Goodbye my lover

Today is officially one of the worst days of my life. I don't think my heart could hurt any worse than it does right now. Life is unfair. I had one of the best days on Saturday with my anniversary with Master Anakin. I woke up feeling really good this morning. I had plans of a quiet day with doing chores and hopefully some Hitachi time for some morning masturbation. I got on MSN and another fight happened between A and I. It seems like lately we can't stop fighting. We were on MSN and a small miscommunication resulted in a huge fight and break-up. It continued onto the phone and many hours of trying to work things out although we both knew in our hearts that there is damage which can not be repaired. I love A a lot. I wish that we could work through the issues but it seems impossible. We knew the odds were against this working out. We had some really great times. I don't have any regrets. I've learned a lot on my journey with A. I've really enjoyed serving him as his slave. I think one of the happiest days was becoming his slave and the day we signed our M/s contract. Our nights at Sin City were incredible!! The sex, play, and connection/chemistry was amazing. He came over on Friday and we had worked out our last fight and I had thought we were on the right track. It was not meant to be though. Maybe it was our age or life experience. Maybe it was not the right time for us both. I'm not really sure what went wrong. I know many people told me that it would not last. There were people who were surprised that we were even together. I felt a spark there with a very handsome young Dom who danced his way into my heart. I fell in love with A....with my whole heart and soul. I imagined a life together in the future. I thought I might even be having his baby last week (during my pregnancy scare) and we had talked about a real future together. That is the part which kills me the most right now...I am crying my eyes out just writing that. It is the dreams for the future which hurts the most. Usually my feelings are dead when a relationship ends but that isn't the case with A....I truly, deeply, love him. I feel like a failure for not being able to make this relationship work. I wanted it to so much. A seems to think we can remain friends although I am really not sure what will happen now. I wish him the best though and hope he can find happiness. I hope that he knows that I will always love him. Goodbye my lover - James Blunt Did I disappoint you or let you down? Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown? 'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun, Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won. So I took what's mine by eternal right. Took your soul out into the night. It may be over but it won't stop there, I am here for you if you'd only care. You touched my heart you touched my soul. You changed my life and all my goals. And love is blind and that I knew when, My heart was blinded by you. I've kissed your lips and held your hand. Shared your dreams and shared your bed. I know you well, I know your smell. I've been addicted to you. Chorus (2x) Goodbye my lover. Goodbye my friend. You have been the one. You have been the one for me. I am a dreamer and when I wake, You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take. And as you move on, remember me, Remember us and all we used to be I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile. I've watched you sleeping for a while. I'd spend a lifetime with you. I know your fears and you know mine. We've had our doubts but now we're fine, And I love you, I swear that's true. I cannot live without you. Chorus (2x) Goodbye my lover. Goodbye my friend. You have been the one. You have been the one for me. And I still hold your hand in mine. In mine when I'm asleep. And I will bear my soul in time, When I'm kneeling at your feet. Chorus (2x) Goodbye my lover. Goodbye my friend. You have been the one. You have been the one for me. I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow. I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow. May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala