Two steps back

I feel like sometimes you have two steps forward in life and then it's two steps back. 2011 has been full of many ups and downs and several big changes happening all at the same time. I had a very rough start to the day this morning. I woke up at 5 am and started to head down the stairs to get to the kitchen and fell. The stairs area gets very dark at night. We used to have a nightlight at the top of it but it had disappeared. I've often told Anakin that the stairs will probably be the death of me. I've had a few close calls through the years. My kitty has tried to trip me a few times but I've always caught myself. I can't blame the kitty though for my fall. It was dark and I lost my footing. I went down a few stairs before falling onto my left hip. My left foot hit the stair and my big toe seemed to get the worst of it. It's been numb and swollen ever since. It's also hard to walk on and sprained. My hip went out of alignment but I was able to get it to snap back in place. It's quite sore though. Not a very good way to start the day. I can see how an elderly person could easily break their hip by falling down the stairs. It's very dangerous. I am lucky that I didn't break any bones. This was a big lesson. I need to be more careful. We also got a new nightlight for the stairs. Anakin has been very good to me. He took the day off work and took me to the see the Doctor. He's been helping me out a lot with getting the kids ready for school and my daily routines that are hard for me to do right now. I'm so lucky to have him. I feel so very blessed. I am feeling a bit frustrated and sad that I am not able to walk around much right now. I have been walking daily and getting ready for the Grouse Grind challenge with Anakin. I gained 2 pounds last week and really wanted to get my weight back down again. I really want to get back into it again and hopefully my toe will heal soon and I'll feel better enough to get back to my walking again. Anakin went for his daily walk without me. I couldn't help but feel like a failure. I feel like this is a huge setback for me. It's frustrating and upsetting. :( I found out some big family news today also. I'm trying to process the news. My mom is moving away in a few months. She had moved closer to me two years ago after my Dad passed away. We've spent a lot of time together the last two years. It's been hard to trust her again and let her back into my life again. It's been a rough journey for my mom and I. There are a lot of issues which never seem to go away no matter how hard we try. She drives me crazy sometimes but I'm going to miss her and so will my kids. It's been nice for them to have a grandma close by after their other grandma (my MIL) passed away from cancer. I feel like I'm losing a lot of people in my life. My sister isn't talking to me. My MIL passed away a few months ago. My Dad also passed away. My mom is moving away. My Grandma isn't doing very well and doesn't have much time left. It is all a lot to deal with. I just feel very sad right now. I was doing very well and feeling stronger but I feel like I've fallen into a big black hole. My force does not feel very strong at the moment. May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala