A night with Darth Vader

I was craving a beating on Friday. Stressed out and way too much family drama happening. There was some stressful e-mails also with A. There was a bit of miscommunication happening but it all got worked out. I was glad to finally settle in for the night and watch a movie with Master Anakin. We enjoyed our merlot and watched The Other Man. I thought this movie was pretty interesting and I'm still thinking about the plot. I liked how it was mentioned in the movie that she loved two men and how she found room in her heart for them both. She had a husband but also a lover and there was a surprise ending. It was a pretty good movie. I love our movie and merlot nights on Friday. A great way to end the week and spend some time with Master. :) We were too tired to play but did have time for some sex and naughty fun. I got to use the Hitachi and we fucked. We both fell asleep but I wound up having some really bad insomnia. I was awake for hours during the night and had a really hard time sleeping. I woke up in the morning but we were unsure if the overnight was going to work out. There was a bit of juggling to get sitting for both kids but we managed it. The overnights are starting to become rare and very special to us. We were both thinking about going to LB's play party. We hadn't gone in a long time and thought it would be nice to check it out. We also realized how special it was to have an empty house. It's rare and it felt so good to have the whole place to ourselves. Master decided that we would stay home and play instead of go to the play party. I was ordered to take a hot bath and relax. He went out for groceries and picked up some supplies for a pasta dinner and also a gourmet chocolate cake. We've both been on a diet but wanted to treat ourselves. I got busy in the kitchen and set the table complete with a candle and the good dishes. I was told to get into something sexy and come back to him. I put on my cute girlie socks and heart panties and red lingerie from La Senza. Dinner was fantastic! Master was very pleased. I thought it was neat that the riding crop was laying out on the table as well as the food. A reminder of what was to come... I was nervous to tell him something that I had forgotten because I knew he was going to be mad. I had forgotten to go on my daily walk. He had told me to as he went downstairs to punch the boxing bag. I started to feel very bad. This is a very important rule and he has told me that he will "kick my fucking ass" to get me into shape and losing some weight this year. I was warned. Forget to walk and my ass is going to be very sore. 100 with the belt and also a punishment from the jar. He wanted to deal with the punishment before we played. We went upstairs as the lecture started. He was very displeased. He went over to the punishment jar. "Your getting TWO of them for forgetting your rule, slave. You'd BETTER learn by this" he said angrily. I have to write out 300 lines for him saying "i will walk every day for Master or face the consequences". I also must wear my butt plug for two hours today. I've got it up my ass right now as punishment. I also had to lean over the bed and take 100 HARD strokes on my ass with his belt. I was ordered to strip down to my panties and lean over the bed and get ready. I was told to keep the position and not move around or earn another 10 strokes. I also had to try my best to be quiet during the punishment. He gave me a hand spanking first as he lectured me on the rules and making sure I understood why I was going to get the belt and punishments. It was very difficult to remain quiet and I earned myself another 10 strokes after moving out of position. He had a very sadistic laugh when I moved and he got to give me more. I came close to crying during the punishment. He lectured me and strapped me. "You better learn, bitch. I'm not cutting you any breaks!! Walk or have a sore ass". I was put onto my leash as we went downstairs. He wanted to watch some porn on You Porn. I was ordered downstairs as he grabbed a few toys. I was put on my knees and my wrists were tied with rope. Then he tied my feet. The leash was put on the hook on the wall. Then two clothespins were put onto my nipples. I was told to stay there and suffer. He turned off the light and went upstairs. My knees started to really hurt at some point. I felt like I was in subspace and my nipples were throbbing. I started to wonder when he was going to come back. I was thinking "he's a bastard" as the pain started to worsen for my knees and nipples. He finally came downstairs and I was a bit angry at him. He saw into my eyes and saw that anger. I got slapped across my face and he squeezed the clothespins to really hurt my nipples making me cry out. He took the clothespins off and untied me and then told me to get my ass upstairs. I was allowed to be off my leash for a while and had some time to warm up at the fireplace. He watched more porn and then told me that I was allowed a ten minute break to do as I wish before the flogging would begin. I twittered and went to the bathroom and enjoyed some of the expensive wine that he bought us for the night. He was so stern and strict. I tried to get close to him at one point which got a cold stare. "Daddy?" I asked him trying to find some hope that he was still my Daddy. "Daddy's not here, bitch!" he said a very firm voice. I was a bit scared for a moment. He had such an intense look on his face when he said that. I was grabbed by the wrist and told to get my ass over to the couch and get into position for a flogging. I could leave my panties on which was all I was wearing at this point. We moved around some furniture so there would be plenty of room to swing the suede flogger. He put on some techno music and made me hold position. I had to lean over the couch and spread my legs wide for him. "Stick your ass out and make sure to take these strokes. No moving or you'll get more" he warned me. My ass was also hurting from the punishment earlier and I tried to rub it but was told not to. He didn't want my bum to feel better but worse. He did a big warm up with the flogger. He would flog my ass and then onto my back. Then he'd go back down to my ass and flog it more. Sometimes a stroke would hit me in my inner thighs or right on top of my pussy. He stopped at one point and went over to me and pulled down my panties. He slid his finger into my pussy and commented on how soaking wet I was. He looked at his fingers which were VERY sticky from my wetness. He made me lick it off and then put me back into position for more flogging. I also got my front side flogged and my nipples felt like they were on fire. I was soooo turned on by this point that I could barely stand it. I was ordered to take off my panties and then lay down on the lamb skin rug by the fireplace. I used the Hitachi as he fucked me with the rabbit vibrator. I came for him and then we took a bit of a break before doing MORE spanking!! I got more flogging and then some cropping with the riding crop. I also got a few from the whip and a few of the different paddles we have. "Your ass is glowing red, slave" he told me during the spanking. He was very pleased. I was ordered to go to the corner and put my hands above my head and stay there. He watched more porn and then then came over to me and we started to make out like crazy. We had some very rough sex by the fireplace. Slapping, punching, hair pulling and lots of threats about all the cruel things he wanted to do to me. It was really incredible!! It left me wanting more. I really wanted to cum again. There was fingers, toys and lots of stimulation and pain as he pushed me to TWO more orgasms!! The last one made me squirt and left a hell of a mess on the bed. I had left a big wet spot where I came hard after he hurt me. We cleaned up the mess and toys and then enjoyed some leftover chocolate cake and merlot. He told me "good girl" for taking the pain and being a good pain slut. I was told that I would be sleeping nude and on my leash. He wanted me to have a reminder of my place. I had a really deep sleep with NO insomnia. This was one of the best sleeps that I've had in a long time. It felt sooooo needed. I woke up to some cuddling and making out with Master. He checked for bruises which were there from the play together. A nice reminder of a night spent with Darth Vader on the darkside... ..... I did weigh-in this morning and have lost another pound!! That's six pounds that I've lost this month!! Woo hoo! I've got an extra long walk today to make up for the one that I forgot yesterday. I better get this posted so I can get ready for it... May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala

Am I a cougar?

I have blogged about my new Dom, A and how we've been growing close and establishing a new relationship together. We've played together and had a lot of fun times together. There was one thing that I have left out of the blog posts. I've been a bit hesitant to say anything. A is a 20 year old and is about half my age. He's the youngest partner that I've had in all my years of doing poly and having an open relationship. Sometimes I can feel the age difference there. I was giving him a massage in my bedroom the other day and feeling his young skin and noticing how tight the skin was and how young he is. I started to giggle and get a bit uncomfortable. He wanted to know what I was thinking but I couldn't tell him. I am very attracted to A. He's so handsome and young and there is so much chemistry between us. We have not slept together but I admit that I've thought about it. I want to pounce on him like a cougar and ravage his young body. I had to giggle because it seemed a bit crazy to me in some ways. I've got a young handsome 20 year old boy that is in my bedroom with his shirt off and we are making out like crazy and I am extremely turned on by the fact he's so much younger than me. I am usually attracted towards older men. This is all a bit new to me. Master Anakin called me a "cougar" yesterday. I had never heard that term before. He explained to me that it's usually about an older women who goes after younger men. I decided to do a bit of research this morning and was surprised by how common this fetish is and also how many women are looking for younger guys. Fetlife had a thread about it which was interesting. I realized that I am not alone. I thought it was interesting that they said the term "cougar" came from the Vancouver Canuck's hockey team! "The term cougar is thought to have originated in the late 80's in the dressing room of the Vancouver Canucks Hockey team. They called the older single women that came to their games 'cougars' and it took off from there." It seems like there are a lot of Hollywood movies and songs and writing about the cougars out there and older women with younger guys. One of Hollywood's famous cougar is Demi Moore who is with Ashton Kutcher. And I have to admit I've envious of her. Ashton is a real cutie!! That young body and cute spirit he has. Yum! :) Then there is my mother. She is certainly a cougar. She's married to a man who's half her age and she's bought thong panties at La Senza for their bedroom fun. I asked her once what she saw in my step dad. He's almost the same age as my husband!! She told me it was "all about the sex and at least he didn't need viagra. LOL. Master recommended a song to me to listen to this morning. He said that it reminded him of me and my relationship with A. It's about a cougar and is a very fun video. I really liked the lyrics too. I couldn't help but giggle and smile. Don't Talk to Strangers by Hedley She was a bottle blonde She had her 7's on When I think about it now Just a cougar on the prowl She was hotter then hell Had me under her spell Got that ass doin yoga Didn't care that she's older Got off the stage Ended up at her place We were burning up the bed Fire needed to be fed Mornin sun hit her face Maggie May showed her age And I remember what my Mama said Don't talk to strangers Don't do all your thinking with your little head Like mama said, just like mama said My mama said Don't talk to strangers Just wrap it up so you don't wind up dead Like mama said, just like Mama said My mama said She likes em nice and young She likes em fresh and hungry Got that fire in her eye Lets you try her on for size Show you a trick or two To teach you something new Full of bacardi and botox She's fourty and so hot The light of the day Had somethin different to say My head started to spin When I saw her son walkin in I'll bet he felt like a fool Cuz I knew him from school And I remember what my Mama said Don't talk to strangers Don't do all your thinking with your little head Like mama said, just like mama said My mama said Don't talk to strangers Just wrap it up so you don't wind up dead Like mama said, just like Mama said My mama said Hey pretty lady it's crazy You're almost twice my age I wanna dance on your body The way I shake it on stage Hey pretty lady it's crazy You're almost twice my age I wanna dance on your body The way I shake it on stage Hey pretty lady it's crazy You're almost twice my age I wanna dance on your body The way I shake it on stage Hey pretty lady it's crazy You're almost twice my age I wanna dance on your body The way I shake it on stage .... I can't predict the future and what's going to happen with A. I worry that he might get bored with me and move onto some younger girl who is more his age. He's going to want to get married and maybe start a family one day. I can't give him that obviously. I admit to being worried that maybe I'm not what he is looking for. I'm an old lady who doesn't have the body of a 20 year old girl. I've got wrinkles starting and menopause around the corner. What could he possibly want with me? I guess I have many insecurities about it all right now. I'm going with the flow through and am willing to see where this road might lead. I like A a lot and am willing to submit to him and open up more and give him more of my heart. I just hope that it's enough for him and that he will be around in the future. ..... TGIF!! Thank goodness it's almost the weekend. I am looking forward to a movie & merlot night tonight with Master and some time with him. It's been a busy week for us both and we have not had too much time alone. There is also a play party at LB's and I really hope we can go. I'd really like a beating and need some attention from Master. I need some play on the darkside... I hope everyone has a good weekend!! ~padme amidala

A lunch date with A

I got a pleasant surprise today and a visit again from A. He was in the area and wanted to drop by and see me. It was a bit unexpected but I was glad to see him and go out for lunch together. We walked down to Subway and had lunch and a really good talk. A and I have been doing a lot of talking about our "relationship". The thing is...I really wasn't sure if we had a real relationship or it was just a Dom/sub type of play partners type of thing. It's always hard in the beginning of any poly relationship. You have to figure out what the person is looking for. Sometimes it's not the same thing as you are. I feel true feelings for A. I know that a lot of them are probably NRE (new relationship energy) and there is always a lot of lust and hormones in those first stages of a new relationship. It's like a honeymoon period and everything seems great and you get butterflies in your tummy when you see each other. NRE is a wonderful feeling but I like to try to look beyond that. I like to know that when I invest my heart, time and energy (and especially my submission) that the person is going to be around for a while. I have told A that it's important to know that we are both on the same page. We both seem to be going in the right direction though and I'm happy to be opening up to A and also learning how to serve him. We are working on some rules for me to follow around him. A few of them have been hard to remember but I'm trying. :) ... I am craving a beating right now. I've been having some thoughts today about hard discipline spankings. I need a spanking! The question is...when don't I need a spanking? I never seem to get enough! I also need some rough play and Dominance. A and I were not able to play today and I was aching for a beating from him. I had a few flashbacks of him using his belt on me yesterday. Mmm... Master Anakin and I were invited to a play party on the weekend at LB's. We are hoping to go as long as the sitting works out. We have not been to a play party together in a long time so this will be a lot of fun if it works out. That would be great to be able to play with Darth Vader this weekend! I can't wait for the weekend!! I wish it was Friday! May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala

A comes over for a visit

I was a lucky girl today. I got to spend some time with A. I wasn't sure if I would be allowed to see him or not. My chores were behind yesterday and Master Anakin was very displeased with me. I got a few punishment strokes from his belt during some alone time that we were able to get last night. We had an hour with no kids and Master made the most of that time. I got a stern lecture and a threat that I could not see A unless my chores were done. He set my bottom on fire with his belt and made sure to let me know that he wasn't going to tolerate me not getting my chores done. I was doing chores until late with a very sore bottom. I was up early this morning and got the rest of them all done and was excited to phone A and let him know that I could get together with him. I was so nervous and excited when I heard him knock on the door. I get sooooo incredibly nervous around him. His Dom energy is intense at times and I sometimes get lost for words. We had a really good talk. We asked each other a few questions and got to find out more about each other. I had offered him a massage and we headed upstairs so I could give him one. I loved to serve him in this way. I used massage oil on his back and neck and spent some time getting him to relax. I loved touching his body. A has a very nice young body. I put a heating pad on his shoulders and made sure to please him with the massage. We did a bit of making out and I was a bit embarrassed when my tummy wouldn't stop growling. I was hungry and hoping that we could maybe get lunch out. I wanted to make out more in the bedroom but I hadn't eaten in hours and needed to eat. A wanted me to make him lunch. I do enjoy being a domestic slave and went into that role very quickly when he told me what kind of sandwich he wanted. Lunch was really nice. Lots of flirting and eye contact and lots of NRE (New relationship energy) was happening between us. He told me that he was going to reward me for being such a good girl. I was obeying all of his orders and making sure to be good. He told me that he was going to give me an erotic spanking. We went over to the couch and I took off my capri's and got down to my panties. I was wearing my "born to be bad" panties which he took off and that surprised me. This was the first time that I got to show A my bare bottom. He started to spank me slowly and built up a nice rhythm. I mentioned at one point that it was like he was beating a drum. He would stop and rub and then spank my bum. I got very shy with him at one point and mentioned that I wanted to ask him something but was a bit shy to. He wanted to know what it was. I asked him if I could see his belt. I've got a belt fetish and had wanted to see what his looked like. He was happy to take off his belt and show it to me. I love black leather belts! yum! I asked him to spank me with it and he gave me some really nice strokes with that. I was starting to get very turned on by our play together. My bum felt nicely warmed up and I felt very close to A. He had to get going by 1 pm so we didn't have more time to play. He wanted to make sure I got some aftercare so he stopped the spanking and held onto me. It was a very nice moment being in his arms after he used his belt on me. Mmmmm....I was SOOOO wet. A left and then I went for a walk around the block so I could get my daily walk in. Then I phoned Master Anakin and asked him to use my Hitachi. I went upstairs and took my time masturbating and thinking about my spanking from A. It didn't take me long to cum and I curled up into a ball and just laid there for a while and enjoyed the feeling. Today has been a really good day! Happy hump day everyone! May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala

A is my new Dominant

This is probably not a big surprise to some people, especially if they are on Fetlife. I did a status change on there to reflect a new and exciting change in my life. A has become my new Dominant. We've been getting to know each other and we played together at Rascal's and when he came for a visit. We have decided to go down a more D/s type of path together and see where it leads. I admit that I'm very nervous about this. It's been a while since I served two Doms before. Every person is different and A is young and learning. It seems to be going well so far. A seems to understand my needs and also how he will fit into my life. I already am in a TPE relationship with Anakin. It's going to be a bit of a juggling act with trying to serve A as well as be a good slave to Master Anakin. We have an agreement that he will be my Dom while together and I will have a few simple rules to follow. We are still sorting out what those will be though. There is a lot of communication going on right now. Having a poly relationship is very challenging. You try to make all the partners happy and make sure that everyone is on the same page. I'm really glad that Master Anakin has been so supportive. He's hoping to get to know A better and I'm sure he could Mentor him about bdsm and Dominance. I'm really curious where this new road will lead. It's an exciting new chapter in my life and I'm sure I'll have plenty to blog about with how things go with A being my new Dominant. Master Anakin is my Owner and Master. A will be a Dominant and be in control when we are together. I've served two Doms before and it did work out for many years. It will be interesting to see how it all goes... ..... I had a morning quickie with Master Anakin which was a great way to start the day! He gave me permission to use my Hitachi and that felt wonderful to have a big orgasm today. My ass was very sore yesterday but the bruises and soreness are starting to fade from the play at Rascal's. I think I might need another spanking soon! *smiles* :) May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala

Rascal's night with A

What a weekend it's been so far. Wow! I think that I'm still processing some of it and it cost me some sleep last night. My weekend started with a movie & merlot night on Friday night. Master rented us the movie, A Perfect Getaway. I really enjoyed the movie. It had a bit of a dark theme. We wound up talking about the movie afterwords and then both wanted some play time together. Master didn't want to be too rough on me because he didn't want me too sore for Rascal's. His idea of "light play" was a really rough ass fuck. He called me "His bitch" and roughly pulled on my hair as he fucked my ass hard. He came and then I was allowed to use my Hitachi to get myself off. He took care of me after we were done playing. We snuggled up together and I fell asleep quickly in his arms. I woke up nervous about my date with A. I was nervous about seeing him again but also excited. Master and I watched a movie and had a pretty relaxing type of day. We enjoyed homemade Russian perogies for lunch which were SO yummy! I got ready for the date and made sure I was ready to go for 6 pm. A was on time and looking very handsome. Master Anakin shook his hand and they had a brief chat before we left. We went to East Side Mario's which was very busy. So was Montana's and many restaurants around that area. So we headed out towards Rascal's and downtown. I tried to use the time in the car to get to know A better. I thought we had a pretty good talk. He seems a bit shy and quiet sometimes but I think I can be that way too sometimes. We ate at Tom & Jerry's on East Hastings Street. It was a pretty good place considering the area that it's located. A ordered my dinner for me which was a yummy Italian feast. The sparks were flying and we seemed to really connect. I was really glad for the glass of red wine that I had with dinner. It helped to settle my nerves a bit. lol. We headed to Rascal's and I went to get ready. I wore my PVC black skirt, red corset, fishnet stockings, goth boots and black lace panties. I also had my black feather boa to complete the sexy look. A seemed impressed with my outfit. He had asked me to wear the PVC skirt and I was happy to do that for him. A looked very handsome and Dominant in his outfit that he wore. It was great to be back at Rascal's! I have not been to an event since October and this is my first one for 2010! The atmosphere was great. I love Rascal's! It's always a good time and fun night when you go to their play party. The people are friendly and the scenes are always fun to watch. A showed me some of his toys and hinted about wanting to play. I was a bit hesitant at this point due to being so nervous and had wanted to socialize a bit more also. A seemed a bit displeased that I didn't want to play but I tried to let him know that I was not being a brat. I was just nervous to go play with him and needed some time to get ready for it. I have to adjust my mind mentally sometimes before I'm able to play with someone, especially someone new. I don't know A very well and I am still trying to figure him out a bit. The poly dance can be a complicated one sometimes. It's hard to read minds and I can get very moody sometimes. A play area became available in the private section so we headed upstairs to that. I rubbed up against him and tried to connect with him before our play together. A brought out all the toys which included some of his and also mine. There was paddles and wooden spoons and the metal chain flogger and other mean toys. I left the whips at home though. lol. A tied me to the spanking table and then lifted my PVC skirt. He started to go to work on my ass. I don't remember which toy he used first or how many strokes that I got. Some were really hard. He's got a darkside and can be very sadistic in the play. He really surprised me at times. I tried to take the pain and struggled at times to stay still, especially when he used the chain metal flogger on my lower thighs. Ouchies!! I asked him a few times to hit me harder. The pain slut in me needed the pain. I know he was probably unsure of how far to go with our play. At one point he untied me and got me up and instructed me to remove my corset and lay down on my back. He used clothespins on my breasts. I started to float in a very deep subspace at this point. The pain felt pleasurable and I knew that I was VERY wet from this mean treatment. He commented later in the car that he could feel a lot of wetness from my panties. I admit that I was very turned on by our play. It made me wet that he could let his darkside out and get very Dominant with me. He used his riding crop to play with the clothespins and also teased my nipples and hurt my tits. This was very intense and a first for me. I have never played on my front side in public before like we did. I had to go to the bathroom at one point due to a full bladder. I did not want to stop playing though so I hurried back to him. I asked for more spanking which he was happy to oblige. His mean sadistic streak showed at this point. He started to push me and I got the feeling he was perhaps trying to get me to safeword. I didn't want to though and wanted to play harder which is what I asked for. I started to lose control at one point and got teary eyed. It takes a lot to get me to cry over a spanking. I've only had 2 partners who could get me to cry. It surprised me that A was able to do that during our play. He had no problems going to the darkside with me and pushing me to tears. I admit that I have a crying fetish. I love to be spanked to tears. This felt very good that I could release my emotions and feel that connection to A. We cleaned up and went to sit down. There was some kissing and making out and he tried to reassure me. I admit that I get a bit clingy and needy after playing though. I wanted lots of attention from him. I had wanted to stay longer at Rascal's but we wound up leaving a bit earlier than anticipated. Master Anakin had given me a 2 am curfew though. I felt a bit bad because some of A's friends were going to Sin City. I think that A might have wanted to go also but we couldn't because of my curfew. Hopefully we can go another night though as I have yet to experience a night at Sin City. Daddy let his girl out to play but he was waiting for me to come home to him. He didn't want me out all night and he knows with my history that I probably would stay out all night if I could. lol. A and I talked on the way home from Rascal's. We were both happy with the play. He told me that he enjoys having the power and that he enjoyed being a meanie to my poor bottom. He's taken a more Dominant role with me and I am still a bit unsure of the future but willing to see where it leads with A. He intrigues me and our play was very good. I enjoyed my night out to Rascal's with him. Hopefully there will be more fun nights to come... ....... Weigh in was this morning. I lost 3 pounds!! Wow! So far this year I have lost 4 pounds. Amazing! The walking rule has kept me motivated and starting to pay off! Master Anakin was very pleased. He was also very impressed with the bruises that I have from the play last night. I've got some really nasty bruises on my lower thighs as a reminder of my play with A. Master Anakin has already threatened to give me more bruises on top of the other ones if I misbehave today. I'd better be a good girl. Time to get going on my walk... May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala

Going to Rascal's with A tomorrow night!

TGIF!! It's been a bit of a long week and I'm looking forward to the weekend starting. I woke up this morning feeling a bit cranky even though it's Friday and should be feeling great about the weekend ahead. I'm not sure what got into me. I decided to be a bit sassy towards Master Anakin. It didn't take long before he had me OTK and my nightshirt was pulled up and my bare bottom was getting spanked. He doesn't put up with that kind of sassy behavior. He told me to "be good" on his way out the door this morning to go to work. I got a swat on my ass as a reminder as he left. Being good is too boring sometimes though. The sassy bitch in me likes to have fun and sometimes play games. A came onto MSN and I started to tease him a little. He mentioned bringing toys to Rascal's but I told him that I might not bring any. I started to be sassy to him and it was clear that he was not too impressed. I guess that you might say that I'm testing him a little. I'm wondering where the boundaries are. Are we just play partners? Or is there perhaps more? I want to call him Sir but is he my Dom as well as play partner? I admit that I feel very submissive towards him. I'm testing the waters and seeing where it leads. I twittered about being sassy and then Master Anakin had this response on his twitter: "I know how *I* handle bratty girls with sassy moods...and so does your ass. Signed your Mean Old Man" I have to admit that this made me giggle. He really IS my mean old man and I DO know exactly how he would handle a sassy misbehaving girl. I'm sure he'd have his belt flying off and I would have a very red sore bottom. I know how it goes with him. He's my mean old man and I love it! A didn't seem too happy when I got sassy with him. He told me to go stand in the corner for 10 minutes. He sounded very firm and Dominant in his tone through MSN. So I walked over to the corner in my livingroom and stayed there for 10 minutes or so I thought. It wasn't long enough so I was sent over again but this time for 5 minutes. I felt very submissive and remembered that I need to respect A. Especially if we are going to play together. I like to play with men who are Dominant and that I respect. This is a must for me. I'm really nervous about Rascal's tomorrow night!! I get to see A again and we are going out on a date!! We are going out for dinner and then to Rascal's together. I don't have any expectations other than hoping for a fun night out. I'm not sure if A and I will play together or just hang out. I am looking forward to it! *smiles* This will be my first bdsm event (play party) of 2010!! Master and I have plans for tonight. I hope this will include a trip to the darkside for some naughty fun. I really need to have some orgasms this weekend! I'm horny and have been denied having any this morning. I really wanted to use my Hitachi but Master said no. Apparently I've been too mouthy and don't deserve to cum. Poor me. Life is so unfair sometimes. :) Have a great weekend!! May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala

A harsh punishment from Darth Vader!

I should have known better. I've been a slave for a long time. I know how it's supposed to work. I know the rules and I must follow them. I get punished when I disobey and especially when I act like a mouthy bitch. I was feeling very off yesterday. I hadn't heard from A and was starting to get a bit worried. I wish I wasn't so needy, especially after I play with someone. I've had partners who have disappeared on me after playing with me. I think that I've felt a connection with someone and then they disappear. R was very good at that. He played a lot of games. So did Daemon. I guess the games have made a lasting impression on me. I was very overtired and cranky. I've been having insomnia lately and having a hard time sleeping. I've been walking every day and been trying to follow some new strict rules. I've had some slip ups and last night was a big one. I started to act like a child and decided to throw a tantrum. I got into a big pout and went upstairs to curl up into a ball. Master came up and tried to comfort me and I pushed him away. I was angry with him. He's been a bit distracted with things lately and I felt like I wasn't getting enough attention. I told him to "go away" and "get away from me" and pushed him. I'm not sure where this burst of anger came from but it seemed to spill out of me. I said some very bad things. *blushes* The bitch in me came out and tried to take it out on Master. This is NOT allowed in our relationship at all. I knew the consequences but I didn't care in that moment. I felt angry at him and flashed some of it into his eyes. Of course this brings out Darth Vader. I was told that I was being grounded to my room and being put to bed. He got close into my face and told me to "get my ass to bed and don't say a word to him or else". It shook me up a bit and I tried to apologize which got me a harsh look. I could see that I had pushed his buttons and really angered him. I went straight to bed and had a good night's sleep. I awoke to Master who was getting the kids ready for school. He decided to take a few hours off from work to deal with things. I was told that a spanking was coming to me and to think about it while he was out dropping them off at school. He arrived with breakfast and barely spoke. I started to get nervous. I know that his silence usually means that I have really upset him. We spoke about A. He told me that I need to have more faith. I heard from A shortly after our talk through breakfast. Everything is fine. I was a silly little girl for being so nervous. I knew what was coming next. He twittered about his evil plans for my ass. I was ordered upstairs and could hear him unbuckling his belt as we got into the bedroom. The door was closed and I was ordered to lean over the bed and pull down my pants and panties. The first stroke was brutal and I could tell that this wasn't going to be an easy punishment. He was going to hurt me. I knew I had pushed him too far. I am not allowed to push him away. No more games. I'm not allowed to be a bitch and try to push him around. He was in full control. Every stroke was hard and punishing. He lectured me as a few really hard strokes took my breath away and had me trying to stay still. "Don't move bitch or your going to wish you didn't" he said to me very angry while I tried hard to keep the position. There was some hand spanking also which was extremely hard. I tried to fight him away at one point which got his hand across my face. "Who's in control..hmmm slave? Who the fuck do you think owns you?" His anger was sharp and my jaw throbbed a bit from the hit. Clothes were ripped off and panties came flying off. I thought he was going to fuck me as he started to take off his clothes. He picked his belt up again and got me to roll over so he could strap me more. I shrieked and screamed into the pillow. Some strokes were so hard that it felt like my skin had been broken open. He stopped and pulled on my hair and then spread my legs. "Little slut is soooo wet, isn't she? he teased me. His fingers penetrated my wet pussy and he started to get me very excited. He got me to get up on my knees on the bed and started to fuck me doggy style. The sex was very, very rough. I'm not sure I want to get into the details on this blog. Some of the play feels very private between Master and I. It was extreme and brutal at times. I begged him to hurt me and he gave me what I needed. He knew to take me to the darkside and beyond. I always like it when we are able to go to the edge of the cliff and then fall off it together. Rough sex is always the best after a good beating. I felt submissive and extremely horny. I begged to cum but he denied me. "You'll have to earn it, slut" he warned me. He came with a thrust into my pussy as we both fell over. Mmmm...I wanted to cum sooooo bad. I was given an offer from Darth Vader. He would give me an orgasm but I must take some strokes from the end of the bullwhip and also wooden paddle. I must not flinch and must accept them all gracefully. I tried my very best to take it well. He made it very hard at times with the strokes and licks of the whip. Then I was allowed to use my Hitachi while he pinched my nipples and whispered evil things into my ear about what he wanted to do to me and how hard he wanted to hit me. I came as soon as he gave me permission to cum for him. I layed into a ball and floated off in endorphin heaven. My ass hurt and my pussy and clit felt swollen. He told me that he was going to give me a bit more before he went off to work. This surprised me. I wasn't expecting more punishment. He felt that I needed to learn a hard lesson. I had to take 20 very hard full strokes from his belt. This is on top of the bruises and marks already that were there. I was sobbing by the third full hard stroke of the belt. I was screaming by the 5th one. He stopped at one point and told me that he was going to go a bit lighter on me and to calm down. I was sobbing and crying at this point. Tears were rolling down my cheeks. "Please Daddy....please...please I won't ever do it again. I'll be a really, really good girl." I tried to beg him. I wanted him to have mercy. Darth Vader does not grant mercy though. He's a strict Master and if you disobey the rules, you have to accept the consequences. Our marriage has domestic discipline and this is the way it works. I don't get to decide when the punishment is over. He decides and I must accept it. "I'll be a bit lighter but you must accept the rest. I can't go back on my word now. I told you that your getting 20 and you must take them" he told me as the belt came down again on my ass. One stroke was a bit lighter but then they got hard again and faster. I could barely breath when he was done. My ass was bleeding in a few spots and I was sobbing. My ass was so red and sore that I could barely sit down and I've got a reminder about my place. I will be a better slave. I need to learn to be a good girl or else I'll be meeting Darth Vader again for more punishment... May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala

A fun day with A and a sore bum!

What a day! I'm sitting here trying to find a way to describe the day that I've had. Wow!! I'm not even sure I have the words to describe some of my feelings right now. Today was amazing and a really nice escape from a normal type of Monday. I could barely sleep last night. I was so nervous about seeing A today. I got the place cleaned up and made sure I was up early to get myself looking nice for A. I decided to be a bit naughty and wear my black lace bra and panties underneath my clothes. I wore some cute socks and made sure to look a bit girly for him. He arrived at 10 am. I could barely contain myself at times due to my nerves. I almost had a panic attack. He looked handsome and the chemistry was immediate. He seemed a bit nervous though too. We decided to have a talk first and get to know each other better. I had a few questions for him and was curious to learn more about him. I caught him looking into my eyes a few times. I had hugged him when he walked in but I was too nervous to go over to sit beside him. I'm glad he's going slow with me. It's been a really long time since I had a cute boy in my house. Shiro was here last year after the Taboo show but before that was Daemon. I think that was a bit part of my nervousness today. It's been a long time since I was even spanked by someone other than Master Anakin. I wanted to ask him for a spanking but was way too shy at first. We went for a walk to the Wired Monk. I really enjoyed our talk there. We held hands as we walked there. I wanted to kiss him but was soooo shy about it all. We came back and I asked him if he wanted to see the toys. I brought out the "briefcase of hurt" and showed him all the mean toys. I also decided to confess a secret. I had naughty clothes on underneath and suddenly my shirt came flying off and we started to make out. We kissed and made out a bit. Then it was time for my spanking!! He decided that he wanted to use a few toys out on my ass. The pants came off and I was in my socks, black lace bra and panties. Legs spread a bit apart while I lent over the couch. He used his hand to spank me a bit and also the paddle (the one I got for my birthday from Bound 2 Please). He also used the swede flogger. He surprised me sometimes with a few mean strokes, especially on my right side. A few took my breath away. He would rub my skin between strikes. The panties stayed on but I was VERY wet during our play. I've been very aroused since our play together. Mmmm...I really need to use my Hitachi ASAP! Our play together felt heavenly and I started to float into a nice endorphin subspace. He was so sensual yet a bit mean at times during the spanking/paddling/flogging. My ass felt nicely warmed up and bruised. He held me and I curled up close to him afterwords. This was a very nice moment and I felt connected to him and submissive. I wanted to play more but we were running out of time and this was our first play experience together. I hope we can play again one day. That was so much fun! I've got such a big smile on my face today thanks to A! Thank you A for a fun day and a sore bottom! I checked out my ass in the bathroom mirror and there are a few good bruises. A nice reminder of a fun day with A. *smiles* I am going to Rascal's on Saturday night with A. We have a date!! yeah! I'm very excited to be going to another event (my first one for 2010) and being able to see him again. I'm not sure if we will play that night but I am glad to get out for a night and see A again. Rascal's is always a really good time and lots of fun! I can't wait to see him again... May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala

I've got a schoolgirl crush

I admit it. I've got a schoolgirl crush and Master thinks this is very amusing and has been making me blush about it all. I've been blogging about a young handsome Dom that I've been getting to know. I met A at the local munch and sparks flew at the last one. We've had some really good chats lately and tomorrow we have plans to get together. I'm SO nervous and feel very giddy and girlish. A intrigues me so much. There is a lot of mystery about him. I am a bit nervous about embarking on a new journey but am ready for a new road to follow. The poly part of my relationship has not been going very well the last year. I broke up with Shiro (about a year ago) and admit that it made me sour about dating anyone for a while. I will be honest...I never really had much chemistry with Shiro. I think he was a rebound for me during a difficult time in my life. I was madly in love with Daemon and threw myself into that relationship. He left me heartbroken and I turned to Shiro. I think I needed a break from the poly but was starting to get the itch towards the end of the year. I miss the poly and think that it can nice to get back into it this year. I didn't think I could meet someone again who I would feel chemistry with the way that I had with Daemon. Then I met A. He walked in the local munch and I got goosebumps. I was interested in him right away. I knew he was someone that I wanted to get to know better. I had a hard time looking into his eyes and felt a magnetic chemistry between us at the munch. A has a lot of Dom energy. I see a lot of potential for him in the kink world. I sense a darkside in him. He kind of reminds me of Master Anakin when he was younger. I think they both have a lot in common. Master Anakin has been encouraging me to get to know A. He likes him and I am glad they were able to meet. It makes it a lot easier when my Master knows who I am dating or playing with someone. A has been encouraging me with my new rules. I didn't want to get off MSN yesterday but he told me that I should go for my walk. He even said "good girl" to me a few times which made me soooooo giddy and girlish. Purrrr....I admit that a lot of our chats have gotten me wet. I've asked him to go to Rascal's next weekend. I have not been to one since Halloween and would love to go with him. I have my best times at Rascal's. I really want to go with him. I've promised him that there is no pressure. We can just go and observe the scenes going on and hang out. We don't have to play if he doesn't want to. I just enjoy the atmosphere at Rascal's and miss seeing some of my friends from the community. I hope he can go. I think this could be a lot of fun. I'm not sure where things will go with A. I guess we'll see how it goes tomorrow and go from there. .... Today was weigh in. I've lost two pounds. Woo hoo! I've kept up with my new rule of walking everyday. I plan to go for my walk as soon as I've posted this blog post. I dyed my hair cooper red and have opened up my spiritual side recently with going to church. I did wonder a few times about my church friends. I really don't think they would understand the other side of my life. DL is a traditionalist and I don't think she would ever understand my need for spankings or kink. I had an overnight last night with Master. We had no kids and a whole night to play! I'll try to write about that in the next week. We got to play on the darkside. I played with Darth Vader. *grins* :) May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala

Wanting to play on the darkside

Today has not been a great day so far. It seems like I just haven't had any luck. A few things which have happened which have frustrated me. I got permission to enjoy a glass of merlot and relax after getting my chores done for Master Anakin. A (the young Dom that I've blogged about) messaged me on MSN messenger. I was really glad to see him on MSN today. I got an e-mail from him earlier and was hoping we might have a chance to chat today. I'm really enjoying getting to know him. He intrigues me a lot. He is very handsome and an intelligent good looking younger Dominant. Some of the chat got a bit naughty and I will admit that it also made me horny as hell. I love his Dominant nature and energy. I want to see him again. I will admit that I was hoping to get together with him tonight. I even got permission from Master A to see him tonight if it could be arranged. I came back on MSN but he had to go. Ack! I never got the chance to tell him. I know this isn't the end of the world but I wish I had told him how much I want to see him right now. I think there are a lot of possibilities for the future right now. 2010 has been a pretty interesting year for me so far. It seems like when I was ready to give up on the poly is when a young handsome stranger walked into my life. I'm really curious about where the future might take us. I'm on my second glass of wine right now. All I can think of is A. I am longing to see him again. Hopefully that can happen soon... There is a play party happening tonight and was kind of interested in going to that also. It doesn't look like that will be happening. Master A is tired from his long day and wants to play tomorrow night when there will be a chance for us to have some alone time with no kids. I really want to play on the darkside right now..hopefully I'll get the chance to play with Darth Vader this weekend. May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala

I want to play with Darth Vader!

I feel so incredibly submissive and horny at the moment. I wish I could cum again. This morning's orgasm was a big one and the surge of hormones from it seems to be bursting!! I don't know what's gotten into me lately. I've been having so many fantasies and kinky thoughts. Maybe it's because Master Anakin has been so controlling and dominant lately. Maybe it's because I've had so many new strict rules to follow and keep me in my place. Or maybe it's because a certain young Dom (A) has come into my world recently and inspired some naughty thoughts. I'm not sure. Maybe I'm just a horny slave girl slut who wants to get off all the time and can't get enough pain and pleasure. I was in bed at 8:00 pm last night. I slept solid but got up early at 5 am. I have to admit that I got a bit sassy. I am not a morning person, especially before I get my morning cup of coffee. It wasn't long before I was over Master's knee and then told to get my ass down to the basement for a strapping. I heard him unbuckle his belt as we went down the stairs. I leaned over the couch and bared my ass for him to strap. 40 hard ones on top of the already bruised ass from yesterday's punishment with the crop. One spot on my ass is very bruised and I can feel it as I sit down today as a reminder. We went upstairs and I was starting to get very turned on as I watched Master put his belt back on. I had to beg (and I mean BEG) for an orgasm. I'm on orgasm denial so I wasn't sure he would let me. I had to beg him and promise to be a really good girl and follow my rules. We went upstairs and he locked the door as I grabbed my Hitachi and the Rabbit. The orgasm was amazing. He said "cum for me" in the most dominant tone and I exploded. This felt like a full body type of orgasm. It went from my head all the way down to my toes. I felt like I couldn't walk properly afterwords. What a great way to start the day! Master can be a mean old man but I admit that I really like it. His dominance turns me on. The power and control he has over me intoxicates me. It excites me and makes me want to spend the day masturbating and dreaming up more ways that he might hurt me. I wonder if Darth Vader wants to play this weekend? I'd really like him to cum out and play with me... May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala

The young and the kinky

Something happened during the holidays which I have not blogged about yet. I was not sure anything would happen and am always a bit reluctant to blog about things before they do. There is always lot of possibilities that could happen with our poly relationship but it doesn't always work out. I'm still feeling very uncertain about it all. I guess that time will tell. I started to host our local munch in November. I met someone at the first munch who intrigued me and I felt a lot of chemistry with. He was a young Dom that I had never seen at any of the bdsm events before. We became friends on Fetlife and exchanged some e-mails but not much happened until the end of December. I decided to make a few moves on him and do some flirting. I was surprised when he responded to it and also asked me out on a date!! I was extremely flattered because it has been a while since anyone other than Master Anakin asked me to go out on a date. I was very excited about it. The date didn't work out though because my sister came into town. I was disappointed but had hoped we could make a date another time. He e-mailed me to let me know he was planning to go to the movie with another girl. The vibe seemed a bit different and I wasn't sure how interested he was in me. That is...until last night. I noticed on Fetlife that he was coming to the munch and had a million butterflies in my tummy. I dressed a bit more sexy and tried to contain my anxiety when he walked into the munch. He sat right beside me and I could feel a lot of his anxiety and some tension. Master noticed that we both blushed a few times and seemed really into each other. He found it all very amusing. He knows that I have a crush and that I like him and he kept looking at us and smiling. I was so nervous that I could barely speak at times. The young Dom is so cute and I felt a chemistry with him (other than with my Master) that I have not felt since I was with Daemon. (my ex who I dated back in 2008) The munch went really well. 12 people came and we all had a fun time. I have missed my friends from the community. I am hoping to get out to a bdsm event soon as I have not been to one since October. I miss playing in public. The young Dom (A) did ask me to go to Sin City with him sometime. I'm hoping that can work out. He's gotten to know Master Anakin and I've had to get permission (one of my new rules) to go with him to Sin City or maybe another event with him. I'm not sure what's going to happen with A. He's a lot younger than me and I don't think he has much experience in the bdsm lifestyle. I'm curious to see what happens though. It would be nice to find a play partner which I felt chemistry with and also got along good with Master Anakin. ... I have been up since 3 am and am very tired. I had some terrible insomnia last night and couldn't sleep. Master Anakin got up to go to work and noticed that I was having a hard time sleeping. He started to touch me and then pj's came off and we started to fuck. I'm on my period and was a tiny bit hesitant because of the mess but had no choice. He wanted to fuck me so I submitted to him. We had a nice morning quickie this morning. I was told to get to bed but he came in a little while later and seemed very angry. I disobeyed another rule. I really need to learn the new rules and to follow them. I did not follow his orders fast enough and was told that I was to get my ass out of bed and get down to the basement for punishment. The basement was cold and I leaned over the couch down there and he pulled down my panties and cropped me 100 times HARD. I was crying a bit afterwords and he had no sympathy for me. He told me there would be a non-physical punishment too so he went over to the punishment jar upstairs and told me that I will be wearing a butt plug for two hours while I do chores today. I also am on orgasm denial until I can prove to Master that I am obedient and am following the rules correctly. I really want to please my Master. I need to learn to be a better slave... May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala

The munch is tonight!

We will not be doing HNT (Half-Nekkid Thursday) this week. We have to work on our son's laptop until our new Dell computer arrives at the end of the month. All of our pictures are on our old hard drive. Maybe this is a good thing to take a break from the pictures and try to concentrate on making this more like a life journal which is the path that I was hoping to take for this blog. I am hoping to open up more on this blog and write out more of my feelings about what is happening in my life. I want Journey to the Darkside to be more about our journey and what is happening in my relationship with my Master. It will also give the readers a bit of a glimpse into a slave's life and living the TPE dynamic in my relationship with Master Anakin. It has been an interesting journey so far. I feel very tired today. I'm on my period and have also been doing lots of walking with my new rule. It's hard to go from not doing much over the holidays to getting back into shape. It's physically been hard this last week. My legs ache and I have needed a much earlier bedtime than normal. I feel very drained right now and hope I have enough energy for the munch tonight. I would rather be having a hot bath and heading to bed. I've committed to hosting this munch though so I feel responsible for being there tonight. I had a brief chat (after getting my chores done) with an old friend of mine today. I have written about her on the blog before. Her name is Candycane. We were BFF's in high school and in our 20's. We drifted apart but we have been rebuilding our friendship since my Dad died. She contacted me because her Dad had passed away. It's a bit strange that the thing which has connected us has been the death's of our Dads. She's helped me to understand some of my feelings and also been a real rock for me the last 6 months. I am hoping we can meet each other for a coffee and be able to see each other again. It's taken a long time to trust her again but I feel like we are at a good point in our friendship and perhaps this will be a good thing in my life. I miss having a close friendship. There is my friend, DL and we have become close but I don't really feel like she knows me the way that Candycane does. Candycane knows me as well as Master Anakin does. She is a part of my history. Some people come into your life for a reason. Candycane came into my life for several reasons. I don't think I would be with Master Anakin if it wasn't for her support and encouragement to look inside my heart and see the man who was in love with me. She brought us together. I will never forget that. Tonight is the munch. I'm wondering who will be there. Not many people have confirmed they are coming. Master Anakin is coming with me though and I'm really happy about that. He wants to support me with hosting this munch and has enjoyed meeting a few kinksters through it. I'll blog about how it goes. It should be an interesting night... May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala

New rules for 2010!

There have been a few long talks since the new year began for 2010. Master Anakin and I wanted to go down a new road on the journey. We had some rules for me to follow from my TPE agreement that I signed on our wedding day. Some of those rules are my everyday type of rules now. I'm used to them and they are a part of my regular life now. Some rules weren't working out very good and some of them weren't very clear. Changes needed to be made and we both knew this. I was not making some good decisions and he wanted to take me to another level with my submission. We decided that some new rules were good for the start of the new year. I signed the new contract on Friday night. I had to hand write all of them out for Master and was instructed to also adjust them on our TPE contract to reflect the new changes so everyone can see them. Our contract will be renegotiated next year. We will sit down and go over the rules and discuss if any changes need to be made at that time. There are some rules which are going to take a while to get used to. He always had control but it feels a lot different now. I'm tightly controlled and my time has now become Master's. He decides and I obey. He put a few of his own rules in the contract for me including having to walk every single day. This might not seem like a hard rule to follow but it's been one of the most challenging for me so far. I am used to taking the weekend off to relax but now I'm outside walking and have no choice about doing it. This morning I found out that I was getting a ride for my son to school both ways. That means I normally would take the day to stay inside and not worry about having to walk. Darth Vader is a stubborn man though. It was 8:15 am and pouring rain outside. I was leaving at 9 am to go to a Quilting class with my friend, DL. He figured out that I had just enough time to go for my walk before going out with my friend. I tried to wiggle out of it and promised to do it later. He said to get it done or I wouldn't be able to go out with DL. So I grabbed my umbrella and got my ass outside in the rain for a long walk. It felt good but also reminded me that I am owned and that my time is not my own. I really understand this now. The rules are stricter and there are more harsh consequences for when I don't obey and break the rules. I work for Darth Vader and he owns my ass. Obey him or else. That really is the most important rule for me to remember. Quilting class was really neat. I am going to be working on a quilt which I can decide to keep or give to charity. They like to make quilts for an abused woman's shelter through the church. It's a neat experience to quilt. I feel like one of the old ladies though as most of the women there were over 45. lol. The women were really nice and welcoming though. I'm glad to be getting to know new friends through the church community which I am going to be getting more involved with. I may do some volunteering at some point too through the church. I think this will make me feel good and is a very positive thing in my life. Tomorrow is the munch and Master Anakin and I both will be attending. It will be nice to see a few of my friends from the bdsm community too. This will be the third one and I'm glad to see that it's been working out so well. Everyone seems to be enjoying the munch and it's a chance to get together with other kinksters once a month. Well I better get back to my chores. Darth Vader gave me a long list of chores to get done and I've got a really delicious salmon to make for dinner tonight. Hopefully I'll earn myself a hot bath if I am a good girl and obey my rules today. May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala

BDSM and church

Today has been a pretty interesting day for me so far. I started a new chapter in my life. Master Anakin and I have decided to join a church. It's the same church that our friends, DL and J (her husband) go to. We got to witness a baptism this morning which was really neat. Master and I both grew up going to church. I feel that we have both lost faith in our religion but we have both been wanting to get it back. We found out a bit about ourselves on Christmas Eve after going to the service there. We feel that religion has been missing from our lives and this will be a good decision for our family. I think that religion is a personal choice. Everyone must chose their own spiritual path in life. I am glad that Master was raised in a similar matter that I was. I grew up going to Sunday school and church services each Sunday. I also attended bible camp and many youth activities through the church including volunteering. I am willing to bet that not many people know about that aspect of my life. I was also baptized twice in my life. Once as a baby and then again at 12 years old. I have always had beliefs but often kept them to myself. There are some people like my sister who would wouldn't be happy about this decision in my life. She's turned her back on church even though we both grew up going to it together. We are seeking to create a Christian traditional type of marriage complete with DD (domestic discipline) We both think this is a good path for us to follow and it will help us through difficult times ahead. I really like this church. The pastor is a woman and she's very well spoken. We had coffee after the service and met some really nice folks. I feel that the church community is very welcoming and we are glad to be going to it from now on. Leia has been going to youth events at the church for a while. Her best friend is DL's daughter. I also feel that this will make my friendship with DL stronger and that this will give me some much needed focus in my life and that this will help my family become stronger and more of the traditional family that I believe in. This might make for some interesting reading here on the blog too as I plan to discuss religion and BDSM and how we are able to blend this all together. Tuesday I am hosting a munch and will be hanging out with my BDSM friends. Today I was hanging out with church friends. It's all a bit strange but kind of neat too. I think this is a good path for us to follow and will make our force even stronger. I get to cross something else off my bucket list too! Yeah! :) #249 -Go to a church event which isn't Christmas Eve service (which is our yearly tradition in our family) I have had a really good weekend and trying to get some used to some new rules to follow. I will be posting those into our TPE agreement this week. We also have a punishment jar too which we'll be using for non-physical punishments. I already earned one for breaking a rule last week. I took medication without asking permission first. This earned me a hard cropping and also writing out 300 lines. I have learned my lesson and will do better. I've agreed to harder and stricter rules and I need to get used to this. One of my new rules is that I have to walk every single day. No excuses other than being very ill. I walk to the school and back every day during the week but now I'll be walking on weekends too. We went for a walk yesterday afternoon as well as this morning. I've got Darth Vader as my personal trainer and he has no problems motivating me in whatever ways possible to get me to move my ass. There was no weigh in today although I did it anyways. I am usually excused during my period week (which started today) as I bloat and retain so much water. It showed a one pound gain. Thankfully this weigh in did not count. Next week I could earn a punishment if I have not lost a pound. I got THREE days in a row of spankings and play. I didn't want to play as much yesterday because my ass was so sore. He didn't care though. I got more pain on top of my bruises and floated in an endorphin high for the rest of the night. I slept well with no insomnia. I'm not sure why but I seem to sleep so much better after I've had a good beating. I hope everyone has had a good weekend. Back to the grind tomorrow... May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala

TGIF!! When does the weekend begin?

TGIF!! When does the weekend begin? I have had a lot of changes happening this week and trying to adjust to new rules for 2010. I was doing very good up until yesterday. I broke a rule last night and will be punished tonight for it. I'm nervous and it's on my mind a lot this morning. I always know that a punishment spanking is much different than a pleasurable fun one. It's going to hurt and won't be too much fun for my poor bottom. We got some bad family news this week. My father-in-law is going to need some major heart surgery soon. There are going to be some tough challenges ahead for 2010. My mother-in-law has terminal cancer and is starting her next round of chemo. My grandma is also not doing very well. It's a lot of stress. It's been hard to see Master Anakin stressed out because of what is happening with his parents. I love him even more though for taking care of his sick elderly parents. We'll get through this together because our force is strong. Leia put a virus onto our main computer and we've had to go onto our son's laptop to be on the computer. It's forced us to upgrade our computer and it will be fixed but we are ordering some parts and will take a while to fix. I'm slowly getting used to the laptop. I hope our computer will be fixed soon. Master took the day off yesterday to try and fix the computer. We wound up spending a lot of time playing together which was a nice escape from all the stress this week. I got a sore bottom and a few orgasms and we had some fantastic sex to connect us. I really needed the play. We were able to go to the darkside and he was able to take me to the edge. I begged THREE separate times for more pain. He called me a "pain slut" and sadistically laughed as me as he took his crop and thrashed my ass. I've got some very impressive bruises on my thighs from it. I felt sooooo incredibly submissive after the play. I've been thinking about it this morning and wondering how it's going to feel to get punished on top of that already sore bruised bottom. I need to learn to obey Darth Vader and remember that he owns my ass and makes the decisions. I can't break his rules for me and not expect some major attention on my ass. We have domestic discipline on our relationship and this is the way it works for Master Anakin and I. We have plans for a movie & merlot night tonight. We are hoping to do a lot of relaxing and hopefully I can catch up on some sleep that I've missed because of my insomnia. It's returned this week with all the stress. Sometimes I find that I can have more time to think when it's the middle of the night. Master Anakin and I have plans to go to church this Sunday. We went to church for Christmas Eve service and felt very welcomed and enjoyed it a lot. We have decided to give it another try and go this weekend to the service. My friend, DL and her family goes to the church and she is happy that I'm giving it a try. She's been trying to convince me to come to her church for years. Our friendship has taken a turn recently and we've become a lot closer. It feels like many friends have disappeared on me lately except for her. I am hoping to go to a Quilting class up at the church on Mondays also with DL. I think this will be an interesting new chapter in my life. It will hopefully bring out more of my spirituality and give me some peace that I have been seeking. Don't worry...I'm not going to give up my kink. I am still a spanko and a slave and that's not going to change because I'm going to church. I know that some people might not understand this decision but I need a change in my life. I have felt a disturbance in the force and know that I am going to need some spiritual guidance in my life with the tough challenges that await us this year. I hope that everyone has a good weekend! I can't wait for it to begin. I wish Master was home and we can watch a movie together. I need Darth Vader and hope that he can come out tonight with punishing me and teaching me a lesson to not break rules. I know that I need this punishment spanking. It will be a well deserved lesson and some time spent on the darkside. I just wonder how far we might go tonight...will he push me harder than he did yesterday? How far to the darkside is he willing to go? May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala

Happy HNT - Breast cropping

Happy HNT (Half-Nekkid Thursday) everyone! It's hard to believe that we have been participating in the HNT series for almost 4 years. We started participating shortly after we had begun our blog. It's been a really fun series and a chance to put up some sexy pictures each week. It's allowed us to be creative at times and also make sure we have a camera around during our play for those spontaneous moments that might happen which make a great picture. I love this picture. I was dressed in my sexy red lingerie during our New Year's eve and we had a lot of time to play together. I got a bit sassy at one point and suddenly he goes and grabs his riding crop. There has been a lot of use out of our crop which was one of the first toys we bought on our bdsm journey. It's well worn and he loves to crop me on my ass with it and also my breasts. I got a bit of breast torture for being a sassy girl. He used the crop on my breasts and also my nipples before he used it on my poor bottom. What a mean old man! Please leave us a comment and let us know what you think. We'd love to hear from you. Please check out Osbasso's blog if you are interested in participating in the HNT series. May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala

Just call me Betty Cocker

Just call me Betty Cocker...Errr...I mean Betty Crocker. Being a stay at home mom can get lonely sometimes. I felt very alone today and emotional. I didn't feel like doing much of anything. But I decided to bring out my new bread maker that I got for Christmas and try making some homemade bread for the first time. I am trying to do more in the kitchen and be more domestic. This has been something that I've wanted to try for years. It seems like everyone has had a bread maker but me until now. I got the recipe from a friend on twitter and right now it's baking. It smells good. I just hope it turns out ok. *crossing fingers* I get to cross the first thing off my bucket list for 2010!! Woot! #200 -Bake homemade bread for the first time in a bread maker It's been a difficult week so far trying to get back into the normal routine again. I'm tired and also dealing with SAD and PMS starting. At least the weather is a bit better today. A nice change from the rain and darkness lately. I was able to go for my walk earlier and plan on it again this afternoon when I go to the school. It's been hard to get back into walking because of the holidays and not doing too much during them. My legs have been very sore. I know it's good for me though and Master Anakin has been really encouraging about it. I've got a personal trainer who is a very sexy stern coach who knows how to push me and get me to lose some weight and get healthy. There is a new rule now about weight. He wants me to lose one pound a week or I will get a punishment spanking. A great motivator for someone who can get lazy sometimes and be a bit of a couch potato. I have a feeling that some very big changes are on the horizon for me this year in 2010. I can feel a disturbance in the force. I do feel that good things are happening in my relationship with Master though. Our relationship is one of the only things that I am really sure of these days. I feel a deep connection to him even through our time apart this week. I am starting to realize that he might be the one of the few people who will continue on my journey with me forever and until death. Our force will always be strong... May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala

A new year begins!

A new year begins and things are back to normal again. Christmas decorations are put away and all that is left is the presents and memories. It was a pretty good holiday this year. I loved spending so much time with Master Anakin. We didn't have one fight during the holidays which is truly a holiday miracle. We often get stressed and start fighting but not this year. We were closer than ever and at a very good place in our relationship. Lots of sex and orgasms and play. We spent a lot of time being naughty but also having fun. We played video games together which we hadn't done since we were younger. I spent some time over the holidays doing some reading. I finished a book in a week! One afternoon was spent in my pj's with some coffee and my book. I also loved being able to sleep in and had very little insomnia over the holidays. It was heavenly! This morning felt like boot camp a bit. Up before the crack of dawn. Chores to get done right away and kids to try to get out of bed which was a very big struggle. Urg! It's going to take a few days to get back to normal though. I am wrestling with a combination of SAD (seasonal affective disorder) and also PMS starting as well. It's been raining a lot and very dark out in Vancouver. This is affecting my mood. Today is also my Dad's birthday. He would have turned 68 today and I wish I could phone him and tell him happy birthday. I didn't have a chance to think about my Dad during the holidays very much. I was very busy and had a lot of distractions. I'm still grieving. I feel like there is some people who would rather me move on from this. It's hard though. I have days which are difficult to forget and not think of him. Today is one of them. I kept remembering his last birthday. He asked me to go out and celebrate with him. I was too busy because of the kids being back in school and life demands. I can't make that up to him because he's gone. Sometimes it really hits me that there is no more birthdays with him to celebrate. I feel kind of lost today. I want to phone him but I can't. I want to talk to him but I can't. When will it get better? It is hard to be apart from Master today. I feel an attachment has grown to him since he was able to control me more with all the time off and being home. He has made a few new rules for me and hopefully this will help me feel his control when we are apart. I have been wanting to suggest a punishment jar idea to him. I got this idea from my friend, spirited one. I think this might be something good to have in the new year. I got permission to masturbate this morning. Master wanted me to indulge myself. I wasn't really in the mood but it was great once I got going with the Hitachi. I forgot how good Monday morning masturbation can be. At least I'm feeling a bit better than I was earlier. I have made myself a few new years resolutions/goals for 2010: ~ to lose weight. I wanted to maintain my weight last year in 2009 and I was able to do that. I only gained one pound during the entire year. My walking was a big reason that I was able to do that. This year I want to try to lose some weight. ~to eat healthier. More salmon and fruits and veggies and try to stay away from sugar more. Hopefully use the bread maker that I got for Christmas and make some bread for the first time. ~to focus less on the poly aspect of my relationship. I spent way too much time investing into trying to find new relationships in 2009. I think it would be nice to have some casual play partners but I'm not looking for more than that right now. This year I want to focus more on my marriage and family life. I'm also going to focus more on making myself healthier emotionally, spiritually, and physically ~to travel more. I want to see new places and explore more adventures in the outdoors. I'd like to get back into hiking again and perhaps boxing. ~to try to blog more. I miss writing and hope to write a few erotic stories. ~try to read more. I enjoyed reading my book through the holidays. ~to try and cross more things off my bucket list. I was able to cross many of in 2009 but I want to try to experience more firsts and see some new places and put myself out of my comfort zone more ~to try to be a better slave and obey my rules better than I did in 2009. I have not broken any yet in 2010 and I'm going to try to do better What about you? Did you make any New years resolutions or have any goals for this year? May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala

An incredible and romantic New Years eve!

I had one of the best New Years Eve's ever!! I am so very lucky to be so spoiled by a Master who treats me like gold. He set up a very romantic NYE's for us. He arranged sitting and also picked up some goodies for us to snack on and drinks. He checked movie times and then told me to get ready to go out. We headed out to see Avatar but it was sold out when we got there. There was so many people at the movies! We decided to go see Sherlock Holmes which was recommended to us. The movie surprised me. It was really good and a very big surprise. I wasn't so sure about it but it wound up being a really good movie. We got sushi from a new place in town. It was so yummy! We took it home so we could eat it in a more private setting. I put up a picture of our coffee table with all the sushi and some drinks. We had romantic music going and candles lit and the fireplace going. The sushi was fantastic! Nom Nom nom!! He ran me a bath that was romantic and soooo relaxing. He put a Lush bath bomb (Waving not drowning) into the hot bath and put on soft music for me and lit candles. Then he gave me a very erotic massage afterwords. He gave me an OTK also while I was naked. I loved how he warmed up my ass and spanked me so erotically. He would slip his fingers into my pussy and rub it and then go back to spanking me again. It turned me on like crazy! He bought the lamb skin rug upstairs into our bedroom. The red lingerie and black lace panties were laid out for me to wear. I am putting up a picture of me laying on the rug and a pink bottom was starting to redden. I also got some strapping with his belt. He made me cum on that rug with his magic fingers. Mmm...I lost track of how many orgasms I had that night. There was several before midnight. I cried as the New York Ball dropped during Dick Clark's Rockn New Years eve. It wasn't even new year here in Vancouver but I was all emo. lol. Master thought it was cute and wiped my tears away. We spent hours playing and having a lot of drunken sex. We stopped at around 11:30 so we could open some of the ice wine that I got for Christmas from Master. It was absolutely incredible!! It tasted like liquid gold. It was expensive but well worth it. We clinked glasses as midnight rolled around and we began 2010 together. I cried again!! I'm not sure why I was so emo that night but it was so romantic that it overwhelmed me at times. We fell asleep before I could receive my first spanking for 2010. We woke up and spent most of yesterday together playing video games, fucking, spanking (got my first one for 2010), having more orgasms, and being VERY naughty together. We got another overnight for our son so we had a second night in a row with no kids!! What a way to start the new year!! I got to have a very long relaxing sleep and had no insomnia last night!! I've struggled a lot with insomnia in 2009 so maybe this is a good sign that I'm going to sleep better this year. Happy new year to everyone! A new year begins and a new start on the journey. I have a feeling that this is going to be a really amazing year for me! May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala