The force feels strong

If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late. Could you say goodbye to yesterday? - Nickelback It's been a summer full of ups and downs. I was talking to Master last night that I do feel stronger than I've been in a very long time though. I was going through a really awful depression back in May and June and knew that I had to make some new changes in my life. I felt like I was spending way too much time in the past which was very unhealthy for me. I promised myself that I would make some changes even if some of them would be very challenging for me. One of those changes was to delete MSN from our computer. I used to spend way too much time chatting and many fights with people happened through it because of miscommunication. I feel that if people want to get in touch with me than they can pick up the phone or actually get together with me to talk. I think it was a positive change for me and I've noticed that I get a lot more done without spending my days chatting with people. I deleted a lot of people off my facebook. I was a bit confused by the "friends" on my list because some of those people never even liked me or kept in touch at all with me. I was recently contacted by someone after 15 years of not speaking to me and assumed we could just pick up where we left off. This is my biggest pet peeve EVER!! Either keep in touch with me or don't bother. I've spent way too much on flaky friends through the years. I have spent way too much time trying to get after people to get together or talk to me. I would rather have a small group of people in my life who keep in touch with me and are a part of my world. I know people get busy lives but it doesn't take much to send an e-mail sometime or try to keep in touch. I have had to give up on some friendships because I was tired of always being the one who made the effort. One of those people was my ex friend, S. I've been thinking about her lately because of the car accident we were both in years ago and the anniversary is coming up. I thought we had bonded over that and that our friendship was a strong one. I was obviously wrong. She was my best friend for years and even my maid-of-honor at my wedding to Master. I was always the one phoning her though and keeping in touch though. It was very one-sided. Master told me at one point to stop trying and see what happened. It wasn't a big surprise that our friendship drifted apart after that. It makes me sad because I thought we had a really good friendship and it obviously didn't mean the same to her that it did for me. A friendship that has surprised me and become stronger has been with DL. She has become my best friend over the last year. She is one of the few people that I get together with and she phones me to see how I'm doing. She seems to be the one person (aside from Master Anakin) who understands me and actually makes an effort back. We usually get together for coffee at least every week or two and have had some really great talks. I'm really glad for her friendship in my life. I may not have many close friends but at least there is one person who tries to keep in touch with me and seems to want to be a part of my world. It is sad to say goodbye to some people. I had really hoped A and I would be able to stay friends after our breakup but that didn't happen. I got a few random texts from him but no real interest in being a part of my world. I will admit that I feel very sad about it. I invested months into our relationship and let him into my heart. I know that my feelings were always way stronger for him than they were for me though. There is power in goodbye though. I knew that our friendship was a dysfunctional one. We'd get together and slept together a few times but he didn't want to put anything into it at all. I need people in my life who are willing to give back to me and A was not one of those people. He took from me but didn't give anything back but heartache. Saying goodbye was hard but I had to walk away. I've been putting a lot of time into healthier outlets lately. I've been working on projects around the house and spending time with my kids. I've been contesting again and hope that I'll win something soon. I've put a lot of effort into my marriage and relationship with Master Anakin. We even went out on a date on a Sunday night which is very rare for us. Usually it's on Fridays or Saturdays. We went to the IMAX and saw the movie Inception which was great. We've had some heart to heart talks and really connected. I know of all the people that I've been with that he's the strong force that I've needed. I am very lucky to have him in my life and I love him so much. He's given me hope for our future and been a very strong head of the household. I honestly don't know what I would do without him in my life. We were both relieved and happy to find out from the teen that she wants to live with us. I wrote a blog post last week expressing my heartache about her wanting to live with her Dad. She changed her mind and wants to live with us now!! This may be because of a new boyfriend in her life that lives nearby. I am just so glad she is staying with us. She may bring some drama into our home but I love my family. She even has her first job interview tomorrow and I hope she gets it. The Skywalkers are a strong force and I'm so glad we are all going to be together. There is something else which has been happening but I don't want to jump the gun and post about it before it happens. We'll see what happens.... The kids are going back to school soon and that is exciting too. I'm going to be glad to have my days free again. I've been thinking about several projects that I want to do and maybe even look for some volunteering or a part-time job to fill the time. I think it's a very positive move to focus on the future and making positive changes in my life. My force has been stronger than it has in a very long time. I am glad to be on this journey and headed in the right direction. May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala