 Today is the 2 year anniversary of my Dad's death. So hard to believe that it's been 2 years since that horrible day which changed a lot of lives. It's a real downer day for me. Hard to think of anything but my Dad and what happened 2 years ago. I didn't cope very well with the anniversary of his death last year:
" Sunday was the anniversary of his death. Master told me I could spend the day doing what I wanted. I didn't have to worry about any rules. I was going throw myself into a project but decided to spend it in bed alone. I napped and watched tv and didn't get out of my pj's. I put myself into a sleep coma and didn't want to come out of it. Ativan is a wonderful little pill. It can erase the anxiety and make it bearable for a while. I enjoyed being able to numb my emotions for a weekend. I was in a very dark place and wanted to shut out of the world."
That was from a blog post that I wrote from last year and the 1st anniversary of his death. I was in a very dark place. Today feels a bit dark but trying to get through the day by throwing myself into some chores and errands. At least it makes me feel productive and gets my mind off things.
I miss my Dad a lot. We had a complicated relationship but finally made peace at the end of his life. I feel like he got taken away from me just as we were starting to get close. I wish it wouldn't have taken us so long to work out our differences. I still want to phone him up sometimes and can't. Those are the hardest times for me. Today will always remind me of my Dad and brings up a lot of bad memories of what happened 2 years ago. Losing a parent changes you. I wonder sometimes if it will ever get easier.
It's been a sad time in my family lately. My mom and I (as well as my kids and Anakin) had a big falling out with my mom. We've had to draw some lines and it's caused a lot of drama lately. We went to the Cloverdale Rodeo on Friday and had a great time but came home to drama which was not fun. I feel like I have no parents anymore. My Dad has passed away and my mom has chosen to cut me out of her life because I stood up to her. Very sad situation. It's been a very challenging time for me and doing a lot of soul searching. My journey will continue...
May the force be with you all!!
~padme amidala
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1 comments:
Anniversaries are hard. Reminders of what we're missing and what we've lost along the Journey of life. You never get to keep forever anything in life but maybe the love you get and give along the way. I guess it all comes down to really cherishing every day you're alive and happy.
I'm sorry about the anniversary of your Dad's passing and that your Mom has made her choice to not be a Mom to you.
I'm proud of you beyond words that you have a strength in you to carry on, to be positive, in spite of it all. You're amazing, and I love you forever, and promise to cherish every day we have to share.
~Anakin
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