A bad start to the new year

It hasn't been a very good start to the new year unfortunately. There's been a lot of fighting within my family lately. Not in my immediate family but between my mom and sister. My sister is now disowning my mom and doesn't want anything more to do with her. I feel like I'm caught in the middle between them. I am the peacemaker in my family. I don't like family drama or fighting. I just wish everyone would learn to get along. I'm so tired of it all. It caused me to have some of the worst insomnia last night. I've been up since 4:30 am. I couldn't get back to sleep. I'm on my period and have been feeling very stressed out. I think there is a bit of a holiday letdown happening too. I do enjoy having things back to normal but I miss Master as he's back to work after an 11 day holiday with me. I really enjoyed having him at home. At least the kids are back to school though. I am finally enjoying some alone time for the first time in a while. At least my place is very clean and tidy! I spent all day yesterday organizing and cleaning. Anakin and I got some really big news this morning. I don't feel ready to blog about it yet as I really need some time to process this news. We have to make a big decision and plan to talk about it tonight. Change can be a good thing but also very scary. I'm really nervous about what this will mean for our family. I have a feeling 2011 is going to be full of some really big changes in my life. I feel very emo and full of angst today. It would have been my Dad's 69th birthday if he had lived. He passed away in 2009. It's still hard for me sometimes. I wish I could phone him and wish him a happy birthday. We had a difficult relationship but had mended fences towards the end of his life. I don't think that you ever really get over losing a parent. It gets easier with time but certain days (like their birthday) can trigger it all over again and the pain comes back. My heart just feels very heavy today. Hopefully things will get better in 2011. It's been a pretty lousy start to the new year. May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala