A sexy day with A

I really wasn't expecting today to unfold as it did. I had planned to meet A for a coffee. We broke up a few weeks ago and have been keeping in touch and trying to stay friends. I was really nervous about seeing him today. I really wasn't sure how things would be between us after the last time we were together. He arrived and we had a good talk but things still felt a bit awkward between us. We drank our tea and both looked at each other nervously. The chemistry was still there. There was no denying that. I miss A a lot and was aching to be near him. We went over to the couch and he moved to sit closer to me. I reached out my hand and we began to hold hands. He wanted to cuddle with me so I moved over to the couch and fell into his arms. He looked so handsome and it felt natural and very good to just fall back into his arms again. We kissed and then started to make out. Hands were going all over each other. We both wanted each other badly. He had a hard on (which I could feel through his pants) and I was very wet even though we hadn't played together. I'm not sure why he didn't spank me. He took off his belt at one point and it fell onto the floor. I was a bit surprised that he didn't try to use it on me. I kind of wished he had though. I miss feeling his belt on my ass. I then got changed into some sexy lingerie so I could get more comfortable. We did some more making out and then moved up to the bedroom and became intimate. We slept together. It was spontaneous and not planned. It just kind of happened. It felt really good to have him inside of me again and to have my lover back. He wanted to give me an orgasm but I didn't have permission for that from Master Anakin. I technically didn't have permission for the sex either. *blushes* Master Anakin wasn't very surprised though. He was surprised that we didn't play together. I have to admit that I am also. I suggested bringing out the toys but it was getting too late to play. I also wasn't sure how it would go with not having any kind of a M/s or D/s dynamic with A anymore and then trying to play together. I am not sure how that would be. It is strange that there was some Dominance from A but it was mostly hair pulling and some sexual Dominance. I didn't feel it the way I used to. That's changed a lot but my feelings are still submissive towards him. I gave him a massage and also made his lunch for him. I wanted to call him "Sir" a few times and kiss his hand or lay by his feet. It was weird to be with him but not wear my collar. I'm struggling with my feelings over that. I want to play with him but don't know if I can now that our dynamic has changed so much. I had a shot of vodka to help me calm my nerves before we fucked. I admit that I feel kind of weird about it all. I don't regret what happened. It felt good to be close to A again. But it didn't change anything. He doesn't want to get back together or be my Master again. I guess we could become "fuck buddies" although that doesn't feel very good after a while. I've tried to do casual sex in the past and it can be good for a while but I need more than that. I long to have a lover who wants to be in a relationship with me and love me. This is also something I'm struggling with in regards to Master R and his offer to come over and play with him while his wife is out of town. He wants me to come over on Sunday to play with him. He is also my ex but still my Master. I don't think he wants a relationship either. I'm sure it would be easy to fall back into his arms again too though. I am not sure why I keeping putting myself into these situations. Sometimes it's just too easy to go back to an ex. I've always had a problem with this. It's so easy to jump into bed with a lover who is familiar and when the sex is good. Sex was not an issue between A and I. We had a lot of issues but not about that one. I miss us being lovers. It felt good to be his lover again today even if it doesn't happen again. It's really hard to predict the future of where A fits into my life or even R. .... I am really looking forward to the weekend. I have plans to see the new Nightmare on Elm Street in the movie theatre!! I am so excited! I'm a big fan of Freddy Krugar! He was the first villian who scared me so badly that I couldn't sleep. I stayed up all night the first time I saw the first Nightmare on Elm Street. OMG...I was sooooo scared!! I might want a little knife play after we watch the movie. Maybe Darth Vader wants to play with me! :) I hope everyone has a good weekend!! May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala