 Something happened two years ago which changed my life forever. I will never forget it. Some of the memories from that time are burned into me and hard to forget. I buried my Dad 2 years ago today. I read back today from an old blog post that was dated after the day he was buried. It says:
"The burial was truly beautiful but yet tragic. The spot he is buried is perfect. It is a beautiful view. Watching the burial broke my heart. I stayed to watch the whole thing. I kissed his coffin and I said "I love you, Dad". Then I watched them put him into the ground and then the dirt get buried on top. It was one of the most emotional experiences in my life."
I was feeling very emotional about it all today. Having flashbacks and thinking about my Dad and the burial. My best friend, DL invited me out for breakfast this morning. She's a really good friend and always seems to know when I need a friend to talk to. I wish I had more close friendships but DL is one of the few that I can get together with and that I can really talk to about life and death issues. I am very grateful for our friendship.
I talked to her about Father's day and how hard it is for me around this time of the year. Father's day stuff is everywhere. Father's day has always been a bit of a complicated day for me. I had a complicated relationship with my Dad because he abused me (and my family) growing up. It took me a long time (and lots of therapy) to finally be able to forgive him and let him back into my heart again.
It gets me very upset to think of the fact that it took so long for us to get a good relationship and then he died suddenly and I never even got to say goodbye. I wish I would have done things differently. Sometimes I wouldn't phone him for Father's day because I was angry at him but I always wanted to. I loved him even though he made it very difficult to get close to him. I wish we hadn't spent so much time fighting over the past. It makes me feel very sad in my heart.
The Vancouver canucks play tonight and it's their big game. They could possibly win the cup tonight. It makes me think of my dad and what a big fan he was for the Canucks. I wish he was alive to see how far they've come this year. I know he would have been very proud. I really hope they win tonight. Go Canucks Go!
May the force be with you all!!
~padme amidala
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4 comments:
My padme,
A sad anniversary on a rainy day, dark and sad. Two years seems like just yesterday and yet like forever ago.
I think we all end up living with regrets that we can't go back and change, missing those passed on SO badly. I guess they would want us to live for today, with no more regrets or lost opportunities to show how much you love your loved ones.
Easier said than done, I now know.
But I love you.
~Anakin
And I know your Dad would love the Canucks going this far. He and My Mom are up there cheering for them.
~Anakin
Oh if i was not teary enough reading your post- Anakin's comments definitely put the tears over the edge.
It is nice that you share these things - knowing your regret over not communicating with him more has helped me to make a better effort in my relationship with my mother (which sounds very similar to yours and your dad's).
It sounds like it is hard for you to get closure because of the relationship you had. I really hope that time is making your wounds more bearable.
Big Hugs!
~viemoira
Lose an ice hockey game is one thing Lose an entire city to hooleygons is something else. And Vancouver, did so well in holding the Winter Olympics. You have visiting New York City, as Number one, or Uno Numero, on your bucket list, As the song go's by Frank Sinatra, "If you make it here, you can make it everywhere, It's up to you New York, New York."
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