Cancer sucks!

I saw a retweet on twitter today and was curious and went to go check it out. It was about a young girl that has cancer and is in the final stages of her life. It lead me to the mom's journal which is the journey of her daughter's cancer. I spent most of the day reading the journal and her words. This is honestly one of the most real blogs that I have read in a very long time. Her words really captured my soul and made me do a lot of thinking and I shed some tears while reading it. You can follow their journey on twitter by adding them as liftupEllie. Life is not fair!! Her daughter is very close to age of my young son. They were both born in the same year. I just kept thinking that cancer really sucks!! What would it be like to lose your child that is so young to cancer? How does one really get through something like that? I can't even imagine that pain that mom must be feeling in her heart right now. I walked down to my son's school with tears in my eyes and gave him the biggest hug when he got out of class. I really hope that I will never have to deal with one of my children having cancer. I can't imagine losing my children before I go. We are supposed to go first and then our children. I know it doesn't always work that way but I don't think I would ever recover from something like that. It feels like my life has been touched by cancer from an early age. I went over to visit my Uncle at 13 who had lung cancer and was in the final stages of death. That really affected me a lot to see someone dying of that disease and the look in his eyes as he struggled to breath. Then I lost my grandpa years later to the same disease...lung cancer. I watched him get weak and skinny and then struggle to breath and watched as my grandma sat by his side and asked for a miracle so she could spend more time with the man she loved more than anything. She couldn't deal with losing him and gave up on her own life months later. His urn is buried with her and they are together in heaven now. There have been many other family members (and other people I've known) who have struggled with cancer and some who have lost their battle with it. My best friend, DL is a breast cancer survivor. I was there the day she found out the lump in her breast was cancer. She has fought a very brave battle against it and lost both of her breasts in December to this awful disease. We've had some very real discussions about life and death during our breakfast talks at Tim Hortons. She is in remission right now but was told there is a very high chance of the cancer coming back. She's told me that she lives in the moments now and reflects quite differently about life and living in the moment. Her journey has affected me deeply and made me think of my own mortality. I can't imagine losing her. The thoughts of it have made me break down in tears a few times. She is one of my closest and dearest friends and I hope that her cancer will never return. I know she lives in fear of that every day. It was almost exactly one year ago that I was told that Master's mom has terminal lung cancer. It's been a very difficult journey for our family. I've had to tell my kids that they are going to lose their grandma. We've gone through ups and downs as we've wondered how long she has to live. Her scan results have not been very good and every day we get to spend with her is precious right now. We went for a family dinner recently and all of us knew that this could be the last. I've talked to her a lot about cancer and her fears and worries about what's going to happen as it progresses and eventually takes her life just like it did her mom. Master's grandma (her mom) also died of the same disease a few years ago. I've had many serious talks with Master about making the most of the time he has left with his mom. I know it's much different for him than it was for me to lose my Dad. He died of a heart attack and died suddenly. I did not have to watch him deteriorate. Cancer takes a person's body and soul and the journey is awful for the person but also the family who has to sit back to watch the person's spirit start to die. My daughter was touched by cancer earlier this month. Her best friend's mom died of cancer and she was around my age. Scary to think that cancer doesn't care how old you are. It ripped a mom and wife from her family and left a teen girl without a mom. It made me reflect on my dad's death and that at least I had time with him. I was much older when I lost my Dad. Losing a parent at any age is difficult but that teen girl needs her mom right now and she's gone because of cancer. I can't imagine losing a parent when you are so young. I never met that woman but DL was very close to her. She had breast cancer too and this really shook DL up. I couldn't help but wonder if her time will come when cancer will come back to claim her just like that woman. Apparently she struggled for 7 years but was in remission briefly and it came back and took her. Cancer is awful!! Cancer sucks! I'm willing to bet that our readers here at JTTDS have all dealt with cancer in some way or will at some point of their lives. If I had one wish it was that there could be a cure for cancer and no one would ever struggle with it ever again!! Cancer sucks!! My thoughts and prayers go out to Ellie and her family right now. May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala