Happy birthday to me!

My birthday is in two days but I've decided to write a post for it and put it up a bit early. I thought it would be nice to give an update and I've missed writing. This last week has been very sad and stressful. It's very hard to plan for a memorial. Anakin has been working on the memorial video for it. He's had to get tons of pictures and videos and put them all together to make a special video for it. This has taken up a lot of his time. He was home all of last week but most of it was spent on memorial stuff. He's back to work today and I miss him so much. The memorial is on the 23rd and I will be glad to have some closure. It's been hard looking through her stuff and all the old pictures. We drove out to the pond where her ashes will be scattered on Saturday afternoon. I was going to celebrate my birthday that night in private with Anakin but it didn't happen. I think it was very hard to get out of our moods that day. I cooked a turkey with all the trimmings on Sunday. My FIL did come to the dinner although it was mostly a somber one. The food was good but it was weird to not have my MIL there. She always came as a package with my FIL. They never missed a family event. I really missed having her there. Thanksgiving felt very different this year. I admit that it's been hard to get into the birthday spirit this year. I know that I should be grateful to be having another birthday though. My MIL's birthday is coming up but she will never be able to celebrate another one. Life is fragile. You never know if it might be your last birthday. I've learned a hard lesson recently that people can disappear from your life in the blink of an eye. Suddenly they are gone forever and you have to learn to adjust to life without them. I'd like to be able to cross more things off my bucket list this year. I want to try to live my life to the fullest. That is my goal for the next year ahead. I am glad to be spending this birthday with my family and friends. I have a breakfast with DL tomorrow and also plans with my mom, FIL, kids and Anakin on Thursday. I did get my birthday spanking! He gave me 38 strokes with his belt and an extra one too! I also got a hand spanking. It was nice to find some time together. I have missed Master. Anakin told me that he plans to spoil me for my birthday and to expect some really nice flowers. Our force is strong. We will be celebrating our 14 year anniversary next month of being together in a relationship. Our journey is sometimes a difficult one but we go through it all together. We'll get through this and be stronger. Happy 38th birthday to me! May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala