 It's really hard to believe that it's been a year since my MIL (mother-in-law) passed away. I can remember everything that happened and how it felt at the time. A lot has happened since last year. The family dynamics changed. We lost someone else (Aunt S) to cancer. My FIL found out he has cancer. They recently decided to stop his chemo treatments because they weren't working very well.
I've changed a lot. I feel that this really matured me and made me grow as a person. I've really grown up the last year. I've learned what is important in life and how fragile it really is. Someone can be in your life today but gone tomorrow. It happens very fast. My Dad passed away in 2009 and it still haunts me. I do feel more at peace about it but the anniversaries (his birthday, date of his death, etc..) still bring it all up again.
Many people will tell you to "just get over it". That is much easier said than done. Some people never really get over losing someone. I don't think that my FIL has. He's lonely and often sad. He was married to her for almost 50 years. He often tells me that he thinks for a moment she might be in the kitchen but then remembers she is gone. I have moments like that too. It is so quiet in the house sometimes. She used to phone all the time. Sometimes there would be 5-10 calls a day. She was always there for us and a very caring person. I miss her very much.
The picture I am putting up today is from her hospice room. It was taken shortly before she passed away. There was a ray of sunlight which came from the sky. The light shone down on the hospice. There was many spiritual experiences which happened during all of that which can't be explained. It's got me a bit fascinated with what happens to us after death. I've even read books about it.
I wrote this exactly one year ago today..
"I had a strong feeling that she might pass away tonight. I could just feel it. There was some signs that it was about to happen. I honestly don't have the words to describe how I'm feeling. I'm glad she has found some peace. She struggled with cancer and fought hard. Cancer is in an ugly disease. It shows no mercy. Cancer sucks!!"
"I've known my MIL for 20 years. I feel like I've lost a good friend as well as a MIL. My kids are going to be devastated. They were very close to her. Anakin has gone off to the hospice to have some final moments with his mom. This has been especially hard on him and my FIL. I'm very worried about them both right now. She was very loved by our family and will be very missed. Things will never be the same."
It is really hard to have daily interaction with someone and then not have them in your life again. It was a bit different with my Dad. I could go months without talking to him. My MIL was very close to my whole family. Even my own family was very sad by her death. My sister came out for the memorial. Even my friend, DL came to support me. This was a very tough time for the family. I am thinking about my MIL a lot today. I know this will be a hard day for Anakin. He was a very good son.
I'm so proud of my Master. He was there for his mom right through her battle with cancer. He took care of her. He was there when times were really tough. I give him a lot of credit. There were some family members who took off when the cancer got really bad. Not Anakin. He was there until the very end. I have so much respect for my husband. He even did a memorial video for his mom. The video is so very touching and a very special tribute to his mom. He spent 3 weeks working on it. He barely slept or ate. He put so much into that and it was a very special video. He really captured his mom well in it.
I miss my MIL so much. I think she'd be very proud of my kids. She was a really great grandma. She often told me that the hardest part about dying was missing out on all the future events like my daughter's high school graduation. Or when they get married or have babies.
Hold onto those that you love. I am so grateful for my life and my family. I am very glad for the time that I had with my MIL. I will remember it always...
May the force be with you all!!
~padme amidala
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3 comments:
My padme,
Thank you for expressing what we're all feeling here today. It is an anniversary of the worst kind. Important but hard to remember. I really miss her too. A significant death, a close death, is the end of the innocence in many ways; I remember each moment of that most difficult of times. But, from a year out, I have to tell myself and people out there that it can also be a call to life, to live, a love each day and each person in your life. A feeling that perhaps one day I will be stronger because of this, not more sad, and more lost, and more empty.
Miss you SO much, Mom. Always will.
~Anakin
I don't think we ever get over losing people who are dear to us -- ever. Because people we love change us and losing them changes us too. If they're important enough to our lives (as my grandmother was to me), nothing is ever the same again.
That doesn't mean life isn't / can't be good but that we've been changed by the loss.
Anyway, that's what I think.
This post made me cry.
It's so difficult losing those people who were so integral to our lives.
If I have learned anything from death though, it's what you said in your post--appreciate the people you have.
Life is fragile and there is nothing that can remind us of how important each day is in the way that death does.
Best to you and yours.
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