 I have not blogged very much lately. I have not felt like being on the computer and been trying to enjoy the last of my "free time" without the kids home during the day. Leia is almost out of high school. Skywalker gets out of school at the end of the month. My days of masturbating with the hitachi are almost over...at least until September. :)
We are planning a family trip this summer! I'm very excited about it. We are hoping to take the kids to Edmonton and we have many activities planned for the West Edmonton Mall. It's one of the best malls to go shopping to. I'm excited to also take my kids through the Rocky Mountains. We have not been to Jasper since Leia was 3!! I don't think there will be very much kink of this trip unfortunately because of taking the kids. But...I heard there is a new Victoria's Secret which opened up in the mall and it's the first store in Canada. I'd love to go shopping there and it will be nice to have some money to be able to shop with.
We have been thinking about moving this summer although that has been a very big decision and a difficult one to make. There seems to be many upsides to moving but also drawbacks. We are also very limited as Leia is just about finished high school and we don't want to move her when she's so close to graduating. I also really like the area we live in. It has been a difficult search to find something that we like in this area. There are times also that the thoughts of moving exhaust me to the point that I'd rather put it off for another year. I hate moving and there is so much work to get done before we can do it. Projects that need to be done and lots and lots of packing and sorting. We still have not made a decision. We'll have to see what happens.
We've also been discussing the possibility of having another baby. Master had a vasectomy a few years ago and we have looked into vasectomy reversal. I feel that the odds are against us having a 3rd child though. I have a history of miscarriages and am close to menopause. Maybe we were not meant to have another one. Maybe we should just accept the fact that our baby days are over.
I wish I could just turn off my strong maternal instincts that I have been feeling lately. A friend of mine told me that I'd want to create life after experiencing death with losing my Dad. She was right. I would love to experience another child growing inside of my tummy and knowing that I am carrying my Master's child again. My kids are growing up on me and I miss having a baby to hold. The decision to get his vasectomy reversed is a very hard one. Master and I have both been a bit emo about it all.
I am no longer hosting a local munch in our area. I have been taking a hiatus from the local bdsm community and also from the poly aspect of our relationship. I have finally come to peace with my breakup from A and have moved on from that. A and I still text each other sometimes but have not seen each other in weeks. He seems to have moved on from me too. He's got a new girlfriend and a new life.
Sometimes I really miss him but I know that we were not meant to be. I am starting to think that maybe the poly was never meant to be. Maybe I just need to concentrate on my Master and family and not let anyone else into my heart. It's been broken too many times. It's made me feel very leery about having anymore relationships with anyone else.
Sometimes it's all been a bit much for me. The difficult decisions and changes have kept me up at night. I've been feeling very fatigued and moody lately. The weather has not been helping my mood. It's been dark and rainy lately. I know there is sunshine that will appear again. Summer time is almost here and there is lots to look forward to. My force is strong as long as Master is there guiding the way.
He is my strong Jedi which I love to obey and serve. The journey has bumps along the road but it's well worth it. I keep reminding myself that I am lucky to be alive and to have what I do in my life. I've been thinking back to what Rocky Balboa said. Life might knock us down but we have to pick ourselves up again and keep moving forward....
May the force be with you all!!
~padme amidala
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2 comments:
My padme,
Yes, summer's finally almost here, complete with sunshine and yes the ups and downs of having our children off school for two months. There are always difficult decisions, and sometimes it's hard to know or decide, but sometimes it becomes clear what's right after struggling with the questions for a while. The hiatus from the poly, munch, and community, well, it's all about what's best for U/us and you, My slave. That's My focus in choices about your and O/our life and our family.
Weather today isn't great, but a positive outlook helps, in life and in the weather.
I LOVE how and how well you serve both Me and our family. You're simply the BEST. We will survive and thrive any bumps along our Journey in life.
And I LOVE the Rocky Balboa quote, damn good writing and damn fine advice for life.
~Anakin
Dear Padme Amidala,
I can understand your desire to give birth to another baby after your father’s death very well. I’m sorry to hear about your loss! My Mum died last year and the idea of having children one day has become even more important to me than it already was before she died. But my mate Ludwig and I still share a quite young relationship. That’s why it isn’t the right time to think about having children, yet.
I hope you’ll find a good way to deal with your wish of having another baby. And I hope you can enjoy the gift of having two children with the man you love and sharing a love that seems to get even stronger over time, since it seems to become more and more obvious that he is the (only) man in your life.
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