Darkness on the darkside

There has been a lot going on the last few weeks that I have not shared publicly. I guess I was hoping that my mom would go away in time and give me some space. She had contacted me for my birthday and sent a card. She gave me her new phone # in it. I was very tempted to phone her. I'll admit it. I miss her sometimes. But I don't miss all the drama. My mom has some really serious problems going on in her life. And those problems started to consume me for months. I'm not sure how much to share on this blog. Some people probably don't want to hear about my family drama. But I will share a bit of background information for those people who don't know what's happened. My mom met a guy over the internet (almost 20 years younger) and he charmed his way into her pants and life. My mom was rich. She got most of the money from my Dad during their divorce. She got estate money and lived the life of luxury. I can honestly say that I was jealous of her at one time. A nice condo on the beach and trips all over. My mom seemed to have it all in her second marriage. But then she met the internet guy and fell hard and fast for him. She ended her marriage and immediately moved the boy toy in. I didn't trust him from the beginning. He had no job and a criminal record. Bad news from the start. You could tell from the start that he was not a very good guy. He got caught in lies and even tried to get Anakin to lie to me. I tried to tell her he was bad news. So did my other family members. But my mom wouldn't listen. She jumped into marriage #3 and he started draining her bank account. My mom lost it all. He spent all of her money. She's broke. They owe thousands and thousands of dollars to creditors and other people. They've even scammed his own mom!!! She took out of a second mortgage and got betrayed from them. Very, very uncool! My mom has turned into a criminal. Very hard for me to actually say it but it's true. She has done things that are against the law because of my stepdad. I've often wondered if she would wind up in jail or maybe even worse. I've worried so much that it affected my health. It affected my marriage. It affected my kids. My mom's drama had all us upset and affected by it. She even tried to move in with us! Along with her criminal husband. But we said no and she wasn't too happy about it. My mom has lost it all. The only person who still talks to her is my brother. Every other person has had to cut my mom out of their lives. My mom needs help. I truly believe she is mentally ill. She's really changed. I tried to talk to her back in May. But she wouldn't listen. She cut me (and my kids and Anakin) completely off. Wouldn't have a thing to do with us for months. She changed her # and e-mails and moved away. But now she's back and things are getting out of control. I really do believe that my mom thought I'd take her back this time. I always have in the past. I take her back and nothing ever changes. This time I have to stand strong. I will not help my mom until she helps herself first. I won't support her marriage to that loser. My mom needs an intervention. She really does. She's out of control. Her last phone message to me sounded drunk. She was slurring her words. She drinks too much and makes bad life choices. I've learned a lot from watching that tv show, Intervention. Anakin and I saw a woman on the show who reminded me a lot of my mom. My mom needs to make some changes. I can't have her in my life until she does. I had to learn that with my brother who is now a recovering drug addict. I had to walk away at one point. He was pissed off but later thanked me and understood. Sometimes a person needs to hit rock bottom to really make the changes they need to make. It's a very toxic relationship with my mom. I was getting used (giving her money, paying for countless lunches and getting sucked into buying stuff for her) and constantly criticized. I felt like I was becoming the parent. And all I really wanted was a mom. And a grandma to my kids. She's hurt and disappointed us all too much. I really hope one day there will be forgiveness but I doubt there will ever be trust again. Things have gotten pretty bad. My mom has friended/sent requests to several of my friends on there. She's even e-mailed them and asked them to pass along messages to me! Then today something really creepy happened. I was working on a blog post and felt someone was looking at me. I noticed a guy in a white truck outside my window who looked exactly like my stepdad. I got closer to the window but he took off. I am almost certain it was him. I'm not sure if he's going to come back or what exactly he was doing here. But I don't trust the guy or want him near me. The guy scares me (even my kids are scared of him) and completely gives me the creeps. I could call the cops but not sure they would do much to help. I've dealt with the cops before when stalked back in high school. I dated a guy who wouldn't take no for answer. He even tried to rape me. I tried to go to the cops and didn't get any help. Anakin and I have talked about a possible restraining order. It's sad but unfortunately coming down to that. I really wish that it didn't have to go this way. I really do love my mom. She's the only parent I have left. I really miss my Dad sometimes. Because I know he would have come over and kicked some redneck ass all over the place if he was still alive. Dad...I miss you so very much... May the force be with you all!! ~padme amidala