say goodbye to me. He reached over and kissed me. We went back to the same spot that we had kissed in all those years ago. He kissed me again. #128 -Go back to the exact spot at the Royal Oak Skytrain when I first kissed Master and kiss him again It was so romantic!! I felt so connected and close to Master. We drove around a bit and eventually came to my Dad's site where I had a brief visit with him. I wanted to see my Dad's grave before Christmas time so I could wish him a merry Christmas in my own way. I brought him a Christmas flower. It was hard to come down to reality. Especially when I found out what my anniversary present was. He took my engagement ring in to get fixed. I lost the diamond out of it and we had not been able to replace it yet. Master also informed me that it was getting an upgrade on the diamond!! Diamonds are a girl's best friend and I'm so excited to be getting my engagement ring again so I can wear it on my finger!! Thank you Master for this wonderful and romantic gift!! I am so lucky to have such a wonderful giving Master who spoils me rotten!! :) I wish we could have stayed a few more days in the Hilton Hotel. We had to come back to reality though. I will treasure the memories of a very special anniversary weekend and celebrating my love to the most terrific man who I adore. Our love is strong and I know we were meant to be together forever. May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala

Happy Anniversary Master Anakin

I feel like such an airhead this morning. I thought that today was November 22nd. I had no idea that it was my anniversary today until I saw the calender. Today is the day. 13 years ago I made the choice to tell Master Anakin that I was in love with him. It was a very big risk. There are still some people who are not happy with that decision that I made. 13 years later and there are still comments being made and people who have their opinions. There have been two different people who have made hurtful statements this year regarding the affair that I had with Master Anakin. One of those was my ex sister-in-law. She decided to tell my daughter who is only 14 all about the juicy details of that affair that I had. She might have been trying to hurt me but it was my daughter who got caught in the crossfire. I had to sit down my daughter and tell her what happened. That was one of the hardest conversations I've had in my entire life!! Don't get me wrong. I knew that she might have some questions for me one day but not until she was older. I had to tell her that I loved two men. I loved her Dad (my ex). We were married and had a family together. I also loved Master Anakin. He was my best friend and the one who was always there for me. I'm not sure why some people are still so surprised by what happened. My marriage was failing and we were both unhappy. Things happened and I led by my heart and not my head. The marriage was over but we had not properly ended it yet. I know that many people would like for me to have regrets but I don't. I have a good life and a solid marriage. I am completely in love with my Master and husband. We are raising a wonderful family together. Why would I regret that choice if it has lead me here? I had a really great weekend at the Hilton Hotel with Master. We celebrate our anniversary of the day that we found our love for one another. It's a very important day in our history. It is what brought us together. Some might not see it as a beautiful thing but I do. I found my soulmate. I knew it in my heart. I am so glad that I made the decision to tell him that I loved him. It lead me on a beautiful journey to where I am in my life today. Yesterday my friend, DL made some very hurtful comments about my anniversary and how we are "celebrating our affair" together. She laughed at a few things including us getting away to a hotel. She doesn't do stuff like that with her husband. They have a very conservative type of marriage. She is very involved in her church and this has come in between our friendships a few times. She's got a lot of opinions about things and is very vanilla. She is clearly not happy in her marriage and I think she's jealous of me. It really hurt my feelings though. I thought she was a close friend of mine but apparently not. I don't want to be friends with people who can't support me in my decisions that I make in my life. I will blog about my night in the Hilton very soon. I've got more pictures to share and lots of stories about our adventures. I get to cross 2 things off my bucket list. I took a look at my bucket list today and started to think about all the things I'd like to do in my life. Life is so very precious. Today is my 13 year anniversary with Master but it's also a painful one too. It was six months ago that my Dad passed away. It's hard to believe. I went out to visit his site yesterday. I really miss him sometimes. Happy Anniversary Master Anakin...i love you now and forever...XOXO. Master...Do you remember this song? May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala

A romantic night at the Hilton Hotel last night!

I wanted to put up some pictures that were taken last night and do a short blog post to write out a few feelings before I hop into a bath and hopefully have an early bedtime tonight. I didn't get much sleep last night so I'm pretty tired today. It was worth it though!! I had one of the most romantic and naughty nights of my entire life!! Master Anakin surprised me with an overnight with no kids at a very fancy hotel in Burnaby...the Hilton Hotel!! We got a great deal on a bed and breakfast and they made sure we got a room with a view because it was our special anniversary. I am putting up a picture of the view last night. You could see the skytrain and also Metrotown and some of Burnaby. It was incredible!! I am also putting up a picture of the bed of roses. I bought a "bed of roses" set from the Love Nest and had scattered them all over the bed. They smelled amazing and it was so romantic rolling around in them while having some of the BEST sex of my life!! I've got a very naughty story to share with you about something that happened during the sex. It was very naughty and pretty erotic. I have a long blog post to write out the details of last night and also cross a few things off my bucket list. The romance continued today and some really amazing things have happened to me. I will try to blog about it as soon as I get some time. I had a really amazing 13 year anniversary weekend! I will never forget it. I fell in love with my Master all over again and had one of the most memorable nights with him. Thank you Master Anakin for a truly amazing anniversary night at the Hilton Hotel!! May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala

My new sexy boots!

I have been doing a lot of shopping lately for Christmas and came across a great deal this week on something I have been trying to find. I have been trying to find a pair of Goth type of boots with a bigger heel. I have a pair of Fetish boots but they are way too hard to walk in. They hurt my feet too much! The other pair of boots wasn't quite what I was looking for. I was shopping in Value Village this week and saw these and tried them on and they fit me perfectly!! They only cost $8.99 and are practically brand new. They feel so comfortable but yet give me a bit of height and show my legs off nicely. I can't wait to start wearing them to bdsm events!! They will look great with a few different outfits that I have. I was able to Master Anakin to take a picture of me wearing them this morning. I am laying on our lambskin rug which we bought at Costco. We've put it in front of my fireplace and I've been enjoying some reading on it and relaxing. The rug didn't cost too much but it feels like heaven. Tonight is date night for Master and I. We've arranged some sitting and are planning to go out for dinner and perhaps watch the UFC fight tonight in a pub somewhere during the Tito Ortiz fight. Tito is SUCH a hottie!! He's fighting Forrest Griffith and I hope Tito wins!! He's my favorite fighter and I really hope he kicks some ass tonight!! I am really excited about our date tonight. We plan to celebrate our 13 year anniversary together. We've got some money to spoil ourselves and maybe even do a bit more shopping. There are a few spanking toys that I'd like to buy and things on my wishlist that I'd like Santa to bring me. *winks* EDIT: Master Anakin has booked us a deluxe room at a fancy hotel nearby for the night for our anniversary!! Woo hoo!! We have not stayed in a hotel together alone in about a year and a half. I'm so excited! I have plans to bring my new lingerie and bed of roses to the hotel for our evening of romance and fun!! Not sure if we will see the UFC fight in a pub nearby or just spend the night alone in our hotel room doing all kinds of naughty fun. Thank you Master for making this possible tonight!! I can't wait... Have a good weekend!! May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala

The Affair

I was planning to go out this morning but I started watching Bridges of Madison County and got lost into the movie. This movie triggers a lot of emotion in me. Takes me back to a certain time of my life and the choices that I made. I feel that I can relate to a lot of things that were said and done in the movie. I made a choice 13 years ago (on Nov. 23/96) to tell my best friend that I loved him. I had no idea how he felt about me at the time. He had learned to cover his feelings very well. I decided to risk the friendship to be honest about how I was feeling. I had spent 7 years trying to deny the feelings that were there. Moments which I held back from touching him or kissing him. We even dated for a while and yet never slept together. I was not being true to myself. My best friend at the time could see inside my soul better than I could. She told me to look what was right in front of me. She knew that he was my soulmate. She could see that I was in a very unhappy marriage and she told me that she felt that I had married the wrong man. I can remember that afternoon back in 1996. I paced around the house and tried to examine my feelings. I made that phone call to Master. My heart raced when he picked up the phone. I was scared but I knew that I had to tell him about my feelings. I asked him to come over and told him that I needed to talk to him. My ex husband was in school at the time and was in a class. I arranged for sitting for my daughter. I waited for him to arrive and was very nervous. I wondered if I should tell him. I wasn't sure I was ready to leave my marriage. I still loved my ex and wanted to raise a family with him. We had a child together. It wasn't a simple choice. I agonized over that decision. He had no clue why I had invited him over. He seemed a bit confused at first when I tried to explain. I had no idea what he would say or how he would react to the news that I was in love with him. There was a few moments of silence because he didn't know what to say. I was married at the time. He had tried to encourage me to work on my marriage. He did not want to break-up our family. He liked my ex husband and they were friends. He told me he was in love with me too. We weren't sure we could ever be together though. We were both conflicted but yet we knew there was a connection there that we could not deny any longer. 7 years of build up and that night it exploded. He grabbed my ass and that was it. It was the best sex of my life. The passion was incredible and the intensity of the love between us even though we both knew that it might not last. I stayed up most of the night after he left. I didn't feel ready to leave my marriage but I had found true love. I didn't know what to do. We tried to stay away from each other and not sleep together again. That lasted about two weeks. He asked me to meet him and I couldn't resist. My ex was going away for a weekend with our daughter. I bought a beautiful dress and got myself ready and packed and went to meet him in Downtown Vancouver. We went to a play that night. Then we went to the Hyatt Hotel where we spent a night of passion and lust together. The sex was forbidden and it was incredible. Our naked bodies dancing together to the music looking out at the downtown lights from the Hyatt. A memory that I will never forget. Christmas 1996 was a nightmare. My Dad had tried to commit suicide. My mom was out of control. My own life seemed to be spinning out of control also. I was trying to stay in my marriage out of commitment to him. I couldn't bring myself to tell him the truth until after Christmas. It felt terrible to be living a lie. I finally broke down and told him what was happening. It was a difficult time in my life. I made some choices which affected a lot of lives. Master became the "other man" and people disliked him and blamed him for causing the break-up of my first marriage. My ex moved out in Febuary that year and I started my life with Master. There were many people who were not happy about that choice. Some family members would not talk to me (or Master Anakin) for months. It was hard. It took a few years for people to forget and some never did. The affair still gets brought up even after all these years. I can understand why people were upset although I can't feel bad about those choices because it has lead to the life that I have right now. I have a great life with Master Anakin and our family. We have a strong and happy marriage and I was meant to live out the rest of my days with my soulmate. This scene out of the movie really touches me the most. It is one of my favorite scenes from a movie and makes me think of Anakin. It makes me think of the different choice that I could have made during that time. I could have chosen to stay in that first marriage. I often wonder what would have happened if that had been my choice. I doubt that I would be writing this blog post right now or telling you that I am a slave in a TPE relationship. It's funny how the choices that we make in our life can affect the road that you go down. I sometimes have regrets over that affair but I wouldn't have this life if I had made a different choice. I love Master Anakin and can't imagine my life without him. Happy 13 year anniversary of being together Master Anakin!! i love you so much.... Our force is strong and forever and i am so glad that I made the decision that night in 1996 to tell you that i love you. i loved you then and i love you now. i will love you always... May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala

Happy HNT - A punishment caning

Happy HNT (Half-Nekkid Thursday) everyone! I was punished a few weeks ago and had not been able to have the chance to post about it. We had taken a few pictures of it including this one. You can see my ass with a few cane marks on it getting the cane for some punishment which included breaking 3 of my rules. You can also see his belt hanging over my waist. This was to remind me that impliment was coming next after the caning was done. He can be very sadistic that way. He likes me to be focused on the punishment and remember why it's being done. This was a punishment to remember and learn from. We own 2 different canes. One is a bamboo one and this one is a metal type of cane which is not flexible and marks very quickly and is one of my least favorite toys that we have. Master Anakin bought this from Home Depot in the gardening department for $1!!! It's kind of funny how sometimes the worst toys are the ones that hardly cost anything and can be bought at the local Dom Depot. lol. He was brutal with the cane. The strokes were hard and unforgiving. He lectured as the cane got brought down on my poor ass. It didn't take me long until I was crying and my caned bottom was getting some strokes from the leather belt. I know that belt very well. It teaches me some very hard lessons and the strokes hurt from my ass already being bruised and welted from the cane. Leather on top of bruises can sting and hurt! Ouchies! We have domestic discipline in our relationship and this is how it works. I break the rules and I get the cane. It's used strictly for punishment and it's always been harsh and brutal. I learn from the cane and am grateful for my punishments. They teach me to be a better slave to Darth Vader. The lesson must have worked well because I had a better week last week and didn't break any rules. The cane can teach some very hard lessons! I was doing very well up until yesterday... I woke up and got permission to masturbate so I was able to use my Hitachi and have a big orgasm. I did a little bit of chatting on MSN and then got on the phone with Shasta and we had a marathon phone call. I got off the phone and was tempted to start my chores from my chores list but decided to write a blog post instead. I came back from the school and got a phone call from my sister and we wound up talking for hours. Master walked in the door and the place was a mess and dinner wasn't made and then I started to have attitude with him about it. Big mistake to try to argue with Darth Vader!! The result was a mad Master who sent me to bed early and promised me a punishment spanking in the morning when we had some private time together. I will blog about that punishment in another blog post. Please leave us a comment and let us know what you think of it. We always love to hear from you. Please check out Osbasso's blog if you are interested in participating in the HNT series. May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala

Hanging in there..

It's been a pretty good day so far although I'm having some PMS going on and still a bit stressed out about some life events lately. I spent the beginning of my morning in my bedroom using my Hitachi to masturbate with Master's permission. I had a big orgasm. Then I had a really good talk on the phone with my best friend, Shasta. I am hanging in there today and doing ok. Master's mom is home from the hospital now but we need to start thinking about home support and a support system for her while she's going through chemo and all her treatments. It's hard to say how much time with her that we'll have left but we are trying to make the most of the time we've had. It is going to make the holidays a bit tough with going through this and also the first Christmas without my Dad. I'm kind of dreading it because of all the emotional stuff. Master and I were able to get some sitting last night and head out to Costco for dinner and to pick up a few things. We decided to go into the Burnaby one to take a look around at that one. We got the kids some fleece sheets which are awesome!! We got them for ourselves and loved it so much that we decided they should each have their own set. We also picked up a lambskin rug for our livingroom to put beside the fireplace. I thought our cat would love it but she seems to be scared of it right now. She literally jumped up in the air when I moved a little on it. She thought it was alive! LOL! We were in Burnaby so we decided to head over to The Love Nest to take a look around. We had some money in the bank and decided to splurge a bit on some sexy stuff there. We spent around $200. I bought a new book called To Love, To Obey, To Serve: Diary of an old Guard Slave by V.M. Johnson. I saw the book when Shasta brought it on her trip to Van and I had wanted to read it. I was really happy to pick this up. Thanks for the great recommendation, Shasta! We got some new lube and also some Rock Hard arousal cream for Master. I picked up some of the sexiest lingerie ever!! It's for our anniversary coming up and I can't wait to wear it for Master. We got a new porno which has the tropics in it and looks really good. I also picked up some Sweet Almond Massage Oil which is my favorite!! I got some new thigh-hi's and also a Bed Of Roses set which I bought in Edmonton a few years ago and really liked. We plan to use this for a special night for our anniversary. We are not sure yet which day we'll be celebrating it but it will be extra special with the romantic purchases. I am really excited to start reading my new book also with the cold winter months coming up. I tend to want to hibernate more and love to read by the fireplace or perhaps in my bedroom under my new fleece sheets. I've also spoiled myself a little and bought a new purse and clothes and some stuff to make me feel nice. I wrote a blog post about my new haircut and color. I'm back to being a red head again after many years and that feels great! My force hasn't felt very strong but I'm hanging in there. I am missing Master and hope that we can find some time to play soon. I miss playing with Darth Vader. :) May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala

Just One Day

I was sitting there one day watching TV and this song came on. It moved me to tears. The song seemed to say exactly what I had been thinking about. I was wishing I had one more day with my Dad. I've been spending the estate money and thinking of him a lot. It's nice to be able to buy neat stuff but I'd give it all up for one more day with my Dad. I would give it all up if I could just say goodbye to him. There are moments which are always there. Flashbacks to old memories or hearing an old song which reminds me of him. I was shopping recently in the States and heard his song (song played at his memorial service) come over the loud speaker. It was a bit surreal considering he used to love going down to the States to get groceries. I can hear him telling me what a great deal it is to get gas or pick up some cheese or milk. I like to think that his spirit is still around and looking out for me and my family. I want to try to go visit his site for the holidays and thank him for all the nice gifts that he has given to Anakin and I and our family. I wish he could be here to celebrate the holidays with us.... These are the lyrics to that song that moved me and made me think of him. It's called Just one day... Better Than Ezra :Just one day lyrics If you could change the choices that you made, would you do it- today? If you could spin the world the other way, could you do it on faith? If time would stand still, What would you do? What would you say? If everyone you love came back for just one day? How would it feel if every dream came real? and all the scars you have fade away for just one day Imagine all the times you that could take back What would you have done differently? Thoughts in your head you never said or a heart that you broke and left for dead If all the pain you had could be released How life flies by. What would you do? What would you say? If everyone you love came back for just one day How would if feel if every dream came real and all the scars you have fade away? for just one day and the night all the good times and the fights all the take and the give all the moments that we never got to live Ohhh..... What would you do? What would you say? if everyone you love came back for just one day how would it feel if every dream came real and all the scars you have fade a way repeat For just one day (x's 2) If you could change the choices that you made, would you do it- today? ......... May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala

Feisty red head!

I have been making some life changes in the last while. One of these changes was a hair cut and also a new hair color! I've had a few people comment to me lately that they missed my red hair. I was told by my friend, Candycane that I am one of the most beautiful red heads that she knows. She told me that she missed the red hair on me. I have been a blonde for the last 3 years!! I changed my hair color because Master wanted me to go blonde. I had also been growing my hair out. I asked his permission about cutting my hair and then let him know that I had bought a red hair dye. He was excited about the changes and gave me permission to change my hair. I went to the hair dressers and watched as all the blonde hair fell to the ground. I was surprised how much got cut off but it felt really good. I wanted a new look! Master Anakin had a big smile when he came to pick me up. Last night he helped me dye my hair reddish blonde. I kept staring at myself in the mirror. It's so weird. It's like seeing a part of me which had disappeared for years. I feel like the old me again. It's all so really neat!! I am putting up a picture today that Master Anakin took to show off my red hair. It was taken this morning. I also get to cross something off my bucket list: #330 -Go back to being a red head for a while I went through my bucket list today and noticed that I have been able to accomplish a few different things off my list. These include: #406 -Walk around my old high school grounds I went to my high school during a drive with my Mom. I was able to walk around the old grounds again and remember back to the old days. It was a lot of fun! #341 -Wear a different color of wig that I haven't before I bought a blue wig right before Halloween. I posted a few pictures of me wearing it and also wore it out to a few events like the Rascal's Halloween party and Dead Sexy play party. I love my blue wig! It makes me feel like a different person when I wear it. The naughty girl in me comes out to play! There is a few different ones that I hope to cross off the list before the end of the year. I have been thinking about travel a lot lately. I think it's time to plan for a trip and an escape from all the stress that has happened this year. We spent the day at the hospital yesterday with Anakin's Mom. It's a sad situation and been hard to deal with. We plan to go back there today. It's been a very difficult journey for us this year. I've been having a lot of dreams of my Dad lately and thinking about him as I make different choices of what to spend from the estate money. I felt good about making some positive changes for myself out of the money though. He spent a lot of years in my childhood making me feel bad about myself. I can spend the money now to make myself feel better about myself and improve my self esteem. I am glad to have my red hair back and be the feisty red head that I know I can be! May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala

Being there for Anakin

We got some bad news tonight about Master Anakin's Mom. She has been rushed to the hospital and isn't doing very well. We found out in June (just after my Dad passed away) that she has terminal cancer. She's been going through chemo and it's been very difficult on her and also Anakin and his family. He's at the hospital right now and I wish I could be with him but I've got the kids in bed and need to try to maintain some kind of structure for them. We had a really nice evening up until the phone call. I got my hair cut really short and went shopping and then out for sushi with Master. We were relaxing when the phone call came in. I feel bad as I have had to cancel my plans for the weekend. I was going to Sin City and had plans to go with my friend, Shann. I had plans to meet several friends there and had been really looking forward to it. I also packed my bag today and was looking forward to it. I had had a wedding show that I was going to with a friend. I need to be there for Master right now though. Family comes first. He was there for me after my Dad passed away. I need to be there for him with him going through this with his mom. It's been a difficult journey for us this year. I am sure how much I will be online the next few days. I'm going to be helping Master Anakin and his family out as much as I can. Master is planning to take the day off work tomorrow so he can be there for his mom. I hope he knows that I am there for him and he can count on my support through all of this. It's a hard thing to lose a parent but especially when they have terminal cancer and you have to slowly watch them pass away right in front of your eyes. You get older and you start to lose people along the way. Grandparents, parents, friends, family members, pets...it's all a part of life but makes you really think about life and not taking it for granted. Things can change in a heartbeat... May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala

Happy HNT - Sore bottom

Happy HNT (Half-Nekkid Thursday) everyone! I am putting up a picture that was taken over the summer during some play time with Darth Vader. He pulled down my panties and started to give me a hard cropping. This sometimes produces a natural instinct of trying to cover up my bum with my hands. I am usually saying something like "ouchies" or "that hurts!" and I am usually told to get back down for more pain. He's a mean old man and he's very good at giving me some pretty harsh spankings. I've been blogging about it for years. You've seen lots of pictures of my sore red bottom here at Journey to the Darkside. We hope you enjoy the picture. Please leave us a comment on it. We always love to hear from you and appreciate the comments a lot on our pictures. It's always really good to hear feedback from our readers. Would you like to see more spanking pictures? Or hear more details about my spankings? Would you like me to post about my punishment spanking last Friday? Please let us know through the comments. You can check out Osbasso's blog for info on the HNT series and if you would like to participate in it on your own blog! It's a lot of fun for us to put up erotic/spanking/bdsm pictures each week for our readers. We hope everyone enjoys them! May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala

The love story of Anakin and padme

I normally dislike November. It's a rainy and yucky type of month and my SAD (seasonal affective disorder) starts to come out. There is one part of November that is very special and I am glad to celebrate. Master Anakin and I's 13 year anniversary is coming up on the 23rd. It seems really incredible to me that we have been together that long. It's been a really long journey for us. I took a risk that day on the 23rd of November in 1996. I risked my friendship to tell Master that I loved him. I had true feelings inside of me that I could not ignore. I admit that I didn't handle things too well during that time. I had an affair and many people were upset about it. Some people refused to talk to me for months over it. There were many people who said we would not last. Those people are choking on their words now. I've had a few apologizes over it. Some people did not treat me (and especially Master Anakin) very well. They accused him of being the other man and that he was responsible for the breakup of my first marriage. My marriage was over months before that happened though. People are going to believe what they want. I don't have any regrets. I saw what was right in front of me. Master is my true soulmate. I love him more than I have ever loved another man. He is everything I could want in a man/Master. He takes care of me and is romantic and loving and yet also a mean old man too which is what I need. I love that he is able to take us to the darkside yet still maintain our friendship and connection to each other. I am such a lucky slave girl!! I am really excited about our anniversary and starting to think about special plans for it. We have money to splurge and I admit to having a few fantasies of a vacation somewhere warm and tropical. Maybe somewhere like Las Vegas. *hint hint* Ahhhh...I've been to Vegas 5 times and I have not been there in years. It's time to go back to the beginning....go back to the place which Master Anakin proposed to me and this time we will be married. Maybe we can go back there for 2010. It will be exactly 10 years since I was last there in Viva Las Vegas. Our love story will continue for as long as we are alive. I like to believe that we will be together even after we have both passed away. I love Master Anakin and always will. I truly, deeply, love him. I am so thankful for our love and the wonderful life that we have created. Our journey is not over. There is still so much to look forward to...our force is strong. May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala

Top 100 Sex Bloggers of 2009

It's Monday and onto another week. At least there is the holiday this week with Remembrance Day so Master and my kids are off for it. It was a pretty good weekend. My Dad's estate was settled on Friday. I got my punishment spanking on Friday night and hope to write about it sometime this week. Saturday was spent Christmas shopping and relaxing with a movie. Yesterday I went to the United States to get some really neat groceries that we don't have in Canada. I also got to catch up with an old friend of mine and get reconnected again. I woke up this morning and found out that we have been listed on the Top 100 Sex Bloggers for 2009. We were on the list in 2008 and we both feel honored again to be on the list again for 2009! Thank you for all who nominated us and have supported us and been there for us through our Journey...our Journey to the Darkside. Here is the list for the Top 100 Sex Bloggers for 2009: (we are #62 and #63) Coquitten (website) Alexa (website) AAG (website) Bad, Bad Girl (website) TBK (website) Mistress Matisse (website) Miss Mia (website) Thursday’s Child (website) Roger (website) Sinclair (website) Sylvanus… and Mina (website) Natt Nightly (website) Jake (website) Lyn (website) Adriana Ravenlust (website) Sexy Sadie (website) Shay (website) Lilly (website) Nadia (website) Joan Price (website) Madison (website) Anal Amy (website) Z (website) Essin Em (website) Easily Aroused (website) Blacksilk (website) Sleeping Dreamer (website) Melen… and rayne… and Master KKT… and cinnamon (website) That Toy Chick (website) Red (website) Tom Allen (website) Vix (website) Coy Pink (website) Lady Pandorah (website) BackseatBoohoo (website) Epiphora (website) Aurore (website) Miss KissThis (website) Storm (website) Ron Jazz (website) Josie Jacobs (website) Distracted (website) Deviant Dyke (website) Joanna Cake (website) Sapphire Jay (website) Sarah (website) Kimberly (website) Duchess (website) Figleaf (website) The Caged Songbird (website) Kaya (website) Ms. Justine (website) Luka (website) Ang (website) Perverted Negress (website) Harlot (website) Vixen (website) Anakan… and Padme (website) Wilhemina (website) Axe (website) Amber (website) Lucy Vonne (website) Rogue (website) SSS (website) Kyle (website) Amorous Rocker (website) Sera (website) Lolita Wolf (website) Elle (website) Scarlet St Syr (website) Charlotte Thorpe (website) An Unassuming Girl (website) Maymay (website) True Pleasure (website) Bad Influence Girl (website) Diva (website) Raven Quince (website) Autumn (website) Vanilla Impaired (website) Wil (website) Robin (website) Panthera Pardus (website) Ell (website) Miss Communication… and Captain Pants… and A.E. (website) Roxy (website) Secretly Naughty (website) Abby Williams (website) Subheart (website) Sequoia Redd (website) Innocent Loveboy (website) Liljgrrl… and Nawa*G (website) YOU! As always that last person on the list is you. Please, please, please leave a comment below promoting your own blog (or the blog of someone you love). Links are welcome, as long as they lead us to a sex-related blog, not a retail website or porn aggregation site. ..... May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala

A chapter is closed

I had thought about writing this blog post tomorrow when I'm a bit more sober but I decided to go ahead and write. I've been feeling very emotional tonight and had a few emotional breakdowns and have gotten into the merlot. My Dad passed away about six months ago. I have been waiting for the estate to get settled. It was hard because he did a homemade will and my sister wound up doing a lot of the work to get it done. I had thought that it would be another week for the settlement until my sister phoned and left me an urgent message tonight to phone her. The estate is settled. The money was deposited and the chapter is closed. I had a very emotional conversation with her on the phone about it all. It was a bittersweet moment for me. Usually someone is happy when they get a bunch of money come into their bank account. All I could do was cry though. I felt conflicted. I got a lot of money but the price was very high for it. I had to lose my Dad in order for me to get it. I had another dream of my Dad last night and it caused me some insomnia. I've been dreaming of him a lot lately. I think that he would have wanted me to have this money before Christmas. He was all about the holidays. We would sometime go months without speaking but we would always resolve things around the holidays. I don't know how to have Christmas without him. I feel this was his final gift to me and it is a very bittersweet moment for me. The chapter is closed but he's gone. I feel peace but yet so much intense sadness in my heart. It's been a really, really rough week for me. I screwed up big time!! I broke 3 major rules and misbehaved terribly. I have a punishment coming to me that involves the cane. I have not had a caning in a very long time but I know it's deserved. I wish I could be a better slave. I don't know what's been wrong with me lately. I think I am trying to deal with all the major changes that are happening in my life. I'd like to thank all the people who have been there for me the last few months with losing my Dad. It was a very difficult chapter in my life and there were some people who supported me and were there for me. They know who they are. Thank you!! I know I have not been easy to be around and I appreciate all the love and support from those that I love and care about. I hope that I can find some peace from this chapter being closed. It's been a long and difficult journey and I hope I can find some happiness within the sadness that I am feeling tonight. May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala

Happy HNT - My spanked bottom

Happy HNT (Half-Nekkid Thursday) everyone! This picture was taken at the beginning of October. Master Anakin had taken the day off work and we had a bit of time to play so he took me upstairs and got me to dress comfortably in my lingerie but I was told not to wear any panties. He used his belt on my poor bottom and used the leather to spank me. He also used a paddle to give me a few hard strokes to finish it off. My ass was red and marked and he took this picture of it just after spanking me. You can get a glimpse of my lower back tattoo also in the picture. The craving for a spanking has gotten stronger each day. We have not played in almost 3 weeks and all I can think about today is getting my bottom spanked. It's like an itch that I can't scratch. I really hope that there can be some play time this weekend with Darth Vader. I need a spanking and he knows how to spank hard!! I really hope we can squeeze some time in and play!! *crosses fingers* Please leave us a comment on our HNT picture. We really enjoy hearing from you and getting feedback on our pictures. Check out Osbasso's blog if you are interested in participating in the HNT series. May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala

Moving forward on my journey

I feel like there is so much passion in me today. A desire to escape into some play time and lots of sex!! I'm horny and I'd love to be able to have a few hours to play with Darth Vader. The timing just hasn't worked out for us to be able to do that lately and it's frustrating me. The last time we played together was at Rascal's which was almost 3 weeks ago!! It's been one thing after another lately. I was feeling horny yesterday so he allowed me permission to masturbate but all that did was add fuel to the fire. I thought about a rough fantasy with Master and was able to make myself cum but I desired more. I need a beating. Today it is all I can think about. The craving is so strong. It does not help that I've been having some naughty chats on MSN lately with a few different people. That's helped me to get very horny sometimes and inspire some fantasies. I've also got a crush on a really sexy girl who I've been getting to know. *smiles* I've been getting to know a couple (Galen and fire) and there has been some naughty chatting and also some sexy possibilities happening. I am hoping to go to Sin City (a bdsm club in Vancouver) with them next weekend for my first time! I met Galen and fire at the Taboo Naughty but Nice show in January. I saw them there and felt some chemistry happening and had wanted to have a drink with them or maybe do some shopping together. I was with Shiro at the time though and he didn't seem very interested in that so it didn't happen. I friended them on Fetlife (I am "padmeamidala" on Fetlife in case you want to add me to your friend's list) and we've been getting to know each other. I am glad to have found another woman that I have so much in common with. I've talked to fire on the phone and we have grown close and I am really happy to have some new friends in my life with the possibility of perhaps more happening. There have been a few other possibilities happening with the poly aspect of our relationship although mostly all casual types of play. I played with my friend, Shann at the Dead Sexy party last Friday and am hoping we can play again sometime. I've also talked to my friend, Doc about doing some possible play with her too sometime. It's nice to have some casual play partners that I can get together with and spank and be able to Top. Master Anakin is always looking for casual play partners too that he can spank and have fun with! He sure spanks hard though! Just ask Doc about that and the time he spanked her at Rascal's. *grins* November is starting to look like a really good month for events and some fun ahead. This weekend is the Taboo show. I'm not sure if we are going yet but it's a possibility. Next weekend is Sin City!! Rascal's is on the 21st! We are also hoping to go to a play party at LB's at the end of the month. AND today is the first munch in our area and I am hosting it with my friend, Shann. I am really excited that a few people have said they are coming to the munch tonight! I have not been to one in over a year and it's exciting to be hosting this one and organizing it. It's a very neat feeling to host a munch. I have a feeling that there will be lots to blog about this month! It's been great to be getting out to events again and meeting some new friends and also some possibilities happening with the poly again. It's been a long time since I opened my heart up to someone other than Master Anakin and I feel ready to date again and see what happens. My Dad's estate is also about to be settled any day and I feel that chapter is about to be closed. The past is the past and I'm moving forward on my journey. A new chapter begins... May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala