Like mother, like daughter

I have decided to vent today in this blog post. I will admit that it's a bit hard for me to even talk about this. There are a lot of feelings regarding my mother and a big history between us. I grew up in a very abusive and dysfunctional home. My Dad was abusive and my mom turned the other cheek about it. I learned at a very early age that I could not depend on my mom. I understand why she stayed in the abusive marriage now. It took many years of professional counseling to really understand where my mom was coming from in regards to my childhood. She chose to stay with my Dad even though he abused us (me and my siblings) and also her. She had black eyes and abuse from him and yet never left. I know she was afraid and it took many years to understand where she was coming from. But I don't know if I have ever gotten over trying to tell my mom what was going on and her turning a blind eye to it all. There was a period of time in which we were very close. I was pregnant with my first child and needed her. My husband (ex) was not there for me and she went to Doctor's appointments and prenatal classes and gave me a lot of support. She was even there when my daughter was born and that brought us together. Things changed within our family when my mom decided to leave her 27 marriage to my Dad. She wrote my Dad a short letter in which she told him that she was leaving him. He came home from a holiday and saw it and flipped out. To say that my Dad didn't take it very well is an understatement. There was suicide attempts and eventually a trial after he was arrested for stalking her and uttering threats. I was forced to testify against him and all our family secrets was spilled. I was pregnant (with Anakin's baby) at the time but lost it. It was a terrible time in my life. A very dark chapter which changed a lot of lives. I stood up for my mom and paid dearly for it. There are still several of my dad's relatives which won't talk to me because of it. This caused a huge rift between my Dad and I for many years. I got to see a very different side of my mom during this time. She turned into a very different person. Manipulative and very greedy. She went after my Dad and his money and got the most out of their divorce. She also got married to her second husband who was quite wealthy. She moved to a place near the beach and started to live a very wealthy lifestyle. It seemed like she had everything at that time. Trips and money and a beautiful place by the beach. She had it all. I will admit that I was even a bit jealous at times of her wealthy lifestyle. She decided to get more greedy though and kicked her second husband to the curb and went after his money too. She inherited a lot of money from the death of her mom. She had a lot of wealth at that time. Then she met a younger man through the internet and everything changed. He was half her age and had no job or money. It seemed very obvious what his intentions were. The whole family could see through it all. We all tried to warn her. It was like seeing a train wreck happening but there was nothing we could do about it. I even stopped talking to her for a while over it all. She continued to try to live a wealthy lifestyle but it was hard with a young boy toy that wasn't working and no money coming in. They got married and he became her third husband. She slowly started to lose it all. Ten years later and she's broke. All that money is gone. Thousands and thousands of dollars are all gone. It would blow your mind to know how much money she has lost. She was a rich woman once and now she's desperate and broke. She owes lots of money to creditors and many other people. She can't even buy herself a coffee. She hasn't paid the rent on her place for two months so she's expecting an eviction notice any day now. She has no place to go other than her MIL's place in Florida but they need gas money to get there. She has hit rock bottom. She wanted to move in with me and my family for a while. She has laid a lot of guilt trips on me over it. Telling me that she'll be out of the street and homeless and needs a place to stay until they can get to Florida. The thoughts of living with my mom though literally make me sick. We can't be in the same room together for more than a few hours before we are arguing and at each other. She's got more opinions than anyone else about my life. She is emotionally abusive towards me. I never feel very good about myself when I've spent time with her. I wish I could help her but she needs a more better solution. What comes around, goes around. She spent several years screwing people out of money and now she's gotten screwed in the end. Some might find this ironic. I just find it all very sad. It is hard to feel sorry for her though when it was her own mistakes which lead her to the place that she is today. She won't leave my stepdad even though there is a warrant out for his arrest in the States. He has not paid his child support in years and owes a lot of money. But they both want to move to Florida so they can move in with his mom. His mom owns a big house so they would at least have a place to stay. Right now they are trying to raise money and selling everything they have so they can make the trip and pay off the child support payment so he won't go to jail. Have I mentioned that he has 5 different kids with 3 women and that he hasn't seen any of his kids in years?? One of his ex wives has a restraining order against him from seeing his kids. I have never figured out what my mom sees in my stepdad. Her marriage seems so dysfunctional but yet she won't leave him. I think she is afraid of being alone. There are a lot of services available to my mom if she would make the decision to leave him but I don't think that she will. My sister has disowned my mother. She doesn't want anything more to do with her and has turned her back on her. She expected me to do the same and was angry that I wouldn't. I have not talked to my sister in over a month now. Even my FIL (Father-in-law) told me to turn my back on my mother. I've had others tell me the same thing also. But that is much easier said than done. I feel guilty. She's my mom. She's the only parent that I have left. She's the grandma to my kids. They just lost their other grandma a few months ago to cancer. I feel like my mom needs support right now. I just can't turn my back on her. I just can't. I would feel horrible if I turned my back on my mom and something bad happened to her. I know that there are many people who think I should turn my back on her but hopefully they can understand that is not an option for me. She's still my mom no matter what has happened. My mom told me yesterday that I am just like her. The thoughts of that keep me up at night. Like mother, like daughter? Am I really like her? I can't imagine making the same mistakes as my mom. But I also did turn to a younger man (A) last year who I could have easily made the same mistake as she did. I'm a cougar like she is. Is there a possibility that I could be a lot more like my mom than I thought? It's a lot to think about. I honestly don't know what is going to happen to my mom. I just really hope she figures out her issues. The drama is all a lot for me and is stressing me out a lot. May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala