Rope bondage on the darkside

We were going to put up this picture for our HNT picture this week but I decided that I had to share it today. It's too good to wait for putting it up and sharing it with our readers. This is one of my personal favorites of all the pictures we have taken through the almost 5 years that we have been blogging. Master Anakin did some photoshopping on a picture that was taken over the weekend during some rope bondage play that we did. You can click to enlarge the picture and get a better look at it. I was wearing my new corset and PVC skirt and fishnets and goth boots. Master Anakin tied me up in rope bondage. This has been a new journey for us lately with experimenting with rope bondage. I've turned into a rope slut! I just love it! This is such a beautiful picture of my backside!! I'm not sure if you can tell but I've lost a few pounds and have tried to firm up my body a bit. All that forced walking and healthier diet seems to be paying off! I am very proud of all the work I've done. Please leave us a comment on the picture. We'd love to hear from you and always appreciate all the feedback on our pictures. I'd really love to hear some feedback on this one. I really love this picture!! Hopefully you enjoy it too. :) Thank you Master Anakin for the rope play and our journey to the darkside on the weekend. I can't wait to be tied up by you again! May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala

An afternoon of rope bondage and sexy fun!

I've had a really fun weekend so far. Yesterday was a day on the darkside. Master stayed home from work and we spent the afternoon with him beating my ass with many different toys until it was very red and sore. Many orgasms were had between the both of us. There was some really great sex and a hot steamy shower together. We cuddled together for two movies and I also enjoyed a hot bubble bath. I slept through the night for the first time in weeks. It was heavenly and a great feeling to wake up feeling refreshed. I had some allergy problems (or a possible cold) earlier in the week but I feel a lot better this weekend. I really wanted to play today!! We found out that we had a day with no kids around. We had breakfast and went shopping and then headed back for some naughty fun. It's a rainy day outside. We wanted to do something a bit different. Master was curious about doing some more rope bondage with me. We did some recently and he has started to have an interest in it. I tried to convince him to come to Rope Night with me but he wanted to learn it himself on the internet. He looked up a few different ties online. He prefers to play in private and we had a few hours to go down to our basement. It's concrete and lots of room to play including music and attachments on the walls for ropes. There is also a solid hook which used to have our punching bag on it. Now it has chains and was used for some bondage today. I was told to get dressed up in my sexy outfit for him including the new corset which I bought at Sin City last time I was there. He has not seen it on me yet. He also told me to wear the PVC skirt and my goth boots. He said to bring the feather boa and some toys down to our basement. I love playing down there. You put on loud music and go into the scene so nice. I've had some of my best play down there. He was very pleased with how sexy I looked. I was told that I looked "very fuckable" but he wasn't going to fuck me yet. I have to beg for that later tonight. I was just going to be tied up and suffer. Part 1 was first. Part 2 happens later tonight. I don't need to go to Rascal's or rope night to experience a few hours in rope bondage and flying in subspace. I just go down to my basement now for rope play. I've turned into a total rope slut!! I LOVE it!! The feeling makes me feel so high and aroused. I also feel extremely subbie. Mmmm...I loved being restrained by the rope and trying to wiggle around but being at his mercy. He's an evil man. He was very patient when he worked with his rope. I took a picture of it which I am putting up today!! He made sure the knots were all tight and put me in my place. There was lots of touching and intimacy as he tied me up tight. It said it took him half an hour to do the big one. We did a smaller scene too with some blue/white rope which was used to tie me to our basement wall. My PVC skirt was lifted and the fishnets came down. There was no panties though! Imagine that! I had forgotten to wear my panties. He gave me a hard spanking right then and there. I couldn't do much to stop his hands from spanking my bottom red. He said he could smell my pussy juice and knew I was wet. He put a finger to check and was pleased with the result. I was told that there was going to be no orgasms til tonight. Part 1 was the rope bondage and interrogation scene. We've never done an interrogation scene and this was very intense and erotic. He tied me up to the chain that was hanging from our ceiling in the basement. He took his time making sure I couldn't move around much. I was at his mercy and he laughed a few times to let me know he was going to enjoy the torture he had planned for me. And torture me he did...mmmmm There was face slapping, nipple pinching and clothespins, nipple clamps, english taswe used on my tits and nipples. There was name calling and he grabbed me by my cheeks at one point and told me that he wasn't going to stop til I bled for him. Out came the big knife and he threatened me and scared me with it. I was a little scared by the evil look in his eyes. He dimmed the lights and then came over to me and traced that knife blade all over my tits. I couldn't do anything but watch this happen. I squealed a few times and he just would stop and twist the knife in a bit making a point of who was in control. I got goosebumps from the knife play and interrogation scene. I had a "secret code" which he needed to get out of me. I was told to go as long as I could before giving in and telling him what it was. This was such a hot scene!! I wish I had the words to describe to you how intense this was and exciting!! Darth Vader can be a very evil man sometimes. He wanted to fuck with my mind and that's exactly what he did. He enjoyed breaking me down and getting me to submit to him fully. The scene ended with me being told that "part two" will happen tonight. Apparently there is a lot more fun cumming tonight and he wants me to think about it. I have no idea what he's going to do to me but I'm pretty sure it won't be very nice. We took plenty of pictures and will share more in the next week and lots more details to cum!! May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala

Happy HNT - Sexy red head

Happy HNT (Half-Nekkid Thursday) everyone! This picture is a little bit different than our normal HNT pictures. Usually I am sharing pictures of my red bottom. This one is of my red hair color. I dyed it for my Dad's memorial and love the sexy red shade. It's been a big change going from being a blonde to a red head again. It's made me feel sexier and I've enjoyed experimenting with different red shades. Please leave us a comment on the picture. We always love to hear from you and enjoy the feedback on our pictures. Check out Osbasso's blog if you are interested in participating in the HNT series. May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala

Journey through the darkness

May hasn't been a very good month for several reasons. It just seems like the stress won't end. It's emotionally and physically worn me out. I used to like the Victoria long weekend. We had a yearly tradition of going to the Cloverdale Rodeo. We never missed a year and always enjoyed the long weekend. Now it's replaced with sadness and thinking about my Dad and his death. This was the first year that we missed the Cloverdale Rodeo. We had the memorial and I was not feeling up to it. I spent most of the weekend in bed sleeping and being alone. Saturday was the memorial and the drama was so intense and way too much to emotionally deal with. Sunday was the anniversary of his death. Master told me I could spend the day doing what I wanted. I didn't have to worry about any rules. I was going throw myself into a project but decided to spend it in bed alone. I napped and watched tv and didn't get out of my pj's. I put myself into a sleep coma and didn't want to come out of it. Ativan is a wonderful little pill. It can erase the anxiety and make it bearable for a while. I enjoyed being able to numb my emotions for a weekend. I was in a very dark place and wanted to shut out of the world. I'm trying to cope today without the help of a prescription pill. I know how addictive they can be. I took ativan after my car accident and had a hard time getting off of them. It's very tempting to go into isolation right now. There is stress coming from several places right now. I thought that I would feel better after the memorial was over but that is not the case. I can't blame pms as it's too early for that. I can't blame SAD (Seasonal affective disorder) as it's been pretty good weather lately. I think it's because some major life changes are ahead for me. We are trying to decide about moving and other life changes. Master's parent's are elderly and having some really serious health issues. There are some really challenging times ahead for us. It's left me feeling stressed and not wanting to deal with it. Master Anakin and I have had a lot of privacy issues lately. Our daughter is a teen now and there are teenagers that come and go from our place and constant sleepovers. We get limited time for dating and sex/play. I don't remember the last time we had some really good play time on the darkside. The control was let go for several days. I thrive from control and this has left me feeling lost. He told me that I needed Daddy to take care of me this long weekend. I did need Daddy but I miss Master. I miss the rules and structure. I miss feeling controlled. My life feels out of control right now and I need it but am not getting it. I've made some really reckless decisions lately and made some bad decisions. It's been hard to find my way through the darkness. I really hope that things will get better and my force will become strong again. May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala

Long weekend memories

It's hard to believe it's been a year since my Dad passed away. It all seems like yesterday. This long weekend has been spent thinking about my Dad and all the memories. Yesterday was a very difficult day. I spent the afternoon going through the rest of my Dad's stuff and dividing up his stuff. Then we headed to his favorite restaurant where we saw lots of his friends and other family members. There was lots of drama too! My Mom and her red neck husband both decided to make a surprise appearance. I will admit that I had to be on Ativan for it. It was all a bit much but I tried to do it in honor of my Dad and remembering him. We headed over to his grave after for a brief visit. Then we all went to a lacrosse game. I was completely wiped out after it was all over. Lots of drama in the midst of remembering my Dad and feeling sad. Anniversaries are always hard. I woke up this morning and it was the first thing I thought about. It's been one year since he passed away. My life changed in a moment of time. He was loved though. I was surprised at how many people showed up to show their support and love for him. He had his issues but he meant a lot to many people. I held onto Master this morning and really needed to feel loved. I asked him to make love to me and he took off my nightshirt and then entered me and fucked me gently. I didn't want him to be rough today. I just needed to feel his love and to have a brief distraction from my thoughts of my Dad. We have not had sex in a while and it felt so good to be together. We connected and he held onto me for a while before coming downstairs for breakfast. I think I'm going to throw myself into a project today so I can distract myself from the grief that I am feeling right now. I need to feel controlled and to just obey and move forward. My Dad's journey may be over but it's taught me that life is short and to live it to the fullest. Every day is a gift. May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala

The dark days ahead

I had a very good weekend although I knew what was coming up this weekend ahead and it hit me like a ton of bricks today. I have been dreading it for weeks. The anniversary of my Dad's death is this weekend and there is a very special memorial planned for it. I would have rather had a very quiet weekend without any fuss but my sister has decided to make it a national event instead. There are people flying in from out of town and family members coming so we can get together and remember my Dad. I think that everyone grieves differently though. I would have preferred to deal with the anniversary in my own way. But that isn't the way it's going to be and I'm going to need to suck it up and deal with it. It's hard to believe that it's almost been a year. I've been told by several people who lost parents that the one year anniversary is the worst. I am starting to understand why. I've been having flashbacks and nightmares about my Dad. Everything seems to remind me of him right now. It's causing me to have insomnia and I could barely eat today. I can't even function very well. I tried to make dinner and had a full blown panic attack. I needed to take some ativan which I have not taken in a long time. I hate having to take any kind of prescription medication but Master was deeply concerned about me and told me to have one to help calm me down. I am not sure how much I will be blogging over the next week. I hate to say the word "hiatus" because I may want to process my feelings and sometimes blogging can help me. I don't want to put too much unnecessary pressure on myself right now when I am feeling very fragile and trying to deal with the dark days ahead. It's hard to say how much blogging I will be doing over the next week while dealing with this. I have several boxes of my Dad's belongings in my basement and will be going through that this weekend with my siblings. I have tried several times to sort through it but couldn't do it. I know that I need to do it in order to move on but it's very, very difficult. I feel like I was dealing with my grief but it's all coming back to me with the anniversary approaching. I saw my friend, DL briefly today and she said I looked "worse than after my Dad passed away". She gave me a big hug and tried to comfort me. I really wish that this week would just pass quickly. I feel so dark today and lost. My force doesn't feel very strong.... May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala

Beach girl

I am putting up a picture of me wearing my new t-shirt that I got for Mother's day from Master Anakin. It's from our online store Darkside Digital Arts. It says "beach girl" on it. I have a blue beach girl t-shirt and love it so much. It's one of my favorites from our online store. I was really excited to get it in pink! Check out the store for lots of summer designs and some neat beach wear!! I am having a very good weekend so far. We got a surprise overnight last night. I was not expecting it at all. I had taken a hot bath and gotten my pj's on and was expecting our movie and merlot night. We decided to go out and see a movie instead of stay in. We went and saw the movie Robin Hood with Russell Crowe. Our first date was in 1991 when we went and saw Robin Hood; Prince of Thieves. It's really neat that we went to see the new Robin Hood almost twenty years later. It was really good!! I enjoyed holding hands during the movie and a wonderful night out with Master Anakin. We came home and headed upstairs for some play time on the darkside. There was lots of toys used on my ass. He marked and bruised it very well and made it bleed in one spot with the homemade whip. We had some really great sex and then he made me cum with the Hitachi. I fell asleep naked in his arms. We had spoiled ourselves with some expensive sheets (600 thread count) and they were so nice and soft to sleep in last night. I slept through the night and had no insomnia!! It felt so good to finally sleep through the night and get some much needed sleep. I've been having a lot of insomnia lately and it felt so wonderful to not be up in the middle of the night. I think it helped me to go to bed relaxed and feeling very controlled from Master. We woke up and had a very relaxing morning. We watched a movie (the Uninvited) and had some fresh organic eggs for breakfast. Then we headed upstairs for more play time. He used his belt on my ass and also his hand. My ass was very red and sore as we headed into a hot shower together. He commented that my pussy felt very wet as he fingered my pussy as we were in the shower together. He almost made me cum and had me begging for an orgasm which he denied me. He said I could earn the right to have an orgasm tonight if I take some more pain for him. Master has been a mean old man!! I can't wait to play with Darth Vader again tonight. We got another surprise when we were told that we were going to have no kids for the whole day. We headed out to White Rock beach and had lunch there. We ate fish n chips and enjoyed the ocean air. I love the beach!! It seems appropriate that I wear a "beach girl" t-shirt considering I would live down by the beach if I could. I absolutely love spending my time out at the ocean and walking down the beach. It was romantic and we did lots of making out as walked down to the water after lunch. It was a beautiful sunny day and a perfect way to spend the afternoon!! Thank you Master for taking me out to the beach!! :) We stopped by the Farmer's market on the way home for some fresh fruits and veggies. We were going to go to Rascal's tonight but decided to stay in for the night. We are both feeling very relaxed after the beach and want to have some private play time instead. We picked up a bottle of California wine and had a really yummy dinner together. I enjoyed a hot bath and am now getting ready for play time with Master!! I can't wait to see what will unfold tonight....hopefully Master will be a big meanie and hurt my bum and give it some more bruises and marks! :) I hope everyone is having a good weekend!! ~padme amidala

