Happy Mother's day!

Happy Mother's day weekend to everyone! I am sitting here drinking my morning cup of coffee surrounded by family this morning. I feel very grateful for them and one of the best feelings is knowing they are all here when I need a hug or support. The last few days have been really rough. I have felt very depressed and unloved. It was a lonely week for me. The only person that visited me was my mother and she had a ton of opinions which came with it. My relationship with my mom is a complicated one. We get along better than when I was younger but it is far from perfect. She always has a ton of opinions and has made some choices to get her to the point where she is broke and her life is a bit out of control. She does seem happy with my Step Dad though despite their age difference of almost 20 years. I honestly didn't think it would last but she's proven me wrong. I am glad that her and I have been able to spend some time together (despite how crazy she can drive me) this last year after my Dad passed away. I think she helped me to understand my Dad a bit more and helped me to process some of the past. Losing my Dad reminded me of how fragile life is and how fast you can lose a parent. She's all I have left now. That has brought me closer to her in many ways too. Mother's Day reminds me of my kids and giving birth to them and raising them. It was a hard journey for me to become a mother. I lost several babies along the way. There was a lot of tears and some amazing moments when the two children in my life became a part of my family. I can't imagine my life without my kids. I am very proud of my kids and I have enjoyed watching them grow up. Leia is almost 15 years old now! And I've got my son, Skywalker who is 9 years old. I love to be a mom. It has given me great joy to be a part of my children's lives and watching them grow into grown ups. I realized recently that I have come full circle in a way. I graduated from High School 20 years ago when I was almost Leia's age. Now she will be graduating in a few years and starting her own life. It really does amaze me sometimes to think that she was once in my tummy and I was trying to come up with a name for her and thinking of her birth. What happened to all the years? Sometimes it makes me feel very old. I hope that she will take a different path than I did. I was a bit of a wild child in my teen years. I dated a lot of boys. She has 3 different boys who are interested in her right now. She reminds me a lot of myself. I see a lot of similarities between Leia and I. We've had her boyfriend staying with us this weekend and gotten to spend some time with him. He is very affectionate to my daughter and a respectful young man. I can see why my daughter is very taken with him. I've been wanting to become a mom again but now I'm starting to think about the fact that one day I might be a Grandma. And that is indeed a very scary thought!! I really don't feel ready for that chapter in my life. Hopefully it will be a few more years before that happens! :) I hope everyone enjoys a nice mother's day! May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala