Remember When

This picture was taken on the day that my MIL passed away. This is a picture of her hospice and a beam of light which was coming down from the sky that day. I am a very spiritual person and there are some things which can't be explained. I knew it in my heart that it would be the last time that I would be seeing my MIL. We went into the hospice and held her hand and told her how much we loved her. It took all her strength to open her eyes when my son said "I love you Grandma". I could feel her leaving us. I had a very strong feeling when I was in the bath that night. I knew her time was coming close. I held onto Anakin as we both experienced our grief. A few hours later and she was gone. I am going to miss her so much. Sometimes you don't realize how much you care about someone until they are gone. Life will never be the same without her in our family. I have spent the last few days crying. I go to bed crying. I get up and start crying. It seems like everything is reminding me of her right now. I feel I don't have appropriate words to express the deep, heartbreaking sadness that is in my heart right now. Watching the memorial video that Anakin made for her really hit it home for me that she's gone and not coming back. My heart aches because it feels like I lost a close friend, not just a mother-in-law. I knew her for the last 20 years of my life and she was there for me through the good and bad times. She embraced me when I lost my Dad because she had experienced that herself and knew how I was feeling. There are so many memories with her. She was a huge part of my life and I don't think that things will ever be with the same without her in it. She tried to be brave even while going through chemo and radiation treatments which left her feeling weak and at times bedridden. Cancer sucks!! It is very difficult to watch your loved one slowly fade away until they are finally able to rest in peace and not suffer anymore. She had courage and strength even in her darkest of times. She inspires me on so many levels. Maybe she wasn't known by as many people as my Dad but she was deeply loved by those who knew her. Today is her memorial and we will be remembering her and trying to find a way to say goodbye to her. This is one of the songs which will be playing on the memorial video for her. This song reminds me so much of her. May the force be with her... Remember When - Alan Jackson Remember when I was young and so were you and time stood still and love was all we knew You were the first, so was I We made love and then you cried Remember when Remember when we vowed the vows and walked the walk Gave our hearts, made the start, it was hard We lived and learned, life threw curves There was joy, there was hurt Remember when Remember when old ones died and new were born And life was changed, disassembled, rearranged We came together, fell apart And broke each other's hearts Remember when Remember when the sound of little feet was the music We danced to week to week Brought back the love, we found trust Vowed we'd never give it up Remember when Remember when thirty seemed so old Now lookn' back it's just a steppin' stone To where we are, Where we've been Said we'd do it all again Remember when Remember when we said when we turned gray When the children grow up and move away We won't be sad, we'll be glad For all the life we've had And we'll remember when .... Rest in peace my MIL. We all miss you deeply. We will all remember you and honor you today. ~padme amidala