Disobedient slave

It's almost 4 am and I have been up for several hours. I've been having some brutal insomnia lately. It was so bad that I had to take a sleeping pill last night to help me sleep. I'm hoping that writing out some feelings might help me process things and help me finally be able to get some sleep. It's been a bit of a rough week for me and I'm glad the weekend is almost here. I have made some bad decisions lately and broken some of my rules. I have disappointed my Master but also myself. I am a fool sometimes when it comes to love. I have had a really hard with my break-up with A. We broke up a few weeks ago but seem to have a hard time staying away from one another. We recently slept together even though I did not have permission for that. Then this week I made another big mistake. I invited A over to my house and played with him on Tuesday. I didn't have permission for either of those things. I need permission to play with (or anything else that happens) with anyone who I am not in a poly relationship with. A used to have equal rights to me when he was my second Master. He could play with me whenever he wanted or do whatever he wanted to me within my limits. That changed as soon as he broke up with me. I needed permission in order to play with him again but did not get it from Master Anakin. I said I was going out for coffee but didn't tell him of my intention of seeing A that day. I broke several rules and am not proud about this. I don't know why I am so disobedient sometimes. I really wanted to see A again and knew that Master would not be too happy about it. Master had expressed concern over seeing A again. He feels like I'm being used and doesn't think that the friendship is working out very well with him. I know it's been hard for him to be on the sidelines watching everything unfold between A and I. There have been several fights with A which have affected my time with Master. I've been so upset that I couldn't concentrate on him properly or focus on him. I will have A on my mind and not be able to think of anything else. There was one fight which was so bad that I couldn't stop crying and we had to cancel plans to play together because of it. A seems to want to fuck me and play with me but not give me any kind of commitment and or even be my Dom again. He doesn't seem to want to give me anything in return for everything that I have given him. Our relationship and now the friendship seems one sided. He comes to my house and I make him lunch and gave him massages and we play and fuck and often he will have an orgasm but not me. I have not had an orgasm with A in a very long time despite being together the last few times. He comes to my house but I have yet to ever see his house or anywhere around where he lives. He has had full access to my life but I don't get that with him. There was a big fight with A once when he came over for a blow job but refused to give me an orgasm in return. It had started to feel like A was a bit of a greedy lover towards the end of our relationship and that I was giving to him constantly but not receiving much in return. I have not felt like I have gotten my needs met from A in a long time but yet seem to want to still please him and make him happy. I think it's been hard to go from being his slave to not having that anymore. It's still conditioned in me and I'm having a hard time reminding myself sometimes that I don't have to obey A anymore and can say no to him. I've got a really bad history of not being able to say no to a few of my ex's. I've made the mistake more than a few times of falling back into the arms of an old lover. Why am I such a sucker sometimes? Why do I keep making the same mistakes over and over again? Maybe one day I'll learn and not put myself into these situations anymore. I just can't seem to help myself when it comes to A. I didn't intend to fall in love with him like I have. I fell hard and fast and I have wanted to work on the issues with him so we could somehow work it out and get back together. I don't think that A has any intention of that though. He's made it clear that he wants it all to be a casual type of thing where we get together and fuck sometimes or play but that we're "just friends". A has found someone new and is dating again. It took him less than two weeks after our break up to start seeing her. He found a new girl who is much closer to his age. I knew that this would eventually happen but it's been a bit of a slap in the face also. He told me during our break up that he was not ready to have any commitments or date anyone. Now he's got NRE (new relationship energy) and gushing to me about his new fling. He's even talked about them going to Sin city together. I feel like I was quickly replaced. I know that we are poly but it still hurts to have to hear about it all the time. I understand now why I am not friends with many of my ex lovers. It's tearing me apart to try to just be friends with A even though we've been intimate together and also playing together. The mixed signals from A is also driving me crazy. He says he still loves me and misses me and wants to be with me but only sexually, not in a relationship though. This is not making me feel very good about myself. I keep getting drawn back to A because of my strong feelings for him. A came over and we went for coffee to the Wired Monk on Tuesday and then went and sat on a bench for a while. It felt like old times again. I wanted to be close to him again so much. I miss him. I miss being lovers with him and wearing his marks on my ass. I asked him to come over to my place and then brought out the toys. I couldn't help myself. I had missed it so much. I wanted A to spank me again so much. The play was not as heavy as some of our other ones in the past but it felt soooo good to connect with him again like that. I flew into a deep subspace and enjoyed the intimacy with A. I really love being around him and always enjoyed the intimacy and cuddling with him. The chemistry between us has not changed. The play was exciting and he used many of the old favorites on my ass including his belt. I never imagined we would ever play together again so it felt so good to be able to do that with him. I had missed being spanked by him. I will admit that it felt different though and he didn't seem as Dominant to me because he is not my Dom or Master anymore. I didn't even know what to call him while we played together. Somehow even saying "Sir" felt strange because we are not in a relationship together anymore and I don't feel like I had the right to say that. I miss feeling his Dominant energy. It all seemed to disappear when we broke up. It's strange to have someone as your Master one day and then it's gone and you are suddenly equals the next. We both wanted each other but held back after playing together. I was soaking wet and he had a hard on through his pants. I guess I thought I could play with him and maybe that might change things with us but it didn't. Nothing seems to change with A. We fight a lot but can't seem to stay apart from each other. I have been told that I should just walk away from A. Maybe I should. But it hurts me to think of my life without him. I'm extremely torn right now. It hurts. Maybe I'm just an emotional masochist who can't get enough. or maybe I'm just a stupid girl. Sometimes the poly is so damn complicated. Maybe all of this just isn't worth it anymore. I let people into my heart and life but get hurt and have a hard time coming back from it. It seems like it is getting harder to get over breakups. It makes me want to go into isolation and not let anyone new into my life again in regards to the poly. The great times are wonderful (like the NRE and dating aspect) but the hard times (breaking up and after) all seems so complicated and upsetting and not worth it. I didn't tell Master about seeing A but it was hard to cover it up when I had marks on my ass. There was outlines of A's belt all over my ass. I know that I should have gotten permission. I feel very shitty about it all and know this caused a big problem in my marriage and relationship with Master Anakin. We don't normally fight but last night we had a really big one. Master Anakin took the day off yesterday so we could spend it together and try to work things out. I'm trying to work on my marriage and know that I've contributed to a lot of stress which has happened in it recently. I feel really bad right now for being such a disobedient slave. Our force has not been strong but I know that we'll get through this and be ok. We've gotten through a lot worse in the past. We'll journey to the darkside together and get our force strong again... May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala

Happy HNT - Yanking her chain

Happy HNT (Half Nekkid Thursday) everyone! I hope you like this week's HNT photograph. I used some mean mean clover clamps on My padme's nipples while we played one night. I love to yank on the chain between the clamps and give My pain slut some of what both her and I crave ; her pain. It always manages to make her wet when I yank on it hard and give her a dose of pain. A big O is pretty muich guaranteed every time I yank her chain. Click on the picture to enlarge it and get a better look. Please leave us a comment on the HNT picture. W/we always love to hear from our readers and get feedback on O/our pictures. Check out Osbasso's blog if you are interested in participating in the HNT series. May the force be with you. ~Anakin

Sexy e-mail on Fetlife

I get a lot of different e-mails on Fetlife. I've been getting a few sexy e-mails from someone and wanted to share parts of them with my readers. Maybe they might excite someone as much as they did for me. I saw some sexy pictures on a Fetlife profile at one point and left some comments on them. The picture was of some single tail play and I noticed the impressive whip. I've always been into whips, especially single tails. A lot of my fantasies are about getting whipped. I sent the Master an e-mail and got a response and we have shared some fantasies with one another. He's an expert at using a single tail and has talked about coming to Vancouver sometime or meeting up for some play time together. I wanted to share parts of his e-mail as they were a real turn on for me and got me very aroused and excited. :) "If I ever got the chance to whip you "sadistically" I would want to whip your entire body, neck to knees (or anyway, upper back to knees, skipping the kidney area of course). The "classic" whipping is the upper back, victim tied standing to the post or wall (cross works too). This works for me, as both an act and an image. When I whip a girl on her back like that, I tend to think of something like "prison whipping". The ass and thighs can be included in this, of course. I heavy crosshatched set of deep vivid weals, all over the back and ass and thighs, is very hot as an image of severe whipping punishment. But then, turning the girl, for the whip on her torso, particularly her tits (not sparing the nipples), her inner thighs, and even her pussy, is just refined extreme sadistic cruelty. A "complete" whipping should have both. Back and ass first. Then "front", torso, tummy, ribs, tits, nipples, and pussy. We are talking about "ruthless sadism" after all! You want an authentic ruthless sadist, that you can also TRUST to give you an experience that really feels like being at the mercy of the sort of sadist that wants you to just suffer, and keep on suffering. And if it makes you hot, makes the pussy juice run down your thighs, well fine, you are a perverted slut, its what you do, but he doesn't care one way or another, he just wants it to hurt you, and then hurt you some more." It's e-mails like this one which make my pussy get wet and inspire some fantasies with my Hitachi. Yum! I got a taste of the single tail once and crave it so much sometimes. Hopefully one day I'll have another chance to get whipped with one. :) May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala

Mother's day weekend

The weekend didn't start out too great but got better as it went along. Saturday afternoon was a surprise date with Master Anakin. He wanted to cheer me up so he arranged for some sitting time and took me out on a picnic lunch. We went to a park near Fort Langley and had some Subway. We walked along the rocky beach and had some intimate moments together. I really needed that. It felt so good to be in his arms. It was a sunny spring day and was beautiful down at the river. I am putting up a picture today from it. I really enjoyed my romantic date. Then he took me to see the new Iron Man 2 movie. It was really good! It took my mind off my troubles and was really nice to relax. We came back home and enjoyed some cuddles. Then we got to play!!! And I REALLY needed that. I had no idea how badly I needed a beating until I got one. Master used the homemade whip and his hand and a few other toys. He played rough with me and we enjoyed some great sex and orgasms together. The connection felt sooooo good. I fell asleep a very happy slave girl. Yesterday was Mother's day. I woke up to breakfast which Master cooked. He rarely goes into the kitchen so it's always a really special treat when I don't have to cook! I got some special gifts from the kids and lots of hugs. I felt very loved and know that I'm a very lucky mom. I called my mom to wish her a happy mother's day. Then we headed out for a hike. We saw a hiking trail at the historic site near the park we had went to. It was an hour long though so we didn't have much time. We decided to hike it yesterday and Skywalker went with us. The trail is beautiful. You can see the wetlands from it and it had lots of different wildlife and birds. The trail is very challenging. Master had to literally push my ass up a few steep hills. I miss hiking. It's one of my favorite things to do. I really need to get back into shape though! That trail completely wore me out and left me sore. Master Anakin is a great personal trainer. He had to tell me a few times "move your ass" but he said it in a tone which I knew he meant business. He wants me to lose weight. I did weigh-in but I didn't lose any weight. I didn't gain any either but he wants to encourage me to work harder to reach my goals. We went to Fort Langley yesterday for some shopping and snacks. It was a really beautiful day outside and my mood felt great from some of the endorphins after my big hike. I really need to exercise more. It helps me deal with my life a lot better than when I sit around feeling sorry for myself. I was completely controlled yesterday and I thrived on it. I even got all my chores done despite my very sore legs. The reward was a nice hot bubble bath with a Lush bathbomb and quiet time with candles and music. He also gave me a very nice massage afterwords. I enjoyed cuddles with him before an early bedtime. I slept through the night which felt soooooo much needed. I've been having a lot of insomnia lately and have been irritable from all the sleep I've been missing. I am feeling tired this morning but at least not as depressed as I was last week. I have a few new rules to follow including writing Master Anakin a morning e-mail each day when he is at work. He wants to know more about what I'm thinking about. This morning I'm thinking about him. I am a very lucky slave girl. I've got a wonderful family and a really great husband who is the love of my life and also my Master and Owner. My force is getting stronger and I know that I'm going to be ok and that things will get better. The journey continues and a new chapter begins... May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala

Happy Mother's day!

Happy Mother's day weekend to everyone! I am sitting here drinking my morning cup of coffee surrounded by family this morning. I feel very grateful for them and one of the best feelings is knowing they are all here when I need a hug or support. The last few days have been really rough. I have felt very depressed and unloved. It was a lonely week for me. The only person that visited me was my mother and she had a ton of opinions which came with it. My relationship with my mom is a complicated one. We get along better than when I was younger but it is far from perfect. She always has a ton of opinions and has made some choices to get her to the point where she is broke and her life is a bit out of control. She does seem happy with my Step Dad though despite their age difference of almost 20 years. I honestly didn't think it would last but she's proven me wrong. I am glad that her and I have been able to spend some time together (despite how crazy she can drive me) this last year after my Dad passed away. I think she helped me to understand my Dad a bit more and helped me to process some of the past. Losing my Dad reminded me of how fragile life is and how fast you can lose a parent. She's all I have left now. That has brought me closer to her in many ways too. Mother's Day reminds me of my kids and giving birth to them and raising them. It was a hard journey for me to become a mother. I lost several babies along the way. There was a lot of tears and some amazing moments when the two children in my life became a part of my family. I can't imagine my life without my kids. I am very proud of my kids and I have enjoyed watching them grow up. Leia is almost 15 years old now! And I've got my son, Skywalker who is 9 years old. I love to be a mom. It has given me great joy to be a part of my children's lives and watching them grow into grown ups. I realized recently that I have come full circle in a way. I graduated from High School 20 years ago when I was almost Leia's age. Now she will be graduating in a few years and starting her own life. It really does amaze me sometimes to think that she was once in my tummy and I was trying to come up with a name for her and thinking of her birth. What happened to all the years? Sometimes it makes me feel very old. I hope that she will take a different path than I did. I was a bit of a wild child in my teen years. I dated a lot of boys. She has 3 different boys who are interested in her right now. She reminds me a lot of myself. I see a lot of similarities between Leia and I. We've had her boyfriend staying with us this weekend and gotten to spend some time with him. He is very affectionate to my daughter and a respectful young man. I can see why my daughter is very taken with him. I've been wanting to become a mom again but now I'm starting to think about the fact that one day I might be a Grandma. And that is indeed a very scary thought!! I really don't feel ready for that chapter in my life. Hopefully it will be a few more years before that happens! :) I hope everyone enjoys a nice mother's day! May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala

Happy HNT - Red Bottom and a sexy tattoo

Happy HNT (Half-Nekkid Thursday) everyone! I'm sorry that I'm a bit late putting up our HNT picture this week. I started watching the canucks game last night and got distracted. lol. Some of those Canuck boys are very cute!! Especially the goalie, Roberto Luongo!! yum!! I've always had a crush on him. Go Canuck's go!! I thought this would be a very sexy picture to share with our readers this week. I am wearing a very sexy plaid thong that I bought from my trip to Toronto to see my best friend, Shasta Gibson a few years ago. It's hard to believe that was almost two years ago. I also got my lower back tattoo done in Toronto. It's a beautiful design that my friend, Shasta did for me. Getting that tattoo done was a pretty amazing experience. I love my lower back tattoo. It's beautiful! I can still remember the extreme pain that I felt as the needle was working on my spine. I was surprised that I got wet from that type of pain because it was very intense type of pain that almost had me in tears. It goes to show you just how much of a pain slut that I can be. I was getting a hand spanking from Master Anakin during this picture. Please click to enlarge the picture and get a better look. He was very pleased with my sexy thong and red ass. He's a mean old man! I love it when he's mean to my bottom. That shade of red turns into a deeper color and then the marks and welts come. Mmm...I really need a spanking!! It's been too long! I need to set up an appointment with Lord Vader for an ass beating very soon!! :) Please leave us a comment and let us know what you think. We always love to hear from you! Check out Osbasso's blog if you are interested in participating in the HNT series. May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala

Happy Star Wars Day today!

Happy Star Wars day today! May the 4th (force) be with you! Today is a day to celebrate Star Wars. We'd love to hear from you. Are you a fan of the Star Wars movies? Which one was your favorite? Do you have any Star Wars memories you'd like to share? Who is your favorite character? Or least favorite? Please leave us a comment and share your feelings about Star Wars. Do you lean more towards the light side or darkside? This has always been a journey for me towards the darkside. :) May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala

Needing a day on the darkside

I had started a blog post and tried to finish it a few times. There was many interruptions through the day yesterday. I did get a lot of housework done though with Darth Vader cracking the whip. I'm feeling rather off this morning and it's because of some of the stress that happening in my life at the moment and also pms too. A rainy Monday didn't help my mood either. Yuck! I had mentioned in my last blog post that there was some "ups and downs on the weekend". The best parts of the weekend was seeing the new Nightmare on Elm Street and spending so much time with Anakin. I felt so close and connected to him. There was lots of play and sex and many orgasms. Master has been very controlling lately and our M/s has gotten stronger since I broke up with A a few weeks ago. I find it a lot easier to just focus all my energy and time into my primary relationship with Master Anakin. He's noticed changes in me with my desire to please him and being focused on being just his slave now. I can concentrate all my energy into it when he is at home. I did weigh-in yesterday and was very proud of the results and so was Master. I did not gain any weight. I'm the same weight but I also have pms right now which causes fluid retention. I have not weighed myself in a few weeks and was a bit worried to get on the scale. A had been controlling my walks while we were in a relationship together. He kicked my ass to get out the door and go for those daily walks. There was a few days that I would have never walked if it wasn't for his motivation and orders to do it for him. He was my Master and I had to obey him. I was starting to lose weight and do well with daily walks. It was strange to suddenly not have that anymore after we broke up. I've had to learn to get my own ass out of the door. This week is going to be good because I am forced to walk in the afternoons to get my son from school. The walks are good for me. I should be doing them daily. Maybe Darth Vader can give me more of a kick in the ass with my walking too? I miss our weekend walks together. I've worked hard at my health lately and it is paying off. I could have easily fallen into a depression after breaking up with A but I have not allowed myself to go to that dark place. Master has helped me a lot with that too and I'm so grateful for my strong Jedi. I am so lucky to be his slave. There was some "down parts" of the weekend too. I spent a lot of time feeling very upset over some chats with A which had gotten me very upset. It felt like things were going ok between us but then it all went to hell on Friday afternoon. We seem to have terrible communication through MSN. This is a real problem for us and I believe what could have caused some of the downfall of our relationship. We even had our break-up over msn!! It's not a great system to discuss important things. Lots of miscommunication seems to happen on it and lots of fights with A have happened while on it. Saturday was a really bad fight. I was very hurt when I tried to discuss my feelings with him on Saturday morning. I wanted to talk about what happened between us on Thursday when we slept together. I felt very shitty after two hours of communication that just caused us both to feel frustrated and upset. I am struggling with some of my feelings from our one night stand. I have no regrets about what happened. It felt right at the time and natural at that time. I guess I struggle with my feelings afterwords and what the future might hold. I don't think it's a good idea to continue to sleep together as friends. That does feel like "fuck buddies" when it happens on a full time basis. I've tried to do "casual sex" before and failed miserably. I have a lot of feelings when it comes to sex. I can play with someone on a casual level with no problems. But sex is much different for me. I've only had 9 lovers in my whole life!! Dated tons and tons of people (women and men) but very few of those people ever were my lovers. I wish that I didn't have so many feelings sometimes regarding sex. I've gone to swinger parties or clubs to try to look for a one night stand. Those never make me feel very good though. I need more than that. I need to feel loved and at least get my needs met. I feel like I have been doing a lot of giving lately but not getting anything in return. Sometimes I think I'm too submissive for my own good. I should be submissive to Master Anakin but why do I have to be that way to other people too? I can't tell you how many times that I've been taken advantage of because I was too submissive to say no. I got an offer from another ex (Master R) who wanted to play together on the weekend. I declined on his offer because of my worries and feelings regarding casual sex. I have told him that I can get together with him and I'll play with him but no sex. Sex tends to complicate everything. R and I were in a relationship for years which did not involve sex. It seems to keep it very simple. I think that's why it worked for us for as many years as it did. It sounds like we might play together sometime this week but that we'll be keeping it simple. Play but no sex. Maybe that's the way it should be with all my partners in my poly relationships from now on. I feel like I've learned a lot about myself lately and what I need and want from future poly relationships. It's hard to believe it's May already. It makes me very sad as the anniversary of my Dad's death is coming up. I've been told by others who have lost parent's that the one year anniversary is one of the worst days. I can understand why. It's really, really hard sometimes. I want to pick up the phone and call my Dad and I can't. Sometimes it really hits me that he's gone and not coming back. There is a very big memorial planned for the anniversary of his death. That way all his friends and family can be together to help support each other during that difficult time. There are some really big life changes happening. It can all feel a bit overwhelming sometimes. I'm trying to stay focused but sometimes it's hard to see the light when the darkness takes over. I've had a lot of very dark thoughts lately. I'm struggling with some of my most masochistic fantasies lately. Master gave me a taste of the darkside on the weekend but I hunger for more. I need some time with Darth Vader. Suffering for him and obeying his commands. I'm needing a day on the darkside.... May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala

My nightmare on the darkside

This weekend has had some ups and downs. I was really glad to go on a date with Master Anakin today. We were able to get some kid free time and he took me out for lunch and then to see the new Nightmare on Elm Street!! I've been wanting to see the movie since I saw the trailer for it a few weeks ago. I admit it. I'm a fan of Freddy!! He's the ultimate sadist and a REALLY mean man!! He's got a sick and twisted sense of humor. Some of the one-liners in the movie were priceless! I read some reviews about the movie which I probably shouldn't have done. There was a few negative ones which made me wonder if the new one would be any good. I went into the movie was low expectations. The new Nightmare on Elm Street is one of my favorite horror movies that I have ever seen!! It was great!! I was a bit worried that I would not like the new Freddy. I was always a big fan of Robert Englund. This new one was very menacing and creepy. He laughed in a menacing tone at one point and the echo went around the theatre. You could hear his laugh in the speaker beside us and I literally got goosebumps. I have not done that since we saw 1408 in the movie theatre years ago. The movie was very scary and there was a few references to knife play which made me look over at Master Anakin. He says to one character "your screaming and I have not even cut you yet". That part gave me shivers. I have to admit that it made me crave some play on the darkside and knife play. Mmm...I've always had a thing for Freddy and this new one was sooooo mean and dark. You just know he'd love to play on the darkside. Master Anakin laughed at me when I said I needed a red bull after we got out of the movie. He doesn't realize though that there is NO bedtimes tonight for me!! There is no way I want to go to sleep now after watching that movie. He can try to make me but I'm planning to be so wired on caffeine that I won't be sleeping tonight. I don't want to have any nightmares tonight. Or maybe I do...maybe I need some play time with Freddy Krueger! May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala